On Tue night, Uncle K and Aunty SH visited. Uncle K shared from a book which he later left with me - GOD is My Success by Larry Julian (author of GOD is My CEO).
One of the chapters is on Overcoming Financial Slavery, a subject hubby and I are struggling with everyday.
How much $ is enough?
What if we run out of $ before he finds a stable source of income in Melb? What if we can't get any loan from any lending institution by the time we are asked to settle the balance of the College Square property?
What if....? All tough questions with no "safety net" answers. It's enough to give one sleepless nights.
The author makes it clear what financial slavery is. It has nothing to do with the accumulation of money or the lack of money. Rather, it's the result of our MOTIVE. Do we truly believe that everything we receive is a gift from GOD? Do we truly believe that He will provide for our every need (in our case, that would be housing, a car, good healthcare, a job for hubby, support from our new community, a healthy and normal baby, a safe pregnancy and delivery)?
Even as I wrote some of those items down, I realized something. God did not promise to grant us all of our hearts' desires (although He certainly can if He wishes), but to meet our needs. What are my needs?
Do I need a nice home in a nice neighbourhood with good schooling options for Beth, or would any roof over our heads do?
Do I need a 1.8 l-and-above branded car, or would any car that fits our budget do?
Does hubby need to remain in the IT industry (where he is already starting to chafe) so that he can provide for the family, or will any decent job that brings in enough to pay the monthly household expenses do?
Will I love my baby as much even if he is born handicapped? (This one is easily answered. With Beth, we can committed to God that should she turn out to be a special needs child, we would love and accept her all the same because she is God's gift to us. That was why we were at peace with the decision to skip the prenatal test to determine if she was likely to have Down's Syndrome. This time around, we did the test because we wanted to be informed in advance and mentally prepared for the possibility of a DS baby, but before that, we again made the same commitment to God to keep the baby even if. The test turned out negative.)
The author goes on: When we accept God's promises, we are free to live without having to pursue or worry about money. We still face daily business and financial obligations, but we aren't alone. God is with us, and He blesses us with the gifts we need to succeed.
He goes on to give examples.
Financial freedom means...
Living a rich and full life in peace, love and joy without wondering how the next bill will be paid.
I'm free to choose my career, determine the right balance between work and family, and enjoy a lifestyle within my financial means.
I can choose to do the right thing regardless of the potential financial consequences of losing money or even getting fired. (!!)
Financial freedom allows me to pursue my calling without worrying about failure. (You mean I can go ahead and write full-time without worrying if I'll get published or paid for my efforts? And take up a course in career counselling without worrying if I can make a living from it? Wow.)
Financial freedom means...
I can be content where I am without striving for something more.
Thankfully accepting that my future business ventures may be a complete bust or the wildest success (!!).
I understand my role in partnership with God: I'm to be a good steward of the gifts given to me. FF makes me fiscally responsible and allows me to make wise financial decisions in alignment with God's will.
Here's where I encounter my biggest stumbling block. I know I've been anything but fiscally responsible. I am a spender, not a saver. When I do save, I don't keep up for long; it's too tempting to use the savings on something tangible (a holiday, shopping money, a new household appliance that will surely depreciate or be underused). As an investor, I am ruled by emotion (fear and greed) rather than intelligence. As a purchaser of life insurance products, I allow my decision to be based on what my financial planner recommends rather than doing the math based on my family's needs and my projected budget. I don't know that I've ever made a wise financial decision in my life. Even the latest venture - the purchase of a unit in College Square - which at that time seemed like a great idea to generate passive income for our future, was entered into without prayer, without consulting with experts, without studying the fine print and asking questions.
The author acknowledges the practical hurdles. There is the noble pursuit of God's call, he writes, and there is the practicality of the need for money in day-to-day living. How will I know I'm following God and not my selfish desires? How do I balance my financial obligations at work with my passion and calling? How do I balance my commitment at work with my time at home with my family? How much money is enough?
His answer:
It comes down to arriving at a place where you know with confidence that your motives are in alignment with God's will.
His recommendation:
Adopt the Surrender Posture and the Take-Charge Posture in our partnership with God.
1) Surrender to Him what we cannot control. Acknowledge that all good gifts come from Him. As long as we rationalize our need to be in control, money will always be our master. (And Jesus has already said we cannot serve both God and Mammon.)
You may say to yourself, 'My power and the strength of my hands have produced this wealth for me.' But remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you the ability to produce wealth. (Deut 8:17-18)
2) Use our gifts wisely for a greater purpose and not just for our gain. What am I doing with my time, talent and resources? Can God trust me with the little or much that He has given me?
Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. (Matt 25:23)
Prayer
Dear Lord, I repent my lack of good stewardship over the resources you have given me over the years. I acknowledge that I have been mentally and financially lazy and have not equipped myself with the knowledge and wisdom needed to make sound financial decisions.
I ask that you will help me acknowledge anew that all good gifts come from you, and that you are my Provider, who is able to meet all my needs.
Help me accept that I may not always get what I want, but what I do receive will be exactly what I need.
Free me from the fear of tomorrow, the anxiety of not having enough money, the need for a safety net "just in case".
Help me remember that nothing is too hard for you, that you are able to do more than I could ever ask or imagine.
Help me seek first your kingdom and your righteousness, not my own desires and dreams, and to rest in the knowledge that "all these things" (food, clothing, shelter, a job, a way out of the College Square problem) will be added unto me.
Amen.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
A Day of Highs and Lows
I hit Week 19 today.
Highs:
Lows:
The question is - where do we go from here? Uncle K in Perth had previously offered to take over our interest if we felt we needed to offload the property urgently (and now we do). The issue was whether there was any legal obstacle to him doing so. I had another look through the fine print just now and found the clause that says if the contract is sold to a named purchaser (that's us) and/or nominee, the named purchaser may, at least 14 days before settlement date, nominate a substitute (Uncle K?) or additional purchaser, but the named purchaser remains personally liable for the due performance of all their obligations under the contract.
Theoretically, this could mean that we name Uncle K as substitute purchaser and he takes over the property and pays us $x, which we then use to discharge the outstanding purchase price. Have shot off an email to the agent to see if this is possible.
Meanwhile, am also researching other options. There are things called No Doc Loans, Low Doc Loans and Non-Conforming Lending/Subprime Lending, which is targeted at pple in our situation (e.g. new migrants to Oz, self-employed persons). These come with other T's&C's which may be a bit more onerous, but are nevertheless worth exploring.
What's really helpful is the motivational articles/books I've been reading these past 2 days by the likes of Robert Kiyosaki, Adam Khoo (in his case, I downloaded his free 39-min audio CD on the 7 Steps to Financial Freedom), Jim Rohn, Dennis Waitley et al. They all say one thing which I particularly noticed: When you hit an obstacle, don't just give up and assume it's the end. Ask yourself - what can I do about it? Use your imagination and creativity to find solutions. So if you are a kid and you need $10 to buy something, you don't go to your dad and ask for $10. You ask yourself how you can earn that $10 yourself. Sell lemonade? Mow someone's lawn? Start a comics library and charge the neighbourhood kids 10 cents per 4 hours of reading pleasure? (as RK did)
That's what I'm trying to do now. And I ain't giving up my dream of going to Melb (now when we've come so far and are so close to fulfilling the PR requirements!) just because some bank thinks a freelance writer is a poor credit risk. If the other applications aren't approved before we leave, we'll just go anyway - and work something out in Melb. Might even have a better outcome than in SG, who knows?
PRAYER
Dear Lord, You are wise and powerful, and You alone know all things. You can do more than we could ever ask or imagine. You can turn a hopeless situation around, even if it is our fault that we are in this mess. We commit this financial situation into Your loving hands, and ask that You guide us with Your wisdom into the best possible outcome. We ask that You will grant us faith, hope, peace and joy even as we wait upon You for an answer. Help us to use the resources You have already given us. Help us use our imaginations and creative abilities fully. Help us to trust that You know what is good for us, and to remember Your promise in Romans 8:28 that all things will work together for us, because we love You. Thank you for the loving friends and family You have blessed us with. We ask that You bless each one of them and that You will grant them the desires of their hearts. Amen.
Highs:
- Hubby and I executed Power of Attorney this afternoon, which gives my bro-in-law full authority to deal with our HDB flat in our absence.
- Sis-in-law mentioned that she has foreign talent colleagues looking to rent a maisonette in our area. She subsequently followed up with 2 leads: they are M'sian and Myanmese nationals. For the latter, there would be at least 6 tenants sharing the flat and they are offering $1.1k. Need to talk to my real estate friend to find out if this is a reasonable offer and whether to have it on a 1-yr or 2-yr lease.
- We made a tentative booking with a travel agency for our one-way tickets to Melb for 4 Sep. Tentative because we still haven't heard from our real estate agent on the loan application outcome for our investment property in Melb.
- My friend Karen (who migrated to Melb 2 years ago) called long distance to advise on everything from opening a bank account to buying a car to whether to ship our electrical appliances! How lovely and helpful!
Lows:
- Said agent called to say our loan application has been REJECTED. Reason: I am self-employed and my income is unstable.
The question is - where do we go from here? Uncle K in Perth had previously offered to take over our interest if we felt we needed to offload the property urgently (and now we do). The issue was whether there was any legal obstacle to him doing so. I had another look through the fine print just now and found the clause that says if the contract is sold to a named purchaser (that's us) and/or nominee, the named purchaser may, at least 14 days before settlement date, nominate a substitute (Uncle K?) or additional purchaser, but the named purchaser remains personally liable for the due performance of all their obligations under the contract.
Theoretically, this could mean that we name Uncle K as substitute purchaser and he takes over the property and pays us $x, which we then use to discharge the outstanding purchase price. Have shot off an email to the agent to see if this is possible.
Meanwhile, am also researching other options. There are things called No Doc Loans, Low Doc Loans and Non-Conforming Lending/Subprime Lending, which is targeted at pple in our situation (e.g. new migrants to Oz, self-employed persons). These come with other T's&C's which may be a bit more onerous, but are nevertheless worth exploring.
What's really helpful is the motivational articles/books I've been reading these past 2 days by the likes of Robert Kiyosaki, Adam Khoo (in his case, I downloaded his free 39-min audio CD on the 7 Steps to Financial Freedom), Jim Rohn, Dennis Waitley et al. They all say one thing which I particularly noticed: When you hit an obstacle, don't just give up and assume it's the end. Ask yourself - what can I do about it? Use your imagination and creativity to find solutions. So if you are a kid and you need $10 to buy something, you don't go to your dad and ask for $10. You ask yourself how you can earn that $10 yourself. Sell lemonade? Mow someone's lawn? Start a comics library and charge the neighbourhood kids 10 cents per 4 hours of reading pleasure? (as RK did)
That's what I'm trying to do now. And I ain't giving up my dream of going to Melb (now when we've come so far and are so close to fulfilling the PR requirements!) just because some bank thinks a freelance writer is a poor credit risk. If the other applications aren't approved before we leave, we'll just go anyway - and work something out in Melb. Might even have a better outcome than in SG, who knows?
PRAYER
Dear Lord, You are wise and powerful, and You alone know all things. You can do more than we could ever ask or imagine. You can turn a hopeless situation around, even if it is our fault that we are in this mess. We commit this financial situation into Your loving hands, and ask that You guide us with Your wisdom into the best possible outcome. We ask that You will grant us faith, hope, peace and joy even as we wait upon You for an answer. Help us to use the resources You have already given us. Help us use our imaginations and creative abilities fully. Help us to trust that You know what is good for us, and to remember Your promise in Romans 8:28 that all things will work together for us, because we love You. Thank you for the loving friends and family You have blessed us with. We ask that You bless each one of them and that You will grant them the desires of their hearts. Amen.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
Week 18: Update on bb
Have started gaining weight. Am now 52+ kg, up from 48/49 kg in the 1st trimester. Let's hope the gain is moderate and measured, and that I won't surpass my previous 18 kg record.
Am starting to get hunger pangs every 2 hrs. It's now almost 11 am; had 2 slices of wholemeal bread and a cup of hot honey at about 8 am and tummy is growling.
Comparisons with 1st pregnancy
Diet
I've been a lot more lax this time, snacking on all the forbidden foods (chocs, sweet drinks, biscuits, instant noodles) that I restrained myself from touching when I had Beth. My excuse is that I had such a lousy time during the first trimester, I just couldn't stomach any of the good stuff!
Size
Physically, I also feel a lot larger than when I was at the same stage with Beth. Even my next-door neighbour noticed. At 4.5 months, I feel HUGE. It's not a bad thing for my posture, cos it forces me to sit straight when I would otherwise slouch (and squash my tummy!).
bb's moving!
I've also started feeling the flutters (bb's movements), which I'm sure I didn't experience till much later with Beth.
And my belly button has flipped! :)
Am starting to get hunger pangs every 2 hrs. It's now almost 11 am; had 2 slices of wholemeal bread and a cup of hot honey at about 8 am and tummy is growling.
Comparisons with 1st pregnancy
Diet
I've been a lot more lax this time, snacking on all the forbidden foods (chocs, sweet drinks, biscuits, instant noodles) that I restrained myself from touching when I had Beth. My excuse is that I had such a lousy time during the first trimester, I just couldn't stomach any of the good stuff!
Size
Physically, I also feel a lot larger than when I was at the same stage with Beth. Even my next-door neighbour noticed. At 4.5 months, I feel HUGE. It's not a bad thing for my posture, cos it forces me to sit straight when I would otherwise slouch (and squash my tummy!).
bb's moving!
I've also started feeling the flutters (bb's movements), which I'm sure I didn't experience till much later with Beth.
And my belly button has flipped! :)
Post-Prayer Thoughts
Early this morning, I got out my Bible and read 1 Thessalonians. Nothing particularly spoke to me, but it was comforting to know that St. Paul had gone through much worse (beatings, false accusations, shipwrecks, imprisonment), and yet was focussed on how his listeners were doing in their spiritual walk, rather than on his own travails.
I lifted up to God all the things on my mind -
I particularly asked that He would help us navigate this moral dilemma of wanting to be financially free, that He would help us be debt-free and not ask for more than He intends to give us, that He would help us know Him as Jehovah Jireh (God our Provider) so that we can be free to do His will and give to the needs of others without constantly worrying if we have enough for our family.
In 1 Thessalonians, St. Paul was at pains to emphasize that the new believers should be like him and his co-workers, working hard for their own upkeep and not depending on anyone. That's our role model I guess.
I think what's reassuring to me during this time of preparation is the certain knowledge that God is with us wherever we go - be it here in S'pore or in Melb, that we are never out of His sight or His love, and that nothing we can do (even if the decision to move turns out to be a bad one) can make Him love us less.
And that is the sort of unconditional love we as parents hope to give to our children.
Amen.
I lifted up to God all the things on my mind -
- Bb's health and development, thanking Him for the gift of this child, giving him/her back to the Creator to use as He wills, and in particular asking that bb would grow to love and accept Christ as his/her personal Lord and Saviour
- Our finances
- The paperwork and logistics involved in getting us and Scottie to Melb
- Family's differing views on the whole migration issue.
I particularly asked that He would help us navigate this moral dilemma of wanting to be financially free, that He would help us be debt-free and not ask for more than He intends to give us, that He would help us know Him as Jehovah Jireh (God our Provider) so that we can be free to do His will and give to the needs of others without constantly worrying if we have enough for our family.
Before turning in last night, our family also prayed for health (CA's been down with flu, Beth had fever over the weekend and now has a runny nose and cough, and I've a scratchy throat and was mildly feverish yest), for God to watch over Mum when we're in Melb, and for all the extended family, whatever their views on the migration issue.
In 1 Thessalonians, St. Paul was at pains to emphasize that the new believers should be like him and his co-workers, working hard for their own upkeep and not depending on anyone. That's our role model I guess.
I think what's reassuring to me during this time of preparation is the certain knowledge that God is with us wherever we go - be it here in S'pore or in Melb, that we are never out of His sight or His love, and that nothing we can do (even if the decision to move turns out to be a bad one) can make Him love us less.
And that is the sort of unconditional love we as parents hope to give to our children.
Amen.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Decent Conversation Goes Awry
Had a civil conversation with Mum this morning when she called to say she wouldn't be joining us for dinner. She has physio till 430 pm and isn't comfortable driving at night.
We talked (rather, she talked - I listened) about all the reasons I shouldn't go to Melb now: the baby's safety, my safety, anecdotes of people who spent years abroad and have now decided that S'pore is still home sweet home after all, finances...
It all seemed to be going rather well, and I remember wondering why we couldn't have such decent, unemotional conversations more often? Then Mum ended with:
"Anyway, I can't stop you going lah. I know even if you stay in S'pore you won't look after me....Take care hah?" [End of Call]
I spent a few seconds stewing over that emotionally charged allegation, and decided to let it pass. It's really too much to deal with right now.
Back to errands: today's about calling quotations for shipping Scottie (one pet exporter is charging us almost $1,900, and that's just for the export!) and doing an inventory of the items we want to ship, serial numbers and all (for electrical/electronic items). Quite backbreaking. Hope I don't do myself or bb any harm.
Received 2 emails from kind Uncle K. One was to his finance broker (mortgage broker?) requesting her help (on our behalf) to get a valuation done on the College Square unit and to handle our loan application (our agent PRD is taking eons, tho they promised to expedite). The other was to suggest another meeting with us, this time including Aunty KS and Uncle TG. More distressingly, he says that after a discussion with the others, he feels we need to reconsider our decision to move as we may be introducing too many changes in our lives at the same time.
Sinking feeling....
Went on Google immediately to see what experts and mums-in-similar-straits have to say. Unearthed 2 tremendously reassuring articles: RELOCATING DURING PREGNANCY by Holly Fawcett and FLYING THE PREGNANT SKIES by Mary Dixon Lebeau.
I think what might really make us reconsider would be if Dr Kek says ABSOLUTELY NOT. (When we first mooted the idea to her during the first trimester, she said there was no reason why we couldn't go.) Am not due to see her till 17 Aug. Perhaps I should call and see if she can fit me in earlier on an urgent basis.
I think I'll scream if we don't go. I've already worked myself up into the appropriate frame of mind and gotten halfway there with the planning, and now one of our staunchest supporters says think again.
The crux of the matter is - What does God think?
Back on our knees....
We talked (rather, she talked - I listened) about all the reasons I shouldn't go to Melb now: the baby's safety, my safety, anecdotes of people who spent years abroad and have now decided that S'pore is still home sweet home after all, finances...
It all seemed to be going rather well, and I remember wondering why we couldn't have such decent, unemotional conversations more often? Then Mum ended with:
"Anyway, I can't stop you going lah. I know even if you stay in S'pore you won't look after me....Take care hah?" [End of Call]
I spent a few seconds stewing over that emotionally charged allegation, and decided to let it pass. It's really too much to deal with right now.
Back to errands: today's about calling quotations for shipping Scottie (one pet exporter is charging us almost $1,900, and that's just for the export!) and doing an inventory of the items we want to ship, serial numbers and all (for electrical/electronic items). Quite backbreaking. Hope I don't do myself or bb any harm.
Received 2 emails from kind Uncle K. One was to his finance broker (mortgage broker?) requesting her help (on our behalf) to get a valuation done on the College Square unit and to handle our loan application (our agent PRD is taking eons, tho they promised to expedite). The other was to suggest another meeting with us, this time including Aunty KS and Uncle TG. More distressingly, he says that after a discussion with the others, he feels we need to reconsider our decision to move as we may be introducing too many changes in our lives at the same time.
Sinking feeling....
Went on Google immediately to see what experts and mums-in-similar-straits have to say. Unearthed 2 tremendously reassuring articles: RELOCATING DURING PREGNANCY by Holly Fawcett and FLYING THE PREGNANT SKIES by Mary Dixon Lebeau.
I think what might really make us reconsider would be if Dr Kek says ABSOLUTELY NOT. (When we first mooted the idea to her during the first trimester, she said there was no reason why we couldn't go.) Am not due to see her till 17 Aug. Perhaps I should call and see if she can fit me in earlier on an urgent basis.
I think I'll scream if we don't go. I've already worked myself up into the appropriate frame of mind and gotten halfway there with the planning, and now one of our staunchest supporters says think again.
The crux of the matter is - What does God think?
Back on our knees....
Monday, July 24, 2006
More Drama
Just when I thought I'd settled the biggest problem in the migration maze, I landed myself in another. Apparently, my mum didn't take too well to the news despite what she said over the phone. The very next day, I received 2 calls from Aunty KS to say mum was upset, weepy, felt we were abandoning her to an old folks' home, how could I do this after all she'd sacrificed to bring me up...
Looking back, I ought not to have been surprised, but still, it was a shock to hear Aunty KS retell it. Most of all, I felt like I had been assaulted and that I stood accused of that most heinous Asian sin - lack of filial piety, an emotionally charged issue with complex multiple layers and nuances.
Amongst other things, Aunty KS asked if I was trying to distance myself from my mum (??); suggested that giving 2 months' notice was quite inconsiderate (!!); asked me to imagine Beth doing the same to me; advised me to remember the 10 Commandments, particularly the one that says honour your mother (!!!); recommended that I keep communication lines open by visiting mum and having her over more often over the next 2 months.
I stewed over the conversation that night and Sunday morning (Beth had fever so we stayed home), and finally distilled my thought processes into a 4,000+ word letter which I spent the entire afternoon crafting and recrafting before I sent it by email to Aunty KS, Uncle Kenneth & his wife, with blind copies to hubby and my cousin in MEL. After that, I felt as if I'd unloaded a lifetime of frustration, bitterness, anger and regret - for a while anyway.
Today, I received touching responses from hubby and Uncle K. Thankfully, both expressed support and encouragement. Uncle K even offered help with accommodation and a possible offer of employment in his company (a win-win, he explained, as he needed to hire at least 1 Ozzie or PR to qualify for a business visa). We are meeting up soon to discuss the details.
So a little bit of good has come out of the whole sorry mess, for which I'm thankful to God. It seems to me that after we committed the migration maze into His hands and sought His direction, things started falling in place:
Looking back, I ought not to have been surprised, but still, it was a shock to hear Aunty KS retell it. Most of all, I felt like I had been assaulted and that I stood accused of that most heinous Asian sin - lack of filial piety, an emotionally charged issue with complex multiple layers and nuances.
Amongst other things, Aunty KS asked if I was trying to distance myself from my mum (??); suggested that giving 2 months' notice was quite inconsiderate (!!); asked me to imagine Beth doing the same to me; advised me to remember the 10 Commandments, particularly the one that says honour your mother (!!!); recommended that I keep communication lines open by visiting mum and having her over more often over the next 2 months.
I stewed over the conversation that night and Sunday morning (Beth had fever so we stayed home), and finally distilled my thought processes into a 4,000+ word letter which I spent the entire afternoon crafting and recrafting before I sent it by email to Aunty KS, Uncle Kenneth & his wife, with blind copies to hubby and my cousin in MEL. After that, I felt as if I'd unloaded a lifetime of frustration, bitterness, anger and regret - for a while anyway.
Today, I received touching responses from hubby and Uncle K. Thankfully, both expressed support and encouragement. Uncle K even offered help with accommodation and a possible offer of employment in his company (a win-win, he explained, as he needed to hire at least 1 Ozzie or PR to qualify for a business visa). We are meeting up soon to discuss the details.
So a little bit of good has come out of the whole sorry mess, for which I'm thankful to God. It seems to me that after we committed the migration maze into His hands and sought His direction, things started falling in place:
- We've already had an initial discussion with the movers.
- I've made some progress with the packing and sorting.
- Hubby plans to scrap the car by the end of July, and to inform his boss this evening of his intention to resign.
- My cousin in MEL has offered to help us with transport when we arrive, and to lend us her car when she goes off to the States for a conference.
- We located affordable temp accommodation (hostel) in MEL CBD, which can be our base while we're househunting and before our things arrive from SIN.
- We're keeping a lookout for airfares (the cheapest one-way ticket so far is Qantas which flies direct for 7 hrs and costs S$441, ex-taxes).
- Advice is pouring in from friends in MEL on cost of living, whether to ship our fridge & washing machine (no), how to transport our dog (pet remover).
- My BIL is renovating his place and will need a place to stay for a while, which is perfect for us as he can move into our place first, stay as long as he likes before helping us rent it out. That would also give us time to find permanent accommodation so that our shippers can do a door-to-door delivery instead of storing our goods for an indefinite period at Port Melb.
What has meant most to me has been the support of our cell group, who has been praying for us; our friend Annie Soh, who not only empathizes with me re my unresolved conflict with my mum and encouraged me to stand firm, but also connected us to her friend Freddy in MEL (who in turn has been most open and generous with info and tips); my cousin in MEL, who helped us shortlist suitable suburbs and hospitals; my BIL who reckons my in-laws would have given us their blessings, even though MIL would have cried; and of course Uncle K.
God bless all these fine folk for their unstinting encouragement!
Friday, July 21, 2006
Crossing the Biggest Hurdle
My greatest fear - insofar as this whole move to Oz is concerned - has been how to break the news of our intentions to Mum.
We have a fairly tense relationship. On good days, we talk about safe topics like current affairs, what our friends/relatives are doing, how Beth is progressing in school. On bad days, we get into a shouting match because I feel - once again - that she is trying to control my life, that she is not letting me grow up, that she is one-track minded and closed to reality, that she's trying (via long distance) to raise Beth to be a replica of me at the same age.
My strategy for coping? To tell her as little as possible. Stick to neutral topics. Avoid minefields. Anything remotely challenging to her values and her way of life are to be avoided unless it can't be helped.
That includes things like telling her that we're moving to Melb, 7.5 hrs away, and plan to be there for at least 2 years. I don't think I can handle her reaction.
Would she freak out, scream, cry?
Would she make me feel guilty for "abandoning" her?
Would I feel emotionally overwhelmed because of all the complex intricacies of Asian filial piety and feel unable to do anything without her blessing?
Would I be only able to move on with my life if she's not around?
And by then, would I be an angry, bitter, resentful older woman, still steeped in the wounds of the past - and worse - would I have become the mirror image of my mum, the very thing I fear?
2 days ago, I took this whole migration issue to the Lord. I confessed, as best I could, that I was incapable of handling this on my own - there was too much to think about, too many decisions to make, I was confused, I was clueless, I needed His help and guidance and direction. I can't remember the exact words I used, but basically I surrendered the whole matter to Him - just gave up out of exhaustion and desperation and a dim recognition that only He can rescue me from a hopeless situation.
My experience has always been that it is only after I have taken my troubles to the Lord and fully surrendered them and acknowledged His sovereignty and indicated my willingness to do His will, that things start to happen.
And indeed, they are happening again.
Yesterday, I tried calling my mum - I mentally rehearsed over and over the exact words I would say.
"Mum, I have something to tell you. My hubby and I have come to a decision. We're moving to Melb." In between the decision and Melb I thought I'd insert a warm-up: "Remember how I've said I want to study overseas? Well...." (Explosion as Mum reacts)
Funnily, Mum was not at home. Not only that, she didn't return my call, as she normally does when she gets home and checks the calls received on her phone. So I had to stew the entire evening wondering whether I should call her or not.
Finally, I did it this morning.
The conversation went pretty much as planned. Except there wasn't an explosion. Or recrimination. Or tears. Basically, Mum said she couldn't stop us going, but she wanted us to consult my uncle and auntie on the matter, because they have kids working/studying there, and they are in a better position to advise. Like a typical S'porean (which includes me), she highlighted all the cons:
The hubby had only 2 words when I called to tell him I'd finally done the deed.
"Well Done."
What a relief to get it out in the open. No more hiding, no more procrastination, no more sleepless nights thinking about how to tell Mum. By God's grace and with His help (I did pray specifically that she would take calmly to the news), the biggest obstacle has been hurdled.
We have a fairly tense relationship. On good days, we talk about safe topics like current affairs, what our friends/relatives are doing, how Beth is progressing in school. On bad days, we get into a shouting match because I feel - once again - that she is trying to control my life, that she is not letting me grow up, that she is one-track minded and closed to reality, that she's trying (via long distance) to raise Beth to be a replica of me at the same age.
My strategy for coping? To tell her as little as possible. Stick to neutral topics. Avoid minefields. Anything remotely challenging to her values and her way of life are to be avoided unless it can't be helped.
That includes things like telling her that we're moving to Melb, 7.5 hrs away, and plan to be there for at least 2 years. I don't think I can handle her reaction.
Would she freak out, scream, cry?
Would she make me feel guilty for "abandoning" her?
Would I feel emotionally overwhelmed because of all the complex intricacies of Asian filial piety and feel unable to do anything without her blessing?
Would I be only able to move on with my life if she's not around?
And by then, would I be an angry, bitter, resentful older woman, still steeped in the wounds of the past - and worse - would I have become the mirror image of my mum, the very thing I fear?
2 days ago, I took this whole migration issue to the Lord. I confessed, as best I could, that I was incapable of handling this on my own - there was too much to think about, too many decisions to make, I was confused, I was clueless, I needed His help and guidance and direction. I can't remember the exact words I used, but basically I surrendered the whole matter to Him - just gave up out of exhaustion and desperation and a dim recognition that only He can rescue me from a hopeless situation.
My experience has always been that it is only after I have taken my troubles to the Lord and fully surrendered them and acknowledged His sovereignty and indicated my willingness to do His will, that things start to happen.
And indeed, they are happening again.
Yesterday, I tried calling my mum - I mentally rehearsed over and over the exact words I would say.
"Mum, I have something to tell you. My hubby and I have come to a decision. We're moving to Melb." In between the decision and Melb I thought I'd insert a warm-up: "Remember how I've said I want to study overseas? Well...." (Explosion as Mum reacts)
Funnily, Mum was not at home. Not only that, she didn't return my call, as she normally does when she gets home and checks the calls received on her phone. So I had to stew the entire evening wondering whether I should call her or not.
Finally, I did it this morning.
The conversation went pretty much as planned. Except there wasn't an explosion. Or recrimination. Or tears. Basically, Mum said she couldn't stop us going, but she wanted us to consult my uncle and auntie on the matter, because they have kids working/studying there, and they are in a better position to advise. Like a typical S'porean (which includes me), she highlighted all the cons:
- Erratic Melb weather
- Finances ("Only multimillionaires can afford to go without a job! Why doesn't your hubby go ahead, get a job, settle down, then bring you over?" "Aunty SH is not resigning from her job even though Uncle Kenneth is based in Perth and their daughter is studying there. She wants him to be more stable first.")
- Expensive healthcare (I haven't told her yet that we're PRs)
- Cultural clash ("Beth might mix with the wrong people and have a wrong way of thinking")
- Being 2nd-class citizens
- Being far away from family ("If you need help, we can't get there immediately. By the time we book an air ticket and fly over, it would be 2-3 days.")
- No access to domestic help ("You won't have a maid/confinement nanny to help you!")
The hubby had only 2 words when I called to tell him I'd finally done the deed.
"Well Done."
What a relief to get it out in the open. No more hiding, no more procrastination, no more sleepless nights thinking about how to tell Mum. By God's grace and with His help (I did pray specifically that she would take calmly to the news), the biggest obstacle has been hurdled.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Turning Faith Into Action
I've spent the last 2 days re-reading some good Christian books out of desperation:
-Lewis Smedes' Decision Making in a Complex World
-Os Hillman's The Purposes of Money
-Robert Katz' Biblical Paths to Financial Freedom
2 ideas stand out:
a) LS's suggestion that if there's nothing morally contentious about your intended decision, then a good guide is to CHOOSE RESPONSIBLY.
I have been pondering the meaning of this in the light of our decision to migrate/or not.
Are we being irresponsible by moving without the safety net of a job, or is that line of thinking the product of our sheltered environment and the risk-averse society we live in?
b) Again from LS: Even a wrong choice or bad decision cannot cut us off from God's love, or make Him love us any less than He already does.
That is such a wonderfully comforting thought.
From OH, I'm relearning what it means to seek the Lord and wait upon Him. I am very bad at waiting - I get impatient, I mentally stamp my feet, I want to know NOW whether the answer is Yes, No or Maybe. But if I'm to let God be God, how can I restrict Him with my notions of time and space and logic? He is God.
Interestingly, just this morning, I received a flurry of emails from close friends who know about our Melb dilemma. A dear friend asked hubby to send her his CV as an opening has just come up in Sydney in her company. Hubby turned down the opport and explained that Sydney's not part of our plan.
Another friend, who was the first to know we'd gotten our PR 3 years ago, fired off a series of responses after I'd emailed him this morning - and went a step further. He called - long distance from his office in Mornington! -and basically gave me an earful about waiting so long to decide.
"Indecision is not making a decision."
"If you're moving, better to do it sooner rather than later."
And suggested I rethink Hoppers Crossing/Werribee and consider Newport/Williamstown as our home base. He thinks W is too rednecky (he is, by his own admission, a snob :-)). He approved the choice of W Mercy Hosp tho'.
He ended the conversation with "God's already given you a visa - what more do you want?"
Which was a jaw-dropping, why-didn't-i-see-it revelation. Indeed, short of God telling us specifically Yes or No, how would we know what His will is unless we put it to the test, as it were, by taking one step in faith at a time?
Indecision has always been my greatest failing, and now a dear brother has pointed it out in the most direct way possible.
So - I've made an appointment with a business associate who's a mover specialising in relocations - he's coming by this Sat morning to discuss the details.
And I've just texted another associate who's a lawyer, to execute a Power of Attorney in respect of our HDB flat, so that my bro-in-law can help us rent it out, collect the rentals etc.
We're really winging it by faith, cos I still haven't all the answers to what happens if we don't make our next 10% instalment on our Melb investment property or if the banks turn down our loan application.
-Lewis Smedes' Decision Making in a Complex World
-Os Hillman's The Purposes of Money
-Robert Katz' Biblical Paths to Financial Freedom
2 ideas stand out:
a) LS's suggestion that if there's nothing morally contentious about your intended decision, then a good guide is to CHOOSE RESPONSIBLY.
I have been pondering the meaning of this in the light of our decision to migrate/or not.
Are we being irresponsible by moving without the safety net of a job, or is that line of thinking the product of our sheltered environment and the risk-averse society we live in?
b) Again from LS: Even a wrong choice or bad decision cannot cut us off from God's love, or make Him love us any less than He already does.
That is such a wonderfully comforting thought.
From OH, I'm relearning what it means to seek the Lord and wait upon Him. I am very bad at waiting - I get impatient, I mentally stamp my feet, I want to know NOW whether the answer is Yes, No or Maybe. But if I'm to let God be God, how can I restrict Him with my notions of time and space and logic? He is God.
Interestingly, just this morning, I received a flurry of emails from close friends who know about our Melb dilemma. A dear friend asked hubby to send her his CV as an opening has just come up in Sydney in her company. Hubby turned down the opport and explained that Sydney's not part of our plan.
Another friend, who was the first to know we'd gotten our PR 3 years ago, fired off a series of responses after I'd emailed him this morning - and went a step further. He called - long distance from his office in Mornington! -and basically gave me an earful about waiting so long to decide.
"Indecision is not making a decision."
"If you're moving, better to do it sooner rather than later."
And suggested I rethink Hoppers Crossing/Werribee and consider Newport/Williamstown as our home base. He thinks W is too rednecky (he is, by his own admission, a snob :-)). He approved the choice of W Mercy Hosp tho'.
He ended the conversation with "God's already given you a visa - what more do you want?"
Which was a jaw-dropping, why-didn't-i-see-it revelation. Indeed, short of God telling us specifically Yes or No, how would we know what His will is unless we put it to the test, as it were, by taking one step in faith at a time?
Indecision has always been my greatest failing, and now a dear brother has pointed it out in the most direct way possible.
So - I've made an appointment with a business associate who's a mover specialising in relocations - he's coming by this Sat morning to discuss the details.
And I've just texted another associate who's a lawyer, to execute a Power of Attorney in respect of our HDB flat, so that my bro-in-law can help us rent it out, collect the rentals etc.
We're really winging it by faith, cos I still haven't all the answers to what happens if we don't make our next 10% instalment on our Melb investment property or if the banks turn down our loan application.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Decision Time
It's now Week 17 of the pregnancy, and Beth turns 4 today!
In the past few days, we've had to make some difficult decisions:
- To forgo our Oz PR and deliver the baby here (in case I develop complications and don't have a reliable gynae to fall back on/develop postnatal depression from being all alone in a strange land)
- To apply for PR for baby when he/she is born
I'm so frustrated. We were so close to making THE MOVE until hubby's pals in Melb wrote to discourage us from going without a job. My good friend Y2 agrees. Now an acquaintance in Melb (Annie's pal Freddy) says it's really about what our long term goals for the family are, and that jobs are aplenty if we adjust our expectations. And hubby's pal in Brisbane is glowing with optimism about the state of the B economy and the job prospects.
I don't know what to think anymore, and meanwhile, the clock is ticking.
In the past few days, we've had to make some difficult decisions:
- To forgo our Oz PR and deliver the baby here (in case I develop complications and don't have a reliable gynae to fall back on/develop postnatal depression from being all alone in a strange land)
- To apply for PR for baby when he/she is born
I'm so frustrated. We were so close to making THE MOVE until hubby's pals in Melb wrote to discourage us from going without a job. My good friend Y2 agrees. Now an acquaintance in Melb (Annie's pal Freddy) says it's really about what our long term goals for the family are, and that jobs are aplenty if we adjust our expectations. And hubby's pal in Brisbane is glowing with optimism about the state of the B economy and the job prospects.
I don't know what to think anymore, and meanwhile, the clock is ticking.
Christianity & Financial Security
I am confused.
Being a Christian means trusting God to provide for all my needs, including my financial ones, because He is Jehovah Jireh.
So does that mean there's no need for serious financial planning, buying of life policies and endowments, thinking about how I can get more out of my (dwindling) savings, thinking of multiple income streams a la Robert Allen & Robert Kiyosaki?
That can't be, cos we're also asked to be good stewards of our resources.
So what's this biblical prosperity Robert Katz talks about in his book Biblical Roads to Financial Freedom, and Os Hillman's distinction between the 5 fallacies about money vs God's 5 purposes for its use in his book The Purposes of Money?
Then there's my good friend who recently wrote in an email response - "Why do you think Christianity and finances are mutually exclusive...so long as you put God first and do not let $$$ become a god in ur life, all's well. In short, go ahead and make money if the opportunities are there...!"
I will never get the hang of this. I just want to be debt-free (very hard with 2 mortgages, 1 income, and a baby on the way) and to have a little more than enough so I can afford the occasional day out without guilt.
Is that un-Christian to ask?
Being a Christian means trusting God to provide for all my needs, including my financial ones, because He is Jehovah Jireh.
So does that mean there's no need for serious financial planning, buying of life policies and endowments, thinking about how I can get more out of my (dwindling) savings, thinking of multiple income streams a la Robert Allen & Robert Kiyosaki?
That can't be, cos we're also asked to be good stewards of our resources.
So what's this biblical prosperity Robert Katz talks about in his book Biblical Roads to Financial Freedom, and Os Hillman's distinction between the 5 fallacies about money vs God's 5 purposes for its use in his book The Purposes of Money?
Then there's my good friend who recently wrote in an email response - "Why do you think Christianity and finances are mutually exclusive...so long as you put God first and do not let $$$ become a god in ur life, all's well. In short, go ahead and make money if the opportunities are there...!"
I will never get the hang of this. I just want to be debt-free (very hard with 2 mortgages, 1 income, and a baby on the way) and to have a little more than enough so I can afford the occasional day out without guilt.
Is that un-Christian to ask?
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Week 16: I Want To Cry
All it took was a comment from a glum-looking spouse this evening to sink all my hopes of an adventurous new life in Melbourne.
Apparently, he had received replies from his pals living in Melb. One discouraged him from migrating without a job in hand, saying the job market had changed. The other pointed out the high cost of healthcare in Oz.
Such an anticlimax to the frenzied research and doings of the past week. Just this morning, I'd texted a lawyer contact to enquire about the cost of executing a Power of Attorney (in case we wanted to sublet our flat while we were away). I'd also been in touch with a real estate agent contact to discuss the paperwork for the subletting, and he suggested meeting end-July. Then my cousin living in Melb dropped by to visit and suggested our first rental home be in/around Hoppers Crossing (where she lives!) and that we consider delivering our baby at Werribee Mercy Hospital, near where she works.
I was so pleased, thinking we'd gotten the accomodation and hospital part of things sorted out finally. (Our other option, courtesy of a church brother, is his parents' house in Perth.) I mean, at 16 weeks, I don't have the luxury of time to plan and mull over too many options.
Ok, so we did take our time planning the move (our PR was granted 3 years ago!), but these things happen. No point dwelling on what's past and done.
How do we move forward now?
A member of our cell group recently asked a wise (yet piercing) question:
"Have you 2 prayed about this?"
Evidently, the implication is that if we had, we would know clearly whether it is God's will for us to go or stay. But is it really so simple? My personal experience has been that God doesn't give me clear-cut answers when I ask for help. Sometimes He sends people to guide me. Sometimes things happen and doors open - or close. Sometimes (a lot of the time) nothing happens.
Some say you should get a feeling of peace if something is meant for you. I agree with that - some of the time. But if I feel nothing, does that mean the thing is not for me?
So now we're stuck - to go or not to go?
To wait till the baby is born or just go anyway?
Should we just give up the PR offer and wait till Spouse has a definite job offer?
From a pragmatist's point of view, it makes no sense to go broke trying to live your dream. I don't need to be rich - just not in crushing debt. That would be a great distraction and hardly helpful to God's purposes for my life.
Apparently, he had received replies from his pals living in Melb. One discouraged him from migrating without a job in hand, saying the job market had changed. The other pointed out the high cost of healthcare in Oz.
Such an anticlimax to the frenzied research and doings of the past week. Just this morning, I'd texted a lawyer contact to enquire about the cost of executing a Power of Attorney (in case we wanted to sublet our flat while we were away). I'd also been in touch with a real estate agent contact to discuss the paperwork for the subletting, and he suggested meeting end-July. Then my cousin living in Melb dropped by to visit and suggested our first rental home be in/around Hoppers Crossing (where she lives!) and that we consider delivering our baby at Werribee Mercy Hospital, near where she works.
I was so pleased, thinking we'd gotten the accomodation and hospital part of things sorted out finally. (Our other option, courtesy of a church brother, is his parents' house in Perth.) I mean, at 16 weeks, I don't have the luxury of time to plan and mull over too many options.
Ok, so we did take our time planning the move (our PR was granted 3 years ago!), but these things happen. No point dwelling on what's past and done.
How do we move forward now?
A member of our cell group recently asked a wise (yet piercing) question:
"Have you 2 prayed about this?"
Evidently, the implication is that if we had, we would know clearly whether it is God's will for us to go or stay. But is it really so simple? My personal experience has been that God doesn't give me clear-cut answers when I ask for help. Sometimes He sends people to guide me. Sometimes things happen and doors open - or close. Sometimes (a lot of the time) nothing happens.
Some say you should get a feeling of peace if something is meant for you. I agree with that - some of the time. But if I feel nothing, does that mean the thing is not for me?
So now we're stuck - to go or not to go?
To wait till the baby is born or just go anyway?
Should we just give up the PR offer and wait till Spouse has a definite job offer?
From a pragmatist's point of view, it makes no sense to go broke trying to live your dream. I don't need to be rich - just not in crushing debt. That would be a great distraction and hardly helpful to God's purposes for my life.
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Week 14/15: Officially Safe!
I'm officially into my 2nd trimester, the so-called "safe" period. So why aren't I enjoying my pregnancy yet??
Thanksgiving:
Thanksgiving:
- That I've made it this far in the pregnancy
- That I survived the church retreat in early June, when I was just 11 weeks along and wondering if taking the 860 km road trip to Bt Tinggi, M'sia, and back was a good idea
- That my appetite is picking up (tho' I'm nowhere near having serious cravings or developing a fondness for large and frequent meals)
- That I'm not working F/T (yay!). I really cannot imagine commuting to and from work at peak hours on public transport, jostling with thousands of other commuters and having to stand all the way
- I've started experimenting in the kitchen again (last night it was grilled rosemary chicken; before that it was roast root veg/pan fried chicken breast with mushroom sauce/a Spanish chorizo rice dish that failed spectacularly and had to be hastily buried/tuna macaroni/fried rice which I finally got right after slavishly following a recipe/fusilli with ham and peas in a cream sauce/pear tart and creme caramel for dessert). The hubby has been very encouraging. Just last night he commented that it was a good thing I'd stayed home so he could enjoy his meals.
- Not putting on weight yet. Plenty of time for that, I'm sure. Still hovering at 49 kg mark. When I had Beth I put on 18 kg, which took me a year to lose!
Pet Grouses
- Backache
- Breathlessness (my growing belly feels like it's obstructing my breathing)
- Constipation and digestion issues
- A strange tap-water coating on the tongue that keeps me from fully enjoying the taste of my food
- Interrupted sleep
- Mood swings
- Fatigue. I'm so tired of feeling tired!!
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Week 9: Morning Sickness Woes
Can anything be worse than the misnomer called morning sickness? Some of us have it from morning till night - like me!
Just a few days ago, I thought I was at last turning the corner when I felt a little better in the morning. But no, here I am again, at Week 9, and still needing a couple of hours of bedrest every day. When I'm not resting, I'm stumbling around in a daze, getting mini-blackouts the minute I stand up, staring disinterestedly at the various healthy food choices in the fridge, too stooped to sit up straight, too guilty to consider lying down again.
It's debilitating - that's what MS is. Now I know how invalids or chronically ill people feel. How can you feel optimistic about life if you haven't got health?
Maybe it's age. Maybe it's a boy. Whatever. I've told hubby "no more" after this baby.
Hopefully, by that time, we'll be in Melb and living the organic produce/walk to the beach/drive to the countryside lifestyle and I'll get back some of my health.
Just a few days ago, I thought I was at last turning the corner when I felt a little better in the morning. But no, here I am again, at Week 9, and still needing a couple of hours of bedrest every day. When I'm not resting, I'm stumbling around in a daze, getting mini-blackouts the minute I stand up, staring disinterestedly at the various healthy food choices in the fridge, too stooped to sit up straight, too guilty to consider lying down again.
It's debilitating - that's what MS is. Now I know how invalids or chronically ill people feel. How can you feel optimistic about life if you haven't got health?
Maybe it's age. Maybe it's a boy. Whatever. I've told hubby "no more" after this baby.
Hopefully, by that time, we'll be in Melb and living the organic produce/walk to the beach/drive to the countryside lifestyle and I'll get back some of my health.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Week 7: Symptoms
Due to see Dr. Kek this afternoon. Hopefully, I'll have enough strength for the visit, the commute to town, tea with Sandy and the commute home.
On the plus side, I should be able to save a little more this month as I've cut down on going out.
It's been a pretty rough fortnight. I've got all the textbook symptoms:
On the plus side, I should be able to save a little more this month as I've cut down on going out.
It's been a pretty rough fortnight. I've got all the textbook symptoms:
- Nausea
- Fatigue
- Breathlessness
- Sore boobs
- Constipation
- Bloated & gassy
- Loss of appetite
- Twinges in the abdomen
Most days, I just can't summon the energy to go out. Even walking the dog yesterday was doubtful, but I had to do it because I needed to fetch Beth from the school bus. I can spend up to 3 hours a day just lying down/napping from sheer fatigue. The nausea means I'm turned off by strong odours, fried food (my fave) no longer appeals to me, and mealtimes are a chore (if I cook, I find I'm turned off by the smells).
Hubby has been very sympathetic and supportive (as well he should!), taking on extra chores like bathing Beth, cooking, cleaning up, ironing Beth's uniforms. This morning, he jested on his way out that after "all this" is over, we'll have to take precautions when we have intercourse. We did it on 2 days out of the recommended 4 in April, and look what happened.
Have shared the good news with a few friends and associates:
- Edwin (I asked him to be my proxy for last Fri's meeting as I couldn't bring myself to get up at 5.30 and go through a 2-hour meeting)
- Debs (I asked her if USANA Essentials are safe to take in pregnancy)
- Shirlynn (I felt so off-colour while waiting to meet her for lunch last week that I almost couldn't stand up)
- Kat & Mei Ling (who asked if I was feeling better cos I'd skipped CG on Fri)
- Cat
- Chris Koh (she asked if I'd added to the family)
- Mila (she wanted to meet for tea)
- Siyong (she wanted to meet for a discussion about the kids' prog for the church retreat next month)
Have not told my extended family yet tho'.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
momtobeth....and another?
Today is 29 April 2006.
Just 4 days ago, I bought a home pregnancy test kit on a whim (or a strong inner compulsion to KNOW) after missing my period by 4 days. My periods are usually regular. If I come on the 21st of Mar, I should come on 21st of Apr. Except for that time in Mar when I was supposed to come on 14 Mar and didn't come till 21 Mar, which got me all excited and confused when I tested negative during the 7-day delay.
Anyway, on Tue evening, I was running late to meet my hubby for dinner, but stopped by Watson's and then the loo because I just felt I had to KNOW. As I watched the indicator slowly change colour and one magenta strip appear on the right, I felt a faint sliver of hope, because the diagram on the packaging showed that a negative test would have a single magenta strip on the left. So much hope hinged on my not having misunderstood the instructions!
After that last disappointing outcome in Aug 05 (when I lost the baby at 8 weeks), I've been wavering between to-have and not-to-have. The reasons for stopping at one are so compelling: my daughter's independent now; I can focus on my writing and coaching; I don't have to stay up at night to nurse or cope with baby illnesses; I have finally regained my figure and enjoy receiving compliments about how I look etc. But mostly, it's about the freedom of having a kid who's old enough to have conversations with and to take instructions, yet young enough to hug and cuddle.
On the other end of the spectrum, Beth's been asking for siblings - she wants TWINS, one boy and one girl! And in her earnest childlike faith, she has gone straight to Jesus about it, so Mummy and Daddy have pretty little say about things. It looks like her prayers have been heard.
How do I feel? Physically tired. If my memory serves me right, I didn't feel as tired in my last pregnancy. I had the symptoms for about a week, then they were gone, and soon after that the bleeding started.
This time, tho' I'm only about 4 weeks along, I feel exhausted and breathless and am literally slowing down in my movements. I'm shuffling round the house like an invalid or an old lady; I lower myself gingerly into the couch and get off just as carefully; I feel the urge to lie down and have a nap every few hours; my appetite's off (last night, after stir frying beef with chye sim, I had no urge to eat any of it); my abdomen's twingy and bloated and my boobs are too sore to be touched.
I am thankful for the symptoms, because they validate my pregnancy (I've not seen my gynae yet). At the same time, I fear it'll mean a decline in my work productivity (I'm scheduled to do an interview for an article next week; how will I manage?) and my zest for life - at least till I'm over the first trimester and visibly showing.
Lord, into your hands I commit this new adventure. You are my Maker and you know all things. May your will be done. Help me be a willing and obedient partner in your plans for my family. Amen.
Just 4 days ago, I bought a home pregnancy test kit on a whim (or a strong inner compulsion to KNOW) after missing my period by 4 days. My periods are usually regular. If I come on the 21st of Mar, I should come on 21st of Apr. Except for that time in Mar when I was supposed to come on 14 Mar and didn't come till 21 Mar, which got me all excited and confused when I tested negative during the 7-day delay.
Anyway, on Tue evening, I was running late to meet my hubby for dinner, but stopped by Watson's and then the loo because I just felt I had to KNOW. As I watched the indicator slowly change colour and one magenta strip appear on the right, I felt a faint sliver of hope, because the diagram on the packaging showed that a negative test would have a single magenta strip on the left. So much hope hinged on my not having misunderstood the instructions!
After that last disappointing outcome in Aug 05 (when I lost the baby at 8 weeks), I've been wavering between to-have and not-to-have. The reasons for stopping at one are so compelling: my daughter's independent now; I can focus on my writing and coaching; I don't have to stay up at night to nurse or cope with baby illnesses; I have finally regained my figure and enjoy receiving compliments about how I look etc. But mostly, it's about the freedom of having a kid who's old enough to have conversations with and to take instructions, yet young enough to hug and cuddle.
On the other end of the spectrum, Beth's been asking for siblings - she wants TWINS, one boy and one girl! And in her earnest childlike faith, she has gone straight to Jesus about it, so Mummy and Daddy have pretty little say about things. It looks like her prayers have been heard.
How do I feel? Physically tired. If my memory serves me right, I didn't feel as tired in my last pregnancy. I had the symptoms for about a week, then they were gone, and soon after that the bleeding started.
This time, tho' I'm only about 4 weeks along, I feel exhausted and breathless and am literally slowing down in my movements. I'm shuffling round the house like an invalid or an old lady; I lower myself gingerly into the couch and get off just as carefully; I feel the urge to lie down and have a nap every few hours; my appetite's off (last night, after stir frying beef with chye sim, I had no urge to eat any of it); my abdomen's twingy and bloated and my boobs are too sore to be touched.
I am thankful for the symptoms, because they validate my pregnancy (I've not seen my gynae yet). At the same time, I fear it'll mean a decline in my work productivity (I'm scheduled to do an interview for an article next week; how will I manage?) and my zest for life - at least till I'm over the first trimester and visibly showing.
Lord, into your hands I commit this new adventure. You are my Maker and you know all things. May your will be done. Help me be a willing and obedient partner in your plans for my family. Amen.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
The Discipline of Trying Something New
As I was walking outside International Plaza yesterday, I made up my mind to do something different: I would accept every flyer thrust at me by the infamous flyer promoters (who all seem to know each other), and see if there were any business opportunities in any of them.
My reasons?
I called the number on one, a corporate secretarial firm, with the aim of finding out if they work with freelance accountants. The staff who answered readily gave me his boss' mobile number, and I was able to speak with the big man.
And what do you know, he was actually looking for freelance accountants to build his stable of contacts! He asked me to get my associate to give him a call.
Easiest cold call referral I've ever done!
And to think I would have been none the wiser if I'd just tossed the flyer or worse, declined to accept it.
This one's for you, Mag! Hope it's a big one :)
My reasons?
- To explore a new way of finding referrals for my business associates before the next networking session.
- To give the companies behind the flyers a chance instead of just dismissing them (as everyone else does).
I called the number on one, a corporate secretarial firm, with the aim of finding out if they work with freelance accountants. The staff who answered readily gave me his boss' mobile number, and I was able to speak with the big man.
And what do you know, he was actually looking for freelance accountants to build his stable of contacts! He asked me to get my associate to give him a call.
Easiest cold call referral I've ever done!
And to think I would have been none the wiser if I'd just tossed the flyer or worse, declined to accept it.
This one's for you, Mag! Hope it's a big one :)
Finally...A 4-Figure Paycheque!
It has finally happened.
After months of feeling unworthy and not daring to charge anyone more than 3 figures for work done, I finally asked for - and got - my first 4-figure paycheque.
Mind you, it was hard work, and I didn't get it immediately right, which meant basically having to rewrite everything, but it was worth it, because the 2nd time around, things fell into place, I enjoyed the process, and I felt proud of the product.
The icing on the cake came when my client emailed me to say thanks for a job well done. I printed out the email and included it in my portfolio. :)
It feels good to do something well and be recognized for it.
After months of feeling unworthy and not daring to charge anyone more than 3 figures for work done, I finally asked for - and got - my first 4-figure paycheque.
Mind you, it was hard work, and I didn't get it immediately right, which meant basically having to rewrite everything, but it was worth it, because the 2nd time around, things fell into place, I enjoyed the process, and I felt proud of the product.
The icing on the cake came when my client emailed me to say thanks for a job well done. I printed out the email and included it in my portfolio. :)
It feels good to do something well and be recognized for it.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Breaking Old Barriers
I am terrified of being in the spotlight.
Even singing with the church choir once a month unnerves me to the point that I get a crick in my neck, which is extremely uncomfortable when you are already battling nerves. It's the sheer terror of standing before an audience and having to meet their eyes.
That is why I was amazed that last weekend in Malacca, before a group of about 60 financial planners, I was able to deliver a fairly smooth presentation on Career Planning. I had spent a lot of time rehearsing the flow in my head, but still managed to miss a few key points. That resulted in me ending 20 minutes before my time was up, but at least the flow wasn't disrupted by my occasional mental block.
Maybe it helped that I was sharing something I feel passionate about, especially the anecdotes based on personal experience. I tried very hard to "engage the audience" as suggested repeatedly by Thomas Mathew, the guy in charge of the seminar. I looked people in the eye, tried not to stay rooted to one spot, moved my hands a little bit, fiddled with the microphone wires.
Definitely I could have done better. In fact, right after the presentation, I was back poring over my notes and identifying (with a silent groan) all the important bits I'd left out because of my mental block. I think I'll give myself a 85% for info retention, which means I have quite a ways to go to get it right.
What was better: the positive feedback from some listeners, who:
a. felt I sounded like a seasoned presenter;
b. were inspired by the Robert Frost poem I shared at the end ("Two roads diverged in a wood, and I/I chose the one less travelled by/And that has made all the difference." - I memorized it just before my turn to speak!);
c. agreed with some of my points and felt they were valid;
d. asked to be informed if I should conduct another seminar in the near future; enquired about my rates for career coaching;
e. said they might have contacts to refer to me.
Better yet, the organizers are talking about sending me to the universities to talk to undergrads; workshops; video-on-demand training over the Net.
I have broken my own fear barrier (not necessarily permanently, but it's a good start for a complete introvert), kept faith with my inner voice, and made a difference in someone's life.
For a 7th-month milestone, this ain't bad. :)
Even singing with the church choir once a month unnerves me to the point that I get a crick in my neck, which is extremely uncomfortable when you are already battling nerves. It's the sheer terror of standing before an audience and having to meet their eyes.
That is why I was amazed that last weekend in Malacca, before a group of about 60 financial planners, I was able to deliver a fairly smooth presentation on Career Planning. I had spent a lot of time rehearsing the flow in my head, but still managed to miss a few key points. That resulted in me ending 20 minutes before my time was up, but at least the flow wasn't disrupted by my occasional mental block.
Maybe it helped that I was sharing something I feel passionate about, especially the anecdotes based on personal experience. I tried very hard to "engage the audience" as suggested repeatedly by Thomas Mathew, the guy in charge of the seminar. I looked people in the eye, tried not to stay rooted to one spot, moved my hands a little bit, fiddled with the microphone wires.
Definitely I could have done better. In fact, right after the presentation, I was back poring over my notes and identifying (with a silent groan) all the important bits I'd left out because of my mental block. I think I'll give myself a 85% for info retention, which means I have quite a ways to go to get it right.
What was better: the positive feedback from some listeners, who:
a. felt I sounded like a seasoned presenter;
b. were inspired by the Robert Frost poem I shared at the end ("Two roads diverged in a wood, and I/I chose the one less travelled by/And that has made all the difference." - I memorized it just before my turn to speak!);
c. agreed with some of my points and felt they were valid;
d. asked to be informed if I should conduct another seminar in the near future; enquired about my rates for career coaching;
e. said they might have contacts to refer to me.
Better yet, the organizers are talking about sending me to the universities to talk to undergrads; workshops; video-on-demand training over the Net.
I have broken my own fear barrier (not necessarily permanently, but it's a good start for a complete introvert), kept faith with my inner voice, and made a difference in someone's life.
For a 7th-month milestone, this ain't bad. :)
Monday, March 06, 2006
The Wallflower Finds The Sun
I've been a wallflower for as long as I can remember.
In school, I was the goody-two-shoes who had no idea how to win friends and influence people. At work, I shunned the limelight and made self-deprecating comments every time someone praised me.
After joining BNI, I am learning the importance of marketing myself. I am learning that everyone is in sales, whether that is their job description or not. If I do not do a good job of impressing on you that I am professional, competent and that my goods or services are priced competitively, how will I persuade you to buy from me?
To my surprise and that of my members, I am bringing in visitors to my chapter meetings almost weekly. While none has signed up (one did, but then a huge project came along, and, well, business called), it thrills me no end that people actually come because I asked.
In my quest to bring new faces into the meetings, I have gone so far as to give out our chapter business cards to strangers, and to recommend the services of my associates when the subject of a business need comes up (the latest being at Career Fair, where I purposefully met a land banker, an entrepreneur-to-be from abroad, and a publisher).
It's an incredible feeling when you do something you never thought you could. I like the sense that I'm giving my inner self a good stretch each time an opportunity comes up to do something different and bold and even foolish.
Yup - the wallflower is finding the sun, and loving the feel of its warmth on her face. :)
In school, I was the goody-two-shoes who had no idea how to win friends and influence people. At work, I shunned the limelight and made self-deprecating comments every time someone praised me.
After joining BNI, I am learning the importance of marketing myself. I am learning that everyone is in sales, whether that is their job description or not. If I do not do a good job of impressing on you that I am professional, competent and that my goods or services are priced competitively, how will I persuade you to buy from me?
To my surprise and that of my members, I am bringing in visitors to my chapter meetings almost weekly. While none has signed up (one did, but then a huge project came along, and, well, business called), it thrills me no end that people actually come because I asked.
In my quest to bring new faces into the meetings, I have gone so far as to give out our chapter business cards to strangers, and to recommend the services of my associates when the subject of a business need comes up (the latest being at Career Fair, where I purposefully met a land banker, an entrepreneur-to-be from abroad, and a publisher).
It's an incredible feeling when you do something you never thought you could. I like the sense that I'm giving my inner self a good stretch each time an opportunity comes up to do something different and bold and even foolish.
Yup - the wallflower is finding the sun, and loving the feel of its warmth on her face. :)
The Tide Turns
Finally, after close to 3 months in business, the $ is starting to come in. It's not a lot, but that's not the point. It's the fact that people are actually paying me to write (something I love to do) that's worth celebrating.
I received $400 for 2 brochures which were outsourced to me by a phenomenally busy fellow writer; $30 for copyediting a company's mission/vision statement; $165 for a 1,000+ word article for a magazine.
Also in the pipeline: $250 for writing a CEO profile and corporate profile for a company.
More exciting news: I wrote my first book!! I don't know many things more worthy of being shouted from the rooftops. Do you? :)
Based on the agreement with the publishers, I should get 20% of sales plus spin-offs in the form of speaking engagements; the audiences will be secured by the publishers. All I need to do is literally stand and deliver.
I received $400 for 2 brochures which were outsourced to me by a phenomenally busy fellow writer; $30 for copyediting a company's mission/vision statement; $165 for a 1,000+ word article for a magazine.
Also in the pipeline: $250 for writing a CEO profile and corporate profile for a company.
More exciting news: I wrote my first book!! I don't know many things more worthy of being shouted from the rooftops. Do you? :)
Based on the agreement with the publishers, I should get 20% of sales plus spin-offs in the form of speaking engagements; the audiences will be secured by the publishers. All I need to do is literally stand and deliver.
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