Losses and Gains

A long time ago, I could pray aloud in a group setting.

I could pray fluently, articulately, with the words pouring out of me by divine inspiration.

Words of power, conviction and passion.

Now when I pray in a group setting, my words are stilted, uncertain and sound trite and repetitive to me.

I may have endeavoured to keep up my personal development, but there has grown a huge yawning gap between what I know and what I communicate when I open my mouth.

I wonder if being a SAHM for 5+ years has not somehow robbed me of the ability to think and articulate clearly. I certainly felt sharper as a working person than I do now.

I feel saddened by my regression, and yet I know all is not lost. He still speaks through me and uses me, but in different ways.

In song for instance.

I am (still) thinking about how I can get my music out to people in church and to friends who believe. I am thinking particularly of women who are desperately seeking encouragement, who are finding life hard, and who want to know that God has not forgotten them.