Complex Mother-Daughter Relations

My mum and I have always have a fraught relationship.

I grew up determined NOT to be like my mum. There was nothing she could say to me that was helpful, because (I felt) she had proven herself to be unreliable, tactless and overcritical.

Tonight, a strange thing happened.

We were having one of our occasional long-distance chats (I can't bring myself to call once a week; it's just too much) and I asked Beth to come on the phone and say thank you to Grandma for the stickers and other presents she had recently sent the girls through my cousin who went home for a visit.

Beth shook her head fiercely.

"I am only going to say four words," she announced.

And she did.

"Thank you for the stickers," she said - WITHOUT so much as a "Hello Grandma".

Okay, so that was five words.

My mum was upset. I was mortified.

My mum started to lecture me about Beth's manners and how she felt hurt that she had gone to all the trouble to put together the gifts for the girls, and here was Beth not even greeting her properly.

Then she started to suggest that I was failing in my maternal duty of disciplining my child.

At which point I cracked.

I cried. I sobbed. I blubbered. I said we'd been struggling with Beth since she turned 8 and she just wouldn't listen and she was so stubborn and though I scolded, nagged and lost my temper, it didn't change things etc etc.

Which is when the conversation took a curious turn.

[It's not the first time my firstborn's faults have been laid at my door. I reckon about 90% of the time, Beth doesn't want to talk to Grandma, and if she's forced to get on the phone, she says as little as she can. When Grandma does encounter Beth in a good mood (i.e. chatty, willing to have a conversation), I count it a lucky day.]

The mum I thought had nothing relevant or helpful to say suddenly became my ally and counselor.

First, Mum apologised for misjudging me.

Then she offered all sorts of advice - don't lose my temper, don't hit in anger, use the soft approach, get help from Beth's school teacher, don't give up, get spiritual guidance, keep praying, read the Bible with Beth. She assured me she would be praying for us.

She was practically gushing with the milk of motherly kindness, even sharing a touching account of Uncle Jerry's eulogy at his dad's funeral (his dad, and Aunty Eve's dad, passed away on Fri morning). Apparently Uncle J - our family ophthalmologist - used to be a bit of a challenge when he was a boy, skipping school and getting up to mischief and being something of a black sheep compared to his obedient, well-behaved siblings. He said his mum had no patience for his nonsense; it was his dad who was the patient one. He even said that if he had a son like himself, he would denounce him, which made his listeners laugh.

Perhaps that was Mum's way of telling me not to give up on Beth. In which case it was pretty powerful. I have to take a long view of things and remember that this is just one step in our journey with Beth. If I give up now, who will be there for her to guide her back on the right path?

Spoke with hubby after chat with Mum. He thinks part of Beth's problem is that she hasn't found herself yet. She's completely self-absorbed and needs something bigger than herself to engage her. I randomly mentioned asking Paul about local missions, perhaps an activity our family can commit to (monthly?) that puts us in contact with disadvantaged families and allows Beth to see other children her age who are genuinely doing it tough.

Something like how Pastor Edmund Chua in SG takes his family of four to India and other less developed countries every year during school hols to do mission work.

I googled EC and finally found his family website: http://www.e4chua.com.

A most worthy role model for all of us.

Is Teaching My Spiritual Gift?

On Sunday, the former SS coordinator came up to me and made this intriguing remark.

"I say this by way of encouragement. You remember the time you applied for a music teaching position and it didn't work out? I thought it was because that's not where you were meant to be. This (Sunday School) is where you are meant to be."

I am intrigued because she hasn't seen me in action as a SS teacher. How would she know if I am (or am not) cut out to be one?

Or perhaps she is referring to the obvious enthusiasm and delight on my face since I started being officially identified as SS teacher?

I must have a conversation with her to understand where she is coming from, and also because I want to learn from her how to manage an unruly group of 7-12 yos. She always seems so calm and in control, whereas I'm lucky if I manage to deliver 20% of what I prepared. The rest of my time is spent trying to get the kids' attention, breaking up fights, keeping them focused and engaged.

What am I not doing right?

How can I draw the children in so that they want to hear God's Word and learn it for themselves?

How do I help them to love the Bible and to read it with delight and a genuine desire to get to know God?

My only SS experience before AUS was a short stint teaching the 4 yos at PLCMC just before we migrated. And trust me, there is a HUGE difference between teaching Asians and teaching angmohs.

God has used the church camp and Geelong conference to reawaken in me a love for His Word and a desire to rediscover Bible stories. I want to pass on this desire to my SS kids. I want every one of them to come to a point where they can, with a clear mind and open heart, invite Jesus into their lives as their personal Lord and Saviour.

Most of all, I want to see them transformed and renewed, going out into their schools and extracurricular classes as salt and light, sharing the Good News with their friends, bringing many to Christ, and modelling decency, justice and purity.

Not growing into jaded, cynical teenagers with body piercings and tattoos, whose preferred entertainment is spouting meaningless sayings on FB (with bad language, misspellings and bad grammar treated as de rigeur), texting non-stop, smoking, drinking, partying and no-boundaries behaviour.

I have been reading the Left Behind novels, which have given me an insight into the literal seriousness of our spiritual situation. This is not about us anymore. It's a cosmic battle between the forces of evil and the forces of good. It sounds like something out of a movie but it's not. The trouble is that we take God so lightly and we treat the Bible as just good reading, when it contains prophecies and warnings of what is going to happen in the future (the Rapture, the 7-year Tribulation, the Beast and the Antichrist are cast into the lake of fire and Satan is bound, the Millennium when Christ returns to earth to rule, Satan is released for the final Battle of Armageddon before being cast into the lake of fire to suffer forever with the Beast and the Antichrist, the new heaven and new earth).

Meanwhile, we go about our daily lives, oblivious of the spiritual forces that are around us fighting for our allegiance.

We grumble about going to work and look forward to weekends.

We fret over mortgages and school fees and childcare fees.

We worry that we won't have enough money.

We spend more time having fun and entertaining ourselves with our surround-sound TVs, internet, computer games and communication gadgets, and less time reflecting on deep questions that do not have immediate answers.

We schedule our lives around our children and their involvement in dance, language, music, sports. Outwardly we complain that we are busy and tired, but inside we are actually proud of ourselves because we think we are being good parents.

I say this to myself also, because I am just as guilty.

But God has given me another chance to live differently, and I want to honor Him.

I will begin by getting into the Word of God and letting it soak into me and penetrate every part of my mind, body and spirit, so that I can be fully equipped to do every good work. Including teaching His children the truth, so that they will know the truth and be set free.

As He is willing, so let it be.

Introduction to Godly Play

In Sat, I attended Refresh 2010 on Sat with 8 others from my church.

Refresh 2010 is a children's ministry workshop for CRE teachers, playgroup coordinators and Sunday School teachers, and an opportunity to pick up great ideas for faith activities in schools, homes and churches.

The organizers this year were our brothers and sisters from Barrabool Hills Baptist Church, Highton. The church is set in the beautiful hills near Queens Park and Barwon River in a new estate with the most stunning views I've seen in my time in VIC.




I chose the following as my electives:

• Introducing Godly Play: because the title intrigued me. What does it mean to play in a godly way?
  
• Engaging All Ages in Worship: because I have often wondered how to heal the disconnect between Sunday School and the regular worship service which seems to be too long and boring for the young ones
  
• Using Music with Children: because I love music and believe it can be used in so many ways to pass on the faith e.g. Scripture memory through Steve Green's Hide 'em In Your Heart songs
  

The one most significant takeaway for me was the Godly Play workshop. Godly Play is a Montessori teaching that has been used in faith environments with great success by Jerome Berryman. He has written a number of books on the subject. Our presenter was Christine Rowntree, a dignified, arty-looking lady who immediately gave me the assurance that she knew her subject intimately. She moved in a slow, graceful, intentional way that suggested she was in charge of her surroundings, not the other way round. Wow.

What drew me and inspired me about Godly Play:

• the quiet, contemplative way it is conducted, so different from the sometimes rowdy atmosphere in Sunday School, when you have to struggle to keep the attention of the kids
• how it draws observers into the story with simple props (a golden gift box with wooden or felt figures representing people and objects in the story) and a powerful narrative,
  
• how it effectively engages all ages from preschoolers up to Grades 5 and 6 and all personality types, and
  
• how non-judgmental it is. There are no right or wrong answers, only "wondering questions" which the child can choose to answer (or not), and in the way that most speaks to his heart.
  

It strikes me as a method of sacred storytelling that engages not only the head, but also the heart - and helps the wisdom and the lesson stay there and take root.

I can't wait to talk it through with my fellow Sunday School teachers and to have a go at it myself. I can already see myself doing it.

Here's a You Tube video to help you understand how Godly Play is presented.