Living In Balance (Part 2) by Kim Fulcher

Last week I challenged you to broaden your definition of beauty. I asked you to find at least one thing you like about the way you look, and focus on that attribute every day. How do you feel? Has your confidence improved a bit? Have you smiled more frequently than you normally do? I hope so.

This week, I want to introduce you to a new framework to use when considering what you don’t like about the way you look. I call this concept Accept It or Own It.

All of us have physical features we are less-than-thrilled with. Perhaps you are unhappy with your weight, or you may think that you’re too short (or too tall). Every physical feature you are dissatisfied with falls into one of two categories.

Accept It – You can’t change it. You were born with it. (Your height is a good example in this category). You will be more satisfied with your looks and your life when you accept it.

Own It – You can change it, but you haven’t yet. (Your weight falls into this category). If you’re unhappy with an aspect of your physical body which you can impact, make the decision to change it – or own it and move on.
Getting clear about what you don’t like, accepting those things you cannot change, and investing your energy in changing those things you can will dramatically impact your life.

It’s time for you to stop beating yourself up about your height, your nose, the color of your eyes, or your bone structure. Why give your energy to something you have no ability to impact?

Instead, identify at least one physical attribute you are unhappy with, and commit to change it! Maybe you don’t like your hairstyle. Thumb through magazines, find a style you love, and go take the plunge with a new cut. Don’t like your style? Think about the kind of style you’d like to have, and raid your closet to put new outfits together. Unhappy with your weight? Make a commitment to begin eating right and exercising.

While I get that all of these things are much easier said than done, I’m also clear that you’re already investing a great deal of energy in feeling unhappy about the way you look. Why not make a more constructive effort to put yourself on the path of happiness? It’s time to get into action.

Right now, pick the one thing you are going to change. Do not go through one more day without taking action to make an improvement. What will you do this week to reform in this area?

Please remember that when you stop directing your energy to lamenting over your flaws, and begin to focus instead on changing what you’re able to, you will experience a wave of self acceptance that will move you to quietly celebrate the abundance of your life – and your looks.

Until Next Week…Kim

Living In Balance (Part 1) by Kim Fulcher

From Kim Fulcher's Compass Life Designs Newsletter

Living In Balance

This month we're going to talk about a loaded subject - the way you feel about how you look. Let's go...

In an ideal world, the way we look would not impact the way we feel about ourselves, but since we don't live in an ideal world; the truth is that most of us are impacted by our body image. This month, we're going to take a look at the way you feel about your body. I'm going to invite you to broaden your definition of attractiveness, and I'm going to challenge you to start taking great care of yourself.

A New Definition of Appeal
The first step in learning to accept yourself and celebrate your unique attractiveness requires you to broaden your definition of appeal itself. Quite literally, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. We've simply had our eyes trained for so long that many of us have stopped thinking for ourselves. (If you fall into this category, don't you think it's about time to start thinking for yourself?)
Think about a man or woman you have known or seen who doesn't necessarily fit the stereotypical definition of attractiveness - yet you find him or her intriguing, enigmatic, and fascinating. Perhaps she has an incredible sense of style, or he has a bit of a swagger in his step. This person might be wonderfully put together, or simply have a warm and inviting smile. While this person may not fit the societal definition of appeal, he or she has found a way to embrace all aspects of who they are, and they are incredibly compelling as a result of doing so.

The French actually have a word for this kind of allure. When a person is appealing without meeting the stereotypical rules of attractiveness - they say he or she has joie de vivre. A person who has joie de vivre gets noticed when they walk into a room - no matter what their clothing size is. This person invests in their self-care, and is comfortable in their own skin. He or she not only gets that they aren't physically perfect, their ability to celebrate these imperfections makes them positively magnetic.

Examples of American celebrities with joie de vivre include Barbara Streisand, Susan Sarandon, and Oprah Winfrey or Colin Firth, Bruce Willis and Ed Harris. While America's rules-of-attractiveness might not define any of these people as appealing, as you look at any of them, you cannot deny that each of them is striking.

It's time for you to embrace a sense of joie de vivre and start walking around with a bit of swagger in your step. Are you willing to broaden your definition of beauty? Will you give yourself the gift of acknowledging and appreciating your unique potential for gorgeousness?

This week, I challenge you to make an inventory of the things you LIKE about the way you look. Select at least one thing you appreciate about your physical appearance, and celebrate it for the next seven days.

If you like your shoulders, wear a sleeveless shirt. If you think you have great feet - get a pedicure. If you appreciate your lips, use them to smile. The point is to invest a little energy in appreciating your physical strengths - instead of focusing on your weaknesses. Next week we'll begin talking about addressing what you don't like. This week, simply focus on what you DO.

Until Next Week...

Developing A Great Character by Brian Tracy

Being the Best In Every Area
What is character? Your character is the degree to which you live your life consistent with high, life-enhancing values. A person who lacks character is one who compromises on higher order values in favor of lower order expedience, or who has no values at all. Your adherence to what you believe to be right and true is the real measure of the person you have become to this moment.

Define What "Excellence" Means to You
Let us say that one of your values is "excellence." Your definition of excellence could be, "Excellence means that I set the highest standards for myself in everything I do. I do my very best in every situation and under all circumstances. I constantly strive to be better in my work, and as a person in my relationships. I recognize that excellence is a life-long journey and I work every day to become better and better in everything I do."

Organize Your Actions
With a definition like this, you have a clear organizing principle for your actions. You have set a standard by which you can evaluate your behavior. You have created a framework within which you can make decisions. You have a measuring rod against which you can compare yourself in everything you do. You can continually grade your activities in terms of "more" or "less." You have a clear target to aim at and organize your work around.

Decide What You Want for Your Family
It's the same with each of your other values. If your value is your family, you could define this as, "The needs of my family take precedence over all other concerns. Whenever I have to choose between the happiness, health and well being of a member of my family, and any other interest, my family will always come first."

Keep Focused
From that moment onward, it becomes easier for you to choose. Your family comes first. Until you have fully satisfied the needs of your family, no other time requirement will side track you into a lower value activity.

Shape Your Own Character
The wonderful thing about values clarification is that it enables you to take charge of developing and shaping your own character. When your values and goals, your inner life and your outer life, are in complete alignment, you feel terrific about yourself. You enjoy high self-esteem. Your self-confidence soars. When you achieve complete congruence between your values and your goals, like a hand in a glove, you feel strong, happy, healthy and fully integrated as a person. You develop a kind of courage that makes you completely unafraid to make decisions and take action. Your whole life improves when you begin living your life by the values that you most admire.

Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do to put this ideas into action immediately.

First, create a clear, written description of your values and what they mean to you. From that point on, resolve to live consistent with your own definition.

Second, discipline yourself to live in complete alignment with the values, virtues and qualities that are most important to you. This is the key to character.

Another Reason To Celebrate!

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.
Romans 8:28

Once again, we marvel at the goodness and the infinite wisdom of God. Truly, His ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts than our thoughts.

Only God could have provided hubby with a full-time job in the IT industry...

• When he'd all but given up hope of being accepted into the IT industry here
• When he'd lost track of all the applications he's been sending out, in particular this one that was finally accepted
• When his part-time assignments had just come to an end
• When Beth just started kinder this week
• When the baby is turning a month old and she and I have had time to get acquainted and to figure out her routine

Creating Clarity by Steve Pavlina

Creating Clarity
http://www.stevepavlina.com/articles/power-of-clarity.htm

Proactive people are clear about what's important to them and why. They cut through the clutter of uncertainty to make decisions and take action. Reactive people, on the other hand, allow themselves to wallow in a fog of uncertainty, forever reacting to events and circumstances that seem beyond their control.
When you live reactively, you do give up control, but you can never give up responsibility. To the degree that you fail to make decisions for yourself, someone else will come along and make those decisions for you, whether it be your parents, your spouse, your boss, the media, or societal conditioning. After a time you'll find yourself enduring a life you never really wanted... always working to fulfill someone else's goals and never your own.

Proactive people accept that it's impossible to avoid responsibility for one's results in life, so they jump in and participate willingly. Instead of living as mere statistics and playing follow-the-follower, they make conscious choices based on their unique values, beliefs, and goals. Consequently, they enjoy a sense of passion and purpose that is forever denied those who live reactively.
Here are 10 suggestions for creating more clarity in your life, so you can enjoy a life of meaning and fulfillment:

1. Define your life purpose. Use the Discover Your Purpose process to create your personal statement of purpose. Whenever you're faced with a key decision, ask yourself which option best fits your purpose. In many cases the correct decision will become clear. As you continue using your purpose to make decisions, you'll gradually align the various parts of your life with your purpose, which will greatly improve your overall sense of clarity and direction.
2. Set clear goals. When you have no goals, you're like a ship adrift at sea; the sea will toss you around aimlessly. When you have fuzzy goals, you're like a ship with a broken navigational system; no matter how hard your try, you'll only spin in circles. When you have clear, unambiguous goals, you're a ship with a destination sailing full speed ahead. Goals build clarity by cutting through the fog of indecision.
3. Select your own experiences. Life is an experience, not an accomplishment. Some paths are more interesting and rewarding than others even though the destinations may be similar. Suppose you'd like to develop a certain level of fitness. Perhaps you could achieve it by working out in your home. But maybe you could also get there by training at a martial arts studio. Don't just focus on outcomes. Consider your experiential preferences too, so you enjoy the journey as well as the destination.
4. Assess your values. Do you want your life to be secure or adventurous? Peaceful or courageous? Healthy or wealthy? Read Living Your Values, and use the List of Values to gain clarity about what's most important to you in life. Knowing your top 3-5 values will provide you with a much deeper level of self-knowledge.
5. Create a personal accountability system. Assemble all your best clarity-building tools -- your purpose statement, your values, your goals, and more -- in one convenient place, and review them regularly to keep your life flowing in the direction of your dreams. Read the Personal Accountability System article to learn more.
6. Keep a journal. When you record a thought or idea and read it back, you'll being seeing it from a different angle. This perspective shift can provide a new level of clarity, as some ideas appear very different once you get them out of your head. Also, whenever a thought or idea has been recorded, you'll feel better about mentally releasing it, which helps you stay focused on the current task or project.
7. Ask a friend. Since your friend is probably not as emotionally invested in your situation as you are, s/he will be able to see your situation from a broader perspective. If your friend and you have similar values, chances are your decisions will be similar. But it's often easier to make a wise decision when you aren't the one who has to implement it, so consulting a friend can help you gain certainty that your decision is correct.
8. Embrace mistakes. Let go of the idea that your decisions must be perfect. The more decisions you make, the more mistakes you'll make. Often that's exactly what you need to do because there are many situations where the correct decision can only be recognized after a series of mistakes. Very few people find the perfect career or relationship on the first try. Clarity grows with experience, and experience comes from making mistakes.
9. Recognize when you already have clarity. If you find yourself spending an inordinate amount of time trying to gain clarity in some area, you may already know what to do, but you lack the courage to follow through. Don't go back to the drawing board and rework all your plans from scratch. Keep the decision in front of you, and work on building the courage to implement it. Start by admitting to yourself, "I know this is the correct decision, but currently I lack the strength to proceed." Listen to Podcast #2 and read The Courage to Live Consciously for further advice.
10. Ride it out. Sometimes your life will be struck by events that uproot your sense of certainty. Even positive events such as moving to a new city can have this effect. Taking a few weeks to reorient yourself is very reasonable... several months for a major life change. But when you recognize that you're no longer in a necessary incubation period, it's time to set some fresh goals.
    

When you find yourself stuck in a fog of uncertainty, you can still make conscious decisions and plan your way out of the fog. However, that alone will not cause the fog to lift. Only after you get moving will you come to the edge of the fog, and then you'll be able to see much farther ahead. Clarity is greatest when you're in motion, not when you're standing still.