...is not authoring and publishing my first book.
Or coming up with a unifying and inspiring vision for the children's ministry at church.
Or even whether B will agree to move to KIC if she can get a place there for high school.
To paraphrase my guest expert Mark Brouwer, it's about looking inside to make sure that I'm in a good emotional and spiritual place, dealing with my shady side, seeking support where I need it, and believing that even when I do not appear successful, God can still use me.
It's remembering that His purposes and ways are higher than mine. My striving and goal setting and aspirations for the future all well and good, but they must not supplant what God wants me to do.
It's about staying open and being willing to change direction if He so asks.
It's holding on to things, desires and even relationships lightly, because at any time He might require them of me.
Monday, December 23, 2013
Tuesday, December 10, 2013
How long should a house guest stay?
Excepting very good (that is, 自动）friends who are independent and mobile, thus allowing a degree of space and privacy, the ideal length is two weeks.
Long enough to have some good conversations and genuinely savour the reconnection. Short enough that we can maintain the norms of best behaviour without feeling strained.
At three weeks, tension creeps in, tempers start to fray, and we become more authentic and decidedly less polite. A line is crossed. When will they go??!!
At four weeks, the gloves are out, shouting matches begin, unfortunate words are traded and all attempts at common courtesy are dropped.
Thus, brevity is the soul of friendship (or kinship, as the case may be).
Long enough to have some good conversations and genuinely savour the reconnection. Short enough that we can maintain the norms of best behaviour without feeling strained.
At three weeks, tension creeps in, tempers start to fray, and we become more authentic and decidedly less polite. A line is crossed. When will they go??!!
At four weeks, the gloves are out, shouting matches begin, unfortunate words are traded and all attempts at common courtesy are dropped.
Thus, brevity is the soul of friendship (or kinship, as the case may be).
Monday, October 28, 2013
How To Give Away A Job Without Guilt
Last week, I handed my boss my letter of resignation after two-and-a-half years.
It's only the second time in my life that I've done this, so even though I had planned it for months, there was still a bit of reluctance to commit intention to paper and draw that line in the sand.
Well, it's done now and there's no looking back.
I wrestled with the guilt: how can I give away a job that was created for me and that has allowed me the "luxury" of a second (albeit tiny) income? Such ingratitude.
How can I insist on following my dreams and passions when there are people who are jobless and would love an opportunity like mine? Such recklessness and irresponsibility.
In the end, it was about sustainability. I have made the choice to free myself and my energy from what had become a source of pain, dread and mediocrity to focus on what I am hardwired to do, love to do and could get good at doing if I persist at it.
It's the gap between here and that moment of external validation and visible success that is so hard to bear.
While it's in progress, there's nothing to show for it. No extra zeroes in the bank account. No sold-out seminars or NYT bestseller. Standards that are so easy to measure and so irrefutable.
It's a hard slog from now, and a worthwhile one.
It's only the second time in my life that I've done this, so even though I had planned it for months, there was still a bit of reluctance to commit intention to paper and draw that line in the sand.
Well, it's done now and there's no looking back.
I wrestled with the guilt: how can I give away a job that was created for me and that has allowed me the "luxury" of a second (albeit tiny) income? Such ingratitude.
How can I insist on following my dreams and passions when there are people who are jobless and would love an opportunity like mine? Such recklessness and irresponsibility.
In the end, it was about sustainability. I have made the choice to free myself and my energy from what had become a source of pain, dread and mediocrity to focus on what I am hardwired to do, love to do and could get good at doing if I persist at it.
It's the gap between here and that moment of external validation and visible success that is so hard to bear.
While it's in progress, there's nothing to show for it. No extra zeroes in the bank account. No sold-out seminars or NYT bestseller. Standards that are so easy to measure and so irrefutable.
It's a hard slog from now, and a worthwhile one.
Tuesday, September 03, 2013
What You Can Learn From Diana Nyad
If anyone has good reason to give up on their dream, it is US marathon swimmer Diana Nyad.
This week, the 64-year-old set a new world record by
swimming 180 kilometres from Cuba to Florida. A two-day, two-night swim starting at
Havana and on through the treacherous, shark- and jellyfish-infested Florida
Straits.
And she did it without the aid of a shark cage.
Even more inspiring, the swim was her fifth attempt in 35 years. Her first was when she was 28.
On previous attempts, jellyfish stings, an asthma attack, fierce currents and storms got the better of her.
What made the difference this time?
According to her friend and chief handler
Bonnie Stoll, "Diana did her homework."
After each failed attempt, Diana would
learn from the attempt, make adjustments, improvise, and consult experts.
To break the cycle of jellyfish stings, she
found an expert on box jellyfish to help her contain the threat.
To ward off
sharks, she used a team of shark divers who carried special zappers.
She
discovered which wetsuits served her well in saltwater and which nutritional gels
and drinks best fueled her journey.
She was also quick to back her own
judgment. When her custom made prosthetic mask started to cut her mouth and
tongue and make it hard for her to breathe, she discarded it.
Diana Nyad has not only set a new record for distance swimming, she has become a new reference point that anyone can succeed at any age, if they want it enough.
If Diana
can do it, so can you, if you learn from her experiences and model her
strategies.
Here are five lessons that can empower the way you live.
5
Lessons from Diana Nyad's 110-mile Swim
- Never give up.
- Surround yourself with experts who know more than you do, and tap on their wisdom.
- Trust your judgment. If you try a certain solution and the outcome doesn't serve you, let it go and move on.
- Plan to succeed.
- Be flexible. If Plan A doesn't work, try Plan B. If Plan B doesn't work, try Plan C.
As Diana famously said after emerging from
the surf at the end of her epic swim, "You are never too old to chase your
dreams."
OVER TO YOU
Do you have a story to share of how you overcame the odds and accomplished something that means a lot to you?
What is one thing you can do today that can help you reach a dream that has been in your heart but which has not yet come to fruition?
I'd love to hear your thoughts. Please share by posting in the Comments box below!
Finding my inner warrior
One of the things I find hard to do is speak up for what I believe in.
Even if it's for a worthy cause, there's still that initial apprehension and anxiety over what to say and how it will be received by the other person. Will they get my point of view? Will they think I'm being difficult? (The people pleaser in me cringes at the thought of displeasing anyone.)
Yesterday, I found my voice, and spoke to my daughter's drum teacher about a song choice she'd made for my daughter's upcoming public performance.
Now I do enjoy some of the latest music by Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, Ed Sheeren and Pink. I even know - and like - Little Mix's new song Wings. It's girl power in a wholesome way.
But I draw the line at ear-blasting raunchy music and lyrics that proudly purvey values in conflict with my Christian faith.
The last time, I objected to my daughter playing Highway to Hell.
This time, thanks to my daughter informing me of the lyrics of Bruno Mars' Locked Out of Heaven, I told the teacher I did not think that was an appropriate song choice.
Her straight-out unfiltered response, "Not again!"
Like I was being a difficult mum or something.
I told her very politely that I could see how as a drummer, her focus would be on the beat and rhythm of the song, but when my daughter plays it publicly, people are going to notice mostly the lyrics. And lyrics like these are definitely not on.
...But swimming in your water* is something spiritual
Ooh!
I'm born again every time you spend the night
Ooh!
'Cause your sex takes me to paradise
Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah
'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
... You bring me to my knees, you make me testify
You can make a sinner change his ways
Open up your gates 'cause I can't wait to see the light
And right there is where I wanna stay
I didn't say this to her, as I don't know where she stands in matters of faith, but the way the lyrics attribute to the singer's lover the divine characteristics of God through the joy of intercourse, is offensive. It makes a mockery of the God who sent His only Son to die for my sins. I will not stand quietly by while my 11-year-old plays such rubbish in a public place which includes other families with impressionable young children. What kind of values would we be endorsing?
My daughter had a song ready to propose to the teacher - Wings by Little Mix. So the teacher worked out the beat for her, and that's what she'll practise. Even if she doesn't make it in time for the end-of-term performance, that's okay. We've both made our message clear and we hope something positive and valuable has been learned by everyone in the process.
Even if it's for a worthy cause, there's still that initial apprehension and anxiety over what to say and how it will be received by the other person. Will they get my point of view? Will they think I'm being difficult? (The people pleaser in me cringes at the thought of displeasing anyone.)
Yesterday, I found my voice, and spoke to my daughter's drum teacher about a song choice she'd made for my daughter's upcoming public performance.
Now I do enjoy some of the latest music by Bruno Mars, Katy Perry, Ed Sheeren and Pink. I even know - and like - Little Mix's new song Wings. It's girl power in a wholesome way.
But I draw the line at ear-blasting raunchy music and lyrics that proudly purvey values in conflict with my Christian faith.
The last time, I objected to my daughter playing Highway to Hell.
This time, thanks to my daughter informing me of the lyrics of Bruno Mars' Locked Out of Heaven, I told the teacher I did not think that was an appropriate song choice.
Her straight-out unfiltered response, "Not again!"
Like I was being a difficult mum or something.
I told her very politely that I could see how as a drummer, her focus would be on the beat and rhythm of the song, but when my daughter plays it publicly, people are going to notice mostly the lyrics. And lyrics like these are definitely not on.
...But swimming in your water* is something spiritual
Ooh!
I'm born again every time you spend the night
Ooh!
'Cause your sex takes me to paradise
Yeah, your sex takes me to paradise
And it shows, yeah, yeah, yeah
'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven
For too long, for too long
... You bring me to my knees, you make me testify
You can make a sinner change his ways
Open up your gates 'cause I can't wait to see the light
And right there is where I wanna stay
I didn't say this to her, as I don't know where she stands in matters of faith, but the way the lyrics attribute to the singer's lover the divine characteristics of God through the joy of intercourse, is offensive. It makes a mockery of the God who sent His only Son to die for my sins. I will not stand quietly by while my 11-year-old plays such rubbish in a public place which includes other families with impressionable young children. What kind of values would we be endorsing?
My daughter had a song ready to propose to the teacher - Wings by Little Mix. So the teacher worked out the beat for her, and that's what she'll practise. Even if she doesn't make it in time for the end-of-term performance, that's okay. We've both made our message clear and we hope something positive and valuable has been learned by everyone in the process.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Life with an 11-year-old
I take my hat off to single parents.
If I had to do it alone, with an erratic 11 y.o. daughter being passive-aggressive and playing mind games nearly everyday, I hesitate to think what desperate things I might do.
Yesterday she took her iPod Touch to church, in breach of our family's no-gadgets-on-Sundays rule.
I confiscated it and put it in my handbag.
At some point in the afternoon, said daughter claimed she needed her wallet, which she had kept in my handbag (which I was certain I had not seen). She then relocated iPod so I could not find it (in my handbag). When accused of having taken it, she denied it and said she had merely hidden it in a secret spot (in my handbag). I thought I knew all the compartments in my handbag, but I checked and double-checked anyway. I told her she was lying, since I could not find the iPod.
When said iPod was eventually handed over by daughter, I issued a stern rebuke and put it away where she could not find it, and there it will remain till next Sunday.
That did not stop her from making a blatant attempt to discover the possible hiding place.
Her bizarre behaviour is getting from bad to worse.
She's a model student at school and a stranger at home.
She shuns showers and abhors ablutions of any kind, and is perfectly happy to go out with skanky, uncombed hair and her daggiest clothes. One time, she zipped a hoodie over her PJs and pronounced herself dressed to go out! And this from the person who loves commenting on celebrity fashions and mocks my hair and dress sense.
She doesn't do chores unless asked, and even then, she doesn't do them immediately.
She has trouble getting out of bed in the morning, keeping her room tidy, and doing simple things (simple to me) like hanging up her clothes and putting clothes for washing into the laundry basket.
She has clocked a few late passes this year, and they are increasingly her fault rather than her little sister's.
When introduced to new people, she refuses eye contact or mutters something no one can hear, or outright refuses to acknowledge the other person.
Interestingly, she is more polite with my Asian friends and will say "Hello Aunty so-and-so", but she won't extend the same courtesy to our angmoh church friends, adults and (unfamiliar) youths alike.
She is extremely moody, and I never know where I stand with her. She can be chatty and friendly with me one moment, then give me the evil eye a half hour later, like when we want to go out for lunch after church and she just wants to go home.
She has no concept of saving face, and I cringe everytime she does something smart alecky or inexcusably rude in public. I feel like she is looking for ways to draw some kind of unhealthy attention to herself. Or maybe she is just looking to embarrass her parents (who just happen to be Sunday School coordinator and teacher).
Where I used to blend into the group and let others take the lead because I was too shy to speak up, she is the complete opposite. She takes her relationships with the older youths in Sunday School for granted, acting bossy and disrespectful and trying to prove she knows more than the others. It won't surprise me if they get fed-up and put her in her place soon. It's like watching a trainwreck and being powerless to do anything about it.
There are these two boys at our church, 14 and 16, both very well-behaved and mature, whose parents we get along well with. The kind of boys I wish were my own. One time I heard that Miss 11 had said something sassy to the 16-year-old. I told him he had permission to sit on her the next time she did that.
She is nasty to her little sister and I feel so bad for the latter, who despite knowing what lies ahead will persist in hugging jie jie, or asking to look at the iPad or iPod Touch while jie jie is watching a YouTube video or playing a game. Jie jie will say "NO!" in the meanest way, sometimes employing a not-too-gentle shove, which makes the little one cry.
I feel like I have to go back in time to find out where I went wrong in my parenting.
If I had to do it alone, with an erratic 11 y.o. daughter being passive-aggressive and playing mind games nearly everyday, I hesitate to think what desperate things I might do.
Yesterday she took her iPod Touch to church, in breach of our family's no-gadgets-on-Sundays rule.
I confiscated it and put it in my handbag.
At some point in the afternoon, said daughter claimed she needed her wallet, which she had kept in my handbag (which I was certain I had not seen). She then relocated iPod so I could not find it (in my handbag). When accused of having taken it, she denied it and said she had merely hidden it in a secret spot (in my handbag). I thought I knew all the compartments in my handbag, but I checked and double-checked anyway. I told her she was lying, since I could not find the iPod.
When said iPod was eventually handed over by daughter, I issued a stern rebuke and put it away where she could not find it, and there it will remain till next Sunday.
That did not stop her from making a blatant attempt to discover the possible hiding place.
Her bizarre behaviour is getting from bad to worse.
She's a model student at school and a stranger at home.
She shuns showers and abhors ablutions of any kind, and is perfectly happy to go out with skanky, uncombed hair and her daggiest clothes. One time, she zipped a hoodie over her PJs and pronounced herself dressed to go out! And this from the person who loves commenting on celebrity fashions and mocks my hair and dress sense.
She doesn't do chores unless asked, and even then, she doesn't do them immediately.
She has trouble getting out of bed in the morning, keeping her room tidy, and doing simple things (simple to me) like hanging up her clothes and putting clothes for washing into the laundry basket.
She has clocked a few late passes this year, and they are increasingly her fault rather than her little sister's.
When introduced to new people, she refuses eye contact or mutters something no one can hear, or outright refuses to acknowledge the other person.
Interestingly, she is more polite with my Asian friends and will say "Hello Aunty so-and-so", but she won't extend the same courtesy to our angmoh church friends, adults and (unfamiliar) youths alike.
She is extremely moody, and I never know where I stand with her. She can be chatty and friendly with me one moment, then give me the evil eye a half hour later, like when we want to go out for lunch after church and she just wants to go home.
She has no concept of saving face, and I cringe everytime she does something smart alecky or inexcusably rude in public. I feel like she is looking for ways to draw some kind of unhealthy attention to herself. Or maybe she is just looking to embarrass her parents (who just happen to be Sunday School coordinator and teacher).
Where I used to blend into the group and let others take the lead because I was too shy to speak up, she is the complete opposite. She takes her relationships with the older youths in Sunday School for granted, acting bossy and disrespectful and trying to prove she knows more than the others. It won't surprise me if they get fed-up and put her in her place soon. It's like watching a trainwreck and being powerless to do anything about it.
There are these two boys at our church, 14 and 16, both very well-behaved and mature, whose parents we get along well with. The kind of boys I wish were my own. One time I heard that Miss 11 had said something sassy to the 16-year-old. I told him he had permission to sit on her the next time she did that.
She is nasty to her little sister and I feel so bad for the latter, who despite knowing what lies ahead will persist in hugging jie jie, or asking to look at the iPad or iPod Touch while jie jie is watching a YouTube video or playing a game. Jie jie will say "NO!" in the meanest way, sometimes employing a not-too-gentle shove, which makes the little one cry.
I feel like I have to go back in time to find out where I went wrong in my parenting.
Wednesday, August 07, 2013
No more co-sleeping
Four years after she first announced she would move out of our bed into her own, Miss B has done it.
Every year we would nag and remind her of her promise to move out by her next birthday. The birthday would roll around, and she would postpone again.
With four to a queen bed, getting a good night's sleep is no joke. I sleep like a sardine between the girls, and inevitably wake up with a sore neck or other discomfort from having had to contort myself during the night.
Miss B had no such compunctions. She is a restless sleeper, the kind who kicks and thrashes.
So the months went on.
In typical B fashion, there was no notice that a change was about to happen in the household routine.
A week ago, she decided to sleep in her room. And that was it.
Now, as soon as she gets home from school, she goes straight to her room, settles herself into the upper bunk, and reads.
She complains of the purple/pink walls - a colour she has outgrown - and tinyness of the bunk bed, but it is still her special hideaway.
As for the rest of the family, the three of us now have more room to spread out in our queen bed.
With Miss J in the middle, who is in no hurry to move anywhere.
Thank goodness there is still one little one to snuggle up to at night.
Every year we would nag and remind her of her promise to move out by her next birthday. The birthday would roll around, and she would postpone again.
With four to a queen bed, getting a good night's sleep is no joke. I sleep like a sardine between the girls, and inevitably wake up with a sore neck or other discomfort from having had to contort myself during the night.
Miss B had no such compunctions. She is a restless sleeper, the kind who kicks and thrashes.
So the months went on.
In typical B fashion, there was no notice that a change was about to happen in the household routine.
A week ago, she decided to sleep in her room. And that was it.
Now, as soon as she gets home from school, she goes straight to her room, settles herself into the upper bunk, and reads.
She complains of the purple/pink walls - a colour she has outgrown - and tinyness of the bunk bed, but it is still her special hideaway.
As for the rest of the family, the three of us now have more room to spread out in our queen bed.
With Miss J in the middle, who is in no hurry to move anywhere.
Thank goodness there is still one little one to snuggle up to at night.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
Conversations about schooling
Had a hugely interesting conversation with a fellow mum at martial arts yesterday.
We discovered we're from the same part of the world, love writing and blogging, are interested in NLP and education, and are very mindful of what school we pick for our children's education. I was fascinated by her story of how she rang her ideal school everyday over an 18-month period before her son was finally granted a place. Definitely a lesson in "ask and you shall receive".
A few hours before that, I was chatting with my friend A whose boys attend the same martial arts class as me on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I told her I was so impressed that her 12 yo is reading the NY Times Book Review and that he was able to have an intelligent conversation with me about it while we practised our kyondosa. Her four boys - all homeschooled - are well read and well-mannered. The 12- and 14-yos have already decided what university degrees they're going to study.
There was a new boy on the mat, a 13 yo who is also homeschooled. He too gave me the impression of being well-mannered, articulate and socially intelligent. There's something about homeschooling that I must investigate further.
This morning, a Chinese mum at school came up to say hello. I kind of knew what direction the conversation would take because of previous encounters. It is always about how schools in the southeast are superior to those in our area (the western suburbs), and how little academic challenge our school offers. Her Grade 3 child is taking scholarship exams (I didn't know one could take them so early) and attending special tuition classes for scholarship aspirants. She wanted my view on our school and the school my child used to attend.
The funniest thing was: at the end of the conversation, she remarked that she needs to learn from me because I convey the impression of being a very positive person. I told her that it's something I learned and anyone can learn to focus on the good things in life, the things that make us happy. Given my limited Mandarin vocab, I'm not sure how well that came across though.
We discovered we're from the same part of the world, love writing and blogging, are interested in NLP and education, and are very mindful of what school we pick for our children's education. I was fascinated by her story of how she rang her ideal school everyday over an 18-month period before her son was finally granted a place. Definitely a lesson in "ask and you shall receive".
A few hours before that, I was chatting with my friend A whose boys attend the same martial arts class as me on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I told her I was so impressed that her 12 yo is reading the NY Times Book Review and that he was able to have an intelligent conversation with me about it while we practised our kyondosa. Her four boys - all homeschooled - are well read and well-mannered. The 12- and 14-yos have already decided what university degrees they're going to study.
There was a new boy on the mat, a 13 yo who is also homeschooled. He too gave me the impression of being well-mannered, articulate and socially intelligent. There's something about homeschooling that I must investigate further.
This morning, a Chinese mum at school came up to say hello. I kind of knew what direction the conversation would take because of previous encounters. It is always about how schools in the southeast are superior to those in our area (the western suburbs), and how little academic challenge our school offers. Her Grade 3 child is taking scholarship exams (I didn't know one could take them so early) and attending special tuition classes for scholarship aspirants. She wanted my view on our school and the school my child used to attend.
The funniest thing was: at the end of the conversation, she remarked that she needs to learn from me because I convey the impression of being a very positive person. I told her that it's something I learned and anyone can learn to focus on the good things in life, the things that make us happy. Given my limited Mandarin vocab, I'm not sure how well that came across though.
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Next Career: Lounge Pianist?
Had the best time ever on Sunday night.
We had dinner with friends at Werribee RSL. Meal Deal: two courses for $14. I had grilled fish, Beth had the roast beef, our friends had the Pot and Parma and Veal Scallopini, Jordanne had the Kids' Meal (chicken nuggets, what else). Hubby had Oysters Kilpatrick and contented himself with "taxing" our plates as portions here tend to be big.
Afterwards, our friends came over to our place for coffee. Their son gets on very well with J, who was eager to show off her newly acquired chess skills. They spent the evening playing chess and Monopoly while Beth took herself off to the toy room to read.
Somehow the conversation got round to piano playing and I was invited to play something. I ended up playing for the rest of the night, as hubby and friends called out random songs and singers that they liked: Bee Gees. ABBA. Liu Wenzheng. Fei Xiang. Danny Chan. Richard Clayderman. Theme songs from movies and long-ago TV serials (we had to go on YouTube to remember what 'Man in the Net' sounded like).
We finished close to midnight. I have to say that was the most fun and challenging thing I've done in a very long time and I'm glad to have had the opportunity to share my musical gift with such an appreciative audience.
My friend commented that I should go perform at lounges on the weekend and charge $100 an hour, and hubby can be the vocalist.
Not a bad idea as money-making ideas go.
We had dinner with friends at Werribee RSL. Meal Deal: two courses for $14. I had grilled fish, Beth had the roast beef, our friends had the Pot and Parma and Veal Scallopini, Jordanne had the Kids' Meal (chicken nuggets, what else). Hubby had Oysters Kilpatrick and contented himself with "taxing" our plates as portions here tend to be big.
Afterwards, our friends came over to our place for coffee. Their son gets on very well with J, who was eager to show off her newly acquired chess skills. They spent the evening playing chess and Monopoly while Beth took herself off to the toy room to read.
Somehow the conversation got round to piano playing and I was invited to play something. I ended up playing for the rest of the night, as hubby and friends called out random songs and singers that they liked: Bee Gees. ABBA. Liu Wenzheng. Fei Xiang. Danny Chan. Richard Clayderman. Theme songs from movies and long-ago TV serials (we had to go on YouTube to remember what 'Man in the Net' sounded like).
We finished close to midnight. I have to say that was the most fun and challenging thing I've done in a very long time and I'm glad to have had the opportunity to share my musical gift with such an appreciative audience.
My friend commented that I should go perform at lounges on the weekend and charge $100 an hour, and hubby can be the vocalist.
Not a bad idea as money-making ideas go.
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
The Momentum Rush
Man, I could get used to this creative busyness.
Things are starting to happen and I am detecting a pattern here. It goes along the lines of the NLP goal setting strategy DDNR -
Coffee Club initative - met with fellow school mum M last week and agreed that we would host an info session to find out our school mums' top three concerns. Today she printed and guillotined a stack of flyers and the two of us handed out flyers at pick-up time. Had a great response, with some mums being really enthusiastic and saying yes to the invitation on the spot. Cool. I was blessed to have Miss 6 help me with this; she's a natural at approaching people and ran after friends and teachers to give them the flyers. We will also be placing a notice in the school newsletter and distributing flyers to all school families through the class tray system.
The girls' music school principal approached me this week to participate in their inaugural student support foundation fundraiser. Sponsors are invited to donate products or services which will be auctioned off and the proceeds will go towards scholarships for students. In return, your business presence gets an uplift. I said yes. Just working on the details now.
I mentioned this to the owner of our martial arts school and she got really excited about working together on a similar project.
I love my journey and how I've evolved in my thinking: Small to big. One to many. Me to Us. Win-Lose to Win-Win-Win.
Things are starting to happen and I am detecting a pattern here. It goes along the lines of the NLP goal setting strategy DDNR -
- Decide to do something.
- Do it.
- Notice the feedback - how are people responding? what do they say they want more/less of?
- Refine - take the feedback on board and keep adjusting till I get the results I want.
Coffee Club initative - met with fellow school mum M last week and agreed that we would host an info session to find out our school mums' top three concerns. Today she printed and guillotined a stack of flyers and the two of us handed out flyers at pick-up time. Had a great response, with some mums being really enthusiastic and saying yes to the invitation on the spot. Cool. I was blessed to have Miss 6 help me with this; she's a natural at approaching people and ran after friends and teachers to give them the flyers. We will also be placing a notice in the school newsletter and distributing flyers to all school families through the class tray system.
The girls' music school principal approached me this week to participate in their inaugural student support foundation fundraiser. Sponsors are invited to donate products or services which will be auctioned off and the proceeds will go towards scholarships for students. In return, your business presence gets an uplift. I said yes. Just working on the details now.
I mentioned this to the owner of our martial arts school and she got really excited about working together on a similar project.
I love my journey and how I've evolved in my thinking: Small to big. One to many. Me to Us. Win-Lose to Win-Win-Win.
Wednesday, May 01, 2013
What you focus on is what you get
Last week, my coach issued me an ultimatum.
If I continue with my Below The Line thinking, don't bother booking in for the final session. She'll gladly save me the money.
Nothing like an ultimatum to make me get serious.
I admit - I've been playing the "I'm not enough" and "I haven't got everything in place so I can't start" game for a few months. I actually got so "sian" of being on coaching webinars and keeping up with assessment requirements that I rebelled and withdrew for a season from the whole tiresome business of helping others improve their quality of life.
I've had people ask me how my workshops are going, which makes me feel "paiseh". It also makes me think that maybe those workshops did have an impact, even on people who didn't attend. It's a bit like watching the growth of my children's music school. It's only three years old, but it has a presence larger than its track record. You can't go near the Point Cook Town Centre on a weekend and miss a concert featuring the students. You go to the Plaza and there's the Principal signing up new students.
Action Creates Momentum. To be seen, heard and read about long enough that you become a familiar name, and eventually an expert. That's marketing. That's making your presence felt.
So over the weekend, I started doing Imperfect Implementation. Using everything I've already learned, I'm letting people know I'm still in the business and I'm ready to serve.
This seems to be the pattern that works - keep planting, keep praying, keep planting some more.
As Nicky Gumble taught at Alpha last week, we never know how the seeds we plant will turn out. But if it's something worth doing, then it's worth persisting long enough to watch the seed bear fruit.
If I continue with my Below The Line thinking, don't bother booking in for the final session. She'll gladly save me the money.
Nothing like an ultimatum to make me get serious.
I admit - I've been playing the "I'm not enough" and "I haven't got everything in place so I can't start" game for a few months. I actually got so "sian" of being on coaching webinars and keeping up with assessment requirements that I rebelled and withdrew for a season from the whole tiresome business of helping others improve their quality of life.
I've had people ask me how my workshops are going, which makes me feel "paiseh". It also makes me think that maybe those workshops did have an impact, even on people who didn't attend. It's a bit like watching the growth of my children's music school. It's only three years old, but it has a presence larger than its track record. You can't go near the Point Cook Town Centre on a weekend and miss a concert featuring the students. You go to the Plaza and there's the Principal signing up new students.
Action Creates Momentum. To be seen, heard and read about long enough that you become a familiar name, and eventually an expert. That's marketing. That's making your presence felt.
So over the weekend, I started doing Imperfect Implementation. Using everything I've already learned, I'm letting people know I'm still in the business and I'm ready to serve.
- I mentioned on FB that I had a new free report on goal setting and achievement to give away. 66 people saw the post and several asked for the report.
- I sent a call to action to a lady I'd had a conversation with about a change of career.
- I connected with an ex-client to ask how I can serve him at this time. He asked for three coaching sessions to help him find his ideal life partner.
- I set up coffee chats with girlfriends and used my coaching skills to encourage, enlighten and empower.
- A fellow coach has booked in for a consultation next week about how to improve her relationship with her son.
- I'm meeting a school mum to explore how to reactivate the Coffee Club and add even more value to the meetings with quick bursts of personal empowerment and parenting tips.
This seems to be the pattern that works - keep planting, keep praying, keep planting some more.
As Nicky Gumble taught at Alpha last week, we never know how the seeds we plant will turn out. But if it's something worth doing, then it's worth persisting long enough to watch the seed bear fruit.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Answered Prayer
How good God is.
A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with the HK-born cashier at BreadTalk. We have formed quite a rapport, and I like to chat with her in a mix of Cantonese and English when I'm paying for my week's supply of buns.
This time, I enquired how her grandson is doing, as I know she's a very proud grandma.
She answered me completely in Cantonese.
My Cantonese being very limited, I was only able to recognize and translate an odd word or phrase here and there, from which I gathered her grandson had been having fever for several days, the doctor had been unable to determine the cause, and the family was worried.
I decided that I wanted to say something positive and encouraging before I left.
But what?
I sent up a quick prayer for divine assistance - it all happened so fast I can't tell you what happened in sequence. I only know that my brain processed the translation from English (the wish) to Mandarin (my second language) to Cantonese (her language) in record time.
And out of my mouth came a very simple but adequate wish - "Hei mong nei ge xun fai di ho".
Translation: "I hope your grandchild gets well soon."
You should have seen the size of her smile - it just lit up her face.
She thanked me profusely, and two much happier individuals went on with their day.
Praise God for how powerfully and specifically He answers prayers.
A couple of weeks ago, I was chatting with the HK-born cashier at BreadTalk. We have formed quite a rapport, and I like to chat with her in a mix of Cantonese and English when I'm paying for my week's supply of buns.
This time, I enquired how her grandson is doing, as I know she's a very proud grandma.
She answered me completely in Cantonese.
My Cantonese being very limited, I was only able to recognize and translate an odd word or phrase here and there, from which I gathered her grandson had been having fever for several days, the doctor had been unable to determine the cause, and the family was worried.
I decided that I wanted to say something positive and encouraging before I left.
But what?
I sent up a quick prayer for divine assistance - it all happened so fast I can't tell you what happened in sequence. I only know that my brain processed the translation from English (the wish) to Mandarin (my second language) to Cantonese (her language) in record time.
And out of my mouth came a very simple but adequate wish - "Hei mong nei ge xun fai di ho".
Translation: "I hope your grandchild gets well soon."
You should have seen the size of her smile - it just lit up her face.
She thanked me profusely, and two much happier individuals went on with their day.
Praise God for how powerfully and specifically He answers prayers.
Monday, March 04, 2013
What is my Jerusalem?
Today is my first day actually using my pastor's Spiritual Core devotions.
At Alpha last night, Nicky Gumbel challenged us to set aside 15 minutes a day to read God's Word, understand it, and discover how it applies to our lives. That is what I am doing.
My passage for today is a perplexing one:
32 He replied, “Go tell that fox, ‘I will keep on driving out demons and healing people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.’ 33 In any case, I must press on today and tomorrow and the next day—for surely no prophet can die outside Jerusalem!
34 “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. 35 Look, your house is left to you desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’[a]”
On my first reading, I thought, well, this is about Jesus grieving over Jerusalem, which had a track record of rejecting every messenger sent by God to preach truth, repentance and good news.
Then I thought - am I like Jerusalem too?
Do I also have a habit of rejecting the hard and painful truths that come my way?
Do I pick and choose what I want to hear and reject others?
What is my Jerusalem that I flee from?
I squirm when I think of times when I have lost control emotionally, when I have said more than I should, when I have failed to speak up, when I have stubbornly held to my view...
Thanks be to God that His patience is unfailing and that He is not willing that any should perish.
At Alpha last night, Nicky Gumbel challenged us to set aside 15 minutes a day to read God's Word, understand it, and discover how it applies to our lives. That is what I am doing.
My passage for today is a perplexing one:
Jesus’ Sorrow for Jerusalem
31 At that time some Pharisees came to Jesus and said to him, “Leave this place and go somewhere else. Herod wants to kill you.”32 He replied, “Go tell that fox, ‘I will keep on driving out demons and healing people today and tomorrow, and on the third day I will reach my goal.’ 33 In any case, I must press on today and tomorrow and the next day—for surely no prophet can die outside Jerusalem!
34 “Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. 35 Look, your house is left to you desolate. I tell you, you will not see me again until you say, ‘Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord.’[a]”
On my first reading, I thought, well, this is about Jesus grieving over Jerusalem, which had a track record of rejecting every messenger sent by God to preach truth, repentance and good news.
Then I thought - am I like Jerusalem too?
Do I also have a habit of rejecting the hard and painful truths that come my way?
Do I pick and choose what I want to hear and reject others?
What is my Jerusalem that I flee from?
I squirm when I think of times when I have lost control emotionally, when I have said more than I should, when I have failed to speak up, when I have stubbornly held to my view...
Thanks be to God that His patience is unfailing and that He is not willing that any should perish.
Monday, February 11, 2013
The "Big Rocks" Project
I love this video of Stephen Covey and guest doing his "Big Rocks" demo.
Brendon Burchard has a similar tool - he calls it the This-That Tool. More of this, less of that. This, not that.
I'm using both Stephen's and Brendon's wisdom to create my list of priorities for the year.
Fascinatingly enough, while at church yesterday, I met a lady who shared how frustrated she's been because she's piled her plate with too much to do and she's feeling overwhelmed and burnt out.
I shared with her my Big Rocks project and asked if she would like to work together to get her priorities re-organized. She said yes please, so we're meeting this Friday to get started.
I love it when God points me in the direction of my passion and supplies the opportunity, and all I have to do is say YES.
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