Article: Learning to Say NO

The “Yes” Trap
By Sharon Juden

How many times do you find yourself pushed to breaking point with deadlines, ‘to-do’ lists, your own expectations and desires, and then someone comes along and asks a ‘little favor’. And what do you say? “No, Sorry, I’m too busy at the moment” or “OK, I’ll see what I can do for you.” If, like me, you use the second response more times than you care to remember, we have to ask ourselves: “Why on earth do we DO IT??” By saying “yes” when it really doesn’t suit, what are you telling the world? – Or, to put it more pointedly, what do you THINK you’re telling the world?

Exercise:
Take a moment to think about the times when you’ve said “yes” to a project or task, when really you’ve meant “no”. And write down the signals you hoped you were sending out to the world.

The “Yes” Trap
Do you fall into the “yes” trap because you want people to know:
You’re super-efficient and capable
You’re reliable and dependable
You’re indispensable
You’re a go-getter and high achiever
You’re hard-working and therefore worthy of your salary or the salary you’re working towards

Some of these reasons will probably resonate. But, when you say “yes”, is that how people really perceive you? Or do they perhaps see you just as a sure way of getting something done with the minimum of fuss and negotiation?

Exercise:
Now take a moment to think about how you feel when you say “yes” but really want to say “no”. I’m guessing that there’s at least as much negative feeling as positive.
Then think about the signals that other people will be picking up.

By saying “yes” what are you subconsciously telling yourself (and other people)?

Perhaps that:
You don’t value your own time
You don’t value your own goals and needs
You’re an easy option with no boundaries in place
You don’t respect yourself, so why should anyone else?

While there is much debate in both philosophy as to whether or not (and to what extent) we create our reality, there is little doubt that we create our experience of reality when we represent things in our mind: If we think that by saying “yes” we will be that super-efficient, reliable, indispensable, go-getting person (points 1-5 above), then we will continue to say “yes”. Even when common sense (and maybe our well-meaning friends) will tell us otherwise.

Learning to Choose “No”
The most important choice each of us has in life is to choose our priorities. What you do, and the outcome you achieve, is a direct result of the choices you make and the priorities you give to every task and project you encounter. If saying “yes” leaves you feeling frustrated and stressed, annoyed with yourself, and feeling, deep down, more like a person described by points 6 to 9 above, then perhaps you’re putting your priorities in the wrong place. Try choosing “no” more often: When “no” is the right answer for you, say it politely, assertively and with conviction. See how much better that can make you feel. The moment you recognize your needs and priorities, and find a better way to meet them, you’ll find better peace of mind, and life will change for the better.

Exercise:
Now think again about the times you’ve said “yes”, when really you wanted to say “no”. Practice saying “no” politely and firmly. Remember, when “no” is the right answer, you’re not making excuses; A brief and honest explanation of your reasons should suffice.

“No” is hard for many of people to say. We all like to feel appreciated and useful to others. But it’s often far better to say “no” and concentrate on a few great wins, than to say “yes” after “yes” after “yes” and deliver poor results on the things that matter most. Either you’ll do it voluntarily and deliberately, or you’ll do it when you collapse with a nervous breakdown. You owe it to yourself to take control of your own life and make the hard choices now, when they may be uncomfortable but at least they are do-able.

Take heed of the wise words of Stever Robbins, leadership and efficiency expert: “Something’s got to give. Don’t let it be you.”

Sharon Juden leads Coaching Clinics in the Mind Tools Career Excellence Club. She is also a member of the Mind Tools Career and Life Coaching team, offering one-to-one personal coaching by telephone.
http://www.mindtools.com/php/coaching/CoachingForm.htm


Major Takeaway:

I am reminded of what Gordon MacDonald says in Ordering Your Private World, that unless you set boundaries and decide which part of your day is negotiable and which isn't, people are just going to encroach on your time. The same idea is echoed in Stephen Covey's call to focus on Quadrant 2 aka Important activities by learning to cut out activities which are Urgent (deadline driven) and Not Important.

What Do You Owe Your Boss?

From The Age's Good Weekend supplement
November 9, 2006
www.stephaniedowrick.com

Do you feel entitled to be paid because you are at your workplace - however little you are doing? Have you ever felt entitled to take off yet another Monday because, frankly, your weekend was far too good? What about sending a text message to your boss to say you are not coming to work today - or ever again? Or leaving out crucial information in a report because it required too much effort to collect? Have you ever traded on colleagues' goodwill by doing a lot less than your share? Or looked for a better job in your current employer's time?

Issues around loyalty in the workplace are not new. For all the talk of the good old days, when faithful souls joined a company at 15 and left 40 or 50 years later wiht a hearty handshake and a handsome watch, there have always been workplace tussles relating to loyalty and power. And these issues run in two directions. Loyalty is not just about how long you stay in the same employment. It is also about what happens while you are there: how you are regarded, whether you are respected, how mutual trust and transparency are developed - or undermined.

Employees are also vulnerable to exploitation. When companies restructure, the same demands may be left to far fewer people. In many workplaces, people are pushed to take on significant levels of extra responsibility for no additional rewards. Low-paid employees may be required to attend meetings or training without being paid for that time. Little extras that cost a company virtually nothing may be arbitrarily withdrawn. Training may be inadequate, undermining people's confidence to do their job well. People may be sacked or made redundant by a company that can't afford its employees but can afford directors' bonuses. And of course anyone who works for a boss who is bad-tempered, unpredictable, self-serving or plain incompetent will suffer, sometimes seriously.

Most of us spend at least 40 hours a week at our paid work, sometimes many more. Add travelling time, plus the time we spend thinking about our jobs and extending our skills or recovering from our working day, and a vast chunk of our lives is accounted for. Even when we change jobs often, the dominance work has persists. People routinely describe themselves in work terms: "I'm an accountant." So how we get along with our colleagues and boss, and especially how we feel about ourselves in our workplace rolem has a huge effect on our emotional wellbeing. It also affects our physical health. But when it comes to these contentious issues of loyalty, self-responsibility, co-operation and "entitlement", it is the psychological impact that will be most powerful. Work, along with intimacy and parenting, offers us our best chance to grow up, pushing us to see that our agenda is only one among many and that the world does not begin or end at our own front door.

Giving lip service to an ethical way of working is easy. It requires old-fashioned character, insight and self-respect to translate that into action, to recognise how beneficial it is to think about work with an emphasis on cooperation and fairness. From whichever side of the line you stand, this means applying the golden rule: being the colleague or boss you would most like to have, not making self-serving excuses, owning up to your choices and having enough loyalty to yourself and your own values to recognise how those choices are affecting other people - and shaping the person you yourself are becoming.

What Career Should I Choose?

I love mulling over all the possible careers I can have.

In primary school, I read Artemus Flint, the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew, and wanted to be a detective.

As I grew older, I realized I didn't have the guts and smarts to be one, so I gave that dream up.

When I was 20, I wrote on a piece of paper (which I still have about me somewhere) the following: Psychologist. Counsellor. Legal Officer/Lawyer. Fashion Designer. Interior Designer.

Sometime in my 11-year law career, I realized I wasn't happy. I wasn't cut out for the law. I was struggling too much, like a salmon swimming upstream. Surely I was meant for something else? And so began my transition into a life of writing.

I sought God many times on what career He meant me to have, but never did get answers. I felt that if I could only find THE answer, THE career that was meant for me, all my uncertainties would melt away and I would be a focussed, purpose driven person who knew exactly where to channel her energies and time.

But it seems I may have got my paradigm wrong.

If Rick Warren is right and it's not all about me, then what I choose for a career is really of secondary importance compared to God's ultimate purpose for my life.

Much confusion in the Christian life comes from ignoring the simple truth that God is far more interested in building your character than he is anything else. We worry when God seems silent on specific issues such as "What career should I choose?" The truth is, there are many careers that could be in God's will for your life. What God cares about most is that whatever you do, you do in a Christlike manner.
...
Sadly, a quick review of many popular Christian books reveals that many believers have abandoned living for God's great purposes and settled for personal fulfilment and emotional stability. That is narcissism, not discipleship. Jesus did not die on the cross just so we could live comfortable, well-adjusted lives. His purpose is far deeper. He wants to make us like himself before he takes us to heaven. This is our greatest privilege, our immediate responsibility, and our ultimate destiny. (Chapter 22, The Purpose Driven Life)

Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out...Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:2, The Message)

Live Your Dreams Now

Live Your Dreams Now
Whitney Hopler
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer

Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Shannon and Michael Primicerio's soon-to-be-released book, Life. Now.: Overcoming the 10 Obstacles that Derail Your Dreams, (Bethany House, 2007).

What dreams lie dormant in your heart? Whatever you wish you could pursue someday isn’t really out of your reach right now. If you start making deliberate choices to pursue your dreams – without waiting for your circumstances to change – you don’t have to wait to see your dreams begin to come true.

So don’t wait for someday. Overcome obstacles standing in the way and start living your dreams now! Here’s how:

* Overcome fear. Know that, although it’s natural to feel fear about taking the risks necessary to pursue your dreams, giving into your fear will stop your progress. Realize that God will give you all the power you need to do whatever He is calling you to do. Rely on Him for help, knowing that He never fails. Don’t worry about what other people think of your dreams, since doing so will allow them to control your dreams. Feel free to seek counsel from a few trustworthy people who are close to you, but dismiss critics who don’t have your best interests at heart. Ask God to give you the courage to do what He wants you to do, no matter what others think. Make whatever changes you need to make to stop playing it safe and living in a rut. Move, change jobs, find a new church, or do anything else to get you unstuck and on the road toward where you want to go. Meet with a trusted friend, family member, or pastor to honestly express your dreams and fears, and ask that person to pray for you. Check back in with this person regularly as you make progress toward fulfilling your dreams.

* Stop trying to earn other people’s approval. Ask God to help you be comfortable with the unique person He has made you to be. Then be yourself, rather than the person others think you should be. Expect that, somewhere along the way while you pursue your dreams, you’re going to lose the approval of some people close to you. Don’t worry about asking anyone except God for permission to go after your dreams. Understand that sometimes, in order to obey God, you’ll need to disappoint other people. Ask God to give you the confidence you need to move forward with what He wants you to do, even when people you care about don’t support you. For one week, keep track of how you make your decisions (both simple ones like where to go to dinner and complicated ones like whether or not to take a certain job). As you make each decision, write down whether you did what you really wanted to do, or whether you did what you felt others wanted you to do. Then, after the week is up, study your notes to notice a pattern in your decision-making strategies. Going forward, remember to choose what you want to do instead of seeking other people’s approval.

* Be willing to leave the comforts of home. Understand that pursuing your dreams often requires venturing out beyond all that’s comfortable to you now. Don’t let a love for the familiar stand in the way of your dreams. If you live at home with your parents, set a time for leaving and stick to it. Establish true independence in your life. If you’re stuck in a dead-end job, look around for better opportunities and go after them. If a longtime friend doesn’t support your quest to fulfill your dreams, find some new friends who will support you. If your current area doesn’t offer the resources you need to pursue your dreams, move to a place that will better enable you to pursue them. Don’t be afraid to leave behind a way of life that you’ve been conditioned to think is normal so you can discover something better. Leave small thoughts behind and dream big.

* Trade average for excellent. Don’t be satisfied with halfhearted living. Recognize that in order to give your best to pursuing your dreams, you need to be at your best as a person. Decide to live a life of significance – one that makes the world a better place because you lived. Ask God to use your ordinary life to accomplish extraordinary purposes. Never stop learning. Take care of your body through good nutrition and regular exercise so it will serve you well as you go after your dreams. Remove clutter from your home, office, and car so you can think more clearly and use your time more productively. Write down your goals clearly on flash cards, and review them regularly to keep them in the forefront of your mind and stay on track. Find a photo of something that represents a goal you have (such as a photo of an island if you’re dreaming of vacationing in Hawaii one day), and place it somewhere relevant (such as by your ATM card to help you remember to save). Celebrate whenever you make accomplish something that moves you closer to your goals. Every day, spend time with God in prayer about your dreams and your progress toward them.

* Surrender a sense of control. Realize and accept the fact that you can’t control many things that happen to you. Whenever you encounter frustration and disappointment as you pursue your dreams, identify what your feelings are and face them with grace, trusting in the fact that God is still working out good purposes in your life. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Know that, although you can’t always change your circumstances, you can always change your attitude in response to them. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you grow in the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Let go of the way you think things should happen, and trust God to guide you through His best plans for your life. Resist the temptation to be jealous of others who are seeing their dreams come true while you’re still waiting. Simply remind yourself of all you do have to be thankful for, and keep moving forward toward your goals.

* Start where you are. Don’t wait for a certain time or situation to start going after your dreams. Start right now, right in your current circumstances. Be creative about maximizing your time. Know that if you invest even small amounts of time toward reaching your dreams, over the long haul your investment will pay off in a big way. Whenever you have idle time, fill it in productive ways (such as by listening to Scripture on your commute to work). Don’t let seemingly urgent things like household chores and checking e-mail distract you from what’s most important. Make sure that you’re focusing on important tasks – ones that will help your dreams come true – first, and just fit all the “urgent” tasks in as you can. Establish and grow relationships with key people who can help you fulfill your dreams. Pray for God to lead you to a mentor or two and place the right people alongside you at the right times as you go after your dreams. Don’t wait for all the pieces of a plan to make perfect sense to you before moving forward if you sense God calling you to do so; be willing to take steps of faith as He leads you.

* Use money to fund your progress. Recognize that you’ll need to spend money to pursue most of your dreams. Don’t let financial constraints prevent you from following your dreams. Instead, think and pray about a plan to make money available, over time, to fund your progress. Get and stay out of debt to free up cash to use for pursuing your dreams, such as starting your own business or going back to school to earn a certain degree. Set up a budget and stick to it so you don’t overspend. If you’re not bringing in enough income, start looking for a second job or a new primary job that pays more. Set short- and long-term financial goals. Save as much as you can, tithe faithfully, and give generously.

* Stay motivated. Remind yourself often of the reasons why you’re making sacrifices and working hard to pursue your dreams. Paint a vivid mental picture of what you want your life to be like after you’ve achieved your goals. Write out a plan for how to make your dreams realities and move forward with that plan while inviting God to edit your plan as He sees fit. Dream lavishly and expect God to do even more than you could ever imagine or ask. Ask Him to keep encouraging you as you follow His dreams for your life.

* Follow through. Be persistent when you face challenges on your way to fulfilling your dreams. Don’t grumble about difficulties; instead, be thankful that you have the gift of each new day to keep making progress. Try to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Be prepared for trials and tragedies that will inevitably threaten to derail your dreams. When you encounter them, depend on the hope that Jesus offers and keep working to make progress as you can. Don’t let your mistakes or failures cause you to give up. Stay focused on your vision, keep working hard, and continue to trust God.

* Keep seeking God’s will. Constantly check in with God to make sure your dreams align with His will for your life. Spend time with Him daily in prayer. Regularly read, study, and meditate on passages of the Bible. Participate in a church and a small group to build relationships with trusted friends who can help you discern where God is leading you. Make your relationship with God your highest priority in life. Know that if you seek God Himself first – before your dreams – then your dreams will fall into place.

Don't Miss This Blog! StevePavlina

I am a devoted fan of Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People website and blog. He writes long, balanced, well thought through posts on diverse subjects like motivation, polyphasic sleep, how to find your life purpose in 20 minutes, the Law of Attraction (which I see popping up on all the success gurus' websites), and 10 Reasons You Should Never Get A Job.

If you've been following this blog, you will know that the topic of money sits heavily on my mind. And just yesterday, after a week of internal conversations on The Purpose Driven Life vs The Abundant Mentality, I remembered Steve and checked out his blog. Call it synchronicity or a coincidence, but I believe that when you are seeking answers sincerely, they will all come at you in a rush. Steve's latest post just affirms this theory.

Just look at how he starts off. Everything that's been on my mind is right here.

How important is money? How much is enough? Is money a distraction from one’s spiritual path? Is it a necessary evil? Is it unfair that some people have more money than others? Is poverty more noble than wealth? Is it possible to become an enlightened millionaire?

And then see how he goes on to address the following issues:

• Is money a positive resource or a consciousness-lowering distraction?
• Conflicting beliefs about money
• What is money?
• How to earn money
• The moocher mindset
• The contributor mindset
• Pro bono contribution
• Making money consciously
• Congruent contribution

My Major Takeaways

I choose to earn money by being a contributor. This means adding value, meeting needs, solving problems.

My income depends on its social value (how society perceives and weighs its value), not personal value (what I think is valuable).

To be fully motivated, I have to attain congruence. To find congruence, I must live in alignment with my personal values and find a way to contribute social value.

Once I've learned to internalize these 2 mindsets, I will be able to earn more while serving the greater good.

Finally, the mother of all quotable quotes. It's so good I had to reprint it word for word for you.

If you want to generate income without lowering your consciousness, you have to get your limiting beliefs out of your way. Holding yourself back from earning more money doesn’t serve anyone. Limiting your income only limits your contribution. The conscious reason to earn more money is that you can put those social credits to good use. Use them to expand your service to others. If you’re living an honorable life, then it’s a good thing for you to receive more money. You’ll be a good custodian for it. The more money that flows through your life, the more resources you can invest into your life purpose.

What does the abundant life mean?

"I am come that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10

What exactly does that mean?

Does it have the same meaning as when coaches and new age success gurus talk of helping people to live abundantly, or when they point out the difference between an Abundance Mentality vs a Scarcity Mentality, or when abundance is mentioned in the same breath as prosperity, wealth, success and happiness?

I know a Christian life coach whose mission is "using practical coaching methods and biblically sound strategies" to teach her clients "learn how to create a life that draws prosperity, happiness, abundance, joy, peace and success to them".

When I Googled "scarcity mentality and abundance mentality", I found an abundance of articles on the subject, most of which exhort you and me to discard Scarcity thinking and embrace Abundance thinking. See for instance this wonderful piece by Dr Wayne Dyer (author of You'll See It When You Believe It - an intriguing title!) that suggests everything we need to eliminate scarcity in our world is already here, and that there is enough to go around.

I totally agree that we should focus on thanking God for what we already have, instead of harping on what we lack, or think we lack. It is also useful to maintain a right perspective by remembering, as Rick Warren likes to put it, that "life is not about you". God's ultimate goal for our lives on earth is not comfort, but character development. (Ch22, The Purpose Driven Life)

He goes on to write that "many Christians misinterpret Jesus' promise of the abundant life to mean perfect health, a comfortable lifestyle, constant happiness, full realization of your dreams, and instant relief from problems through faith and prayer...This self-absorbed perspective treats God as a genie who simply exists to serve you in your selfish pursuit of personal fulfilment. But God is not your servant...You exist for God's purposes, not vice versa."

So how does all this info translate into something coherent and meaningful that I can live by? Might it be possible that God's purpose is for me to live simply and meaningfully, with modest needs and modest expectations? Are my dreams of financial stability (and eventual financial abundance) in harmony with God's purposes, or the result of too much influence by secular humanistic philosophy? How will I know?

"If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)

Week 37

Puffiness in feet has subsided this past week :-)

Still not getting quality sleep. This'll be the story of my life for the next 12 months, I reckon.

Good news - the baby has turned around and is no longer in breech position! Am SO relieved.

Can't set up nursery yet because....our things are still with Customs! Read all about the latest in http://carpediemtans.blogspot.com.

Have ordered an orthopaedic seat cushion and a magnetic posture support from Penny Miller. They're supposed to improve my posture and help me get rid of my drooping shoulders and permanent slouch. I'll gladly shell out for anything that promises to make life pain-free and restore energy levels - call me a sucker for HOPE.

Is Contentment Possible?

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.
I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Phil. 4:11-13

This was today's reading, and you know what? I'm so excited as I read it, because I can affirm its truth in my life. Starting over in a new country has given me the grace of learning what Paul learnt - the meaning of contentment, the humbling, crushing vulnerability of being in need, the joy of abundance, and the ultimate breathtaking revelation: that I can do EVERYTHING (live more fully, learn more, do more, earn more, relate better, love unconditionally, set goals and reach them) through HIM (not me, thank God).

A Wow! Moment

Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

[Often said to have been quoted in a speech by Nelson Mandela. The source is Return to Love by Marianne Williamson, Harper Collins, 1992. -Peter McLaughlin]

Week 34: Update on Bub

Saw Dr Calandra 2 nights ago for my fortnightly checkup. He analyzed the results of my 2-weeks-ago blood test (my 2nd prescribed by him) and said I (still) have low haemoglobin (97), and in addition I've low B12 (what's that?) and high folate.

Recommendation:
Go easy on the folic acid.
Buy B12 shots from the pharmacy so he can inject me and boost my B12 levels quickly.
Start taking a B complex supplement.

Told Dr C I've switched to a liquid herbal iron extract in hopes that it'll be better absorbed. Didn't get to tell him the brand (Floradix) as he didn't seem terribly interested.

When I mentioned the unbearable belly itch that can't be cured by Dermaveen or Medihoney, he didn't even ask to see it. He started scribbling on his notepad and scratched out a prescription for yet another blood test, this time for Liver Function Disease. Read on www.babycenter.com that this is called PUPPP (pruritic uticarial papules and plaques of pregnancy) which is harmless, but you need to let your doc know just in case it signals a liver problem, so he's done the right thing.

Strangely, he sounded like he'd never heard of Medihoney, which is one of those products that gets written up a lot in health mags. Worse, when I told him it's supposed to be "natural" as in made from honey and steroid-free, he snorted and said nothing's natural; everything's a drug. Instead, he prescribed calamine lotion, to which hubby and I (later) responded with a "Whaaat? So basic?" My O&G in Sg had prescribed a mild steroid gel, Egocort, which I use sparingly (when I absolutely can't take the itch anymore) just in case there are side effects. You never know with steroids.

From 36 weeks on, we'll be seeing Dr C once a week. Hopefully, I'll be able to take better control of the proceedings from now on instead of just feeling annoyed after every session because I expect more sympathy and support from my O&G.

Formed for God's Family

From Chapter 15 of The Purpose Driven Life

• You were formed for God's family.
• Every human was created by God, but not everyone is a child of God. The invitation to be part of God's family is universal, but it comes with one condition: faith in Christ Jesus.
• When you become part of God's family, you receive some astounding birthday gifts: the family name, the family likeness, family privileges, family intimate access, and the family inheritance. The Bible says, "Since you are His child, everything he has belongs to you." (Gal. 4:7b)
• What is this family inheritance?
• "My God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:19)
• On earth, we are given the riches of His grace, kindness, patience, glory, wisdom, power and mercy. In eternity, we will be given even more. For one, we will get to be with God forever. Two, we will be completely changed to be like Christ. Three, we will be freed forever from all pain, death and suffering. Four, we will be rewarded and reassigned positions of service. Finally, we will get to share in Christ's glory. => We are far richer than we realize!
• Our eternal inheritance is priceless, pure, permanent and protected. It cannot be taken from us, nor destroyed by war or a poor economy or natural disaster. This eternal inheritance - not retirement - is what you should be looking forward to and working for. Retirement is a short-sighted goal. You should be living in light of eternity.
• Being included in God's family is the highest honour and the greatest privilege you will ever receive. Nothing else comes close. Whenever you feel unimportant, unloved, or insecure, remember to whom you belong.

The Purpose of Work

Work is not primarily a thing one does to live, but the thing one lives to do.
It is, or it should be, the full expression of the worker's faculties, the thing in which he finds spiritual, mental, and bodily satisfaction, and the medium in which he offers himself to God.

Dorothy Sayers, Creed or Chaos

Comment
I am still searching for the one thing, or things, that God has purposed for me to do. I want to live fully aligned with my life purpose, but how does one discover one's purpose?
Through prayer, petition and thanksgiving?
Through realizing that everything that happens is part of God's bigger plan for my life?

Larry Julian in GOD IS MY SUCCESS recommends that we adopt a 2-fold approach in our partnership with God. There is the Surrender Posture, which requires us to shed things in order to be useful to God, and there is the Take-Charge Posture, which is one of personal responsibility.

Interestingly, he has observed from his experience working with business executives that leaders have a tendency to control the things they should surrender to God (business outcomes, economic conditions, stakeholder expectations) and to relinquish the things they should take charge of (confronting difficult issues, being fiscally responsible, doing the right thing regardless of consequences, putting people and purpose over profits).

I believe the same can be said for our personal lives. I know I have a tendency to avoid pain, weakness and anything that is unpleasant. I also habitually put off anything that requires hard work and discipline: goal setting, goal attainment, being responsible in how I use my resources (my mind, my $).

Action Exercise:
To adopt the Surrender Posture and the Take-Charge Posture for my career direction and dreams.

Evolution of Choice (Excerpt from Coaching Inspirations, Issue 40)

From Life Coaching Institute of Australia (www.lcia.com.au), Ezine Central
To subscribe, email ezine@lcia.com.au

Understanding Yourself

If you wish to improve yourself, you must first and foremostly recognise that all change stems from within. You have the ability to modify your thoughts and behaviours. You and only you can determine your personal rate of evolution.

Think for a moment of the people you hold in high regard. They may have certain enviable behaviours, or have attained admirable end states. The vast majority of those people have developed their behaviours through awareness and cognitive determination. They recognised who they wanted to be or what they wanted to achieve and willingly aligned their thoughts with their objectives. High level performance in individuals rarely transpires as an occurrence of chance.

You cannot keep doing the same things and expect a different result.

You have the power and the ability to change in order to produce a more positive result. You have the power to choose your attitude. The consequence of this simple and under-utilised reality is mind boggling.

Each and every day people go about their duties as servants to themselves. They are subservient to subconscious attitudes that are most often not acting in accord with their best interests. When most people are forced to bring their negative and destructive actions into consciousness, and asked why they acted as they did, they most often cannot provide an explanation. They honestly do not know why they acted in the manner they did. This is because their untrained and unemotional subconscious invoked their actions without cognitive intervention. In the absence of cognitive intervention the subconscious directs our actions. What's the problem with this? Nothing, if your subconscious has been trained to know how to appropriately act. But in most situations it hasn't, and hence it turns to old patterns that have been learned subliminally. These actions are invariably not constructive, and are very rarely aligned with your conscious desires.

You are not a servant to your emotions. With cognitive intervention you can establish your attitude at any point in time. By establishing your attitude, you determine how you feel and how effectively you are able to operate. Imagine how empowering and life changing this simple possibility can be to you.

We often use communication as though people or circumstances "make" us feel or behave a certain way. This is not the case at all. It's actually your absence of action that leaves you feeling frustrated and submissive to your feelings.

You only need to recognise that different people react dramatically differently to the same stimulus to know this is true.

Attitudes and Actions

As you go through each day you experience a plethora of attitudes. And your attitudes largely determine your level of effectiveness and emotional comfort. If you can manage your attitudes, you can dramatically influence how you feel, behave and perform.

For instance, you may regularly wake up and think to yourself: "I feel really tired today. I wish I didn't have to go to work." As you're driving to work someone cuts in front of you and you think "How dare that person cut in front of me." When you get to work there's no milk for your coffee and you think "There's no milk AGAIN! I'm not going to be able to work effectively unless I get my morning coffee."

These simple scenarios are a representative start to the day for many people. And let's face it, they're negative, low performance attitudes. They are not conducive to high personal performance or a state of personal wellness.

Progressing through life allowing yourself to acquiesce to less than optimum attitudes invariably creates an enormous amount of unnecessary stress. That stress compounds over time and is a catalyst to substantially more complex issues.

In the absence of cognitive attitude management, your mind literally does not have a framework by which to assess environmental influences and relies on instinctual emotional responses. By aligning your attitudes with your desired performance, you are able to assist your mind to cope with external influences and frame your responses accordingly. In effect, you tell your mind how to respond in accordance with your consciously established value-based framework.

Making a Positive Choice

Most people believe their attitudes are a result of external pressures such as people or negative experiences. But whilst external pressures often trigger your attitudes, you are the one that ultimately decides your resultant attitude (or allows yourself to have an inappropriate attitude in the absence of a decision). You can either acquiesce to external pressures, which you have little or no control over, or you can control your response by choosing what attitude you'll take. From the moment you wake to the moment you sleep, you have the power to choose your attitude.

Choosing your attitude starts with a mental intervention. Initially you'll need to think about your attitude and choose appropriate attitudes throughout the day. As your mind becomes more aware of the attitudes you deem congruent, attitude selection will become second nature.

Greater efficacy in attitude selection starts by becoming more aware of your attitudes and the affect they have on your effectiveness and wellbeing. This is usually most apparent in stressful situations. When you're feeling 'negative,' frustrated or anxious, make the cognitive decision to vary your attitude.

NEXT time you are in a stressful situation and you FEEL yourself becoming more anxious, take a brief moment, and a deep breath or two, then make the conscious decision to select a more appropriate attitude. One that will place you in a positive state of mind and assist you better deal with the situation and environment.

Reward Yourself - After You Succeed

Comment
When I first read the Jim Rohn article article, I thought to myself, "Wow! This seems to go against what all the other success gurus are saying. Live within your means. Pay yourself first. Invest conservatively. Spend on luxuries only after you have first generated passive income from your investments."

Then I read it again and noticed key phrases, like "when success started to happen" (and others that I've taken the liberty of italicizing). I realized that the core message hasn't changed: Work hard, Succeed, then Spend. The modern mentality is the reverse: we tend to Spend before we've Succeeded.

So here's to your success, and may you spend the rewards the way you're meant to....with unbridled joy and vigour!

7 Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. 8 Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. 9 Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun— all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. 10 Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the grave, [c] where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom. (Ecclesiastes 9)

From Making a Living to Creating a Lifestyle by Jim Rohn (excerpted from the Day That Turns Your Life Around)

After having struggled for so long, it took a shift in attitude for my family and me when success started to happen. When I started making a little extra money at age 25, Shoaff taught me to also let it serve as a new inspiration for lifestyle. To take my family to dinner after I'd had 2 or 3 pretty good weeks and it looked like it was going to continue. I would say, "Today we get to order from only the left hand side of the menu, we don't have to look at the right hand side". Didn't cost much, just a little extra. But you can't believe the effect on the family, wow, that these are new days.

It's called changing your life as well as changing your skills and earning more money. It's best to invest some of that early money in lifestyle. Go to the movies. Take two vacations instead of one. Just some little extra things that now the family gets inspired by this new commitment to earning more and becoming more and learning more, taking some night classes, whatever you have to do. Now you make it more worthwhile for the family by thinking of lifestyle changes that now become very exciting. Go to the concerts. My parents said don't miss anything. Don't miss the play, the music, the songs, the performances, the movie - whatever is happening.

When I started making some extra money I opened up an account for my wife and I called it the "No Questions Asked Account". I said, "here is the checkbook for a new account and it's called no questions asked". I'll just keep putting money in there and you spend it for whatever you wish. It was life changing. It wasn't a fortune. But she didn't have to ask for money any more. I could sense that it was a little embarrassing at times when she had to ask me for money. I thought, that's not good, so the first time I get a chance, here's what I'm going to do. And sure enough, I did it. The "No Questions Asked Account". You can't believe what that did. It was absolutely amazing.

With that little extra money, work at creating lifestyle. Social friendships, church, community, country. All those things that make a composite of our overall life. Start furnishing that with new vigor, vitality, money, whatever it takes to expand your life into what I call the good life as well as economics.And it doesn't always take a lot of money. How much is a movie? Even for a person of modest means. $8 or $10? It might cost $60 million to make it and it only costs $8 to see it.

When I discovered those kinds of concepts at age 25 you can imagine it was hard for me to sleep nights that first year. I got so excited about changing everything. And one discipline leads to another. One change leads to another. Feeling good about yourself and starting to make the turn to do something you've never done before, then it starts to work, wow, and then you get excited about changing other areas of your life as well.

Now after you have made your fortune, the money and extravagance might not seem as big a deal. And fortunately you can then create even more powerful opportunities, in particular, opportunities for benevolence, philanthropy and giving.Now I'm certainly not saying to focus only on external pleasures and rewards. Your relationships, health and spirituality are all of more consequence.

But in the beginning, when the rewards of your hard work begin paying off, make sure and treat yourself and those closest to you to a new world of lifestyle and celebrations.

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

Lessons from a Muffin Mishap

The recipe looked innocuous enough.

Blueberry, Cocoa and Buttermilk Muffins

2 cups self-raising flour (check)
1/2 cup caster sugar (check)
1 1/2 tablespoons coca powder (I didn’t have any, so I did what I assumed any self-respecting baker would do, substitute with what I had on hand, which in this case was Ovaltine powder.)
2 eggs (check)
100 ml buttermilk (Again, this wasn’t something in my pantry, so I made do with regular milk.)
3 tablespoons vegetable oil (I used olive oil.)
1/2 cup milk choc bits (check)
1 cup blueberries (skip – no berries of any kind on hand!)

With such an introduction, perhaps I was setting myself up for a culinary disaster.

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 190 degrees (fan-forced). What’s fan-forced? I know there’s a difference of 20 degrees between FF and conventional ovens, but what oven do I have? It didn’t occur to me to do the obvious i.e. check my manual…So I blithely assumed it’s a conventional oven, and upped the temp to 210 degrees.

Grease a 12-hole, 1/2 cup capacity muffin pan with butter or line with paper cases. I dutifully greased my 12-hole, mini muffin pan with olive oil (surely the effect should be the same?).
Sift self-raising flour, caster sugar and cocoa into a large bowl.

Oops, no sieve, so I simply poured all 3 ingredients into bowl and stirred them up with a wooden spoon.
Whisk together eggs, buttermilk and vegetable oil in a separate bowl. Add the choc bits and blueberries. The whisking was fine, except I then forgot part 2…

Use a large spoon to fold the dry ingredients into the wet ingredients until they are just combined.

I couldn’t get my head around this one – fold what into what? - and proceeded to pour the wet mixture into the dry one (it was easier that way), only remembering belatedly to add the choc bits.

Afterwards, I had a deal of a time mixing everything together. The result was lumpy, stiff and uncooperative.

Spoon the mixture into the prepared muffin pan so the holes are about 3/4’s full. Bake for 20-30 minutes until muffins are firm with a crusty top.

There was quite a lot of mixture left over after the 12 holes were filled, so I got out a baking tray from the by-now well-heated oven, covered it with baking paper, and dropped lumps of sticky muffin mix as far apart as possible to fill up the tray. The result was 5 or 6 really ugly, misshapen lumps. But no matter, I thought, they might turn out to be beautifully tasty, chewy biscuits.

I set the timer for 20 minutes and went about my other business, confident that I would soon be able to set the table for a nice tea with the husband and daughter.

The first hint something had gone awry was when the hubby went: “I smell something…” at the same moment the smells of acrid burning wafted through the open plan kitchen into the front lounge, where he and daughter were hard at work sorting catalogues for distribution.

I opened the oven door and braved the heat long enough to gingerly lift out the tray of blackened muffins and bikkies. There was one redeeming point though. For the first time in my baking career, the muffins actually lifted clean away from the holes. Who cared if they were hard enough to pass as paper weights and completely charred beneath?

As for the bikkies, let’s just say we had a lot of fun, the daughter and I, trying to see just how much there was left to eat between the charred top layer and the bottom that was now practically inseparable from the paper. You know – the nice perfect soft middle layer with choc chips. We just couldn’t let that go to waste now, could we?

The girl was a great sport about it all. No condemnation or smart alecky wisecracks. In fact, she seemed to enjoy stuffing herself silly on the middle bits and running off to show Daddy her choc-stained fingers. Good on her.

So – one spectacular culinary disaster, and many more, no doubt, to come. We can’t all be Nigella Lawson, but to be able to celebrate the simple beauty of choc chips amid the overdoneness of daily life? That’s something I could do more of.

Bon Appetit!

God Meets Our Needs...Not Our Desires

From www.crosswalk.com comes a devotional on the very same issue that I've been pondering:

November 4, 2006
Is it a Need or a Desire?
Romans 8:32

In the fourth chapter of Philippians, Paul declares that God will “supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus” (v. 19). When we read that passage and apply it to our daily lives, we must be careful to interpret it correctly. For that to happen, we must understand the difference between “needs” and “desires.”

A need is something that is essential for us to develop into who God wants us to be or to accomplish the things He calls us to do. On the other hand, a desire is something we think will bring enjoyment to our lives. The key word here is “enjoyment.” It describes a temporary pleasure. We tend to want things that will bring us happiness for a season and then fade away. It’s important to note there’s nothing wrong with a desire, as long as it is within the will of God and is an outflow of a Spirit-filled life.

Our wonderful, adoring heavenly Father loves to shower His grace upon us (Matthew 7:11). However— and this is critical—we must remember that God never promises to supply all of our desires. He surely provides many of them, but only at His discretion and for His own glory. So, your inability to acquire a large-screen television, for example, is certainly no indicator that God is unfaithful!

What do you need in order to become the person God has called you to be? What do you desire that will help you gain more enjoyment in life? Make a list of these things, and make both categories a regular part of your prayer life.

Reflection
How true this is! God really has been faithfully meeting the needs of our family right here in Werribee, Melbourne. Here's a sampling of what He has blessed us with:

• Helping us through the maze of paperwork for getting established as new migrants
• A brand new affordable rental home near the town centre and amenities, which has lots of space for our child and our dog and a neat open plan layout that makes upkeep easy
• A 14 y.o. car that gets us around
• Our supportive family back home: CA's brother, the latter's girlfriend, and his sis-in-law, who help us collect and go through our snail mail, advise on our dealings with the govt agencies back home, and track the rental proceeds from our flat; my aunt who texts us regularly to find out how we are and who will be visiting at the end of the month
• A church whose hospitality amazes and touches us and where we hope to serve
• Internet access and lots of magazines and store catalogues that help us make informed buying decisions
• Warm, hospitable locals who accept us as one of the community and make us feel welcome
• Friends of friends who extend our network here and offer tips on how to make the transition painless
• My cousins here who provide kinship, support and a sense of rootedness
• A library that supplies us with regular nourishment for our minds

In short, we have a roof over our heads, clothes to wear, a car to get around in, food on the table everyday. What was it St Paul said? "If we have food and clothing, we shall be content with these"? And about learning how to abase and how to abound.

New Ways To Reach Out

I started out titling this piece "A New Way To Reach Out", then when I thought about it some, I realized I'd actually been shown more than 1 way.

As I write this, I'm on Windows Live Messenger chatting with 2 friends, one here in Melb (an undergrad) and the other at Harvard (grad student). In the course of chatting about exams and visa requirements, I found myself in a position to encourage them in the situations they were facing. One of them wrote, "Thanks so much for the encouragement....needed that so badly." That made me feel really good, to know that God had used me at this time to meet another's need in such a beautiful, practical way!

Gal 6:10 Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.

At our new church here in melbourne, we've come to know many lovely individuals with fascinating life stories and situations. At Mon playgroup, I've met with several other mums and am regularly impressed by how they manage the chores, ferrying the kids to school, doing the grocery run...all by themselves, with no live-in maid or mother-in-law coming over to help. (Makes us in Sg seem pretty pampered, huh?)

Post-service, we've been privileged to chat with members over coffee fellowship and to be touched by their stories: the seniors who still serve faithfully in church/do their own chores/live on their own/drive themselves around, the musical family with a Down's child who plays the tambourine enthusiastically during worship time, the lady who lives in Point Cook and has great confidence that there will always be someone willing to fetch her home, the pastor who has no hesitation rolling up his sleeves to help out in the playroom or kitchen...

Somewhere in there is an opportunity to listen, to empathize, to pray, to encourage, and I am looking out for it.

7 Ways to Business Success (Brian Tracy)

Here's a new thought I learnt this week. (This is my version of continuous learning and improvement. Best of all, it's free!)

Seven Formulas for Business Success
By: Brian Tracy

Visualize Your Goals
There are seven formulas for business success.

Number one, set a specific goal and visualize it as a reality. Play the picture of your goal as already realized on the screen of your mind over and over again.

Number two, look for a problem you can solve with a product or service that is high quality and good value. All successful businesses are based on products or services that are high quality and good value.

Number three, start small and learn your business thoroughly. Be patient. Invest time rather than a lot of money.

Bootstrap Your Way to Success
One of the best ways to build a business is to start off on a bootstrap. This means that you start off with very little money and you grow your business with the money that you earn in the business, rather than outside financing, borrowing, loans from friends and so on.

Test, Test, Test
Number four, test every major move before you invest in it. Test, test, test. Don't plunge into a business. Move ahead carefully, one step at a time.

Number five, expand on the basis of your successes, out of your profits, as you move along. In other words, only expand your business on money that you've earned in the business, not on borrowed capital.

Pick Your People Carefully
Number six, carefully select the people to help you expand and grow. The biggest mistakes you'll ever make will be in picking the wrong people to work with, so be very, very careful in picking the people you're going to work with in your business.

Use Financial Leverage
And number seven, use financial leverage. Financial leverage is business borrowing, lines of credit from the bank, which are based on the cash flow from your successful business. The whole aim of starting a business is to develop a consistent, predictable source of cash flow in excess of cost and expenses and then to hold to the money. Banks will lend you all the money that you can service as debt with your cash flow.

Start Off Part Time
One final thing that you can do, and I've recommended that many people do this over the years, is if you're starting off with no money, go to work part-time for a business in a field that interests you. It's a valuable form of on-the-job training. Work evenings or work weekends. Or work on your holidays if you like. Sometimes a business that looks tremendous from the outside will look terrible once you start working for it. But sometimes when you start working for a business, you start to get an intimate understanding of how it works and you get insights on how you can improve it.

Learn What You Need to Learn
Remember this, though, most businesses fail because of managerial incompetence. So take the time to learn what you need to know to succeed. Be patient. The time you invest before you start will pay off over and over again in the months and years ahead.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to implement these formulas for business success: First, be prepared. The number one reason that people succeed in starting their own businesses is that they have the knowledge and experience, in advance that they need to succeed. Do your homework.

Second, start small. Some people think that they can be successful faster by putting all their savings at risk at the very beginning. The opposite is true. Start small and grow out of your cash flow from successful operations.

My biggest learning point?
Start off part time. It's great advice for someone like me who's starting out with very little $ and yet dreams of doing great things sometime in the future. I'm going to start looking around for p/t or even volunteer positions in the fields that interest me (i.e. counselling and coaching) and see what I find. Cheers!

A Challenge and a Choice

As our savings dwindle and the pressure to find a job that pays the bills mounts, 2 thoughts come to mind:

1) We can still choose.

We can choose to shut out the voices of fear and anxiety and choose to open our hearts to the Saviour's leading and provision. Indeed, He has already been providing and continues to do so. Every extra day that our basic needs are met is evidence of His faithfulness and unchanging love.

2) We've got it the wrong way round.

To paraphrase an article my career coach back home sent me, we are often caught between 2 extremes. Some of us are in a stable job situation and have no time to think about whether this is truly the job for us, where our talents lie, what would give us the greatest satisfaction. We go from day to day commuting to work, paying the bills and coming home, and doing the same thing the next day, and the next. Or we are in between jobs, panicking as the rejections and bills pile up, and perfectly willing to take anything that comes our way, even if it doesn't quite fit in with our long-term career goals. What we should be doing is determining our goals and talents first, then looking for positions that would best align with those goals and talents.

What Would Jesus Do?

I have never known the exact right thing to do when I meet the poor and destitute.
Is it just about giving them money to meet their immediate needs?
What if they aren't for real?
Suppose they're druggies or cheats or criminals?

But really what's been keeping me from being generous is a wrong perspective. I am just not used to seeing people who aren't as presentable/well-adjusted/respectable as most people you and I know, and I don't know if I'm supposed to feel sorry, do something for them, or to turn away and pretend I didn't see them just so I can get on with my day.

Back home, I had just graduated from complete nonchalance to actually paying attention to the old ladies and blind folk who sometimes go from table to table at food centres selling 3 packets of tissue for $1.

Tonight, the Lord challenged me again. We were at Hungry Jack's in Werribee town centre, enjoying our burgers and fries, when a young lady in a red shawl stopped by our table to ask,"Have you any change?"

My instant reaction was "No."

She went on to the next table, where a man sat eating his burger.

"Have you any change?" And she sat down in front of him.

I saw him open his wallet and give her something.

Hubby and I had a quick discussion. What if she were Jesus in disguise? Oughtn't we to give her something? Hubby fished out a $2 coin. I remembered I actually had lots of small change on me (and was in fact balking that afternoon about how heavy it made my wallet, the shame!) and dug out my wallet. I counted out $3 in change and waited for the lady to come our way again. She did.

"Have you any change?" she asked as she turned around and headed back our way.

I gave her the coins. She said thank you, then paused and looked at me. I asked if it was enough. She said she wanted to get a meal, not just a burger, but a Value Meal. She evidently wasn't sure if she had enough. I got up and offered to go with her to the counter while she placed her order. I said if she didn't have enough, I would top up the rest for her.

Why didn't I just buy her a meal with my own money and let her keep the change she'd managed to collect? How was she supposed to manage tomorrow and the day after? I don't know. It was partly out of wanting to respect her dignity, I think. So I let her place her order and lay out her change (while wondering to myself if perhaps I'd gotten the definition of "dignity" wrong). She had no idea how much the meal cost, but she was very definite that she wanted the Chicken Burger meal.

The waitress patiently counted the coins, then said she was 70 cts short. I paid the shortfall. The young lady thanked me. While we waited for her food to be ready, I asked where she came from and how she was going to get home. I couldn't help wondering about her dirt-streaked face and hands and what looked like dried blood on her nose. What was her story? In reply, she mumbled something I couldn't understand. As we walked to the tables, I asked if she wanted to join us. She said no, she couldn't, and sat one table behind, where she tried to make eye contact with Beth and chat her up, but Beth was terrified and hid behind her Daddy.

As we drove back to our comfortable guesthouse that night, hubby and I talked over the incident. I remarked that it really changed my view of things when I saw my money as not actually belonging to me but to God; hubby agreed. I wondered where the young lady would put up tonight. It had been windy the whole afternoon and evening, and was now starting to drizzle. Where would a homeless person go to find shelter? And how would she find food tomorrow? Eating out in Oz is expensive. More importantly, how did she come to be in this state, and what was the best way for her to achieve a sustainable source of help and income?

The questions are endless.
What would Jesus have us do? What would He have done?
Would He have stopped at giving her money? Probably not.
Would He have sat down to listen to her story? Probably.
Would He have invited her home so she could have a warm bed for the night? Perhaps.
Would He have helped her find a job, a home, a support network, invited her to church?
If these thoughts are occurring to me, surely God is able and willing to do much more?

What would Jesus have me do??

God Takes Care Of....A Missing Passport

This afternoon, we were at the Medicare office in Greensborough to ask how to register with Medicare so that I can start booking a hospital for my gynae appointments and delivery.

The Indian customer service officer initially told us we had to come back on 20 Sep because our data hadn't come through from DIMA yet. However, after I mentioned my pregnancy, she tried all ways to help us expedite the process, including verifying our PR status from our passports. After a few mins, she came back looking extremely concerned, and said she couldn't locate my PR visa in my current pp. I explained that the visa was affixed in my expired pp, which I didn't have on me.

It was then that I started to get nervous. I suddenly couldn't remember where I'd left my expired passport, or whether I'd even brought it with me to Oz! My sense of personal failure was really acute then. How could I be so careless?

The officer was very kind and offered several options: (1) try and look for it, (2) get someone in Sg to find it and send it over, or (3) get the DIMA officer in charge of our case to reissue our PR approval letter with his/her signature on it.

I texted my BIL in Sg (who's the attorney for our flat) to ask him if he remembered coming across my old pp while clearing the master b/rm. He said he couldn't remember, but wld check for us this weekend.

Then tonight, while Beth was rummaging thru one of the luggages, she came across the travel agent's envelope which contained our ticket confirmation for our flight to Oz, and in the envelope was my expired pp!! I tell you, there is no greater joy than when something thought lost is found. This ranks pretty much on par with the parable of the woman and the lost coin. I fell on Beth and gave her a huge hug, and so did hubby.

Thank you Lord. Now we can get back to Medicare on 20 Sep and complete our registration and collect our Medicare cards. Another challenge met with the Lord's provision. He is our Jehovah Jireh!

Staying Focussed in the Eye of the Storm

In the midst of resettling in Melbourne, a new challenge has arisen. This is in addition to the other niggling house-related issues that came up after we left Sg.

The biggest headache is HDB. After my BIL submitted the Application to Sublet the whole flat, we were told that the supporting doc we attached (a letter explaining that we were going to be away for 2 years for work) doesn't carry any weight. We still need to have a letter from an Oz employer.

Now, we knew this before we left, and that was why we initially thought of leaving the flat vacant till hubby had secured a job in Oz. However, the HDB officer who received our Power of Attorney assured us that a simple letter from us would do, and on the strength of his word, we went ahead and arranged to show our flat through our real estate agent, found tenants, and entered into a tenancy agreement.

Am quite disheartened at the inconsistent stand taken by different civil servants (altho' I really should know better, as an ex-CS myself) and how it is working to our disadvantage. Am praying that God will show us how to resolve this in the best possible way: either hubby gets a job offer real soon, or HDB relents and allows our application to go thru. Those are just the limits of our human understanding and wisdom. Perhaps God has something far better in mind, and why shouldn't He? After all, He can do more than we could ever ask or imagine.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5,6

Love The Opportunity

Somebody said you have to love what you do, but that's not necessarily true. What is true is that you have to love the opportunity. The opportunity to build life, future, health, success and fortune. Knocking on someone's door or making that extra call may not be something you love to do, but you love the opportunity of what might be behind that door or call.

For example, a guy says, "I'm digging ditches. Should I love digging ditches?" The answer is, "No, you don't have to love digging ditches, but if it is your first entry onto the ladder of success, you say, 'I'm glad somebody gave me the opportunity to dig ditches and I'm going to do it so well, I won't be here long.'"

You can be inspired by having found something; even though you are making mistakes in the beginning and even though it is a little distasteful taking on a new discipline that you haven't learned before. You don't have to love it, you just have to learn to appreciate where you live, appreciate opportunity and appreciate the person who brought you the good news; that found you. Appreciate the person who believed in you before you believed in yourself, appreciate the person who said, "Hey, if I can do it, you can do it."

If you will embrace the disciplines associated with the new opportunity you will soon find that your self-confidence starts to grow, that you go from being a skeptic to being a believer. And soon when you go out person to person, talking to people, you will find it to be the most thrilling opportunity in the world. Every person you meet - what could it be? Unlimited! Maybe a friend for life. The next person could be an open door to retiring. The next person could be a colleague for years to come. It's big time stuff. And sometimes in the beginning when we are just getting started we don't always see how big it is.

So, before you are tempted to give up or get discouraged, remember all success is based on long term commitment, faith, discipline, attitude and a few stepping stones along the way. You might not like the stone you are on right now, but it's sure to be one of the stones that lead to great opportunities in the future.

To Your Success,Jim Rohn
www.jimrohn.com

What Would My Obituary Look Like?

Not that it would matter to me when the time comes, but if I could leave a message of hope, faith and love for those I leave behind, why not?

Instead of the usual Psalm 23, I would choose Job 1:21:
The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

That verse has inspired and sustained me through difficult times. It was the verse God gave me in my gynae's office in Aug 2005 when I was facing a threatened miscarriage (which in the event turned out to be a real miscarriage).

Instead of the usual recitation of family names, I would do like the brother in an obituary I read in today's ST. He must have written it himself, because it read like a personal tribute to his loved ones. E.g. xx - good friend and the mother of my children. yy - my prayer partner. zz - my trusted partner and a person pure in heart.

What a wonderful way to affirm the people you love, and to encourage them to continue doing what is good and right. That kind of legacy is worth more than any physical riches.

A Place Called Surrender

What does it mean to surrender to God?

The idea can be a frightening one for those of us used to being in full control of our circumstances and destinies (or at least, we would like to think we're in control). It's usually when we run into a brick wall through illness, death or loss that we are forced to consider that there are some things that are beyond our human abilities to comprehend or resolve. Even then, we do not automatically run to God; sometimes, we run away.

A Place Called Surrender is the story of Pastor Dan Roelofs, who through his battle with cancer learnt the meaning of surrendering everything to God. He died in 2003 at the age of 33. I first came across his website www.danroelofs.com when I was reading Larry Julian's book God Is My Success, which I've reviewed in an earlier post. It is an online journal of how he struggled with very real human issues and questions that plague all of us, and how he finally found peace by resting in God's bigger plans for his life rather than asking whether God would heal him. The website has since been regularly updated by his wife Tammy, who shares how she and their sons have coped since Dan's passing.

I recommend the site to all who share Dan's struggle, which is really our struggle too.

God Takes Care Of...The Moving

4 days to go, and we only decided THIS AFTERNOON to accept a counter offer from FJ Worldwide Movers to pack, warehouse, ship, clear and deliver our personal effects from SIN to MEL.

Why so last minute?

We were still trying to drive down the cost of the process, that's why.

It finally came down to 2 choices: go with my pal Eric's suggestion of hiring professional movers while he takes care of the sea freight and the Oz part of things, or engage a one-stop service provider like FJ for a fixed fee.

What helped us decide was the professional demeanour of FJ's rep John Wong, who made a 2nd trip to our place this afternoon to survey our (dismal) packing progress, explained what the breakdown of figures given by Eric translated into in $, and made a counter offer that pretty much matched what Eric's co had offered.

End result: JW lowered the quote by $500. So for a fixed figure of $3.5k, I can now sit back, put my puffy feet up and let the pros worry about what goes where and how to get our things from A to B.

I wouldn't say the exercise was a waste of time. Nothing's ever wasted. Now I know how physically gruelling it can be to do your own packing. I know what goes into a co's consideration before a quote is given. I also know how much margin there is for negotiating. I wouldn't have known all this if there hadn't been a competitor to compare with, or if I didn't have a contact in the freight forwarding industry who was willing to disclose info normally known only to industry practitioners.

So thanks a whole heap Eric! :-)

And thank YOU, Lord. *lol*

What To Love About Money

Some believers may wonder why I'm so fascinated by the subject of Money. They may even feel that I'm being carnal or unspiritual since the Bible clearly warns against serving God and Mammon, and says that the love of money is the root of all evil (1 Tim 6:10).

The truth is, the M word makes me uncomfortable.
I want more, but feel guilty even thinking about it.
As a child, the subject was never discussed at the dinner table, nor later when I was growing up.
The prevailing wisdom was that if you studied hard, got a good job (preferably as a doctor or lawyer) and were a good saver, you would always have money.
No one in the family had money struggles, not even Mum who was a single parent.
There weren't any entrepreneurs either, and I was never particularly curious how people made money buying and selling goods and services.
It never occurred to me that there were ways to make money other than getting a job.

Now that I'm a parent and a freelancer with uncertain income, the M word has suddenly assumed a new urgency in my life.
How do I make more than I need so that I can live comfortably without worrying about monthly expenses, depleting my savings or having to depend on others?

That question has taken me on a learning curve of trying to understand multiple streams of income, changing trends in the workplace, Internet marketing, affiliate programs, working for others vs working for self, retiring early and rich, the power of MLMs - and on and on.

But I digress.

The purpose of this post is really to share an article I read on Os Hillman's website. You can read the full article here.

For those who prefer quick bites, here's the 10-Point Summary:

• Money is morally neutral. It is a tool given by God, to be used but not glorified, appreciated but not elevated.
• Definition of Money: the right to the goods and services of others.
• Why Money should be appreciated. "Every coffee bean, every garment, every dollar put into an offering bucket represents the combined labor of a hundred servants. It represents the forgone desires of some precious soul who could have done something else with his or her time and labor. As Christians we must see money for what it represents – an unbroken chain of love, leading back to the Father." (Wow.)
• Wealth vs Riches. Riches = an abundance of money and possessions. Wealth = the ability to create riches by controlling the means of production. Wealth is others-oriented. Wealth gives us the ability to provide for others without depleting our resources. Wealth gives us the ability to create a spiritual oasis. (I like the idea of being able to provide for others without worrying about depleting my resources.)
• Wealth is a blessing from God. We should stop thinking that wealth = carnality.
• All wealth comes from creating VALUE. In creating value, we have the opportunity to be like God, who is always creating for others. In return, we earn the right to receive value from others. A business is nothing more than an organization that creates value. We can create value by enhancing our skills, being creative, or by simply serving. (Makes sense to me. So what needs can I identify and fulfill today?)
• Break the poverty spirit. How? By working. Stop trying to get something for nothing. Stop trying to get rich quick. Instead, create value for others. (The writer suggests that MLMs and network marketing are get-rich-quick schemes. How true is this?)
• 2 views of Money: the Consumer and the Producer. The Producer asks: How can I serve? The Consumer asks: What's in it for me?
• Entrepreneurial spirit vs Exploitational spirit. The most successful entrepreneurs are not the most greedy but those who are passionate about finding - and solving - the greatest needs.
• Biblical view of work. Work was given by God as man's primary activity on earth. Work transforms us and helps us create value for others. Too many are preoccupied about retiring early and never having to work again. Why would you want to do that?

Prayer

Dear Lord,

Teach me a right perspective of Money so that I will not be a financial slave - either discontented and craving for more, or tempted to take shortcuts because my family's needs are not being met. Help me rejoice in all circumstances and trust that you are my Jehovah Jireh, the God who provides.

Amen.