Today is 29 April 2006.
Just 4 days ago, I bought a home pregnancy test kit on a whim (or a strong inner compulsion to KNOW) after missing my period by 4 days. My periods are usually regular. If I come on the 21st of Mar, I should come on 21st of Apr. Except for that time in Mar when I was supposed to come on 14 Mar and didn't come till 21 Mar, which got me all excited and confused when I tested negative during the 7-day delay.
Anyway, on Tue evening, I was running late to meet my hubby for dinner, but stopped by Watson's and then the loo because I just felt I had to KNOW. As I watched the indicator slowly change colour and one magenta strip appear on the right, I felt a faint sliver of hope, because the diagram on the packaging showed that a negative test would have a single magenta strip on the left. So much hope hinged on my not having misunderstood the instructions!
After that last disappointing outcome in Aug 05 (when I lost the baby at 8 weeks), I've been wavering between to-have and not-to-have. The reasons for stopping at one are so compelling: my daughter's independent now; I can focus on my writing and coaching; I don't have to stay up at night to nurse or cope with baby illnesses; I have finally regained my figure and enjoy receiving compliments about how I look etc. But mostly, it's about the freedom of having a kid who's old enough to have conversations with and to take instructions, yet young enough to hug and cuddle.
On the other end of the spectrum, Beth's been asking for siblings - she wants TWINS, one boy and one girl! And in her earnest childlike faith, she has gone straight to Jesus about it, so Mummy and Daddy have pretty little say about things. It looks like her prayers have been heard.
How do I feel? Physically tired. If my memory serves me right, I didn't feel as tired in my last pregnancy. I had the symptoms for about a week, then they were gone, and soon after that the bleeding started.
This time, tho' I'm only about 4 weeks along, I feel exhausted and breathless and am literally slowing down in my movements. I'm shuffling round the house like an invalid or an old lady; I lower myself gingerly into the couch and get off just as carefully; I feel the urge to lie down and have a nap every few hours; my appetite's off (last night, after stir frying beef with chye sim, I had no urge to eat any of it); my abdomen's twingy and bloated and my boobs are too sore to be touched.
I am thankful for the symptoms, because they validate my pregnancy (I've not seen my gynae yet). At the same time, I fear it'll mean a decline in my work productivity (I'm scheduled to do an interview for an article next week; how will I manage?) and my zest for life - at least till I'm over the first trimester and visibly showing.
Lord, into your hands I commit this new adventure. You are my Maker and you know all things. May your will be done. Help me be a willing and obedient partner in your plans for my family. Amen.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
The Discipline of Trying Something New
As I was walking outside International Plaza yesterday, I made up my mind to do something different: I would accept every flyer thrust at me by the infamous flyer promoters (who all seem to know each other), and see if there were any business opportunities in any of them.
My reasons?
I called the number on one, a corporate secretarial firm, with the aim of finding out if they work with freelance accountants. The staff who answered readily gave me his boss' mobile number, and I was able to speak with the big man.
And what do you know, he was actually looking for freelance accountants to build his stable of contacts! He asked me to get my associate to give him a call.
Easiest cold call referral I've ever done!
And to think I would have been none the wiser if I'd just tossed the flyer or worse, declined to accept it.
This one's for you, Mag! Hope it's a big one :)
My reasons?
- To explore a new way of finding referrals for my business associates before the next networking session.
- To give the companies behind the flyers a chance instead of just dismissing them (as everyone else does).
I called the number on one, a corporate secretarial firm, with the aim of finding out if they work with freelance accountants. The staff who answered readily gave me his boss' mobile number, and I was able to speak with the big man.
And what do you know, he was actually looking for freelance accountants to build his stable of contacts! He asked me to get my associate to give him a call.
Easiest cold call referral I've ever done!
And to think I would have been none the wiser if I'd just tossed the flyer or worse, declined to accept it.
This one's for you, Mag! Hope it's a big one :)
Finally...A 4-Figure Paycheque!
It has finally happened.
After months of feeling unworthy and not daring to charge anyone more than 3 figures for work done, I finally asked for - and got - my first 4-figure paycheque.
Mind you, it was hard work, and I didn't get it immediately right, which meant basically having to rewrite everything, but it was worth it, because the 2nd time around, things fell into place, I enjoyed the process, and I felt proud of the product.
The icing on the cake came when my client emailed me to say thanks for a job well done. I printed out the email and included it in my portfolio. :)
It feels good to do something well and be recognized for it.
After months of feeling unworthy and not daring to charge anyone more than 3 figures for work done, I finally asked for - and got - my first 4-figure paycheque.
Mind you, it was hard work, and I didn't get it immediately right, which meant basically having to rewrite everything, but it was worth it, because the 2nd time around, things fell into place, I enjoyed the process, and I felt proud of the product.
The icing on the cake came when my client emailed me to say thanks for a job well done. I printed out the email and included it in my portfolio. :)
It feels good to do something well and be recognized for it.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Breaking Old Barriers
I am terrified of being in the spotlight.
Even singing with the church choir once a month unnerves me to the point that I get a crick in my neck, which is extremely uncomfortable when you are already battling nerves. It's the sheer terror of standing before an audience and having to meet their eyes.
That is why I was amazed that last weekend in Malacca, before a group of about 60 financial planners, I was able to deliver a fairly smooth presentation on Career Planning. I had spent a lot of time rehearsing the flow in my head, but still managed to miss a few key points. That resulted in me ending 20 minutes before my time was up, but at least the flow wasn't disrupted by my occasional mental block.
Maybe it helped that I was sharing something I feel passionate about, especially the anecdotes based on personal experience. I tried very hard to "engage the audience" as suggested repeatedly by Thomas Mathew, the guy in charge of the seminar. I looked people in the eye, tried not to stay rooted to one spot, moved my hands a little bit, fiddled with the microphone wires.
Definitely I could have done better. In fact, right after the presentation, I was back poring over my notes and identifying (with a silent groan) all the important bits I'd left out because of my mental block. I think I'll give myself a 85% for info retention, which means I have quite a ways to go to get it right.
What was better: the positive feedback from some listeners, who:
a. felt I sounded like a seasoned presenter;
b. were inspired by the Robert Frost poem I shared at the end ("Two roads diverged in a wood, and I/I chose the one less travelled by/And that has made all the difference." - I memorized it just before my turn to speak!);
c. agreed with some of my points and felt they were valid;
d. asked to be informed if I should conduct another seminar in the near future; enquired about my rates for career coaching;
e. said they might have contacts to refer to me.
Better yet, the organizers are talking about sending me to the universities to talk to undergrads; workshops; video-on-demand training over the Net.
I have broken my own fear barrier (not necessarily permanently, but it's a good start for a complete introvert), kept faith with my inner voice, and made a difference in someone's life.
For a 7th-month milestone, this ain't bad. :)
Even singing with the church choir once a month unnerves me to the point that I get a crick in my neck, which is extremely uncomfortable when you are already battling nerves. It's the sheer terror of standing before an audience and having to meet their eyes.
That is why I was amazed that last weekend in Malacca, before a group of about 60 financial planners, I was able to deliver a fairly smooth presentation on Career Planning. I had spent a lot of time rehearsing the flow in my head, but still managed to miss a few key points. That resulted in me ending 20 minutes before my time was up, but at least the flow wasn't disrupted by my occasional mental block.
Maybe it helped that I was sharing something I feel passionate about, especially the anecdotes based on personal experience. I tried very hard to "engage the audience" as suggested repeatedly by Thomas Mathew, the guy in charge of the seminar. I looked people in the eye, tried not to stay rooted to one spot, moved my hands a little bit, fiddled with the microphone wires.
Definitely I could have done better. In fact, right after the presentation, I was back poring over my notes and identifying (with a silent groan) all the important bits I'd left out because of my mental block. I think I'll give myself a 85% for info retention, which means I have quite a ways to go to get it right.
What was better: the positive feedback from some listeners, who:
a. felt I sounded like a seasoned presenter;
b. were inspired by the Robert Frost poem I shared at the end ("Two roads diverged in a wood, and I/I chose the one less travelled by/And that has made all the difference." - I memorized it just before my turn to speak!);
c. agreed with some of my points and felt they were valid;
d. asked to be informed if I should conduct another seminar in the near future; enquired about my rates for career coaching;
e. said they might have contacts to refer to me.
Better yet, the organizers are talking about sending me to the universities to talk to undergrads; workshops; video-on-demand training over the Net.
I have broken my own fear barrier (not necessarily permanently, but it's a good start for a complete introvert), kept faith with my inner voice, and made a difference in someone's life.
For a 7th-month milestone, this ain't bad. :)
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