I learnt some powerful pointers about conversation skills from Brian Tracy today.
First, pause before replying.
A short pause of 3-5 secs accomplishes 3 things:
a. It gives the other person a chance to catch his breath before continuing, without you risking interrupting him before he's finished speaking.
b. It shows the person you're seriously thinking about what he's saying.
c. You will hear the other person better.
Comment:
This is something I could really practise. I am notorious for jumping in with my own 2 cents, and 99% of the time I end up interrupting the other person, and causing the conversation to become disjointed and awkward. It's as if one part of me feels I'm on a time budget and if I don't use up my allocated time to speak, it will be forfeited.
Second, ask for clarification. Say "What do you mean, exactly?"
Brian says this is the most powerful question he's ever learned for controlling a conversation because it's impossible not to answer.
Comment:
If you ask a close-ended question, the other person could just answer Yes/No and volunteer no further information, causing the conversation to grind to a halt. With an open-ended conversation, you're pushing the ball back into the other person's court and he has to think of how to answer because he can't rely on a simple Yes/No.
Third, paraphrase the other person's words. This demonstrates attentiveness.
Benefits of Effective Listening
Listening builds trust.
Listening builds the other person's self-esteem.
Listening builds discipline - it take real effort to listen well. If you're able to do that, you're actually developing your own character and personality.
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