Week 16: I Want To Cry

All it took was a comment from a glum-looking spouse this evening to sink all my hopes of an adventurous new life in Melbourne.

Apparently, he had received replies from his pals living in Melb. One discouraged him from migrating without a job in hand, saying the job market had changed. The other pointed out the high cost of healthcare in Oz.

Such an anticlimax to the frenzied research and doings of the past week. Just this morning, I'd texted a lawyer contact to enquire about the cost of executing a Power of Attorney (in case we wanted to sublet our flat while we were away). I'd also been in touch with a real estate agent contact to discuss the paperwork for the subletting, and he suggested meeting end-July. Then my cousin living in Melb dropped by to visit and suggested our first rental home be in/around Hoppers Crossing (where she lives!) and that we consider delivering our baby at Werribee Mercy Hospital, near where she works.

I was so pleased, thinking we'd gotten the accomodation and hospital part of things sorted out finally. (Our other option, courtesy of a church brother, is his parents' house in Perth.) I mean, at 16 weeks, I don't have the luxury of time to plan and mull over too many options.

Ok, so we did take our time planning the move (our PR was granted 3 years ago!), but these things happen. No point dwelling on what's past and done.

How do we move forward now?

A member of our cell group recently asked a wise (yet piercing) question:
"Have you 2 prayed about this?"

Evidently, the implication is that if we had, we would know clearly whether it is God's will for us to go or stay. But is it really so simple? My personal experience has been that God doesn't give me clear-cut answers when I ask for help. Sometimes He sends people to guide me. Sometimes things happen and doors open - or close. Sometimes (a lot of the time) nothing happens.

Some say you should get a feeling of peace if something is meant for you. I agree with that - some of the time. But if I feel nothing, does that mean the thing is not for me?

So now we're stuck - to go or not to go?
To wait till the baby is born or just go anyway?
Should we just give up the PR offer and wait till Spouse has a definite job offer?

From a pragmatist's point of view, it makes no sense to go broke trying to live your dream. I don't need to be rich - just not in crushing debt. That would be a great distraction and hardly helpful to God's purposes for my life.