Years ago when I was with the Music Ministry in church, I found myself grappling with feelings of uselessness and alienation.
The ministry was dominated by hip musos who jammed together effortlessly and were gifted at improvisation.
Despite years of classical training, I could barely follow the cues from the worship leader. I couldn't 'get' syncopated rhythms. Performing under the spotlight, especially on the synth, stressed me out. I found I was happier when I could 'hide' behind the piano.
Recently, I joined the musos at our new church here in Melbourne, and had to face my inner demons again.
What was different this time was that I was able to acknowledge and accept that I would always be this way: gifted at flowing, lyrical Kevin Kern-type piano music, not so gifted with songs that sound best with synth, electric guitar and drums.
I can certainly work at my weaknesses and improve on them. I did this for about 6 months between '05 and '06 at Believer Music in Sg. I enrolled in keyboard classes for church musos, started from the Basic level and worked my way up to Worship Dynamics II.
Learning with the aim of being a more effective worship muso really helped me. I could notice the difference when I played at church, and I found the confidence and inspiration I'd lost through atrophy and stagnation.
My current worship team mates have a definite preference for Hillsongs and Planetshakers, which makes it a bit of a steep climb for me. I've decided to focus on what I do well, which may mean being content to just thump out chords for the fast songs, and then, when a slower number comes along, seizing full creative licence to express myself the way I do best .
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