When You're a Prisoner of Yourself

Found the perfect description of what happens when we allow a personal flaw or struggle to so dominate our lives that we think everyone else sees us the same way as our inner critic.

This is an excerpt from an interview in Good Weekend (Mar 3, 2007). The subject shares about his sexuality crisis and how he tried to keep it a secret for fear of how others would view him. What's remarkable is that the conclusion he came to could very well apply to our own thorns in the flesh. Replace references to homosexuality with your own particular challenge and see what I mean.

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I've learned since then that the true torture of the closet is that you are at heart a prisoner of yourself: of how you see yourself, and how you imagine others will see you. Homophobia plays a large role, and to that extent it keeps you locked away. The problem is that you eventually see hatred even where it doesn't exist, and become a victim of something you are only guessing is waiting to harm you.

For the duration of the shoot, life felt good nearly all of the time, even with the limitations my heart and mind were placing on it. As the film came to an end, I could look at my life and imagine it as a party, with everyone gathered to celebrate my success. If I excused my secret from the room, asked it to stand outside, I could look around at the gathering that remained and be grateful that I had come so far and built such remarkable friendships. Then I'd invite my secret back inside, and realise that the only person in the room who still hadn't worked out how to like me, was me.

Time Management vs Self Management

Are you someone who makes lists of all the things you need to do? At the end of the day when you review your list, are you disappointed because you haven't accomplished as much as you would have liked? Does this sound familiar to you?

We hear a lot about time management and how we need to organise ourselves and manage our time more effectively. In order to regulate our time, new ways of thinking and being need to be developed. Our attitudes and beliefs need to be identified and at times altered in order to make beneficial changes. We need to develop self management strategies. When we manage ourselves better we tend to be less overwhelmed, more productive and happier.

There are various models for time management. One is making daily and/or weekly lists, then prioritising which items are the most important and tending to those first. Of course the challenge is that is if you don't like some of the tasks, you probably tend to avoid doing them. (I know this strategy intimately.) It also does not account for all of the complications which arise nowadays on the job. Emails, voice mails, urgent requests which must be dealt with immediately, or conference calls; modern technology has made our lives easier and more complicated at the same time. We are generally expected to do more in less time and with less support.

Steven Covey in his book, First Things First breaks tasks down into 4 quadrants:

§ Urgent and Important,
§ Not Urgent and Important,
§ Urgent and Not Important, and
§ Not Urgent and Not Important.

There is a great deal of value in this model and certainly gets one thinking about how to define the many things one has to do. The difficulty is that important projects can become urgent if one has procrastinated and that isn't necessarily a helpful way to operate. It would also be relevant to identify what is important to you and spend time doing that as well, because it might never become urgent. For example, your family may be very important to you, but you frequently miss your child's school or sporting events. Or your partner wants to spend more time with you, but somehow you don't make it happen. It's important, but not urgent. The other concern is when do unimportant things get tended to.

So how can we get things done in ways which are more productive and less stressful? David Allen, author of Getting Things Done, states that it is not about managing time, but rather about managing our actions. What would it be like for you to fully dedicate 100% of your attention to whatever task was present, of your own choosing with no distraction?

Allen says it is possible to get things done with minimal effort in both your personal and professional life while staying relaxed. Athletes describe it as being in the "zone". His strategy is to first get you thinking. What is something you want to accomplish? What outcome do you want to achieve and what is the very next action you need to do in order to move your project forward? Try this exercise and notice if there were any changes in your mood and perspective.

In addition, Allen has identified a five-stage method for managing workflow. These are described as:

§ Collect things that command our attention
§ Process what they mean and what to do about them
§ Organise the results
§ Review options for what we identify as needing to do
§ Do

This way of looking at things seems reasonable and many of us probably do something which resembles this. However, difficulties arise if there is a breakdown in any of the stages and ultimately it leads to what we choose to do or not do.

Allen's model for choosing actions in the moment includes the following:

Context - Does it require a particular location (office, home) and what tools are required (computer, phone, etc.) Time Available - When do you have to do something else? If you have a conference call in 15 minutes, then there are many things you won't be able to do.

Energy Available - Evaluate how much energy you have in the moment. Some tasks may require more physical energy, while others need creative energy

Priority - Given your context, time and energy what action will give you the biggest payoff? You are at your office and you have 30 minutes before a meeting and your energy level is low. View this as an opportunity to rely on your intuition to determine what to do next. Perhaps reading your emails or proofreading a report is the most you can manage.

We need to think about our work before we do it. Planning for it, as well as paying attention to what we are thinking and feeling leads to greater productivity with less effort. What better way to then have the time to do more of what we really enjoy!

Copyright © 2006 by Gail Solish. All rights reserved.

Gail Solish, MSW, RSW provides Executive/Personal coaching to managers, directors and executives focused on workplace development and relationship management.
Claim your FREE e-course "Unleash Your Potential and Increase Productivity and Fulfillment" at www.ActualizeYourGoals.com.

The Biggest Loser

This reality TV show is currently screening 7 pm weeknights on Channel Ten. Weight-challenged contestants (the lightest of whom weighed in at 109 kg at the start of the show) compete to see who can lose the most kilos and take home $250k.

Here's what our congregation was invited to consider in the lead up to Easter:

"So what challenge have you taken up as you make your preparation for the Easter events? Is there some deliberate sacrifice you have made as a means of marking your preparation? Perhaps you could determine to go and visit someone you know who is lonely or hard to love. Maybe you could do some baking for someone who is frail and living alone. What about spending some deliberate time at a designated hour of the day when you will pray, read and reflect on the meaning of your faith. And of course, you could decide to stop being so busy for a while so that you can discover what you have given up because of your constant activity.

...Australia's biggest losers are not those who are able to shed many kilograms, which is good for the physical well being. The biggest losers today are those who fail to appreciate the positive blessings which flow from spiritual discipline.

Whatever your situation, decide to do something to make your life, your heart and your soul ready for the surprising benefits of spending time with God."

Lenten Reflections

From the HXUCA bulletin

A LENTEN PRAYER
I thank you God for the sacrifices made on my behalf by Jesus Christ.
Help me during this time of Lent to be deliberate in spending time in your presence so that I may come to a point of more fully appreciating your sacrifice for the world.
Give me the strength to give something up - a habit, an excess, something that you have been reminding me of.
Amen.

Reflections
I have to be deliberate, determined, and disciplined in spending time with God. This means effort and persistence, not just wanting and wishing.
It means engaging in the daily self-talk that acknowledges my weaknesses (wanting to sleep just a few minutes more, thinking "Maybe I'll do this tomorrow") and chooses what's right over what's comfortable.
It's allowing the head to rule the heart, or the body for that matter.
It's putting my personal comfort and love of ease on the scales against the enormous sacrifice God made by sending Jesus to the cross for me - why me? - weak, unholy, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, cowardly, lazy, timid, conflicted me.
What have I done to deserve this sacrifice?
And what have I done in response to this sacrifice?
May I be awed and humbled by the meaning of Good Friday and Easter Sunday a little more each year.

Take Personal Responsibility

From Kim Fulcher's Compass Life Designs Newsletter

Serena:
I've been following Kim Fulcher's newsletter for 2 months or so and find her writing immensely helpful. She's just started a series of articles on personal effectiveness, a topic that's close to my heart, and this is the first of them. It's on taking responsibility for our circumstances, something we know at the head level but sometimes find difficult to practise. It's easier to whine and point the finger at someone or something other than ourselves, because that means we don't need to do anything about it! But if we make a lifelong habit of doing so, we're just allowing ourselves to stay stuck. Ultimately, we have to ask ourselves if that's worth it.

Principle Number One:
Embrace Personal Responsibility

No one is responsible for your life circumstances except you. Yes, people and events may impact you in ways you cannot control, but ultimately you are the only person who can decide what you do with the experiences you’ve had, the dreams you aspire to, and the actions you take each day.

To be responsible quite literally means that you are “able to respond” to the events of your life. This ability to take in the present conditions of your life at any given time and to decide if those circumstances are working for you or not is always present. You always retain the power to take action and to change circumstances that aren’t measuring up to your standards.

One of the most debilitating, yet common, challenges I work with clients to overcome is what I refer to as a victim mentality. Perhaps you’ve had a difficult childhood and that has anchored you in a self-defeating cycle of feeling powerless and devalued. It’s possible that your heart was broken by an ex-lover who betrayed you or by a malicious co-worker who contributed to your being fired. In fact, it’s probable that you’ve been on the short end of the stick at least once in your life.

Don’t let these isolated experiences take away your power! It’s time to get real and to think logically for a moment. Most of us had difficult childhood experiences. In fact, I’ve never met an individual who came from a stereotypically “functional” family. I’m not sure there is any such thing. Yet this experience doesn’t keep effective people stuck in the past.

Most of us have had our hearts broken or been on the receiving end of less than optimal treatment in the workplace. Yet, the great majority of us have survived. In fact, you have too! Don’t allow your victim story to rob you of the life you deserve to live. Whatever your story is, let it go.

Effective people don’t live in the past. They’ve learned from the past. Then they’ve let it go. They live each day in the present, with their eye on the future they wish to create. When something bad happens, they take in the facts, invest themselves in their power, and take responsibility to address the situation in a way that compliments the life they want to live.

You are so powerful! Don’t give your power to the past—to people who have hurt you or to the experiences that undermined your self-confidence. Step into the full magnificence of who you are, investing yourself in the belief that you can handle anything that comes your way. Then take responsibility to handle it.

Until Next Week…Kim

The PDCA Cycle

Plan-Do-Check-Act (PDCA)
Implementing new ideas in a controlled way
Also known as the PDCA Cycle, or Deming Cycle

From MindTools.com

Something needs to change: Something's wrong, and needs to be fixed, and you've worked hard to create a credible vision of where you want it to be in future. But are you 100% sure that you're right? And are you absolutely certain that your solution will work perfectly, in every way? Where the consequences of getting things wrong are significant, it often makes sense to run a well-crafted pilot project. That way if the pilot doesn't deliver the results you expected, you get the chance to fix and improve things before you fully commit your reputation and resources.

So how do you make sure that you get this right, not just this time but every time? The solution is to have a process that you follow when you need to make a change or solve a problem, a process that will ensure you plan, test and incorporate feedback before you commit to implementation.

A popular tool for doing just this is the Plan-Do-Check-Act Cycle. This is often referred to as the Deming Cycle or the Deming Wheel after its exponent, W Edwards Deming. Deming is best known as a pioneer of the quality management approach and for introducing statistical process control techniques for manufacturing to the Japanese, who used them with great success. He believed that a key source of production quality lay in having clearly defined, repeatable processes. And so the PDCA Cycle as an approach to change and problem solving is very much at the heart of Deming’s quality-driven philosophy.

The four phases in the Plan-Do-Check-Act Cycle involve:
Plan: Identifying and analyzing the problem;
Do: Developing and testing a potential solution;
Check: Measuring how effective the test solution was, and analyzing whether it could be improved in any way; and
Act: Implementing the improved solution fully.

These are shown in Figure 1 below.

There can be any number of iterations of the “Do” and “Check” phases, as the solution is refined, retested, re-refined and retested again.

How to Use the Tool
The PDCA Cycle encourages you to be methodical in your approach to problem solving and implementing solutions. Follow the steps below every time to ensure you get the highest quality solution possible.

Step 1: Plan
First, identify exactly what your problem is. You may find it useful to use tools like Drill Down, Cause and Effect Diagrams, and the 5 Whys to help you really get to the root of it. Once you’ve done this, it may be appropriate for you to map the process that is at the root of the problemNext, draw together any other information you need that will help you start sketching out solutions.

Step 2: Do
This phase involves several activities:
Generate possible solutions;
Select the best of these solutions, perhaps using techniques like Impact Analysis to scrutinize them; and
Implement a pilot project on a small scale basis, with a small group, or in a limited geographical area, or using some other trial design appropriate to the nature of your problem, product or initiative.

Our section on Practical Creativity includes several tools that can help you generate ideas and solutions. Our section on Decision Making includes a number of tools that will help you to choose in a scientific and dispassionate way between the various potential solutions you generate.

Note:
The phrase “Plan Do Check Act” or PDCA is easy to remember, but it’s important you are quite clear exactly what “Do” means. “”Do” means “Try” or “Test”. It does not mean “Implement fully.” Full implementation happens in the “Act” phase.

Step 3: Check
In this phase, you measure how effective the pilot solution has been, and gather together any learnings from it that could make it even better. Depending on the success of the pilot, the number of areas for improvement you have identified, and the scope of the whole initiative, you may decide to repeat the “Do” and “Check” phases, incorporating your additional improvements. Once you are finally satisfied that the costs would outweigh the benefits of repeating the Do-Check sub-cycle any more, you can move on to the final phase.

Step 4: Act
Now you implement your solution fully. However, your use of the PDCA Cycle doesn’t necessarily stop there. If you are using the PDCA or Deming Wheel as part of a continuous improvement initiative, you need to loop back to the Plan Phase (Step 1), and seek out further areas for improvement.

When to use the Deming Cycle
The Deming Cycle provides a useful, controlled problem solving process. It is particularly effective for:
Helping implement Kaizen or Continuous Improvement approaches, when the cycle is repeated again and again as new areas for improvement are sought and solved.
Identifying new solutions and improvement to processes that are repeated frequently. In this situation, you will benefit from extra improvements built in to the process many times over once it is implemented.
Exploring a range of possible new solutions to problems, and trying them out and improving them in a controlled way before selecting one for full implementation.
Avoiding the large scale wastage of resources that comes with full scale implementation of a mediocre or poor solution.

Clearly, use of a Deming Cycle approach is slower and more measured than a straightforward "gung ho" implementation. In true emergency situations, this means that it may not be appropriate (however, it's easy for people to think that situations are more of an emergency than, in reality, they really are...). In non-emergency situations, the Deming Cycle is likely to be quite powerful.

Note:
PDCA is closely related to the Spiral Development Approach which is popular in certain areas of software development, especially where the overall system develops incrementally. Spiral Development repeats loops of the PDCA cycle, as developers identify functionality needed, develop it, test it, implement it, and then go back to identify another sub-system of functionality.

Key points:
The Plan-Do-Check-Act (PDCA) Cycle provides a simple but effective approach for problem solving and managing change, ensuring that ideas are appropriately tested before committing to full implementation. It can be used in all sorts of environments from new product development through to marketing, or even politics.

It begins with a Planning phase in which the problem is clearly identified and understood. Potential solutions are then generated and tested on a small scale in the “Do” phase, and the outcome of this testing is evaluated during the Check phase. “Do” and “Check” phases can be iterated as many times as is necessary before the full, polished solution is implemented in the “Act” phase.

Onwards and Upwards

At the end of CS Lewis' The Last Battle, the last of the Narnian stories, Reepicheek the mouse urges everyone on as they make their way into the real Narnia (the equivalent of Heaven). "Onwards and upwards!" he cries as he leads the way.

And that, in essence, is how I feel my life is unfolding.

Everytime I get too comfortable and feel that I've finally got my act together, or that my life is finally in balance, God prods me to move on to the next level.

It's a bit like coping with a new baby. Just when I'm congratulating myself that my milk supply has stabilized and Jordanne is feeding/sleeping well, she starts exhibiting new and challenging behaviours. She demands more frequent feeds. She refuses to be by herself. She becomes more wakeful. And so on.

I reckon the point God is trying to get across is that my whole life is a work in progress. There is never any point at which I can truly say "I've arrived" or that I don't need Him anymore. As long as I live, I will be stretched and challenged daily to live my life Onwards and Upwards for His glory.

Living In Balance (Part 2) by Kim Fulcher

Last week I challenged you to broaden your definition of beauty. I asked you to find at least one thing you like about the way you look, and focus on that attribute every day. How do you feel? Has your confidence improved a bit? Have you smiled more frequently than you normally do? I hope so.

This week, I want to introduce you to a new framework to use when considering what you don’t like about the way you look. I call this concept Accept It or Own It.

All of us have physical features we are less-than-thrilled with. Perhaps you are unhappy with your weight, or you may think that you’re too short (or too tall). Every physical feature you are dissatisfied with falls into one of two categories.

Accept It – You can’t change it. You were born with it. (Your height is a good example in this category). You will be more satisfied with your looks and your life when you accept it.

Own It – You can change it, but you haven’t yet. (Your weight falls into this category). If you’re unhappy with an aspect of your physical body which you can impact, make the decision to change it – or own it and move on.
Getting clear about what you don’t like, accepting those things you cannot change, and investing your energy in changing those things you can will dramatically impact your life.

It’s time for you to stop beating yourself up about your height, your nose, the color of your eyes, or your bone structure. Why give your energy to something you have no ability to impact?

Instead, identify at least one physical attribute you are unhappy with, and commit to change it! Maybe you don’t like your hairstyle. Thumb through magazines, find a style you love, and go take the plunge with a new cut. Don’t like your style? Think about the kind of style you’d like to have, and raid your closet to put new outfits together. Unhappy with your weight? Make a commitment to begin eating right and exercising.

While I get that all of these things are much easier said than done, I’m also clear that you’re already investing a great deal of energy in feeling unhappy about the way you look. Why not make a more constructive effort to put yourself on the path of happiness? It’s time to get into action.

Right now, pick the one thing you are going to change. Do not go through one more day without taking action to make an improvement. What will you do this week to reform in this area?

Please remember that when you stop directing your energy to lamenting over your flaws, and begin to focus instead on changing what you’re able to, you will experience a wave of self acceptance that will move you to quietly celebrate the abundance of your life – and your looks.

Until Next Week…Kim

Living In Balance (Part 1) by Kim Fulcher

From Kim Fulcher's Compass Life Designs Newsletter

Living In Balance

This month we're going to talk about a loaded subject - the way you feel about how you look. Let's go...

In an ideal world, the way we look would not impact the way we feel about ourselves, but since we don't live in an ideal world; the truth is that most of us are impacted by our body image. This month, we're going to take a look at the way you feel about your body. I'm going to invite you to broaden your definition of attractiveness, and I'm going to challenge you to start taking great care of yourself.

A New Definition of Appeal
The first step in learning to accept yourself and celebrate your unique attractiveness requires you to broaden your definition of appeal itself. Quite literally, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We've simply had our eyes trained for so long that many of us have stopped thinking for ourselves. (If you fall into this category, don't you think it's about time to start thinking for yourself?)
Think about a man or woman you have known or seen who doesn't necessarily fit the stereotypical definition of attractiveness - yet you find him or her intriguing, enigmatic, and fascinating. Perhaps she has an incredible sense of style, or he has a bit of a swagger in his step. This person might be wonderfully put together, or simply have a warm and inviting smile. While this person may not fit the societal definition of appeal, he or she has found a way to embrace all aspects of who they are, and they are incredibly compelling as a result of doing so.

The French actually have a word for this kind of allure. When a person is appealing without meeting the stereotypical rules of attractiveness - they say he or she has joie de vivre. A person who has joie de vivre gets noticed when they walk into a room - no matter what their clothing size is. This person invests in their self-care, and is comfortable in their own skin. He or she not only gets that they aren't physically perfect, their ability to celebrate these imperfections makes them positively magnetic.

Examples of American celebrities with joie de vivre include Barbara Streisand, Susan Sarandon, and Oprah Winfrey or Colin Firth, Bruce Willis and Ed Harris. While America's rules-of-attractiveness might not define any of these people as appealing, as you look at any of them, you cannot deny that each of them is striking.

It's time for you to embrace a sense of joie de vivre and start walking around with a bit of swagger in your step. Are you willing to broaden your definition of beauty? Will you give yourself the gift of acknowledging and appreciating your unique potential for gorgeousness?

This week, I challenge you to make an inventory of the things you LIKE about the way you look. Select at least one thing you appreciate about your physical appearance, and celebrate it for the next seven days.

If you like your shoulders, wear a sleeveless shirt. If you think you have great feet - get a pedicure. If you appreciate your lips, use them to smile. The point is to invest a little energy in appreciating your physical strengths - instead of focusing on your weaknesses. Next week we'll begin talking about addressing what you don't like. This week, simply focus on what you DO.

Until Next Week...

Developing A Great Character by Brian Tracy

Being the Best In Every Area
What is character? Your character is the degree to which you live your life consistent with high, life-enhancing values. A person who lacks character is one who compromises on higher order values in favor of lower order expedience, or who has no values at all. Your adherence to what you believe to be right and true is the real measure of the person you have become to this moment.

Define What "Excellence" Means to You
Let us say that one of your values is "excellence." Your definition of excellence could be, "Excellence means that I set the highest standards for myself in everything I do. I do my very best in every situation and under all circumstances. I constantly strive to be better in my work, and as a person in my relationships. I recognize that excellence is a life-long journey and I work every day to become better and better in everything I do."

Organize Your Actions
With a definition like this, you have a clear organizing principle for your actions. You have set a standard by which you can evaluate your behavior. You have created a framework within which you can make decisions. You have a measuring rod against which you can compare yourself in everything you do. You can continually grade your activities in terms of "more" or "less." You have a clear target to aim at and organize your work around.

Decide What You Want for Your Family
It's the same with each of your other values. If your value is your family, you could define this as, "The needs of my family take precedence over all other concerns. Whenever I have to choose between the happiness, health and well being of a member of my family, and any other interest, my family will always come first."

Keep Focused
From that moment onward, it becomes easier for you to choose. Your family comes first. Until you have fully satisfied the needs of your family, no other time requirement will side track you into a lower value activity.

Shape Your Own Character
The wonderful thing about values clarification is that it enables you to take charge of developing and shaping your own character. When your values and goals, your inner life and your outer life, are in complete alignment, you feel terrific about yourself. You enjoy high self-esteem. Your self-confidence soars. When you achieve complete congruence between your values and your goals, like a hand in a glove, you feel strong, happy, healthy and fully integrated as a person. You develop a kind of courage that makes you completely unafraid to make decisions and take action. Your whole life improves when you begin living your life by the values that you most admire.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to put this ideas into action immediately.

First, create a clear, written description of your values and what they mean to you. From that point on, resolve to live consistent with your own definition.

Second, discipline yourself to live in complete alignment with the values, virtues and qualities that are most important to you. This is the key to character.

Another Reason To Celebrate!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

Once again, we marvel at the goodness and the infinite wisdom of God. Truly, His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts than our thoughts.

Only God could have provided hubby with a full-time job in the IT industry...

• When he'd all but given up hope of being accepted into the IT industry here
• When he'd lost track of all the applications he's been sending out, in particular this one that was finally accepted
• When his part-time assignments had just come to an end
• When Beth just started kinder this week
• When the baby is turning a month old and she and I have had time to get acquainted and to figure out her routine

Creating Clarity by Steve Pavlina

Creating Clarity
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/power-of-clarity.htm

Proactive people are clear about what's important to them and why. They cut through the clutter of uncertainty to make decisions and take action. Reactive people, on the other hand, allow themselves to wallow in a fog of uncertainty, forever reacting to events and circumstances that seem beyond their control.
When you live reactively, you do give up control, but you can never give up responsibility. To the degree that you fail to make decisions for yourself, someone else will come along and make those decisions for you, whether it be your parents, your spouse, your boss, the media, or societal conditioning. After a time you'll find yourself enduring a life you never really wanted... always working to fulfill someone else's goals and never your own.

Proactive people accept that it's impossible to avoid responsibility for one's results in life, so they jump in and participate willingly. Instead of living as mere statistics and playing follow-the-follower, they make conscious choices based on their unique values, beliefs, and goals. Consequently, they enjoy a sense of passion and purpose that is forever denied those who live reactively.
Here are 10 suggestions for creating more clarity in your life, so you can enjoy a life of meaning and fulfillment:

1. Define your life purpose. Use the Discover Your Purpose process to create your personal statement of purpose. Whenever you're faced with a key decision, ask yourself which option best fits your purpose. In many cases the correct decision will become clear. As you continue using your purpose to make decisions, you'll gradually align the various parts of your life with your purpose, which will greatly improve your overall sense of clarity and direction.
2. Set clear goals. When you have no goals, you're like a ship adrift at sea; the sea will toss you around aimlessly. When you have fuzzy goals, you're like a ship with a broken navigational system; no matter how hard your try, you'll only spin in circles. When you have clear, unambiguous goals, you're a ship with a destination sailing full speed ahead. Goals build clarity by cutting through the fog of indecision.
3. Select your own experiences. Life is an experience, not an accomplishment. Some paths are more interesting and rewarding than others even though the destinations may be similar. Suppose you'd like to develop a certain level of fitness. Perhaps you could achieve it by working out in your home. But maybe you could also get there by training at a martial arts studio. Don't just focus on outcomes. Consider your experiential preferences too, so you enjoy the journey as well as the destination.
4. Assess your values. Do you want your life to be secure or adventurous? Peaceful or courageous? Healthy or wealthy? Read Living Your Values, and use the List of Values to gain clarity about what's most important to you in life. Knowing your top 3-5 values will provide you with a much deeper level of self-knowledge.
5. Create a personal accountability system. Assemble all your best clarity-building tools -- your purpose statement, your values, your goals, and more -- in one convenient place, and review them regularly to keep your life flowing in the direction of your dreams. Read the Personal Accountability System article to learn more.
6. Keep a journal. When you record a thought or idea and read it back, you'll being seeing it from a different angle. This perspective shift can provide a new level of clarity, as some ideas appear very different once you get them out of your head. Also, whenever a thought or idea has been recorded, you'll feel better about mentally releasing it, which helps you stay focused on the current task or project.
7. Ask a friend. Since your friend is probably not as emotionally invested in your situation as you are, s/he will be able to see your situation from a broader perspective. If your friend and you have similar values, chances are your decisions will be similar. But it's often easier to make a wise decision when you aren't the one who has to implement it, so consulting a friend can help you gain certainty that your decision is correct.
8. Embrace mistakes. Let go of the idea that your decisions must be perfect. The more decisions you make, the more mistakes you'll make. Often that's exactly what you need to do because there are many situations where the correct decision can only be recognized after a series of mistakes. Very few people find the perfect career or relationship on the first try. Clarity grows with experience, and experience comes from making mistakes.
9. Recognize when you already have clarity. If you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time trying to gain clarity in some area, you may already know what to do, but you lack the courage to follow through. Don't go back to the drawing board and rework all your plans from scratch. Keep the decision in front of you, and work on building the courage to implement it. Start by admitting to yourself, "I know this is the correct decision, but currently I lack the strength to proceed." Listen to Podcast #2 and read The Courage to Live Consciously for further advice.
10. Ride it out. Sometimes your life will be struck by events that uproot your sense of certainty. Even positive events such as moving to a new city can have this effect. Taking a few weeks to reorient yourself is very reasonable... several months for a major life change. But when you recognize that you're no longer in a necessary incubation period, it's time to set some fresh goals.
    

When you find yourself stuck in a fog of uncertainty, you can still make conscious decisions and plan your way out of the fog. However, that alone will not cause the fog to lift. Only after you get moving will you come to the edge of the fog, and then you'll be able to see much farther ahead. Clarity is greatest when you're in motion, not when you're standing still.

The Time To Act

The Time to Act
by Jim Rohn

Engaging in genuine discipline requires that you develop the ability to take action. You don't need to be hasty if it isn't required, but you don't want to lose much time either. Here's the time to act: when the idea is hot and the emotion is strong.

Let's say you would like to build your library. If that is a strong desire for you, what you've got to do is get the first book. Then get the second book. Take action as soon as possible, before the feeling passes and before the idea dims. If you don't, here's what happens

-- YOU FALL PREY TO THE LAW OF DIMINISHING INTENT -

We intend to take action when the idea strikes us. We intend to do something when the emotion is high. But if we don't translate that intention into action fairly soon, the urgency starts to diminish. A month from now the passion is cold. A year from now it can't be found.

So take action. Set up a discipline when the emotions are high and the idea is strong, clear, and powerful. If somebody talks about good health and you're motivated by it, you need to get a book on nutrition. Get the book before the idea passes, before the emotion gets cold. Begin the process. Fall on the floor and do some push-ups. You've got to take action; otherwise the wisdom is wasted. The emotion soon passes unless you apply it to a disciplined activity. Discipline enables you to capture the emotion and the wisdom and translate them into action. The key is to increase your motivation by quickly setting up the disciplines. By doing so, you've started a whole new life process.

Here is the greatest value of discipline: self-worth, also known as self-esteem. Many people who are teaching self-esteem these days don't connect it to discipline. But once we sense the least lack of discipline within ourselves, it starts to erode our psyche. One of the greatest temptations is to just ease up a little bit. Instead of doing your best, you allow yourself to do just a little less than your best. Sure enough, you've started in the slightest way to decrease your sense of self-worth.

There is a problem with even a little bit of neglect. Neglect starts as an infection. If you don't take care of it, it becomes a disease. And one neglect leads to another. Worst of all, when neglect starts, it diminishes our self-worth.

Once this has happened, how can you regain your self-respect? All you have to do is act now! Start with the smallest discipline that corresponds to your own philosophy. Make the commitment: "I will discipline myself to achieve my goals so that in the years ahead I can celebrate my successes."

To Your Success,
Jim Rohn

Every Prayer Answered

As I reviewed my previous posts, I came upon http://living-in-transition.blogspot.com/2006_08_01_archive.html where I'd written:

Do we truly believe that He will provide for our every need (in our case, that would be housing, a car, good healthcare, a job for hubby, support from our new community, a healthy and normal baby, a safe pregnancy and delivery)?

As I considered every one of those items, I ticked them off in my mind and reached an astonishing conclusion: GOD has, in His grace, answered EVERY SINGLE prayer!

Housing
- All our friends who've come to visit marvel at the newness of our 3 BR unit in a new, quiet neighbourhood. It's 5 mins from Beth's kinder, 5 mins to the train station and shops, we're the 1st tenants and everything's brand new and in mint condition.

Car
- Our 14 y.o. Holden Commodore accomodates the baby capsule, Beth and me comfortably and has taken us cross-state from Bundoora to Werribee to Tullamarine Airport to Glen Waverley to Williamstown and everywhere in between.

Good healthcare
- We've not had to see a doc for illnesses so far. My obstetrician is competent (though he could work on his bedside manner) by all accounts and the staff at Werribee Mercy Hospital, where I delivered Jordanne, are simply marvellous. As Medicare participants and Health Card holders, we enjoy concessions on medicines and consultations and have not had to be out of pocket too much.

A job for hubby
- While hubby has not landed his ideal (read: full time) job yet, God has graciously provided 2 p/t jobs, which give him a sense of being able to do something meaningful for himself and the family. Right now, we are waiting to hear from the DHS on the outcome of his job application.

Support from our new community

"A friend in need is a friend indeed."

- People in church have been very supportive and encouraging. 2 of the members even consented to be referees for one of hubby's applications, which is how he obtained his current position. We've had offers to help with mowing the lawn, gifts and hand-me-downs for the baby (at last count we've got a portable cot on loan from Alison, a used baby gym and lightweight fleece carrycot from Marion, lots of baby blankies and onesies for Jordanne), and a general "just let us know if you need anything specific" invitation from caring members, which is so, so touching.

- Our Singaporean friends who migrated here before us have been tremendously helpful with information on what to do, where to go, how to handle situations. There's Karen and Kai Yin in Brunswick, Celine and Tee Jiun in Burwood, Easwaran and Shanti in Camberwell, Danny and Sock Ching in Glen Waverley, Jo in Rowville.

A healthy and normal baby
- Jordanne is such a joy and blessing (although I'm tempted to groan when she roots yet again just after a feed and I'm sore and sleepy!). She is generous with her smiles, is starting to show her playful side, and can do so many marvellous things for someone so young (stretching, gazing with fascination at the ceiling, turning sideways, napping with one arm up, waving her arms and legs, making her mouth into an "o" when she's contented). She feeds and sleeps well and has been gaining weight every week. The nurse estimated her at the 75th percentile for her age group.

A safe pregnancy and delivery
- Despite the epidural not working as it should and Jordanne having to be suctioned out, there were in fact no major complications: I didn't haemorrhage heavily or have to undergo an emergency C-section, J did not have any serious condition that required her to be in special care. She did a heel prick test before discharge to check for genetic diseases. Since we haven't heard from the hospital since, it's safe to assume she has none.

And that's the list. Test and see that the LORD is good! :)

Pastoral Prayer

Dear God, we get caught up in the information we receive and make our judgments based on what others tell us. Save us from judgment based on hearsay and not facts. Help us to know how to respond to those in need, those in prison, those around us. Help us to live our lives in grace and forgiveness and leave the judging up to you. Amen.

[This was from last week's church bulletin. The topic was Schapelle Corby - is she guilty as charged? Pastor used to think so. Now he's changed his mind after reading her account in SCHAPELLE CORBY, MY STORY.]

So GLAD

I first heard of the Christian Acapella (a cappella = singing without instrumental backing) group GLAD in '92 while interning at the Legal Aid Bureau. A colleague lent me their The Acapella Project cassette (yes, those were the days) and I was hooked.

I bought the cassette but for some reason, couldn't find the CD version in Singapore shops.

I forgot all about buying the CD until recently when I happened to surf ChristianBook.com and saw the CD listed for US$6.99. I checked everywhere else: Amazon, eBay etc but couldn't find that particular title. It was very strange; they stocked all the other GLAD albums save that particular one. So I placed my order and today, it arrived - 5 weeks later - from the US. Am happily listening to it now and savouring every familiar word and the flawless harmony. Nothing like acapella to distinguish between excellent singing and everyone else.

Oh be ye glad, oh be ye glad
Every debt that you ever had
Has been paid up in full by the grace of the Lord
Be ye glad, be ye glad, be ye glad

9 Characteristics of Innovative Organizations

Lessons Learned From Innovative Organizations:
9 Shared Characteristics
Robin Cook, Innovation University Fellow

The Innovation University Fellowship Program identified 9 common cultural characteristics shared by some of the most innovative organizations in the world. Through site visits and presentations from roughly 20 of the most innovative organizations in the world including Dell Computer, GSD&M, Nortel, Manco, Roberts Express, and Cirque du Soleil.

The most striking lesson learned was just how much these disparate organizations had in common. Virtually every one of the organizations visited displayed nine shared characteristics:

1. Strong, clearly expressed SHARED VALUES
2. An appreciation of/for the WHOLE INDIVIDUAL and everything s/he can bring to the organization
3. Cultures that encourage OPENNESS and PLAYFULNESS
4. CELEBRATE SUCCESSES constantly
5. A strong, clearly communicated sense of HISTORY
6. Intense CUSTOMER FOCUS
7. Clear focus on TRENDS, even those that do not seem to directly affect current businesses
8. CROSS-FUNCTIONAL TEAMS

Read the full article here: http://www.odportal.com/whitepapers/innovativeorgs.htm

Fun must be a big element in your business strategy. No one should have a job they don't enjoy. If you don't wake up energized and excited about tackling a new set of challenges, then you might be in the wrong job.
Jack Welch, Winning

Dancing With God

This one's from a good friend :)

When I meditated on the word GUIDANCE, I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.

When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.

The movement doesn't flow with the music, and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back or by pressing lightly in one direction or another.

It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.

The dance takes surrender, willingness, and attentiveness from one person and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word GUIDANCE.

When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".
"God, "u" and "i" dance."
God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust that I would get guidance about my life.

Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.

May you abide in God as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead and to guide you through each season of your life.

The Importance of Leaving a Legacy by Jim Rohn

(Excerpted from Month 12, Week One of the Jim Rohn One-Year Success Plan)

There are four areas concerning Leaving a Legacy that I consider to be fundamental; a Life Well-Lived, Principles to Live By, The Importance of a Spiritual Legacy and an Impact Legacy and a Financial Legacy. Today I would like to share on a Life Well-Lived.

You know, I have had an amazing life. I have traveled the world. I have shared my heart with so many wonderful people. I have been fortunate enough to make a great living and enjoy the fruit of my work. I have met thousands of people who are dedicated to personal development and self growth. I have made it my life's pursuit to teach others the philosophies and actions that would help them achieve greatness and personal fulfillment in their own lives. Forty years ago, it felt like it would never end. Today, I still imagine I have many years left, but I also am more aware than ever that there is much less time left than before.

Being aware of this has made me even more clear on my goal of living well and teaching others to do the same. Our One-Year Plan of Success is designed to help others achieve all of their dreams and is part of one of the legacies I want to leave behind.

Leaving a legacy for others to follow is part of what drives me. I followed others who had gone before me; they left a legacy for me. Now I am making sure that those who come after me will have a trail to follow as well. You see, leaving a legacy is important.

Think about those who left a legacy for us to follow and for you specifically:

Your parents
Your grandparents
Your aunts and uncles
Your schoolteachers
Your coaches
Your neighbors where you grew up

For those of us in America (For our international readers, take a moment to reflect on those leaders who helped form the foundations of your country):
The founding fathers of the U.S., who had a dream of a place of self-determination
Abraham Lincoln, who freed the slaves
FDR, who saw us through the great depression
The many men and woman who defended our liberties through the wars of the 20th century so we could live in freedom
JFK, who called us to space exploration and set us on course to have a man walk on the moon
Martin Luther King Jr. who left us a legacy to pursue the dream of racial equality

There are literally thousands of men and women who lived in a way that affects our lives today.

And yes, the list goes on from there as well. These are the people who we knew, who we lived with, and who shaped us deeply, for good and for bad in some cases.

You see, a legacy can be anywhere on the continuum, from very bad to very good. It all depends on how we live our lives.

How we live our lives is critically important. This month Chris and I want to challenge you to take a look at how you live. We want to challenge you to think deeply about the major areas of your life where you can and should leave a lasting legacy.

Why is leaving a legacy important? Here are a few reasons:The legacy we leave is part of the ongoing foundations of life. Those who came before leave us the world we live in. Those who will come after will have only what we leave them. We are stewards of this world, and we have a calling on our lives to leave it better than how we found it, even if it seems like such a small part.

Legacies have raw power for good and for bad. There are people who have changed the world for good, people who have opened up new worlds for millions of others, people who have spurred others onto new heights. And there are people who have caused massive destruction for countless millions, people who left a wake of pain behind them wherever they went.

There are parents who have blessed their children with greatness and other parents who have ruined their children's fragile minds and hearts. What we do affects others. Our lives have the power to create good or purvey evil. It is important that we choose to do good.

It is an act of responsibility to leave a legacy. Because of the power of our lives and the legacies we leave, it is a great responsibility to choose to leave a positive legacy. All good men and women must take responsibility to create legacies that will take the next generation to a level we could only imagine. I truly believe that part of what makes us good and honorable people is to have a foundational part of our lives based on the goal of leaving a legacy.

Purposefully leaving a legacy for others breaks the downward pull of selfishness that can be inherent in us. When we strive to leave a legacy, we are acting with a selflessness that can only be good for us. Yes, I suppose someone could work hard to earn money so that when he or she dies, a building is named after them, but that is not the kind of legacy we are talking about. We are talking about legacies that make life better for those who come after us, not about our own fame or recognition, but about helping others. After all, we won't be around to watch our legacy. To build that which will last beyond us is selfless, and living with that in mind breaks the power of selfishness that tries so desperately to engrain itself in our lives.

It also keeps us focused on the big picture. Legacy building is "big picture." It keeps us focused on the long-term and gives us values that we can judge our actions by. When we are acting based on selfishness, personal expediency and the like, we are "small picture"--whatever is pragmatic right now. When we are building a life that will give for many years, we are "big picture." Ask yourself: How does this action affect my overall goals? How will this affect people in the years to come?

Yes, your legacy is very important. Take this last month to reflect on how you are going to use the lessons, information and skills from the first eleven months to build a life that leaves a tremendous legacy!

Until next time, let's do something remarkable!

Jim Rohn

New Year Goal Setting

From http://news.icoachacademy.com/2007/01/12/new-years-resolution-2007/#more-51

For some people the New Year is a time to outline what the next year ahead will hold for them and any changes they want to bring about in their life. But what makes it that some goals we set are achieved and others slip by the way side?

A global study is currently underway to find the best way to keep New Year resolutions or goals. A professor of the public understanding of psychology wants to find out why some people manage to stick to decisions to change something about their life, while other best intentions do not last long. The University of Herfordshire in the UK where the study is being done, hopes that thousands of people will take part in the online experiment, which also aims to reveal what types of people are most successful at sticking to New Year resolutions.

Part of being a coach is working with people to support them in achieving their goals. One of the skills used at ICA is called Commitment vs Trying. The basis of this skill is to determine whether we are really committed to a particular goal or outcome or are we just trying to do it and commitment is absent from it. Many people making New Year’s resolutions often try to make many goals and this in itself can become overwhelming. Too many goals or not aligning your goals with who you really are or want to be will also lead to your goals just becoming a conversation around midnight on the 31st of December each year and nothing more.

So here are a few things to consider as you make your New Year's resolutions:
1. What do you value most?
2. What are your 5 key values?
3. Write down one goal that you want to achieve next year.
4. Does this goal align with any of your 5 values? (if it doesn’t then either your values are not aligned with your goals or you need to revisit your values)
5. What is the first step you need to take to begin to achieve this goal?
6. Get a coach to support you in achieving your goals.

The main benefit of achieving a goal is the increased sense of self esteem that we feel. Our confidence builds and we start to see ourselves as achievers. This mindset puts us in a great position to continue to write down more goals and to achieve them.

And so remember overall though that the greatest achievement may not actually be the goal at the end but rather the process you took to get there.

God Our Healer

B/feeding mums know the drill: engorgement = fever = mastitis.

For the past 2 days, my boobs have been rock hard, lumpy and excruciatingly painful. I was struggling with b/feeding Bub as she didn't latch on properly and bit my nipples. As a result, I had to put her on formula to give my nipples a chance to heal. In desperation, bought an Ameda hand pump from the midwife who visited 2 days ago, but couldn't figure out how to work the pump the right way and felt really discouraged when I didn't get much more than 10 ml out.

Yesterday, started feeling achey and woke up in the night with a 37.4 deg fever. Ransacked the medicine closet but found only Beth's Nurofen, which I didn't dare touch in case it passed into my breast milk. And I'd used up the last of the Panadol given by the hospital! As a stop-gap measure, I used a fever band, cold towels and good ol' cabbage leaves from the chiller.

At 4+ am, woke up to express milk using my newly acquired Ameda hand pump. Decided that the best way to resolve the engorgement and fever would be to try and unblock the blocked milk ducts that were causing the problem. As I did so, sitting in semi darkness at the dining table, I was inspired to do several things: as I pumped one boob, then the other, then switched back to the first, I also massaged the painful lumps, seeking out each one and working downwards in long firm strokes.

And I prayed. I asked God for His healing and asked that He would unblock the milk ducts so that Bub can get the benefit of my milk. Was reminded of what God said in Malachi about His storehouse of riches. Applying James Allen's as-a-man-thinketh philosophy, I pictured the ducts being unblocked and the milk flowing abundantly into the pump bottle. It was hard work focusing as I get distracted easily, and imagination has never been my strong point.

And as I did those things: Pump, Massage, Pray, Visualize, the milk started to flow more easily and the lumps started disappearing, so that the boobs became slightly softer and less painful.

I also decided that I would pump every 2 hours to keep the situation under control.

This morning, my mum arrived from Singapore to stay for 2 weeks. And what did she bring with her? A stash of Panadol for all kinds of ailments: flu, muscle and joint pain, fever. :) So I'm back in supply, and hope the fever goes away soon.

A midwife from the hospital came by today and I told her about the fever and engorgement and what I'd done to manage the situation. She commended me for doing all the right things. Felt really encouraged, especially when she exclaimed that Bub has put on 120g in the last 2 days and is almost back to her birth weight.

Today, I continued with the pump-every-2-hours regime and saw the milk flow increase to 40 ml! I can only say it was divine inspiration that enabled me to get my act together.

The God who designed babies to have the best from their mothers' milk is more than able to heal engorged boobs - Praise Him! :)

Just Enough

My own experience of His providence has 3 characteristics:

It is just-in-time;

It comes when we have ceased to fret about the subject matter;

It comes in the right proportion for us, not too little, not too much.

An example.

Since we arrived in Oz, hubby has been trying without success to secure a f/t job. Despite lowering his expectations and applying for entry level positions, he has been met with rejection after rejection, to the point that he is overwhelmed by discouragement and a sense of hopelessness. There seem to be so many obstacles. Employers prefer locals or at least people who have already chalked up some years of local work experience (the chicken and egg issue). Sometimes you need 2 local referees to vouch for you. Or the job requires an Oz certification.

But God has not left us destitute. As we wait, He has provided hubby with 2 p/t jobs. One is an ongoing weekly catalogue distribution position. The other is a 2- month assignment doing inventory checks in an office supplies store. Neither pays a lot, but it's enough to keep us going, to keep him busy and to help him feel that he is contributing to the family expenses in some way. If we were in Singapore facing a similar situation, the pressure would have been unbearable because of the constant comparison with peers. Here, we are free to admit that we need help, especially His help. This freedom is a great relief and a wonderful character builder.

An unforeseen blessing of not working f/t: hubby has been able to help with chores and looking after Beth, releasing me to put up my feet when I need to, and to work at my online business, for which I'm grateful. He and Beth have had many grown-up conversations as they spend quantity (and therefore quality) time together, which might not have happened in Singapore. This will be a blessing and imprint on her character formation.

Also, as Oz residents, we are entitled to certain family tax benefits. We applied to the authorities and now receive a small allowance every 2 weeks, plus a Health Care Card which gives us concessions and subsidies on medical bills, utilities, vehicle registration renewal/road tax and Beth's kinder fees - all the regular major money drainers. For example, being on the public healthcare system means that my recent stay in hospital was entirely covered by Medicare.
Yesterday, hubby attended an interview for a f/t position in the City. The call was so unexpected that he couldn't remember having applied for the position; the application had been made some months back and he hadn't thought about it since! He is fairly hopeful about this one because the interviewer has informed him that he intends to call on hubby's Singapore referees. If he does land this position, he plans to negotiate for a later start date so he can be available to help me with the baby till we're more settled.

I have prayed that if this job is right for hubby, the Lord will open the way for him. Other than that, we are not fretting about the matter and are living our lives as normal.

So you see, God has not left us stranded. He has given us just enough for the next step, and the step after that. And for that we are grateful. We are especially thankful that He has not (yet) poured on us vast riches either, because we might not have the wisdom to manage them wisely and in a manner that glorifies His name. Perhaps when we have learnt to do so, the riches will follow.

The blessing of the LORD brings wealth, and he adds no trouble to it. - Prov 10:22

In the meantime, our prayer is that of Agur in Proverbs 30:8-9:

Give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say,"Who is the LORD?"
Or I may become poor and steal,and so dishonour the name of my GOD.

Amen.

Revelations from James Allen's Classic Work: As A Man Thinketh

Thought and character are one, and as character can only manifest and discover itself through environment and circumstance, the outer conditions of a man's life will always be found to be harmoniously related to his inner state. This does not mean that a man's circumstances at any given time are an indication of his entire character, but that those circumstances are so intimately connected with some vital thought-element within himself that, for the time being, they are indispensable to his development.

Every man is where he is by the law of his being; the thoughts which he has built into his character have brought him there, and in the arrangement of his life there is no element of chance, but all is the result of a law which cannot err. This is just as true of those who feel "out of harmony" with their surroundings as of those who are contented with them.

A man cannot directly choose his circumstances, but he can choose his thoughts, and so indirectly, yet surely, shape his circumstances.

=>Lesson #1 Beware of what you make a habit of thinking.
As Paul says in Phil. 4:8, "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."

Circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself.

=> Lesson #2 Our true character is revealed in the way we respond to circumstances. It is easy to be nice when things are going your way. But the man who is able to show grace and kindness in the midst of personal adversity is the one who possesses true strength.

Men do not attract that which they want, but that which they are. Not what he wished and prayed for does a man get, but what he justly earns. His wishes and prayers are only gratified and answered when they harmonize with his thoughts and actions.

Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set. This is as true of earthly as of heavenly things. Even the man whose sole object is to acquire wealth must be prepared to make great personal sacrifices before he can accomplish his object; and how much more so he who would realize a strong and well-poised life?

=>Lesson #3 To change your circumstances, first change yourself.

Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction. It is an indication that the individual is out of harmony with himself, with the law of his being. The sole and supreme use of suffering is to purify, to burn out all that is useless and impure. Suffering ceases for him who is pure.

The circumstances which a man encounters with his suffering are the result of his own mental inharmony. The circumstances which a man encounters with blessedness are the result of his own mental harmony. Blessedness, not material possessions, is the measure of right thought; wretchedness, not lack of material possessions, is the measure of wrong thought. A man may be cursed and rich; he may be blessed and poor. Blessedness and riches are only joined together when the riches are rightly and wisely used. And the poor man only descends into wretchedness when he regards his lot as a burden unjustly imposed.

=>Lesson #4 To be rich and have the ability to enjoy your riches, there is only one way: put your riches to good use for the benefit of others, not just for meeting your own desires.

Article from LCI Ezine Central

Life Coaching Institute of Australia

Why "Why?" is the Wrong Question
I am writing this with a broken neck... One minute I was playing footy, the next I was stretched out on a hospital bed with my neck in a brace which I will be wearing for the next 6-12 weeks. When faced with a crisis, our natural response is to ask "Why?" Why did this happen now? Why did this happen to me?

But "Why?" may not be the most helpful question to ask. Sure, sometimes we need to understand the cause of the problem - particularly if it has been caused by poor decisions or wrong priorities. But often there are no easy answers, stuff just happens! And then asking "Why?" can quickly trap us in a cycle of inactivity.

So, here are eight questions that will stop you spinning your wheels in a crisis and lead you to solutions and positive outcomes:

1. How can I see this differently?

Changing your viewpoint will change your response. Don't focus on what you can't do, focus on what you can do and do those things.

2. What is one thing I could do right now which would improve my situation?

Asking this daily will continually move you in the right direction. Taking action will assist in overcoming feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.

3. What are my strengths and how can I use them to meet this challenge?

We all have strengths, skills and abilities. Make a list of your strengths and then look for practical ways that you can apply these to your current situation.

4. How can I learn and grow from this situation?

Every challenge offers us the opportunity to grow. It is actually the tough times that build strength and resilience. This neck brace is strengthening my character as well as my spine!

5. Who can help me to face this challenge?

Conquering Life's challenges single-handedly is only for Hollywood action heroes. We all need assistance when things get tough. Make a list of people - friends and family, neighbours and trained professionals - who could help you, then make some phone calls.

6. What can I be thankful for in this situation?

Look for the positives and focus on these. I thank God for a supportive partner and for the fact that my injury was not much worse.

7. Where can I go to get practical help?

Local councils, community groups, churches and other religious organisations all offer support, often provided by people who understand your situation. The Internet is another amazing resource. Try a life coach!

8. What can I do right now to support or encourage others?

Take the spotlight off your own problems and help someone else. This is the fastest way to break free from a victim mentality and it feels great! Inspire others with your positive attitude.
Finally, don't stress if you don't get answers to these questions straight away. Put the list up somewhere visible and give your brain time to work on finding answers.

By Jeremy Thewlis
Email: jeremy@headstart.net.au
Web: http://www.headstart.net.au/

How to Create Your Personal Strategic Plan for 2007

Need help formulating your plan for 2007?

Click on this link to download your How To Create A Personal Strategic Plan video.

Article: New Year Resolutions

From the Mind Tools Newsletter 64 - 28 Dec 2006
New Year Resolutions: Planning for a Year of Achievement

Are you busy making your New Year Resolutions, or have you resolved never to make a New Year’s resolution ever again? If the latter, you’re not alone. So many people get demoralized when, year after year, they make resolutions that they keep for only a few weeks or maybe even just a few days.

Why is this? After all, we all have the best intentions and the timing (new year, new start) couldn’t be better. The problem may lie in the fact that we place a huge amount of pressure on ourselves. During the last week of December and the first week of January, all you hear is, “What are your New Year’s resolutions?” “What are you going to work on this year?” And the focus is on the “what” not the “how.” When you are more concerned with the goal you set than on the specifics of how you are going to accomplish it, or even whether it is realistic and achievable, you can set yourself up for failure. So if you resolve to set successful New Year resolutions, read on. Let’s focus on how, this year, you can set yourself up for a year of achievement!

New Year Resolution Mistakes
There are two common mistakes that people tend to make before they even start to make their New Year resolutions: They think about what they “should” do, rather than what they really want to do. And worse, they think about what they should stop doing, rather than what they actually want to achieve. “What should I do this year?” “What should I stop doing?”, “What do other people suggest I should work on?”

To be successful at any change, you need to really want it. Unless you take time to consider what it is you really want (rather than what you should do or should stop doing), you will invariably end up making a resolution to which you are not entirely committed. Without commitment, you aren’t motivated and after the first setbacks or obstacles you may quit.

So the first rule of New Year Resolutions is to only make ones that you are committed to. Don’t make a resolution simply because it is “the thing to do”, or because someone has told you that you should. The irony of it is that New Year’s resolutions have the potential to be very powerful because they are such a well-recognized practice. Everyone knows that everyone else is setting resolutions. And what a great mutual support network that can provide! This external motivation and support, along with your internal motivation – the desire to succeed – is what can make the difference between success and failure.

Eight Rules for New Year’s Resolutions
Our Eight Rules for New Year’s Resolutions will help set you up for success right from the start. Inevitably you will come up against challenges and road blocks along the way; however by planning ahead and following these rules, you will be better placed to negotiate these easily, rather than stumble and quit.

Rule 1: Commit to Your Resolution
Successful resolutions start with a strong commitment to make a change. To succeed, you must believe that you can accomplish what you set out to and that belief is bolstered by the unwavering support you give yourself.
Choose resolutions that you really want to achieve – and make them positive;
Announce your resolution to everyone around you – they will help hold you accountable;
Develop a ceremony to mark the beginning of your commitment – this makes it more “real” and special for you;
Don’t leave your choice of resolution to the last minute – take time to think about your goals. If you don’t, you risk reacting to your current environment and missing the big picture;
Questions to ask yourself to determine if you can take ownership of your resolution include:
Is this resolution my idea or someone else’s?
Does this resolution motivate and invigorate me?
Is this resolution sit comfortably with other factors in my life such as my values and long-term plans?
Remember that there’s no reason why your New Year’s resolution should take all year to achieve.

Tip:
Imagery is a powerful technique to help you own and commit to your goals or resolutions. Try picturing yourself having attained your goal. How do you feel? How do you look? Where you are, what are you doing? How do others react to you? By visualizing yourself in the position you desire, you can bolster your belief that you can do it and strengthen your motivation.

Rule 2: Be Realistic
The key to achieving goals is continued motivation. If you set the bar too high, you risk failing. Consistently failing at something is profoundly de-motivating (It’s no wonder that after a few dismal attempts some people abandon the idea of New Year’s resolutions altogether!)
Consider carefully before setting the same resolution you set last year. If it didn’t work then, you need to make sure there is good reason to believe you can achieve it this year. What has changed? Do you have more commitment to make it work? (Be careful, or else you will end up with a repeat performance, and another failed resolution);
Aim lower, rather than too high – aim for something that is challenging but that you have a good chance of accomplishing. If there is any doubt, err on the side of caution and expand your goal later if you still want to keep improving; and
Don’t bite off more than you can chew. There is no reason to set more than one or two resolutions. Anymore than that and you divide your focus and energy and lessen your chances of success in any area.

Rule 3 – Write It Down
A simple but powerful technique for making your goal real is to put your resolution into writing. There is something inside us that creates more commitment and drive when we take the time to do this. Consider writing it down on pieces of card and keeping it where you’ll see it often – on your desk, the fridge, in your wallet.

Rule 4 – Make a Plan
This is where so many resolutions fall down. Articulating what you want to achieve is one thing; deciding how to do it is quite another. Don’t miss this step out!
Start by envisioning where you want to be;
Then work back along your path to where you are today;
Write down all the milestones you note in between; and
Decide what you will do to accomplish each of these milestones. You need to know each step and have a plan for what comes next.

Rule 5 – Be Flexible
Not everything will work out precisely the way you planned. If you are too rigid in your approach to resolutions the first minor obstacle can throw you off your course completely.
When creating your plan try to predict some challenges you will face. Make a contingency plan for the ones that have the highest probability and mentally prepare yourself for the others.
Realize that your resolution itself might change along the way as well. That’s not failure, it’s reality. As your life changes so will your goals, dreams, and desires. Remember Rule 1 (Commit to Your Resolution): If you need to make changes to the goal so you continue to care about it, do so.

Tip:
There is no fixed rule saying that a resolution must be set in January. If your circumstances say it is better to wait until March, then do so. Resolutions and goal setting are a year round activity. Don’t get too caught up in the New Year frenzy!

Rule 6 – Use a System of Reminders
It’s hard to keep focused on your plan when you have many other commitments, responsibilities, and obligations. The best way to stay on top of your resolution is to develop a formal reminder system.
Have your written down resolutions visible at as many times of the day as possible. Leave reminders at work, in the car, on your calendar, in your briefcase, etc;
Make sure the planned actions are on your to-do list (perhaps have a special section for them at the top);
Set up reminders in your desktop calendar or subscribe to an email reminder service; and
Be as creative as you can to keep being reminded, and so make sure your goals stay in the front of your mind.

Rule 7 – Track Your Progress
You won’t know how well you are doing unless you keep track of your progress. This is why your detailed plan is so important. You need to know when each milestone in accomplished. The excitement around the little successes will keep you motivated and keep you pushing forwards.
Use a journal and make an entry regarding your progress regularly;
Note when you felt particularly pleased with your efforts;
Note when you felt down or felt like quitting - over time, look for common themes and decide if there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed;
Record challenges you faced as well as things that went better than planned;
Look back at your entries on a regular basis and use your past experiences to shape your attitude as you move forward;
Ask a friend or family member to call you on pre-defined occasions to discuss your progress.

Rule 8 – Reward Yourself
Although knowledge of a job well done can be reward enough, we all enjoy a little treat from time to time. Even the most committed person needs a boost and sometimes that is best accomplished through an external reward.When you are developing your plan, make a note of a few milestones where you will reward yourself once they are achieved. But spread them out – you want to make sure the rewards remain special and are not too easy to get.

Key Points
New Year’s resolutions can be a pain or a pleasure. The choice is yours. If it’s a pain, you may resolve never to make a resolution again. So resolve to make it a pleasure! The starting point is to focus on something that you really want and are ready to give your commitment to. Do this and you’ll be in a great position to stay motivated and be successful! As you plan your New Year resolutions for 2007, apply the Eight Rules to set yourself up for success.

Another Rollercoaster Ride

What a day it's been.

First, we got an email from our neighbour back home, reporting possible unauthorized occupiers in our flat (no one can tell if they're just visiting or staying over for a night or longer), banging of gate, loud conversations as late as 1-2 am. Already my bro-in-law tells us 3 pieces of our IKEA mirror composite in the dining room have fallen off since the tenants moved in. By the time we go home 2 years from now, the entire place would need to be renovated. We're really starting to regret renting out the place in such a hurry!

Lesson #1:
When deciding to rent, don't let your judgment be clouded by the rental income. Set your criteria (e.g. rent to family or expat professionals only) and stick with it. If you can't find the ideal tenant within your timeframe, extend the timeframe until you do. You'll save yourself a lot of hassle in the long term.

This morning, the washing machine sucked in water - and threw it out again. It's been acting up lately, spewing out half-done washing (the top few pieces are dry, the middle looks partly washed, and only the bottom pieces are actually damp). Hubby tried calling the shop we bought it from, but no one picked up the phone. Guess they're still having Christmas hols.

Lesson #2:
When buying used white goods, you're taking a risk that things won't work as well, especially if you have no guarantee to fall back on. Ours comes with a very short guarantee (6 months), and we mean to enforce it. $390 for a front loader is still $.

Late last night, my aunt called from Sg to find out if our things have arrived. She's worried that we're clocking up storage charges which will add to our financial burden, and offered to loan us the $ so we can get our things released. Bless her heart!

Anyway, we checked with the local shipper this morning, and found to our dismay that our Sg shipper has still not settled the storage charges that they promised to. (We had an understanding with them that they would be responsible for that as we had done everything on our end to expedite the documentation and any delay would not be our fault). So our 67 boxes are sitting in the warehouse clocking up storage charges, and we're stuck with no baby things, no extra clothes...Have just sent a strong email to the Sg shipper. Am really disappointed with them. We last heard from them 2 weeks ago and they'd promised to have the things sent to our home the week before Christmas.

Lesson #3
If anything can go wrong, it will. We're just thankful that we have managed so far with what we have, and hope we can monetize some of the excess when our things finally arrive!

Reflections
As I lay in bed this morning trying to decide whether to get up (any sort of movement these days hurts excruciatingly), I committed the tenancy situation to God and asked Him to take control. I admitted the situation was way beyond us, and sought His perspective on things because, well, from the human point of view, things just look so hopeless! I also asked Him what lesson He wants us to learn from all this.

The assurance I got was that this present adversity is just another aspect of our life here on earth, and is meant to teach us trust and to build our resilience. Just as He led us through many seemingly insurmountable obstacles when we first arrived in Melbourne, so He will continue to lead us in the days ahead.

The point is not whether the situation will be resolved (from the human standpoint). God is greater than our tenancy dilemma, our no-shipment dilemma, our washing machine issues. The point is that He will supply us what we need at the moment we need it and for a short time, until we have learnt the lesson He intends. Then we move on again - upwards and outwards in a new spiral of character growth. The learning curve is infinite and any light at the end of the tunnel is just....tunnel vision, because the learning and growing won't end till The End.

Wow. Did I really say all that??

Today's Devotional: Whose Philosophy Am I Guided By?

See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.
Col. 2:8

As I pondered today's verse, I was powerfully reminded that I need to equip my mind with the mind of Christ rather than secular humanistic philosophies which emphasize Me First - my personal fulfilment, my success, my dreams, my goals.

This is especially relevant as I explore coach training programs and seek to fulfil my long-term dream of becoming a life/personal/career coach. There are so many programs out there, and 95% are secular in nature. One of the points in the code of ethics subscribed to by coaches is that we come to the coaching session with a blank canvas. No preconceptions. No judging. No imposing our values or beliefs on the client. We accept the client and everything about him as is, and work with that. The idea is to empower the client by asking the right questions, so that he discovers for himself the answers that are already in him.

As a Christian, I do have a concern about how this aligns with my personal faith and witness. Can I be an effective coach and and an effective Christian if I am trained only in secular methods? Will these teachings lead my clients or me astray in the long term? How will I reach out to clients who need to hear the Word of God and how it relates to their particular situation? If I share my faith or discuss how God can help my client in a particular situation, am I in breach of the coaching code of ethics?

On one hand, it is tempting to enrol with any coaching school that meets my criteria of certification, affordability and a sound curriculum with excellent support. On the other hand, if God is first, then I want to make sure I can be the best coach I am designed to be, so that I can be a channel of blessing to those God calls into my life. And to do this, I must be able to coach from a foundation that is unshakeable, that speaks the Truth and stands for the Truth.

This means there will surely be areas of conflict, because God did not design us to live for our own purposes, but for His. As Rick Warren says, it's not about you (or me). That fundamental difference alone affects everything else that flows from it. If my life is not mine alone, then I cannot live as if my concerns and interests are the only considerations in life. I am part of a community of believers and beyond that, a community of individuals made in God's image, even if not all believe in God. I have a specific role to play during my time here (my life purpose), and I must do so to the best of my God-given abilities.

Article: Creating Unstoppable Momentum

Our friend and career consultant, Bill Paxton, likes to say that there are three keys to creating unstoppable momentum in your life:

• Clarity
• Congruency
• Consistency

Clarity means discovering what you are designed to do. MAPP can help you do that by identifying your greatest motivations and talents. It also provides a list of careers that you are likely to find satisfying.

One of the greatest benefits of Clarity is having realistic expectations for yourself. For example, a Jeep and an Indy racer are both cars, but designed to do very different things. You wouldn’t expect a Jeep to be competitive in the Indianapolis 500. Nor would you expect the Indy racer to negotiate a logging trail. They are designed for different purposes.

So too it is with people. Clarity allows you to have realistic expectations of what you can and can not do. It’s one thing to know what you are designed to do. It’s another to do it.

The main idea of Congruency is to align what you do with your MAPP. When it comes to congruency, most of us are rather badly out of alignment. You may need to make some adjustments. Most will be incremental, but some may be radical, such as changing professions. The goal is to spend more time using your strengths. That’s where performance and satisfaction both peak.

Consistency means staying with it. Have you ever been caught in traffic in a large city? You accelerate as the light turns green, only to stop at the red light on the next corner. This pattern of starting and stopping repeats itself over and over as you make your way to your destination. It’s impossible to gain any momentum.

Careers can have momentum, too. Career momentum is achieved by practicing Clarity and Congruency over a long period of time. How long? Dr. Bernard Bloom of Northwestern University discovered that it takes between ten and eighteen years to achieve world-class performance in any career. You’ll never get there if you keep switching careers.

The secret to gaining momentum in your life is to do what you are designed to do over a long period of time. It all starts with Clarity, and Clarity starts with MAPP.

Go look at your MAPP results at http://www.assessment.com/, and take a positive step toward a career with momentum.

Sincerely,Henry
President
http://www.assessment.com/

Living With Goodbyes

In 2 hours, my aunt will be on her way back to Sg after a month here.

I am amazed to find I have tears in my eyes as I read her text message telling us not to go to the airport and that she will call when she has checked in.

See, we weren't close when I was growing up. For years, I was unsettled by her temper and her inexplicable concern with the small stuff, and dreaded visiting her. That was the story of our family - I was also not close (still am not) to my mum or my granny (who passed on earlier this year).

But things have changed in recent years. People change (thank God!). The dominated young ones grow up and become parents. The seniors mellow and abandon all pretense at dominating the next generation, and instead become indulgent and fun grandparents, granduncles and grandaunts. So the lucky little ones never get to see what terrified Mummy when she was 5 or 14 or 22.

Somewhere in the middle of all this, God has played a huge part. One by one, my relatives became believers. And in the past few years, those who were most resistant to the Word or who claimed to believe but denied it through their actions and lifestyles, have become the most inspired and inspiring believers. It is such an amazing, awesome transformation - and one that has the handprint of God all over.

We adults are a stubborn lot. Until we are brought to our knees by personal tragedy and disaster, we can go on for years living in our comfy, self-built shells, assuming that the paradigms we grew up with are the only ones there are.

I suspect what has greatly contributed to my aunt's mellowing is the near-death experiences she has encountered at least 2x in the past 10 years, first in her brush with cancer, then more recently in a botched colonoscopy which led to an adverse reaction to morphine and finally the removal of her appendix and part of her intestines (thanks to the negligence of her doctor).

That, and the positive examples of consistent Christian caring showed by the members of her church small group and by my other aunt (for years the ideal wife/mother/aunt/daughter-in-law and role model par exemple in our family).

So while I am sad to see my aunt go home, I am also glad to have had the opportunity to witness and be blessed by the post-trauma her who has lived to see her faith in God renewed and strengthened, and who now chooses to live in a way that influences others for good.