That is the question.
Here we are again at the age-old dilemma:
Should I go back to f/t work or continue to stay home with the kids?
Is this the right time?
Is there such a thing as the right time?
Can I do both rather than either/or?
Is it selfish to want to be the best I can be, to want more than what being a SAHM can offer?
Will my kids' development and wellbeing suffer if I return to work f/t?
I am learning to think with an Abundance mentality, one that allows for the possibility of "plus" rather than "either/or", which can really limit your choices.
I find that my energies will always travel in the direction of those things I most love doing, and that financial recompense is not always the top criterion in determining how happy and fulfilled I will be.
As Stephen Covey says in The 8th Habit, where Passion, Vision, Need and Talent intersect, there will I find my Voice.
So if Internet marketing promises squillions in residual income but it doesn't give me the one-on-one human interaction I enjoy, it won't work for me. I may start with a bang but give up after a few months.
And if being a Legal Info Officer with VIC Legal Aid offers a salary that's middling but lets me feel like I'm able to help a section of the community that's disadvantaged, and also allows me to use my legal skills indirectly, then that might work out better for me.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Accepting The Musician In Me
Years ago when I was with the Music Ministry in church, I found myself grappling with feelings of uselessness and alienation.
The ministry was dominated by hip musos who jammed together effortlessly and were gifted at improvisation.
Despite years of classical training, I could barely follow the cues from the worship leader. I couldn't 'get' syncopated rhythms. Performing under the spotlight, especially on the synth, stressed me out. I found I was happier when I could 'hide' behind the piano.
Recently, I joined the musos at our new church here in Melbourne, and had to face my inner demons again.
What was different this time was that I was able to acknowledge and accept that I would always be this way: gifted at flowing, lyrical Kevin Kern-type piano music, not so gifted with songs that sound best with synth, electric guitar and drums.
I can certainly work at my weaknesses and improve on them. I did this for about 6 months between '05 and '06 at Believer Music in Sg. I enrolled in keyboard classes for church musos, started from the Basic level and worked my way up to Worship Dynamics II.
Learning with the aim of being a more effective worship muso really helped me. I could notice the difference when I played at church, and I found the confidence and inspiration I'd lost through atrophy and stagnation.
My current worship team mates have a definite preference for Hillsongs and Planetshakers, which makes it a bit of a steep climb for me. I've decided to focus on what I do well, which may mean being content to just thump out chords for the fast songs, and then, when a slower number comes along, seizing full creative licence to express myself the way I do best .
The ministry was dominated by hip musos who jammed together effortlessly and were gifted at improvisation.
Despite years of classical training, I could barely follow the cues from the worship leader. I couldn't 'get' syncopated rhythms. Performing under the spotlight, especially on the synth, stressed me out. I found I was happier when I could 'hide' behind the piano.
Recently, I joined the musos at our new church here in Melbourne, and had to face my inner demons again.
What was different this time was that I was able to acknowledge and accept that I would always be this way: gifted at flowing, lyrical Kevin Kern-type piano music, not so gifted with songs that sound best with synth, electric guitar and drums.
I can certainly work at my weaknesses and improve on them. I did this for about 6 months between '05 and '06 at Believer Music in Sg. I enrolled in keyboard classes for church musos, started from the Basic level and worked my way up to Worship Dynamics II.
Learning with the aim of being a more effective worship muso really helped me. I could notice the difference when I played at church, and I found the confidence and inspiration I'd lost through atrophy and stagnation.
My current worship team mates have a definite preference for Hillsongs and Planetshakers, which makes it a bit of a steep climb for me. I've decided to focus on what I do well, which may mean being content to just thump out chords for the fast songs, and then, when a slower number comes along, seizing full creative licence to express myself the way I do best .
My justice or His?
As I reflected today on the never-ending issues we're experiencing with our tenants back home, I consciously tried to switch from fruitless fretting to problem-solving mode.
I opened my Bible and read the following:
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret - it leads only to evil.
Psalm 37:5-8
How apt and how powerful are those words of encouragement!
Even if things don't go my way, even if I make mistakes or my adversary makes a fool of me and "wins", God will make my righteousness shine if I commit my plans and problems to Him and trust Him to solve things His way.
I opened my Bible and read the following:
Commit your way to the Lord;
trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret - it leads only to evil.
Psalm 37:5-8
How apt and how powerful are those words of encouragement!
Even if things don't go my way, even if I make mistakes or my adversary makes a fool of me and "wins", God will make my righteousness shine if I commit my plans and problems to Him and trust Him to solve things His way.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Where Do You Grow Most - In Weakness Or In Strength?
Am reading Marcus Buckingham's excellent book, GO PUT YOUR STRENGTHS TO WORK.
Here's what he says in the intro.
"Faced with the world's indifference, you've got two options: either resign yourself to a life in which your strengths are largely irrelevant, or...learn how to make them relevant. Learn how to put them to work. It's your choice."
MB discusses 3 corporate myths.
1. As you grow, your personality changes.
2. You will grow the most in your areas of greatest weakness.
3. A good team member does whatever it takes to help the team.
Sound familiar?
#2 resonates the most for me. I'm so used to being told, even as a child, to work on my weaknesses and bad habits. Surely it makes sense to spend energy fixing what doesn't work, the way you spend more time on your weaker subjects at school or, in learning the piano, on those tricky notes in the score that your fingers keep tripping over?
But MB says we would grow so much more if we worked on expanding and using and applying our natural strengths. He does not say ignore your weaknesses. He says we will learn the most, grow the most, and develop the most in our areas of greater strength. Our strengths multiply and magnify us.
Isn't that amazing?
During practice for Sunday worship this week, I made an effort to focus on what I do best. That means playing sensitively and intuitively, playing "in the gaps", allowing others to be in the spotlight if that is their style, and doing this without feeling that I was somehow a lesser musician for not being the loudest "voice".
It's hard work. Part of me is driven by the need to excel and to shine. That part feels I am somehow a failure when my music is eclipsed by the many other instruments that are willing to lead.
I was therefore surprised when, after Sunday service, more than one person came up to express appreciation for my playing.
What I've learnt is that when I channel my energies towards my natural strengths, I am being authentic and being me, and it makes a difference to people.
Here's what he says in the intro.
"Faced with the world's indifference, you've got two options: either resign yourself to a life in which your strengths are largely irrelevant, or...learn how to make them relevant. Learn how to put them to work. It's your choice."
MB discusses 3 corporate myths.
1. As you grow, your personality changes.
2. You will grow the most in your areas of greatest weakness.
3. A good team member does whatever it takes to help the team.
Sound familiar?
#2 resonates the most for me. I'm so used to being told, even as a child, to work on my weaknesses and bad habits. Surely it makes sense to spend energy fixing what doesn't work, the way you spend more time on your weaker subjects at school or, in learning the piano, on those tricky notes in the score that your fingers keep tripping over?
But MB says we would grow so much more if we worked on expanding and using and applying our natural strengths. He does not say ignore your weaknesses. He says we will learn the most, grow the most, and develop the most in our areas of greater strength. Our strengths multiply and magnify us.
Isn't that amazing?
During practice for Sunday worship this week, I made an effort to focus on what I do best. That means playing sensitively and intuitively, playing "in the gaps", allowing others to be in the spotlight if that is their style, and doing this without feeling that I was somehow a lesser musician for not being the loudest "voice".
It's hard work. Part of me is driven by the need to excel and to shine. That part feels I am somehow a failure when my music is eclipsed by the many other instruments that are willing to lead.
I was therefore surprised when, after Sunday service, more than one person came up to express appreciation for my playing.
What I've learnt is that when I channel my energies towards my natural strengths, I am being authentic and being me, and it makes a difference to people.
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