From the Mind Tools Newsletter 64 - 28 Dec 2006
New Year Resolutions: Planning for a Year of Achievement
Are you busy making your New Year Resolutions, or have you resolved never to make a New Year’s resolution ever again? If the latter, you’re not alone. So many people get demoralized when, year after year, they make resolutions that they keep for only a few weeks or maybe even just a few days.
Why is this? After all, we all have the best intentions and the timing (new year, new start) couldn’t be better. The problem may lie in the fact that we place a huge amount of pressure on ourselves. During the last week of December and the first week of January, all you hear is, “What are your New Year’s resolutions?” “What are you going to work on this year?” And the focus is on the “what” not the “how.” When you are more concerned with the goal you set than on the specifics of how you are going to accomplish it, or even whether it is realistic and achievable, you can set yourself up for failure. So if you resolve to set successful New Year resolutions, read on. Let’s focus on how, this year, you can set yourself up for a year of achievement!
New Year Resolution Mistakes
There are two common mistakes that people tend to make before they even start to make their New Year resolutions: They think about what they “should” do, rather than what they really want to do. And worse, they think about what they should stop doing, rather than what they actually want to achieve. “What should I do this year?” “What should I stop doing?”, “What do other people suggest I should work on?”
To be successful at any change, you need to really want it. Unless you take time to consider what it is you really want (rather than what you should do or should stop doing), you will invariably end up making a resolution to which you are not entirely committed. Without commitment, you aren’t motivated and after the first setbacks or obstacles you may quit.
So the first rule of New Year Resolutions is to only make ones that you are committed to. Don’t make a resolution simply because it is “the thing to do”, or because someone has told you that you should. The irony of it is that New Year’s resolutions have the potential to be very powerful because they are such a well-recognized practice. Everyone knows that everyone else is setting resolutions. And what a great mutual support network that can provide! This external motivation and support, along with your internal motivation – the desire to succeed – is what can make the difference between success and failure.
Eight Rules for New Year’s Resolutions
Our Eight Rules for New Year’s Resolutions will help set you up for success right from the start. Inevitably you will come up against challenges and road blocks along the way; however by planning ahead and following these rules, you will be better placed to negotiate these easily, rather than stumble and quit.
Rule 1: Commit to Your Resolution
Successful resolutions start with a strong commitment to make a change. To succeed, you must believe that you can accomplish what you set out to and that belief is bolstered by the unwavering support you give yourself.
Choose resolutions that you really want to achieve – and make them positive;
Announce your resolution to everyone around you – they will help hold you accountable;
Develop a ceremony to mark the beginning of your commitment – this makes it more “real” and special for you;
Don’t leave your choice of resolution to the last minute – take time to think about your goals. If you don’t, you risk reacting to your current environment and missing the big picture;
Questions to ask yourself to determine if you can take ownership of your resolution include:
Is this resolution my idea or someone else’s?
Does this resolution motivate and invigorate me?
Is this resolution sit comfortably with other factors in my life such as my values and long-term plans?
Remember that there’s no reason why your New Year’s resolution should take all year to achieve.
Tip:
Imagery is a powerful technique to help you own and commit to your goals or resolutions. Try picturing yourself having attained your goal. How do you feel? How do you look? Where you are, what are you doing? How do others react to you? By visualizing yourself in the position you desire, you can bolster your belief that you can do it and strengthen your motivation.
Rule 2: Be Realistic
The key to achieving goals is continued motivation. If you set the bar too high, you risk failing. Consistently failing at something is profoundly de-motivating (It’s no wonder that after a few dismal attempts some people abandon the idea of New Year’s resolutions altogether!)
Consider carefully before setting the same resolution you set last year. If it didn’t work then, you need to make sure there is good reason to believe you can achieve it this year. What has changed? Do you have more commitment to make it work? (Be careful, or else you will end up with a repeat performance, and another failed resolution);
Aim lower, rather than too high – aim for something that is challenging but that you have a good chance of accomplishing. If there is any doubt, err on the side of caution and expand your goal later if you still want to keep improving; and
Don’t bite off more than you can chew. There is no reason to set more than one or two resolutions. Anymore than that and you divide your focus and energy and lessen your chances of success in any area.
Rule 3 – Write It Down
A simple but powerful technique for making your goal real is to put your resolution into writing. There is something inside us that creates more commitment and drive when we take the time to do this. Consider writing it down on pieces of card and keeping it where you’ll see it often – on your desk, the fridge, in your wallet.
Rule 4 – Make a Plan
This is where so many resolutions fall down. Articulating what you want to achieve is one thing; deciding how to do it is quite another. Don’t miss this step out!
Start by envisioning where you want to be;
Then work back along your path to where you are today;
Write down all the milestones you note in between; and
Decide what you will do to accomplish each of these milestones. You need to know each step and have a plan for what comes next.
Rule 5 – Be Flexible
Not everything will work out precisely the way you planned. If you are too rigid in your approach to resolutions the first minor obstacle can throw you off your course completely.
When creating your plan try to predict some challenges you will face. Make a contingency plan for the ones that have the highest probability and mentally prepare yourself for the others.
Realize that your resolution itself might change along the way as well. That’s not failure, it’s reality. As your life changes so will your goals, dreams, and desires. Remember Rule 1 (Commit to Your Resolution): If you need to make changes to the goal so you continue to care about it, do so.
Tip:
There is no fixed rule saying that a resolution must be set in January. If your circumstances say it is better to wait until March, then do so. Resolutions and goal setting are a year round activity. Don’t get too caught up in the New Year frenzy!
Rule 6 – Use a System of Reminders
It’s hard to keep focused on your plan when you have many other commitments, responsibilities, and obligations. The best way to stay on top of your resolution is to develop a formal reminder system.
Have your written down resolutions visible at as many times of the day as possible. Leave reminders at work, in the car, on your calendar, in your briefcase, etc;
Make sure the planned actions are on your to-do list (perhaps have a special section for them at the top);
Set up reminders in your desktop calendar or subscribe to an email reminder service; and
Be as creative as you can to keep being reminded, and so make sure your goals stay in the front of your mind.
Rule 7 – Track Your Progress
You won’t know how well you are doing unless you keep track of your progress. This is why your detailed plan is so important. You need to know when each milestone in accomplished. The excitement around the little successes will keep you motivated and keep you pushing forwards.
Use a journal and make an entry regarding your progress regularly;
Note when you felt particularly pleased with your efforts;
Note when you felt down or felt like quitting - over time, look for common themes and decide if there is an underlying issue that needs to be addressed;
Record challenges you faced as well as things that went better than planned;
Look back at your entries on a regular basis and use your past experiences to shape your attitude as you move forward;
Ask a friend or family member to call you on pre-defined occasions to discuss your progress.
Rule 8 – Reward Yourself
Although knowledge of a job well done can be reward enough, we all enjoy a little treat from time to time. Even the most committed person needs a boost and sometimes that is best accomplished through an external reward.When you are developing your plan, make a note of a few milestones where you will reward yourself once they are achieved. But spread them out – you want to make sure the rewards remain special and are not too easy to get.
Key Points
New Year’s resolutions can be a pain or a pleasure. The choice is yours. If it’s a pain, you may resolve never to make a resolution again. So resolve to make it a pleasure! The starting point is to focus on something that you really want and are ready to give your commitment to. Do this and you’ll be in a great position to stay motivated and be successful! As you plan your New Year resolutions for 2007, apply the Eight Rules to set yourself up for success.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Another Rollercoaster Ride
What a day it's been.
First, we got an email from our neighbour back home, reporting possible unauthorized occupiers in our flat (no one can tell if they're just visiting or staying over for a night or longer), banging of gate, loud conversations as late as 1-2 am. Already my bro-in-law tells us 3 pieces of our IKEA mirror composite in the dining room have fallen off since the tenants moved in. By the time we go home 2 years from now, the entire place would need to be renovated. We're really starting to regret renting out the place in such a hurry!
Lesson #1:
When deciding to rent, don't let your judgment be clouded by the rental income. Set your criteria (e.g. rent to family or expat professionals only) and stick with it. If you can't find the ideal tenant within your timeframe, extend the timeframe until you do. You'll save yourself a lot of hassle in the long term.
This morning, the washing machine sucked in water - and threw it out again. It's been acting up lately, spewing out half-done washing (the top few pieces are dry, the middle looks partly washed, and only the bottom pieces are actually damp). Hubby tried calling the shop we bought it from, but no one picked up the phone. Guess they're still having Christmas hols.
Lesson #2:
When buying used white goods, you're taking a risk that things won't work as well, especially if you have no guarantee to fall back on. Ours comes with a very short guarantee (6 months), and we mean to enforce it. $390 for a front loader is still $.
Late last night, my aunt called from Sg to find out if our things have arrived. She's worried that we're clocking up storage charges which will add to our financial burden, and offered to loan us the $ so we can get our things released. Bless her heart!
Anyway, we checked with the local shipper this morning, and found to our dismay that our Sg shipper has still not settled the storage charges that they promised to. (We had an understanding with them that they would be responsible for that as we had done everything on our end to expedite the documentation and any delay would not be our fault). So our 67 boxes are sitting in the warehouse clocking up storage charges, and we're stuck with no baby things, no extra clothes...Have just sent a strong email to the Sg shipper. Am really disappointed with them. We last heard from them 2 weeks ago and they'd promised to have the things sent to our home the week before Christmas.
Lesson #3
If anything can go wrong, it will. We're just thankful that we have managed so far with what we have, and hope we can monetize some of the excess when our things finally arrive!
Reflections
As I lay in bed this morning trying to decide whether to get up (any sort of movement these days hurts excruciatingly), I committed the tenancy situation to God and asked Him to take control. I admitted the situation was way beyond us, and sought His perspective on things because, well, from the human point of view, things just look so hopeless! I also asked Him what lesson He wants us to learn from all this.
The assurance I got was that this present adversity is just another aspect of our life here on earth, and is meant to teach us trust and to build our resilience. Just as He led us through many seemingly insurmountable obstacles when we first arrived in Melbourne, so He will continue to lead us in the days ahead.
The point is not whether the situation will be resolved (from the human standpoint). God is greater than our tenancy dilemma, our no-shipment dilemma, our washing machine issues. The point is that He will supply us what we need at the moment we need it and for a short time, until we have learnt the lesson He intends. Then we move on again - upwards and outwards in a new spiral of character growth. The learning curve is infinite and any light at the end of the tunnel is just....tunnel vision, because the learning and growing won't end till The End.
Wow. Did I really say all that??
First, we got an email from our neighbour back home, reporting possible unauthorized occupiers in our flat (no one can tell if they're just visiting or staying over for a night or longer), banging of gate, loud conversations as late as 1-2 am. Already my bro-in-law tells us 3 pieces of our IKEA mirror composite in the dining room have fallen off since the tenants moved in. By the time we go home 2 years from now, the entire place would need to be renovated. We're really starting to regret renting out the place in such a hurry!
Lesson #1:
When deciding to rent, don't let your judgment be clouded by the rental income. Set your criteria (e.g. rent to family or expat professionals only) and stick with it. If you can't find the ideal tenant within your timeframe, extend the timeframe until you do. You'll save yourself a lot of hassle in the long term.
This morning, the washing machine sucked in water - and threw it out again. It's been acting up lately, spewing out half-done washing (the top few pieces are dry, the middle looks partly washed, and only the bottom pieces are actually damp). Hubby tried calling the shop we bought it from, but no one picked up the phone. Guess they're still having Christmas hols.
Lesson #2:
When buying used white goods, you're taking a risk that things won't work as well, especially if you have no guarantee to fall back on. Ours comes with a very short guarantee (6 months), and we mean to enforce it. $390 for a front loader is still $.
Late last night, my aunt called from Sg to find out if our things have arrived. She's worried that we're clocking up storage charges which will add to our financial burden, and offered to loan us the $ so we can get our things released. Bless her heart!
Anyway, we checked with the local shipper this morning, and found to our dismay that our Sg shipper has still not settled the storage charges that they promised to. (We had an understanding with them that they would be responsible for that as we had done everything on our end to expedite the documentation and any delay would not be our fault). So our 67 boxes are sitting in the warehouse clocking up storage charges, and we're stuck with no baby things, no extra clothes...Have just sent a strong email to the Sg shipper. Am really disappointed with them. We last heard from them 2 weeks ago and they'd promised to have the things sent to our home the week before Christmas.
Lesson #3
If anything can go wrong, it will. We're just thankful that we have managed so far with what we have, and hope we can monetize some of the excess when our things finally arrive!
Reflections
As I lay in bed this morning trying to decide whether to get up (any sort of movement these days hurts excruciatingly), I committed the tenancy situation to God and asked Him to take control. I admitted the situation was way beyond us, and sought His perspective on things because, well, from the human point of view, things just look so hopeless! I also asked Him what lesson He wants us to learn from all this.
The assurance I got was that this present adversity is just another aspect of our life here on earth, and is meant to teach us trust and to build our resilience. Just as He led us through many seemingly insurmountable obstacles when we first arrived in Melbourne, so He will continue to lead us in the days ahead.
The point is not whether the situation will be resolved (from the human standpoint). God is greater than our tenancy dilemma, our no-shipment dilemma, our washing machine issues. The point is that He will supply us what we need at the moment we need it and for a short time, until we have learnt the lesson He intends. Then we move on again - upwards and outwards in a new spiral of character growth. The learning curve is infinite and any light at the end of the tunnel is just....tunnel vision, because the learning and growing won't end till The End.
Wow. Did I really say all that??
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Today's Devotional: Whose Philosophy Am I Guided By?
See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the basic principles of this world rather than on Christ.
Col. 2:8
As I pondered today's verse, I was powerfully reminded that I need to equip my mind with the mind of Christ rather than secular humanistic philosophies which emphasize Me First - my personal fulfilment, my success, my dreams, my goals.
This is especially relevant as I explore coach training programs and seek to fulfil my long-term dream of becoming a life/personal/career coach. There are so many programs out there, and 95% are secular in nature. One of the points in the code of ethics subscribed to by coaches is that we come to the coaching session with a blank canvas. No preconceptions. No judging. No imposing our values or beliefs on the client. We accept the client and everything about him as is, and work with that. The idea is to empower the client by asking the right questions, so that he discovers for himself the answers that are already in him.
As a Christian, I do have a concern about how this aligns with my personal faith and witness. Can I be an effective coach and and an effective Christian if I am trained only in secular methods? Will these teachings lead my clients or me astray in the long term? How will I reach out to clients who need to hear the Word of God and how it relates to their particular situation? If I share my faith or discuss how God can help my client in a particular situation, am I in breach of the coaching code of ethics?
On one hand, it is tempting to enrol with any coaching school that meets my criteria of certification, affordability and a sound curriculum with excellent support. On the other hand, if God is first, then I want to make sure I can be the best coach I am designed to be, so that I can be a channel of blessing to those God calls into my life. And to do this, I must be able to coach from a foundation that is unshakeable, that speaks the Truth and stands for the Truth.
This means there will surely be areas of conflict, because God did not design us to live for our own purposes, but for His. As Rick Warren says, it's not about you (or me). That fundamental difference alone affects everything else that flows from it. If my life is not mine alone, then I cannot live as if my concerns and interests are the only considerations in life. I am part of a community of believers and beyond that, a community of individuals made in God's image, even if not all believe in God. I have a specific role to play during my time here (my life purpose), and I must do so to the best of my God-given abilities.
Col. 2:8
As I pondered today's verse, I was powerfully reminded that I need to equip my mind with the mind of Christ rather than secular humanistic philosophies which emphasize Me First - my personal fulfilment, my success, my dreams, my goals.
This is especially relevant as I explore coach training programs and seek to fulfil my long-term dream of becoming a life/personal/career coach. There are so many programs out there, and 95% are secular in nature. One of the points in the code of ethics subscribed to by coaches is that we come to the coaching session with a blank canvas. No preconceptions. No judging. No imposing our values or beliefs on the client. We accept the client and everything about him as is, and work with that. The idea is to empower the client by asking the right questions, so that he discovers for himself the answers that are already in him.
As a Christian, I do have a concern about how this aligns with my personal faith and witness. Can I be an effective coach and and an effective Christian if I am trained only in secular methods? Will these teachings lead my clients or me astray in the long term? How will I reach out to clients who need to hear the Word of God and how it relates to their particular situation? If I share my faith or discuss how God can help my client in a particular situation, am I in breach of the coaching code of ethics?
On one hand, it is tempting to enrol with any coaching school that meets my criteria of certification, affordability and a sound curriculum with excellent support. On the other hand, if God is first, then I want to make sure I can be the best coach I am designed to be, so that I can be a channel of blessing to those God calls into my life. And to do this, I must be able to coach from a foundation that is unshakeable, that speaks the Truth and stands for the Truth.
This means there will surely be areas of conflict, because God did not design us to live for our own purposes, but for His. As Rick Warren says, it's not about you (or me). That fundamental difference alone affects everything else that flows from it. If my life is not mine alone, then I cannot live as if my concerns and interests are the only considerations in life. I am part of a community of believers and beyond that, a community of individuals made in God's image, even if not all believe in God. I have a specific role to play during my time here (my life purpose), and I must do so to the best of my God-given abilities.
Monday, December 25, 2006
Article: Creating Unstoppable Momentum
Our friend and career consultant, Bill Paxton, likes to say that there are three keys to creating unstoppable momentum in your life:
One of the greatest benefits of Clarity is having realistic expectations for yourself. For example, a Jeep and an Indy racer are both cars, but designed to do very different things. You wouldn’t expect a Jeep to be competitive in the Indianapolis 500. Nor would you expect the Indy racer to negotiate a logging trail. They are designed for different purposes.
So too it is with people. Clarity allows you to have realistic expectations of what you can and can not do. It’s one thing to know what you are designed to do. It’s another to do it.
The main idea of Congruency is to align what you do with your MAPP. When it comes to congruency, most of us are rather badly out of alignment. You may need to make some adjustments. Most will be incremental, but some may be radical, such as changing professions. The goal is to spend more time using your strengths. That’s where performance and satisfaction both peak.
Consistency means staying with it. Have you ever been caught in traffic in a large city? You accelerate as the light turns green, only to stop at the red light on the next corner. This pattern of starting and stopping repeats itself over and over as you make your way to your destination. It’s impossible to gain any momentum.
Careers can have momentum, too. Career momentum is achieved by practicing Clarity and Congruency over a long period of time. How long? Dr. Bernard Bloom of Northwestern University discovered that it takes between ten and eighteen years to achieve world-class performance in any career. You’ll never get there if you keep switching careers.
The secret to gaining momentum in your life is to do what you are designed to do over a long period of time. It all starts with Clarity, and Clarity starts with MAPP.
Go look at your MAPP results at http://www.assessment.com/, and take a positive step toward a career with momentum.
Sincerely,Henry
President
http://www.assessment.com/
- Clarity
- Congruency
- Consistency
One of the greatest benefits of Clarity is having realistic expectations for yourself. For example, a Jeep and an Indy racer are both cars, but designed to do very different things. You wouldn’t expect a Jeep to be competitive in the Indianapolis 500. Nor would you expect the Indy racer to negotiate a logging trail. They are designed for different purposes.
So too it is with people. Clarity allows you to have realistic expectations of what you can and can not do. It’s one thing to know what you are designed to do. It’s another to do it.
The main idea of Congruency is to align what you do with your MAPP. When it comes to congruency, most of us are rather badly out of alignment. You may need to make some adjustments. Most will be incremental, but some may be radical, such as changing professions. The goal is to spend more time using your strengths. That’s where performance and satisfaction both peak.
Consistency means staying with it. Have you ever been caught in traffic in a large city? You accelerate as the light turns green, only to stop at the red light on the next corner. This pattern of starting and stopping repeats itself over and over as you make your way to your destination. It’s impossible to gain any momentum.
Careers can have momentum, too. Career momentum is achieved by practicing Clarity and Congruency over a long period of time. How long? Dr. Bernard Bloom of Northwestern University discovered that it takes between ten and eighteen years to achieve world-class performance in any career. You’ll never get there if you keep switching careers.
The secret to gaining momentum in your life is to do what you are designed to do over a long period of time. It all starts with Clarity, and Clarity starts with MAPP.
Go look at your MAPP results at http://www.assessment.com/, and take a positive step toward a career with momentum.
Sincerely,Henry
President
http://www.assessment.com/
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Living With Goodbyes
In 2 hours, my aunt will be on her way back to Sg after a month here.
I am amazed to find I have tears in my eyes as I read her text message telling us not to go to the airport and that she will call when she has checked in.
See, we weren't close when I was growing up. For years, I was unsettled by her temper and her inexplicable concern with the small stuff, and dreaded visiting her. That was the story of our family - I was also not close (still am not) to my mum or my granny (who passed on earlier this year).
But things have changed in recent years. People change (thank God!). The dominated young ones grow up and become parents. The seniors mellow and abandon all pretense at dominating the next generation, and instead become indulgent and fun grandparents, granduncles and grandaunts. So the lucky little ones never get to see what terrified Mummy when she was 5 or 14 or 22.
Somewhere in the middle of all this, God has played a huge part. One by one, my relatives became believers. And in the past few years, those who were most resistant to the Word or who claimed to believe but denied it through their actions and lifestyles, have become the most inspired and inspiring believers. It is such an amazing, awesome transformation - and one that has the handprint of God all over.
We adults are a stubborn lot. Until we are brought to our knees by personal tragedy and disaster, we can go on for years living in our comfy, self-built shells, assuming that the paradigms we grew up with are the only ones there are.
I suspect what has greatly contributed to my aunt's mellowing is the near-death experiences she has encountered at least 2x in the past 10 years, first in her brush with cancer, then more recently in a botched colonoscopy which led to an adverse reaction to morphine and finally the removal of her appendix and part of her intestines (thanks to the negligence of her doctor).
That, and the positive examples of consistent Christian caring showed by the members of her church small group and by my other aunt (for years the ideal wife/mother/aunt/daughter-in-law and role model par exemple in our family).
So while I am sad to see my aunt go home, I am also glad to have had the opportunity to witness and be blessed by the post-trauma her who has lived to see her faith in God renewed and strengthened, and who now chooses to live in a way that influences others for good.
I am amazed to find I have tears in my eyes as I read her text message telling us not to go to the airport and that she will call when she has checked in.
See, we weren't close when I was growing up. For years, I was unsettled by her temper and her inexplicable concern with the small stuff, and dreaded visiting her. That was the story of our family - I was also not close (still am not) to my mum or my granny (who passed on earlier this year).
But things have changed in recent years. People change (thank God!). The dominated young ones grow up and become parents. The seniors mellow and abandon all pretense at dominating the next generation, and instead become indulgent and fun grandparents, granduncles and grandaunts. So the lucky little ones never get to see what terrified Mummy when she was 5 or 14 or 22.
Somewhere in the middle of all this, God has played a huge part. One by one, my relatives became believers. And in the past few years, those who were most resistant to the Word or who claimed to believe but denied it through their actions and lifestyles, have become the most inspired and inspiring believers. It is such an amazing, awesome transformation - and one that has the handprint of God all over.
We adults are a stubborn lot. Until we are brought to our knees by personal tragedy and disaster, we can go on for years living in our comfy, self-built shells, assuming that the paradigms we grew up with are the only ones there are.
I suspect what has greatly contributed to my aunt's mellowing is the near-death experiences she has encountered at least 2x in the past 10 years, first in her brush with cancer, then more recently in a botched colonoscopy which led to an adverse reaction to morphine and finally the removal of her appendix and part of her intestines (thanks to the negligence of her doctor).
That, and the positive examples of consistent Christian caring showed by the members of her church small group and by my other aunt (for years the ideal wife/mother/aunt/daughter-in-law and role model par exemple in our family).
So while I am sad to see my aunt go home, I am also glad to have had the opportunity to witness and be blessed by the post-trauma her who has lived to see her faith in God renewed and strengthened, and who now chooses to live in a way that influences others for good.
Saturday, December 16, 2006
Article: Learning to Say NO
The “Yes” Trap
By Sharon Juden
How many times do you find yourself pushed to breaking point with deadlines, ‘to-do’ lists, your own expectations and desires, and then someone comes along and asks a ‘little favor’. And what do you say? “No, Sorry, I’m too busy at the moment” or “OK, I’ll see what I can do for you.” If, like me, you use the second response more times than you care to remember, we have to ask ourselves: “Why on earth do we DO IT??” By saying “yes” when it really doesn’t suit, what are you telling the world? – Or, to put it more pointedly, what do you THINK you’re telling the world?
Exercise:
Take a moment to think about the times when you’ve said “yes” to a project or task, when really you’ve meant “no”. And write down the signals you hoped you were sending out to the world.
The “Yes” Trap
Do you fall into the “yes” trap because you want people to know:
You’re super-efficient and capable
You’re reliable and dependable
You’re indispensable
You’re a go-getter and high achiever
You’re hard-working and therefore worthy of your salary or the salary you’re working towards
Some of these reasons will probably resonate. But, when you say “yes”, is that how people really perceive you? Or do they perhaps see you just as a sure way of getting something done with the minimum of fuss and negotiation?
Exercise:
Now take a moment to think about how you feel when you say “yes” but really want to say “no”. I’m guessing that there’s at least as much negative feeling as positive.
Then think about the signals that other people will be picking up.
By saying “yes” what are you subconsciously telling yourself (and other people)?
Perhaps that:
You don’t value your own time
You don’t value your own goals and needs
You’re an easy option with no boundaries in place
You don’t respect yourself, so why should anyone else?
While there is much debate in both philosophy as to whether or not (and to what extent) we create our reality, there is little doubt that we create our experience of reality when we represent things in our mind: If we think that by saying “yes” we will be that super-efficient, reliable, indispensable, go-getting person (points 1-5 above), then we will continue to say “yes”. Even when common sense (and maybe our well-meaning friends) will tell us otherwise.
Learning to Choose “No”
The most important choice each of us has in life is to choose our priorities. What you do, and the outcome you achieve, is a direct result of the choices you make and the priorities you give to every task and project you encounter. If saying “yes” leaves you feeling frustrated and stressed, annoyed with yourself, and feeling, deep down, more like a person described by points 6 to 9 above, then perhaps you’re putting your priorities in the wrong place. Try choosing “no” more often: When “no” is the right answer for you, say it politely, assertively and with conviction. See how much better that can make you feel. The moment you recognize your needs and priorities, and find a better way to meet them, you’ll find better peace of mind, and life will change for the better.
Exercise:
Now think again about the times you’ve said “yes”, when really you wanted to say “no”. Practice saying “no” politely and firmly. Remember, when “no” is the right answer, you’re not making excuses; A brief and honest explanation of your reasons should suffice.
“No” is hard for many of people to say. We all like to feel appreciated and useful to others. But it’s often far better to say “no” and concentrate on a few great wins, than to say “yes” after “yes” after “yes” and deliver poor results on the things that matter most. Either you’ll do it voluntarily and deliberately, or you’ll do it when you collapse with a nervous breakdown. You owe it to yourself to take control of your own life and make the hard choices now, when they may be uncomfortable but at least they are do-able.
Take heed of the wise words of Stever Robbins, leadership and efficiency expert: “Something’s got to give. Don’t let it be you.”
Sharon Juden leads Coaching Clinics in the Mind Tools Career Excellence Club. She is also a member of the Mind Tools Career and Life Coaching team, offering one-to-one personal coaching by telephone.
http://www.mindtools.com/php/coaching/CoachingForm.htm
Major Takeaway:
By Sharon Juden
How many times do you find yourself pushed to breaking point with deadlines, ‘to-do’ lists, your own expectations and desires, and then someone comes along and asks a ‘little favor’. And what do you say? “No, Sorry, I’m too busy at the moment” or “OK, I’ll see what I can do for you.” If, like me, you use the second response more times than you care to remember, we have to ask ourselves: “Why on earth do we DO IT??” By saying “yes” when it really doesn’t suit, what are you telling the world? – Or, to put it more pointedly, what do you THINK you’re telling the world?
Exercise:
Take a moment to think about the times when you’ve said “yes” to a project or task, when really you’ve meant “no”. And write down the signals you hoped you were sending out to the world.
The “Yes” Trap
Do you fall into the “yes” trap because you want people to know:
You’re super-efficient and capable
You’re reliable and dependable
You’re indispensable
You’re a go-getter and high achiever
You’re hard-working and therefore worthy of your salary or the salary you’re working towards
Some of these reasons will probably resonate. But, when you say “yes”, is that how people really perceive you? Or do they perhaps see you just as a sure way of getting something done with the minimum of fuss and negotiation?
Exercise:
Now take a moment to think about how you feel when you say “yes” but really want to say “no”. I’m guessing that there’s at least as much negative feeling as positive.
Then think about the signals that other people will be picking up.
By saying “yes” what are you subconsciously telling yourself (and other people)?
Perhaps that:
You don’t value your own time
You don’t value your own goals and needs
You’re an easy option with no boundaries in place
You don’t respect yourself, so why should anyone else?
While there is much debate in both philosophy as to whether or not (and to what extent) we create our reality, there is little doubt that we create our experience of reality when we represent things in our mind: If we think that by saying “yes” we will be that super-efficient, reliable, indispensable, go-getting person (points 1-5 above), then we will continue to say “yes”. Even when common sense (and maybe our well-meaning friends) will tell us otherwise.
Learning to Choose “No”
The most important choice each of us has in life is to choose our priorities. What you do, and the outcome you achieve, is a direct result of the choices you make and the priorities you give to every task and project you encounter. If saying “yes” leaves you feeling frustrated and stressed, annoyed with yourself, and feeling, deep down, more like a person described by points 6 to 9 above, then perhaps you’re putting your priorities in the wrong place. Try choosing “no” more often: When “no” is the right answer for you, say it politely, assertively and with conviction. See how much better that can make you feel. The moment you recognize your needs and priorities, and find a better way to meet them, you’ll find better peace of mind, and life will change for the better.
Exercise:
Now think again about the times you’ve said “yes”, when really you wanted to say “no”. Practice saying “no” politely and firmly. Remember, when “no” is the right answer, you’re not making excuses; A brief and honest explanation of your reasons should suffice.
“No” is hard for many of people to say. We all like to feel appreciated and useful to others. But it’s often far better to say “no” and concentrate on a few great wins, than to say “yes” after “yes” after “yes” and deliver poor results on the things that matter most. Either you’ll do it voluntarily and deliberately, or you’ll do it when you collapse with a nervous breakdown. You owe it to yourself to take control of your own life and make the hard choices now, when they may be uncomfortable but at least they are do-able.
Take heed of the wise words of Stever Robbins, leadership and efficiency expert: “Something’s got to give. Don’t let it be you.”
Sharon Juden leads Coaching Clinics in the Mind Tools Career Excellence Club. She is also a member of the Mind Tools Career and Life Coaching team, offering one-to-one personal coaching by telephone.
http://www.mindtools.com/php/coaching/CoachingForm.htm
Major Takeaway:
I am reminded of what Gordon MacDonald says in Ordering Your Private World, that unless you set boundaries and decide which part of your day is negotiable and which isn't, people are just going to encroach on your time. The same idea is echoed in Stephen Covey's call to focus on Quadrant 2 aka Important activities by learning to cut out activities which are Urgent (deadline driven) and Not Important.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
What Do You Owe Your Boss?
From The Age's Good Weekend supplement
November 9, 2006
www.stephaniedowrick.com
Do you feel entitled to be paid because you are at your workplace - however little you are doing? Have you ever felt entitled to take off yet another Monday because, frankly, your weekend was far too good? What about sending a text message to your boss to say you are not coming to work today - or ever again? Or leaving out crucial information in a report because it required too much effort to collect? Have you ever traded on colleagues' goodwill by doing a lot less than your share? Or looked for a better job in your current employer's time?
Issues around loyalty in the workplace are not new. For all the talk of the good old days, when faithful souls joined a company at 15 and left 40 or 50 years later wiht a hearty handshake and a handsome watch, there have always been workplace tussles relating to loyalty and power. And these issues run in two directions. Loyalty is not just about how long you stay in the same employment. It is also about what happens while you are there: how you are regarded, whether you are respected, how mutual trust and transparency are developed - or undermined.
Employees are also vulnerable to exploitation. When companies restructure, the same demands may be left to far fewer people. In many workplaces, people are pushed to take on significant levels of extra responsibility for no additional rewards. Low-paid employees may be required to attend meetings or training without being paid for that time. Little extras that cost a company virtually nothing may be arbitrarily withdrawn. Training may be inadequate, undermining people's confidence to do their job well. People may be sacked or made redundant by a company that can't afford its employees but can afford directors' bonuses. And of course anyone who works for a boss who is bad-tempered, unpredictable, self-serving or plain incompetent will suffer, sometimes seriously.
Most of us spend at least 40 hours a week at our paid work, sometimes many more. Add travelling time, plus the time we spend thinking about our jobs and extending our skills or recovering from our working day, and a vast chunk of our lives is accounted for. Even when we change jobs often, the dominance work has persists. People routinely describe themselves in work terms: "I'm an accountant." So how we get along with our colleagues and boss, and especially how we feel about ourselves in our workplace rolem has a huge effect on our emotional wellbeing. It also affects our physical health. But when it comes to these contentious issues of loyalty, self-responsibility, co-operation and "entitlement", it is the psychological impact that will be most powerful. Work, along with intimacy and parenting, offers us our best chance to grow up, pushing us to see that our agenda is only one among many and that the world does not begin or end at our own front door.
Giving lip service to an ethical way of working is easy. It requires old-fashioned character, insight and self-respect to translate that into action, to recognise how beneficial it is to think about work with an emphasis on cooperation and fairness. From whichever side of the line you stand, this means applying the golden rule: being the colleague or boss you would most like to have, not making self-serving excuses, owning up to your choices and having enough loyalty to yourself and your own values to recognise how those choices are affecting other people - and shaping the person you yourself are becoming.
November 9, 2006
www.stephaniedowrick.com
Do you feel entitled to be paid because you are at your workplace - however little you are doing? Have you ever felt entitled to take off yet another Monday because, frankly, your weekend was far too good? What about sending a text message to your boss to say you are not coming to work today - or ever again? Or leaving out crucial information in a report because it required too much effort to collect? Have you ever traded on colleagues' goodwill by doing a lot less than your share? Or looked for a better job in your current employer's time?
Issues around loyalty in the workplace are not new. For all the talk of the good old days, when faithful souls joined a company at 15 and left 40 or 50 years later wiht a hearty handshake and a handsome watch, there have always been workplace tussles relating to loyalty and power. And these issues run in two directions. Loyalty is not just about how long you stay in the same employment. It is also about what happens while you are there: how you are regarded, whether you are respected, how mutual trust and transparency are developed - or undermined.
Employees are also vulnerable to exploitation. When companies restructure, the same demands may be left to far fewer people. In many workplaces, people are pushed to take on significant levels of extra responsibility for no additional rewards. Low-paid employees may be required to attend meetings or training without being paid for that time. Little extras that cost a company virtually nothing may be arbitrarily withdrawn. Training may be inadequate, undermining people's confidence to do their job well. People may be sacked or made redundant by a company that can't afford its employees but can afford directors' bonuses. And of course anyone who works for a boss who is bad-tempered, unpredictable, self-serving or plain incompetent will suffer, sometimes seriously.
Most of us spend at least 40 hours a week at our paid work, sometimes many more. Add travelling time, plus the time we spend thinking about our jobs and extending our skills or recovering from our working day, and a vast chunk of our lives is accounted for. Even when we change jobs often, the dominance work has persists. People routinely describe themselves in work terms: "I'm an accountant." So how we get along with our colleagues and boss, and especially how we feel about ourselves in our workplace rolem has a huge effect on our emotional wellbeing. It also affects our physical health. But when it comes to these contentious issues of loyalty, self-responsibility, co-operation and "entitlement", it is the psychological impact that will be most powerful. Work, along with intimacy and parenting, offers us our best chance to grow up, pushing us to see that our agenda is only one among many and that the world does not begin or end at our own front door.
Giving lip service to an ethical way of working is easy. It requires old-fashioned character, insight and self-respect to translate that into action, to recognise how beneficial it is to think about work with an emphasis on cooperation and fairness. From whichever side of the line you stand, this means applying the golden rule: being the colleague or boss you would most like to have, not making self-serving excuses, owning up to your choices and having enough loyalty to yourself and your own values to recognise how those choices are affecting other people - and shaping the person you yourself are becoming.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
What Career Should I Choose?
I love mulling over all the possible careers I can have.
In primary school, I read Artemus Flint, the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew, and wanted to be a detective.
As I grew older, I realized I didn't have the guts and smarts to be one, so I gave that dream up.
When I was 20, I wrote on a piece of paper (which I still have about me somewhere) the following: Psychologist. Counsellor. Legal Officer/Lawyer. Fashion Designer. Interior Designer.
Sometime in my 11-year law career, I realized I wasn't happy. I wasn't cut out for the law. I was struggling too much, like a salmon swimming upstream. Surely I was meant for something else? And so began my transition into a life of writing.
I sought God many times on what career He meant me to have, but never did get answers. I felt that if I could only find THE answer, THE career that was meant for me, all my uncertainties would melt away and I would be a focussed, purpose driven person who knew exactly where to channel her energies and time.
But it seems I may have got my paradigm wrong.
If Rick Warren is right and it's not all about me, then what I choose for a career is really of secondary importance compared to God's ultimate purpose for my life.
Much confusion in the Christian life comes from ignoring the simple truth that God is far more interested in building your character than he is anything else. We worry when God seems silent on specific issues such as "What career should I choose?" The truth is, there are many careers that could be in God's will for your life. What God cares about most is that whatever you do, you do in a Christlike manner.
...
Sadly, a quick review of many popular Christian books reveals that many believers have abandoned living for God's great purposes and settled for personal fulfilment and emotional stability. That is narcissism, not discipleship. Jesus did not die on the cross just so we could live comfortable, well-adjusted lives. His purpose is far deeper. He wants to make us like himself before he takes us to heaven. This is our greatest privilege, our immediate responsibility, and our ultimate destiny. (Chapter 22, The Purpose Driven Life)
Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out...Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:2, The Message)
In primary school, I read Artemus Flint, the Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew, and wanted to be a detective.
As I grew older, I realized I didn't have the guts and smarts to be one, so I gave that dream up.
When I was 20, I wrote on a piece of paper (which I still have about me somewhere) the following: Psychologist. Counsellor. Legal Officer/Lawyer. Fashion Designer. Interior Designer.
Sometime in my 11-year law career, I realized I wasn't happy. I wasn't cut out for the law. I was struggling too much, like a salmon swimming upstream. Surely I was meant for something else? And so began my transition into a life of writing.
I sought God many times on what career He meant me to have, but never did get answers. I felt that if I could only find THE answer, THE career that was meant for me, all my uncertainties would melt away and I would be a focussed, purpose driven person who knew exactly where to channel her energies and time.
But it seems I may have got my paradigm wrong.
If Rick Warren is right and it's not all about me, then what I choose for a career is really of secondary importance compared to God's ultimate purpose for my life.
Much confusion in the Christian life comes from ignoring the simple truth that God is far more interested in building your character than he is anything else. We worry when God seems silent on specific issues such as "What career should I choose?" The truth is, there are many careers that could be in God's will for your life. What God cares about most is that whatever you do, you do in a Christlike manner.
...
Sadly, a quick review of many popular Christian books reveals that many believers have abandoned living for God's great purposes and settled for personal fulfilment and emotional stability. That is narcissism, not discipleship. Jesus did not die on the cross just so we could live comfortable, well-adjusted lives. His purpose is far deeper. He wants to make us like himself before he takes us to heaven. This is our greatest privilege, our immediate responsibility, and our ultimate destiny. (Chapter 22, The Purpose Driven Life)
Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out...Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. (Romans 12:2, The Message)
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Live Your Dreams Now
Live Your Dreams Now
Whitney Hopler
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Shannon and Michael Primicerio's soon-to-be-released book, Life. Now.: Overcoming the 10 Obstacles that Derail Your Dreams, (Bethany House, 2007).
What dreams lie dormant in your heart? Whatever you wish you could pursue someday isn’t really out of your reach right now. If you start making deliberate choices to pursue your dreams – without waiting for your circumstances to change – you don’t have to wait to see your dreams begin to come true.
So don’t wait for someday. Overcome obstacles standing in the way and start living your dreams now! Here’s how:
* Overcome fear. Know that, although it’s natural to feel fear about taking the risks necessary to pursue your dreams, giving into your fear will stop your progress. Realize that God will give you all the power you need to do whatever He is calling you to do. Rely on Him for help, knowing that He never fails. Don’t worry about what other people think of your dreams, since doing so will allow them to control your dreams. Feel free to seek counsel from a few trustworthy people who are close to you, but dismiss critics who don’t have your best interests at heart. Ask God to give you the courage to do what He wants you to do, no matter what others think. Make whatever changes you need to make to stop playing it safe and living in a rut. Move, change jobs, find a new church, or do anything else to get you unstuck and on the road toward where you want to go. Meet with a trusted friend, family member, or pastor to honestly express your dreams and fears, and ask that person to pray for you. Check back in with this person regularly as you make progress toward fulfilling your dreams.
* Stop trying to earn other people’s approval. Ask God to help you be comfortable with the unique person He has made you to be. Then be yourself, rather than the person others think you should be. Expect that, somewhere along the way while you pursue your dreams, you’re going to lose the approval of some people close to you. Don’t worry about asking anyone except God for permission to go after your dreams. Understand that sometimes, in order to obey God, you’ll need to disappoint other people. Ask God to give you the confidence you need to move forward with what He wants you to do, even when people you care about don’t support you. For one week, keep track of how you make your decisions (both simple ones like where to go to dinner and complicated ones like whether or not to take a certain job). As you make each decision, write down whether you did what you really wanted to do, or whether you did what you felt others wanted you to do. Then, after the week is up, study your notes to notice a pattern in your decision-making strategies. Going forward, remember to choose what you want to do instead of seeking other people’s approval.
* Be willing to leave the comforts of home. Understand that pursuing your dreams often requires venturing out beyond all that’s comfortable to you now. Don’t let a love for the familiar stand in the way of your dreams. If you live at home with your parents, set a time for leaving and stick to it. Establish true independence in your life. If you’re stuck in a dead-end job, look around for better opportunities and go after them. If a longtime friend doesn’t support your quest to fulfill your dreams, find some new friends who will support you. If your current area doesn’t offer the resources you need to pursue your dreams, move to a place that will better enable you to pursue them. Don’t be afraid to leave behind a way of life that you’ve been conditioned to think is normal so you can discover something better. Leave small thoughts behind and dream big.
* Trade average for excellent. Don’t be satisfied with halfhearted living. Recognize that in order to give your best to pursuing your dreams, you need to be at your best as a person. Decide to live a life of significance – one that makes the world a better place because you lived. Ask God to use your ordinary life to accomplish extraordinary purposes. Never stop learning. Take care of your body through good nutrition and regular exercise so it will serve you well as you go after your dreams. Remove clutter from your home, office, and car so you can think more clearly and use your time more productively. Write down your goals clearly on flash cards, and review them regularly to keep them in the forefront of your mind and stay on track. Find a photo of something that represents a goal you have (such as a photo of an island if you’re dreaming of vacationing in Hawaii one day), and place it somewhere relevant (such as by your ATM card to help you remember to save). Celebrate whenever you make accomplish something that moves you closer to your goals. Every day, spend time with God in prayer about your dreams and your progress toward them.
* Surrender a sense of control. Realize and accept the fact that you can’t control many things that happen to you. Whenever you encounter frustration and disappointment as you pursue your dreams, identify what your feelings are and face them with grace, trusting in the fact that God is still working out good purposes in your life. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Know that, although you can’t always change your circumstances, you can always change your attitude in response to them. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you grow in the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Let go of the way you think things should happen, and trust God to guide you through His best plans for your life. Resist the temptation to be jealous of others who are seeing their dreams come true while you’re still waiting. Simply remind yourself of all you do have to be thankful for, and keep moving forward toward your goals.
* Start where you are. Don’t wait for a certain time or situation to start going after your dreams. Start right now, right in your current circumstances. Be creative about maximizing your time. Know that if you invest even small amounts of time toward reaching your dreams, over the long haul your investment will pay off in a big way. Whenever you have idle time, fill it in productive ways (such as by listening to Scripture on your commute to work). Don’t let seemingly urgent things like household chores and checking e-mail distract you from what’s most important. Make sure that you’re focusing on important tasks – ones that will help your dreams come true – first, and just fit all the “urgent” tasks in as you can. Establish and grow relationships with key people who can help you fulfill your dreams. Pray for God to lead you to a mentor or two and place the right people alongside you at the right times as you go after your dreams. Don’t wait for all the pieces of a plan to make perfect sense to you before moving forward if you sense God calling you to do so; be willing to take steps of faith as He leads you.
* Use money to fund your progress. Recognize that you’ll need to spend money to pursue most of your dreams. Don’t let financial constraints prevent you from following your dreams. Instead, think and pray about a plan to make money available, over time, to fund your progress. Get and stay out of debt to free up cash to use for pursuing your dreams, such as starting your own business or going back to school to earn a certain degree. Set up a budget and stick to it so you don’t overspend. If you’re not bringing in enough income, start looking for a second job or a new primary job that pays more. Set short- and long-term financial goals. Save as much as you can, tithe faithfully, and give generously.
* Stay motivated. Remind yourself often of the reasons why you’re making sacrifices and working hard to pursue your dreams. Paint a vivid mental picture of what you want your life to be like after you’ve achieved your goals. Write out a plan for how to make your dreams realities and move forward with that plan while inviting God to edit your plan as He sees fit. Dream lavishly and expect God to do even more than you could ever imagine or ask. Ask Him to keep encouraging you as you follow His dreams for your life.
* Follow through. Be persistent when you face challenges on your way to fulfilling your dreams. Don’t grumble about difficulties; instead, be thankful that you have the gift of each new day to keep making progress. Try to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Be prepared for trials and tragedies that will inevitably threaten to derail your dreams. When you encounter them, depend on the hope that Jesus offers and keep working to make progress as you can. Don’t let your mistakes or failures cause you to give up. Stay focused on your vision, keep working hard, and continue to trust God.
* Keep seeking God’s will. Constantly check in with God to make sure your dreams align with His will for your life. Spend time with Him daily in prayer. Regularly read, study, and meditate on passages of the Bible. Participate in a church and a small group to build relationships with trusted friends who can help you discern where God is leading you. Make your relationship with God your highest priority in life. Know that if you seek God Himself first – before your dreams – then your dreams will fall into place.
Whitney Hopler
Crosswalk.com Contributing Writer
Editor's Note: The following is a report on the practical applications of Shannon and Michael Primicerio's soon-to-be-released book, Life. Now.: Overcoming the 10 Obstacles that Derail Your Dreams, (Bethany House, 2007).
What dreams lie dormant in your heart? Whatever you wish you could pursue someday isn’t really out of your reach right now. If you start making deliberate choices to pursue your dreams – without waiting for your circumstances to change – you don’t have to wait to see your dreams begin to come true.
So don’t wait for someday. Overcome obstacles standing in the way and start living your dreams now! Here’s how:
* Overcome fear. Know that, although it’s natural to feel fear about taking the risks necessary to pursue your dreams, giving into your fear will stop your progress. Realize that God will give you all the power you need to do whatever He is calling you to do. Rely on Him for help, knowing that He never fails. Don’t worry about what other people think of your dreams, since doing so will allow them to control your dreams. Feel free to seek counsel from a few trustworthy people who are close to you, but dismiss critics who don’t have your best interests at heart. Ask God to give you the courage to do what He wants you to do, no matter what others think. Make whatever changes you need to make to stop playing it safe and living in a rut. Move, change jobs, find a new church, or do anything else to get you unstuck and on the road toward where you want to go. Meet with a trusted friend, family member, or pastor to honestly express your dreams and fears, and ask that person to pray for you. Check back in with this person regularly as you make progress toward fulfilling your dreams.
* Stop trying to earn other people’s approval. Ask God to help you be comfortable with the unique person He has made you to be. Then be yourself, rather than the person others think you should be. Expect that, somewhere along the way while you pursue your dreams, you’re going to lose the approval of some people close to you. Don’t worry about asking anyone except God for permission to go after your dreams. Understand that sometimes, in order to obey God, you’ll need to disappoint other people. Ask God to give you the confidence you need to move forward with what He wants you to do, even when people you care about don’t support you. For one week, keep track of how you make your decisions (both simple ones like where to go to dinner and complicated ones like whether or not to take a certain job). As you make each decision, write down whether you did what you really wanted to do, or whether you did what you felt others wanted you to do. Then, after the week is up, study your notes to notice a pattern in your decision-making strategies. Going forward, remember to choose what you want to do instead of seeking other people’s approval.
* Be willing to leave the comforts of home. Understand that pursuing your dreams often requires venturing out beyond all that’s comfortable to you now. Don’t let a love for the familiar stand in the way of your dreams. If you live at home with your parents, set a time for leaving and stick to it. Establish true independence in your life. If you’re stuck in a dead-end job, look around for better opportunities and go after them. If a longtime friend doesn’t support your quest to fulfill your dreams, find some new friends who will support you. If your current area doesn’t offer the resources you need to pursue your dreams, move to a place that will better enable you to pursue them. Don’t be afraid to leave behind a way of life that you’ve been conditioned to think is normal so you can discover something better. Leave small thoughts behind and dream big.
* Trade average for excellent. Don’t be satisfied with halfhearted living. Recognize that in order to give your best to pursuing your dreams, you need to be at your best as a person. Decide to live a life of significance – one that makes the world a better place because you lived. Ask God to use your ordinary life to accomplish extraordinary purposes. Never stop learning. Take care of your body through good nutrition and regular exercise so it will serve you well as you go after your dreams. Remove clutter from your home, office, and car so you can think more clearly and use your time more productively. Write down your goals clearly on flash cards, and review them regularly to keep them in the forefront of your mind and stay on track. Find a photo of something that represents a goal you have (such as a photo of an island if you’re dreaming of vacationing in Hawaii one day), and place it somewhere relevant (such as by your ATM card to help you remember to save). Celebrate whenever you make accomplish something that moves you closer to your goals. Every day, spend time with God in prayer about your dreams and your progress toward them.
* Surrender a sense of control. Realize and accept the fact that you can’t control many things that happen to you. Whenever you encounter frustration and disappointment as you pursue your dreams, identify what your feelings are and face them with grace, trusting in the fact that God is still working out good purposes in your life. Don’t waste time feeling sorry for yourself. Know that, although you can’t always change your circumstances, you can always change your attitude in response to them. Pray for the Holy Spirit to help you grow in the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Let go of the way you think things should happen, and trust God to guide you through His best plans for your life. Resist the temptation to be jealous of others who are seeing their dreams come true while you’re still waiting. Simply remind yourself of all you do have to be thankful for, and keep moving forward toward your goals.
* Start where you are. Don’t wait for a certain time or situation to start going after your dreams. Start right now, right in your current circumstances. Be creative about maximizing your time. Know that if you invest even small amounts of time toward reaching your dreams, over the long haul your investment will pay off in a big way. Whenever you have idle time, fill it in productive ways (such as by listening to Scripture on your commute to work). Don’t let seemingly urgent things like household chores and checking e-mail distract you from what’s most important. Make sure that you’re focusing on important tasks – ones that will help your dreams come true – first, and just fit all the “urgent” tasks in as you can. Establish and grow relationships with key people who can help you fulfill your dreams. Pray for God to lead you to a mentor or two and place the right people alongside you at the right times as you go after your dreams. Don’t wait for all the pieces of a plan to make perfect sense to you before moving forward if you sense God calling you to do so; be willing to take steps of faith as He leads you.
* Use money to fund your progress. Recognize that you’ll need to spend money to pursue most of your dreams. Don’t let financial constraints prevent you from following your dreams. Instead, think and pray about a plan to make money available, over time, to fund your progress. Get and stay out of debt to free up cash to use for pursuing your dreams, such as starting your own business or going back to school to earn a certain degree. Set up a budget and stick to it so you don’t overspend. If you’re not bringing in enough income, start looking for a second job or a new primary job that pays more. Set short- and long-term financial goals. Save as much as you can, tithe faithfully, and give generously.
* Stay motivated. Remind yourself often of the reasons why you’re making sacrifices and working hard to pursue your dreams. Paint a vivid mental picture of what you want your life to be like after you’ve achieved your goals. Write out a plan for how to make your dreams realities and move forward with that plan while inviting God to edit your plan as He sees fit. Dream lavishly and expect God to do even more than you could ever imagine or ask. Ask Him to keep encouraging you as you follow His dreams for your life.
* Follow through. Be persistent when you face challenges on your way to fulfilling your dreams. Don’t grumble about difficulties; instead, be thankful that you have the gift of each new day to keep making progress. Try to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. Be prepared for trials and tragedies that will inevitably threaten to derail your dreams. When you encounter them, depend on the hope that Jesus offers and keep working to make progress as you can. Don’t let your mistakes or failures cause you to give up. Stay focused on your vision, keep working hard, and continue to trust God.
* Keep seeking God’s will. Constantly check in with God to make sure your dreams align with His will for your life. Spend time with Him daily in prayer. Regularly read, study, and meditate on passages of the Bible. Participate in a church and a small group to build relationships with trusted friends who can help you discern where God is leading you. Make your relationship with God your highest priority in life. Know that if you seek God Himself first – before your dreams – then your dreams will fall into place.
Saturday, December 09, 2006
Don't Miss This Blog! StevePavlina
I am a devoted fan of Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People website and blog. He writes long, balanced, well thought through posts on diverse subjects like motivation, polyphasic sleep, how to find your life purpose in 20 minutes, the Law of Attraction (which I see popping up on all the success gurus' websites), and 10 Reasons You Should Never Get A Job.
If you've been following this blog, you will know that the topic of money sits heavily on my mind. And just yesterday, after a week of internal conversations on The Purpose Driven Life vs The Abundant Mentality, I remembered Steve and checked out his blog. Call it synchronicity or a coincidence, but I believe that when you are seeking answers sincerely, they will all come at you in a rush. Steve's latest post just affirms this theory.
Just look at how he starts off. Everything that's been on my mind is right here.
How important is money? How much is enough? Is money a distraction from one’s spiritual path? Is it a necessary evil? Is it unfair that some people have more money than others? Is poverty more noble than wealth? Is it possible to become an enlightened millionaire?
And then see how he goes on to address the following issues:
If you've been following this blog, you will know that the topic of money sits heavily on my mind. And just yesterday, after a week of internal conversations on The Purpose Driven Life vs The Abundant Mentality, I remembered Steve and checked out his blog. Call it synchronicity or a coincidence, but I believe that when you are seeking answers sincerely, they will all come at you in a rush. Steve's latest post just affirms this theory.
Just look at how he starts off. Everything that's been on my mind is right here.
How important is money? How much is enough? Is money a distraction from one’s spiritual path? Is it a necessary evil? Is it unfair that some people have more money than others? Is poverty more noble than wealth? Is it possible to become an enlightened millionaire?
And then see how he goes on to address the following issues:
- Is money a positive resource or a consciousness-lowering distraction?
- Conflicting beliefs about money
- What is money?
- How to earn money
- The moocher mindset
- The contributor mindset
- Pro bono contribution
- Making money consciously
- Congruent contribution
My Major Takeaways
I choose to earn money by being a contributor. This means adding value, meeting needs, solving problems.
My income depends on its social value (how society perceives and weighs its value), not personal value (what I think is valuable).
To be fully motivated, I have to attain congruence. To find congruence, I must live in alignment with my personal values and find a way to contribute social value.
Once I've learned to internalize these 2 mindsets, I will be able to earn more while serving the greater good.
Finally, the mother of all quotable quotes. It's so good I had to reprint it word for word for you.
If you want to generate income without lowering your consciousness, you have to get your limiting beliefs out of your way. Holding yourself back from earning more money doesn’t serve anyone. Limiting your income only limits your contribution. The conscious reason to earn more money is that you can put those social credits to good use. Use them to expand your service to others. If you’re living an honorable life, then it’s a good thing for you to receive more money. You’ll be a good custodian for it. The more money that flows through your life, the more resources you can invest into your life purpose.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
What does the abundant life mean?
"I am come that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10
What exactly does that mean?
Does it have the same meaning as when coaches and new age success gurus talk of helping people to live abundantly, or when they point out the difference between an Abundance Mentality vs a Scarcity Mentality, or when abundance is mentioned in the same breath as prosperity, wealth, success and happiness?
I know a Christian life coach whose mission is "using practical coaching methods and biblically sound strategies" to teach her clients "learn how to create a life that draws prosperity, happiness, abundance, joy, peace and success to them".
When I Googled "scarcity mentality and abundance mentality", I found an abundance of articles on the subject, most of which exhort you and me to discard Scarcity thinking and embrace Abundance thinking. See for instance this wonderful piece by Dr Wayne Dyer (author of You'll See It When You Believe It - an intriguing title!) that suggests everything we need to eliminate scarcity in our world is already here, and that there is enough to go around.
I totally agree that we should focus on thanking God for what we already have, instead of harping on what we lack, or think we lack. It is also useful to maintain a right perspective by remembering, as Rick Warren likes to put it, that "life is not about you". God's ultimate goal for our lives on earth is not comfort, but character development. (Ch22, The Purpose Driven Life)
He goes on to write that "many Christians misinterpret Jesus' promise of the abundant life to mean perfect health, a comfortable lifestyle, constant happiness, full realization of your dreams, and instant relief from problems through faith and prayer...This self-absorbed perspective treats God as a genie who simply exists to serve you in your selfish pursuit of personal fulfilment. But God is not your servant...You exist for God's purposes, not vice versa."
So how does all this info translate into something coherent and meaningful that I can live by? Might it be possible that God's purpose is for me to live simply and meaningfully, with modest needs and modest expectations? Are my dreams of financial stability (and eventual financial abundance) in harmony with God's purposes, or the result of too much influence by secular humanistic philosophy? How will I know?
"If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)
What exactly does that mean?
Does it have the same meaning as when coaches and new age success gurus talk of helping people to live abundantly, or when they point out the difference between an Abundance Mentality vs a Scarcity Mentality, or when abundance is mentioned in the same breath as prosperity, wealth, success and happiness?
I know a Christian life coach whose mission is "using practical coaching methods and biblically sound strategies" to teach her clients "learn how to create a life that draws prosperity, happiness, abundance, joy, peace and success to them".
When I Googled "scarcity mentality and abundance mentality", I found an abundance of articles on the subject, most of which exhort you and me to discard Scarcity thinking and embrace Abundance thinking. See for instance this wonderful piece by Dr Wayne Dyer (author of You'll See It When You Believe It - an intriguing title!) that suggests everything we need to eliminate scarcity in our world is already here, and that there is enough to go around.
I totally agree that we should focus on thanking God for what we already have, instead of harping on what we lack, or think we lack. It is also useful to maintain a right perspective by remembering, as Rick Warren likes to put it, that "life is not about you". God's ultimate goal for our lives on earth is not comfort, but character development. (Ch22, The Purpose Driven Life)
He goes on to write that "many Christians misinterpret Jesus' promise of the abundant life to mean perfect health, a comfortable lifestyle, constant happiness, full realization of your dreams, and instant relief from problems through faith and prayer...This self-absorbed perspective treats God as a genie who simply exists to serve you in your selfish pursuit of personal fulfilment. But God is not your servant...You exist for God's purposes, not vice versa."
So how does all this info translate into something coherent and meaningful that I can live by? Might it be possible that God's purpose is for me to live simply and meaningfully, with modest needs and modest expectations? Are my dreams of financial stability (and eventual financial abundance) in harmony with God's purposes, or the result of too much influence by secular humanistic philosophy? How will I know?
"If any of you lack wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." (James 1:5)
Monday, December 04, 2006
Week 37
Puffiness in feet has subsided this past week :-)
Still not getting quality sleep. This'll be the story of my life for the next 12 months, I reckon.
Good news - the baby has turned around and is no longer in breech position! Am SO relieved.
Can't set up nursery yet because....our things are still with Customs! Read all about the latest in http://carpediemtans.blogspot.com.
Have ordered an orthopaedic seat cushion and a magnetic posture support from Penny Miller. They're supposed to improve my posture and help me get rid of my drooping shoulders and permanent slouch. I'll gladly shell out for anything that promises to make life pain-free and restore energy levels - call me a sucker for HOPE.
Still not getting quality sleep. This'll be the story of my life for the next 12 months, I reckon.
Good news - the baby has turned around and is no longer in breech position! Am SO relieved.
Can't set up nursery yet because....our things are still with Customs! Read all about the latest in http://carpediemtans.blogspot.com.
Have ordered an orthopaedic seat cushion and a magnetic posture support from Penny Miller. They're supposed to improve my posture and help me get rid of my drooping shoulders and permanent slouch. I'll gladly shell out for anything that promises to make life pain-free and restore energy levels - call me a sucker for HOPE.
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