View From The Bottom

I have learnt some very precious lessons over the past weeks as we prayed and agonized and stressed over the big move. What with Mum's displeasure and the loan application outcome hanging over our heads and regular panic attacks over money, I confess I kinda hit rock bottom.

On hindsight, it was not a bad thing. When you're at the bottom and see no way out, you are more willing to acknowledge that some things are just not within your control. For me, it was the perfect situation to confess to God that I couldn't deal with what was going on, I was terrified, and I needed His wisdom and guidance.

My experience has always been that God moves only after I've reached the stage of acceptance and surrender. Yesterday, hubby called to say another bank was likely to accept our loan application. What was interesting was that I did not leap up and yell "Hurray!" just because a solution appeared to have presented itself. My reaction instead was one of neutral acceptance; it was good news if the application was accepted, but that was no longer the important thing. I had gone past that stage to something else. What was more important was: how did this fit in with the larger scheme of things? What lessons was God trying to teach us? I was more concerned that we learn the lessons than how God solved our problems. I did not want to miss the lessons just because the problem seemed to have resolved itself; the problem is temporary - God can solve it if He wants to; the lessons are permanent and life-changing (or at least, they should be).

This change of mindset is, to me, the product of the surrendering process and the clearest evidence that God is already at work in me to change my character. Without going through the pain of failure and rejection and fear, I would not have reached this level of understanding and maturity. I would not lose this growth for anything.

Shared this with hubby this morning and he appeared to be reflecting on it. Will see what he thinks tonight.