When you were a tiny child, you made your way around the room on your hands and knees, crawling. Everyone around you was walking and one day you decided to give it a try so, little by little, you worked on developing the skills necessary for you to learn to walk. You grabbed onto something above you and pulled yourself upright. You stood up holding onto the table or chair. Wobbling and unsure, you let go, fell down and tried again and again, until you stood up by yourself. Then you took your first step. All alone, all by yourself, hopefully to the cheers and applause of your family.
Baby steps, one at a time and you were walking. In the process of learning to walk you probably spent more time falling than you did succeeding. But did you ever think about quitting? Did you ever tell yourself that you weren't cut out for walking: "guess what; I'm going to crawl for the rest of my life"? No, of course you didn't. So why do you do that now? Why don't you do what you did when you were one or two years old?
The answer is alarming yet simple. Somewhere along the way, you became unwilling to take baby steps. You lost faith in the universal truth that simple disciplines practiced every single day, create success. You forgot the most proven, powerful success philosophy on earth. "The Slight Edge". Winning is always a matter of "The Slight Edge".
If you were to improve by just 0.003 each day that's only 3/10ths of 1%, a very slight edge but if you kept it up for the next five years, here's what would happen to you. The first year you would improve by 100% (you would be twice what you are today in just one year!). In the second year, you would improve by 200% and in the third by 400%. In the fourth year you would improve by 800%! By the end of the fifth year, you would have increased your value, skills and results by 1600%. That's 32 times more than what you are today. Just 3/10ths of 1% per day and that's not compounded! Just adding on three tenths of 1% each day. That's the incredible power of "The Slight Edge".
Remember that "The Slight Edge" is always operating either for you or against you. What you choose to do with it is up to you. "The Slight Edge" is based on the principle that what is easy to do is just as easy not to do. It's easy to get up and go to the gym every morning but it's just as easy to stay in bed and sleep in a little longer. But it's the little disciplines done over time that add up to the biggest accomplishments. The problem is that all those things, reading a book, exercising, eating the right foods, which are easy to do, are just as easy not to do.
Why is something easy not to do? Because if you don't do it, it won't kill you today. But that seemingly simply insignificant error in judgement repeated over time will kill you, destroy you, ruin your chances of success and demolish your dreams....guaranteed. For instance, if you eat a hamburger, it won't kill you today. But if you eat a hamburger everyday, that simple error in judgement compounded over time will ruin the quality of your life and will eventually take your life for ever. Either way "the Slight Edge" is at work.
You've got to choose which way you will go. If it's easy to do, it's also easy not to do. Which way will you choose? Did you know that only 5% of people succeed and 95% of people fail? No matter what realm of life or work you're looking at. It's true. Just one out of 20 people will achieve their goals in life. That's what the numbers say.
Back in the early 50s the Hartford Insurance Company did a survey of 100 college graduates, all approximately 25 years of age. They asked them all one question. "Will you achieve your financial goals within your working life?" They all said yes. Forty years later, in the 1990s Hartford followed up the 100 subjects, who were now 65 years old and found that:· 1 was wealthy· 4 were financially secure· 6 were still working· 35 were dead· 54 were broke having $200 or less to spend each month after they had paid their bills.
Out of the 100 subjects, only 5 had written down their goals. You can guess who they were! Five out of 100 were successful. That's 1 in 20. Why? The answer had to do with the pull of gravity. The downward pull of life. Ask yourself "Where is the expectation and the structure to support me in being a success in my life and work?"
The alarming fact is that outside our formal system of education, which most experts suggest is flawed anyway, there is no expectation or structure for your success - none. We get what we expect and only 5% of us ever expect to win and keep expecting that. Plus we have no structure and no system to support us in succeeding in life.
The predominant force in life is gravity and it's always pulling us down. It pulls 19 out of 20 down. But anyone can break free from the downward pull...........by doing what it's just as easy not to do. Write down your goals, read books, plan, build knowledge. Attend training, seminars then read some more, plan some more, set more goals and so on. Read 20 pages of an inspiring book everyday. Study success, study motivation, study network marketing, and read biographies of people that inspire you. But know that if it's easy to do its also easy not to do.
The choice is up to you. Your future is up to you. Life is not a spectator sport. Lead, follow or get out of the way. Life is a continual process...of growth or decay. Grow and then grow some more. Commit to growth. Learning to learn is committing to the process of growth. Choose to read 20 pages every day and you will have to make that choice every day. Choose to model yourself after the people you admire and who have succeeded in areas where you want to succeed.
Remember that failure will never overtake you if your desire to succeed is strong enough.
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Making Your Communications Match
I always knew the importance of matching what I say with what I do, but Bob Scheinfeld puts it more elegantly.
He says our Surface Communications must match our Energetic Communications, otherwise the mismatch will raise a red flag about our intentions and communications and even cause our projects to misfire.
For example, "suppose you have a website and are selling a product through it. You have a sales letter or some sort of text designed to sell it. Suppose at the end of that sales letter you say "And the investment for this product is $699" but you secretly have thoughts that $699 is too much, and no one will buy at that price, there's an energetic reference to that which others can sense and it creates a mismatch."
I know EXACTLY what that means because I do it all the time. As a freelance writer, I've occasionally stabbed myself in the foot by deliberately underquoting my fees because I was afraid potential customers might think I was charging too much.
He says our Surface Communications must match our Energetic Communications, otherwise the mismatch will raise a red flag about our intentions and communications and even cause our projects to misfire.
For example, "suppose you have a website and are selling a product through it. You have a sales letter or some sort of text designed to sell it. Suppose at the end of that sales letter you say "And the investment for this product is $699" but you secretly have thoughts that $699 is too much, and no one will buy at that price, there's an energetic reference to that which others can sense and it creates a mismatch."
I know EXACTLY what that means because I do it all the time. As a freelance writer, I've occasionally stabbed myself in the foot by deliberately underquoting my fees because I was afraid potential customers might think I was charging too much.
Who Trusts You?
Try this fun quiz from Stephen Covey to find out how your contacts rank you on trustworthiness.
Monday, May 21, 2007
What is Persistence, and when should you NOT persist?
This piece is extracted from Steve Pavlina's article on the 5 Pillars of Self-Discipline. One new thing I learned was that it is sometimes OK to give up. This is news to those of us who've been conditioned to think that giving up = failure (there's an amazing NLP presupposition that says All Failure Is Feedback, but that's another article altogether).
A lack of persistence is one of the surest ways to a dead end. How will you succeed if you give up way before you get there? Sounds obvious doesn't it? So why do people struggle with hanging on long enough to reap the fruits of their hard work? I'm keen to know the answer, because a lack of P is one of my major life challenges, or what Dr Wayne Dyer calls an Erroneous Zone, an area of my life I need to work at eradicating.
What Is Persistence?
Persistence is the ability to maintain action regardless of your feelings. You press on even when you feel like quitting.
When you work on any big goal, your motivation will wax and wane like waves hitting the shore. Sometimes you’ll feel motivated; sometimes you won’t. But it’s not your motivation that will produce results — it’s your action. Persistence allows you to keep taking action even when you don’t feel motivated to do so, and therefore you keep accumulating results.
Persistence will ultimately provide its own motivation. If you simply keep taking action, you’ll eventually get results, and results can be very motivating. For example, you may become a lot more enthusiastic about dieting and exercising once you’ve lost those first 10 pounds and feel your clothes fitting more loosely.
When to Give Up
Should you always persist and never give up? Certainly not. Sometimes giving up is clearly the best option.
Have you ever heard of a company called Traf-O-Data? What about Microsoft? Both companies were started by Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Traf-O-Data was the first company they started, back in 1972. You can read the story of Traf-O-Data here. Gates and Allen ran it for several years before throwing in the towel. They gave up. Of course they did a little better with Microsoft.
If they hadn’t given up on Traf-O-Data, then we wouldn’t have such rich collections of Microsoft and Bill Gates jokes today.
So how do you know when to press on vs. when to give up?
Is your plan still correct? If not, update the plan. Is your goal still correct? If not, update or abandon your goal. There’s no honor in clinging to a goal that no longer inspires you. Persistence is not stubbornness.
This was a particularly difficult lesson for me to learn. I had always believed one should never give up, that once you set a goal, you should hang on to the bitter end. The captain goes down with the ship and all that. If I ever failed to finish a project I started, I’d feel very guilty about it.
Eventually I figured out that this is just nonsense.
If you’re growing at all as a human being, then you’re going to be a different person each year than you were the previous year. And if you consciously pursue personal development, then the changes will often be dramatic and rapid. You can’t guarantee that the goals you set today will still be ones you’ll want to achieve a year from now.
My first business was Dexterity Software. I started it in 1994, fresh out of college. But after running it for more than a decade, I was ready for something new. I still run Dexterity on the side, but it’s not my full-time focus anymore. It takes me only about an hour or two a week to maintain it, partly because I designed it to be as automated as possible and to provide me with a passive income. It was successful to the extent I wanted it to be. I could have continued to grow it much larger, but I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life making computer games. Creating my own game company was my dream at age 22, and after publishing a couple dozen games, I feel I accomplished that goal. 22-year old Steve is very satisfied. But today I have different dreams.
Did I give up on Dexterity? You could say that, but it would be more accurate to say that I was infected by a new vision of something that was far more important to me. Had I stubbornly persisted with Dexterity, this site would never have existed. I’d be working on a new game instead of my first book.
In order to make room for new goals, we have to delete or complete old ones. And sometimes new goals are so compelling and inspiring that there’s no time to complete old ones — they have to be abandoned half-finished. I’ve always found it uncomfortable to do this, but I know it’s necessary. The hard part is consciously deciding to delete an old project, knowing it will never be finished. I have a file full of game ideas and some prototypes for new games that will never see the light of day. Consciously deciding that those projects have to be abandoned was really hard for me. It took me a long time to come to grips with it. But it was necessary for my own growth to be able to do this.
I still had to solve the problem of setting goals that might become obsolete in a year due to my own personal growth. How did I solve this problem? I cheated. I figured out the only way I could set long-term goals that would stick would be if they were aligned with my own process of growth. The pursuit of personal growth has long been a stable constant for me, even though it’s paradoxically in flux at the same time. So instead of trying to set fixed goals as I did with my games business, I began setting broader more dynamic goals that were aligned with my own growth. This new business allows me to pursue my personal growth full-out and to share what I learn with others. So growth itself is the goal, both for myself and others. This creates a symbiotic relationship, whereby helping others feeds back into my own growth, which in turn generates new ideas for helping others. Anyone who’s been reading this site since last year has probably seen that effect in action.
The direct and conscious pursuit of personal growth is the only type of mission that would work for me. If I made it my mission to master real estate investing, for example, I’d probably become bored with it after a few years. Since I want to keep growing indefinitely, I have to maintain a certain level of challenge and keep raising the bar ever higher. I can’t let things get too dull and risk falling into a pattern of complacency.
The value of persistence comes not from stubbornly clinging to the past. It comes from a vision of the future that’s so compelling you would give almost anything to make it real. The vision I have of my future now is far greater than the one I had for Dexterity. To be able to help people grow and to solve their most difficult problems is far more inspiring to me than entertaining people. These values started oozing out of me as I ran Dexterity because I favored logic puzzle games that challenged people to think, often passing up the opportunity to publish games I felt would make money but which wouldn’t provide much real value to people.
Persistence of action comes from persistence of vision. When you’re super-clear about what you want in such a way that your vision doesn’t change much, you’ll be consistent in your actions. And that consistency of action will produce consistency of results.
Can you identify a part of your life where you’ve demonstrated a pattern of long-term persistence? I think if you can identify such an area, it may provide a clue to your mission — something you can work towards where passion and self-discipline function synergistically.
A lack of persistence is one of the surest ways to a dead end. How will you succeed if you give up way before you get there? Sounds obvious doesn't it? So why do people struggle with hanging on long enough to reap the fruits of their hard work? I'm keen to know the answer, because a lack of P is one of my major life challenges, or what Dr Wayne Dyer calls an Erroneous Zone, an area of my life I need to work at eradicating.
What Is Persistence?
Persistence is the ability to maintain action regardless of your feelings. You press on even when you feel like quitting.
When you work on any big goal, your motivation will wax and wane like waves hitting the shore. Sometimes you’ll feel motivated; sometimes you won’t. But it’s not your motivation that will produce results — it’s your action. Persistence allows you to keep taking action even when you don’t feel motivated to do so, and therefore you keep accumulating results.
Persistence will ultimately provide its own motivation. If you simply keep taking action, you’ll eventually get results, and results can be very motivating. For example, you may become a lot more enthusiastic about dieting and exercising once you’ve lost those first 10 pounds and feel your clothes fitting more loosely.
When to Give Up
Should you always persist and never give up? Certainly not. Sometimes giving up is clearly the best option.
Have you ever heard of a company called Traf-O-Data? What about Microsoft? Both companies were started by Bill Gates and Paul Allen. Traf-O-Data was the first company they started, back in 1972. You can read the story of Traf-O-Data here. Gates and Allen ran it for several years before throwing in the towel. They gave up. Of course they did a little better with Microsoft.
If they hadn’t given up on Traf-O-Data, then we wouldn’t have such rich collections of Microsoft and Bill Gates jokes today.
So how do you know when to press on vs. when to give up?
Is your plan still correct? If not, update the plan. Is your goal still correct? If not, update or abandon your goal. There’s no honor in clinging to a goal that no longer inspires you. Persistence is not stubbornness.
This was a particularly difficult lesson for me to learn. I had always believed one should never give up, that once you set a goal, you should hang on to the bitter end. The captain goes down with the ship and all that. If I ever failed to finish a project I started, I’d feel very guilty about it.
Eventually I figured out that this is just nonsense.
If you’re growing at all as a human being, then you’re going to be a different person each year than you were the previous year. And if you consciously pursue personal development, then the changes will often be dramatic and rapid. You can’t guarantee that the goals you set today will still be ones you’ll want to achieve a year from now.
My first business was Dexterity Software. I started it in 1994, fresh out of college. But after running it for more than a decade, I was ready for something new. I still run Dexterity on the side, but it’s not my full-time focus anymore. It takes me only about an hour or two a week to maintain it, partly because I designed it to be as automated as possible and to provide me with a passive income. It was successful to the extent I wanted it to be. I could have continued to grow it much larger, but I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life making computer games. Creating my own game company was my dream at age 22, and after publishing a couple dozen games, I feel I accomplished that goal. 22-year old Steve is very satisfied. But today I have different dreams.
Did I give up on Dexterity? You could say that, but it would be more accurate to say that I was infected by a new vision of something that was far more important to me. Had I stubbornly persisted with Dexterity, this site would never have existed. I’d be working on a new game instead of my first book.
In order to make room for new goals, we have to delete or complete old ones. And sometimes new goals are so compelling and inspiring that there’s no time to complete old ones — they have to be abandoned half-finished. I’ve always found it uncomfortable to do this, but I know it’s necessary. The hard part is consciously deciding to delete an old project, knowing it will never be finished. I have a file full of game ideas and some prototypes for new games that will never see the light of day. Consciously deciding that those projects have to be abandoned was really hard for me. It took me a long time to come to grips with it. But it was necessary for my own growth to be able to do this.
I still had to solve the problem of setting goals that might become obsolete in a year due to my own personal growth. How did I solve this problem? I cheated. I figured out the only way I could set long-term goals that would stick would be if they were aligned with my own process of growth. The pursuit of personal growth has long been a stable constant for me, even though it’s paradoxically in flux at the same time. So instead of trying to set fixed goals as I did with my games business, I began setting broader more dynamic goals that were aligned with my own growth. This new business allows me to pursue my personal growth full-out and to share what I learn with others. So growth itself is the goal, both for myself and others. This creates a symbiotic relationship, whereby helping others feeds back into my own growth, which in turn generates new ideas for helping others. Anyone who’s been reading this site since last year has probably seen that effect in action.
The direct and conscious pursuit of personal growth is the only type of mission that would work for me. If I made it my mission to master real estate investing, for example, I’d probably become bored with it after a few years. Since I want to keep growing indefinitely, I have to maintain a certain level of challenge and keep raising the bar ever higher. I can’t let things get too dull and risk falling into a pattern of complacency.
The value of persistence comes not from stubbornly clinging to the past. It comes from a vision of the future that’s so compelling you would give almost anything to make it real. The vision I have of my future now is far greater than the one I had for Dexterity. To be able to help people grow and to solve their most difficult problems is far more inspiring to me than entertaining people. These values started oozing out of me as I ran Dexterity because I favored logic puzzle games that challenged people to think, often passing up the opportunity to publish games I felt would make money but which wouldn’t provide much real value to people.
Persistence of action comes from persistence of vision. When you’re super-clear about what you want in such a way that your vision doesn’t change much, you’ll be consistent in your actions. And that consistency of action will produce consistency of results.
Can you identify a part of your life where you’ve demonstrated a pattern of long-term persistence? I think if you can identify such an area, it may provide a clue to your mission — something you can work towards where passion and self-discipline function synergistically.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Unless ye be as little children...
Children are wonderful teachers.
From spending time with my baby, I have learnt so much that's important in life.
Like the meaning of Persistence.
Baby J does not know the meaning of "can't be done". If she can't flip over onto her tummy today, she'll keep at it until she does. And after that she'll keep doing it (with an expression of gleeful achievement besides) until it's fully a part of her daily physical routine.
Likewise, I expect that when it's time for the crawling and walking, she'll display the same never-say-never attitude and keep at it until she gets there.
So why is it that I give up before I see success?
Recently, I was listening to a recorded call by Richard Dennis on blogging. He said something that really resonated with me. He says the reason 99% of people fail is that they give up too soon on doing those positive actions each day that lead to success, and they give up because they do not see anything happening.
There will be a period of time, he says, when success is INVISIBLE. And that is precisely why we should keep doing the things we ought. Forget about what we can't see. Forget the why. Just keep beavering away and being consistent and disciplined about doing the little things, and the little things will eventually lead to the big things.
That's a huge paraphrase of what he actually said, but it's an interpretation that makes sense to me.
Especially when I look at my baby and realize that she doesn't enjoy instant success from all her attempts at mobility and independence, but it sure doesn't stop her, and eventually - which is the important thing - she gets to the place of achievement and becomes mobile and independent.
Powerful, but simple.
And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.
From spending time with my baby, I have learnt so much that's important in life.
Like the meaning of Persistence.
Baby J does not know the meaning of "can't be done". If she can't flip over onto her tummy today, she'll keep at it until she does. And after that she'll keep doing it (with an expression of gleeful achievement besides) until it's fully a part of her daily physical routine.
Likewise, I expect that when it's time for the crawling and walking, she'll display the same never-say-never attitude and keep at it until she gets there.
So why is it that I give up before I see success?
Recently, I was listening to a recorded call by Richard Dennis on blogging. He said something that really resonated with me. He says the reason 99% of people fail is that they give up too soon on doing those positive actions each day that lead to success, and they give up because they do not see anything happening.
There will be a period of time, he says, when success is INVISIBLE. And that is precisely why we should keep doing the things we ought. Forget about what we can't see. Forget the why. Just keep beavering away and being consistent and disciplined about doing the little things, and the little things will eventually lead to the big things.
That's a huge paraphrase of what he actually said, but it's an interpretation that makes sense to me.
Especially when I look at my baby and realize that she doesn't enjoy instant success from all her attempts at mobility and independence, but it sure doesn't stop her, and eventually - which is the important thing - she gets to the place of achievement and becomes mobile and independent.
Powerful, but simple.
And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
The One-A-Day Technique
I am really excited about an idea that hit me on the head yesterday. It was one of those blinding moments of clarity when you wonder, "Why didn't I think of this before?" I call it the One-A-Day technique, and it's my way of cutting through the thousands of to-do's that blindside me from my goals everyday.
A little bit of background first.
I am notoriously obsessive-compulsive/perfectionist, get endlessly absorbed and sidetracked by trivia, and would probably be diagnosed as having ADHD/ADD today. I love starting things but have trouble finishing them, and am continually walking back and forth in that no man's land between Vision and Implementation.
Yesterday, I was (again) in despair over the number of things undone/to be done, when I had my moment of clarity.
What if, WHAT IF, instead of trying to do everything everyday, I dedicated ONE day of the week to a specific theme and did things centred around that theme? Wouldn't that be more productive, more interesting, and a more organized way to live?
So for instance, Mondays could be for my organics business. Every Monday, I could have a list of action items to move me forward in my business. Call a prospect. Check the business website for updates. Join a live conference call. Listen to a recorded training call. Do a business review.
Tuesdays could be my Internet Marketing day. That's the day I could catch up on my ezine/newsletter subscriptions, do some homework on the SBI Action Guide, listen to a training call or audio CD, apply the techniques I learn.
Wednesdays could be my Coaching day, the day I work at building my coaching practice, study training options, investigate the coaching resources on the Web, write a personal development article.
And so on.
Once I got down to listing all the action items under each theme, it was easy to see how I could do one or two things each day that would help me move a bit nearer my final destination, and Developing A Passive Income or Becoming A Certified Career Coach no longer seems like a dream that's light years away.
Try it yourself and see!
Serena Tan is a self-directed, wellbeing-loving info junkie and personal development addict who regards herself as one giant Work-In-Progress. Her biggest challenge is learning how to live deliberately and joyfully in the Present.
A little bit of background first.
I am notoriously obsessive-compulsive/perfectionist, get endlessly absorbed and sidetracked by trivia, and would probably be diagnosed as having ADHD/ADD today. I love starting things but have trouble finishing them, and am continually walking back and forth in that no man's land between Vision and Implementation.
Yesterday, I was (again) in despair over the number of things undone/to be done, when I had my moment of clarity.
What if, WHAT IF, instead of trying to do everything everyday, I dedicated ONE day of the week to a specific theme and did things centred around that theme? Wouldn't that be more productive, more interesting, and a more organized way to live?
So for instance, Mondays could be for my organics business. Every Monday, I could have a list of action items to move me forward in my business. Call a prospect. Check the business website for updates. Join a live conference call. Listen to a recorded training call. Do a business review.
Tuesdays could be my Internet Marketing day. That's the day I could catch up on my ezine/newsletter subscriptions, do some homework on the SBI Action Guide, listen to a training call or audio CD, apply the techniques I learn.
Wednesdays could be my Coaching day, the day I work at building my coaching practice, study training options, investigate the coaching resources on the Web, write a personal development article.
And so on.
Once I got down to listing all the action items under each theme, it was easy to see how I could do one or two things each day that would help me move a bit nearer my final destination, and Developing A Passive Income or Becoming A Certified Career Coach no longer seems like a dream that's light years away.
Try it yourself and see!
Serena Tan is a self-directed, wellbeing-loving info junkie and personal development addict who regards herself as one giant Work-In-Progress. Her biggest challenge is learning how to live deliberately and joyfully in the Present.
Monday, May 14, 2007
How to be a great conversationalist
I learnt some powerful pointers about conversation skills from Brian Tracy today.
First, pause before replying.
A short pause of 3-5 secs accomplishes 3 things:
a. It gives the other person a chance to catch his breath before continuing, without you risking interrupting him before he's finished speaking.
b. It shows the person you're seriously thinking about what he's saying.
c. You will hear the other person better.
Comment:
This is something I could really practise. I am notorious for jumping in with my own 2 cents, and 99% of the time I end up interrupting the other person, and causing the conversation to become disjointed and awkward. It's as if one part of me feels I'm on a time budget and if I don't use up my allocated time to speak, it will be forfeited.
Second, ask for clarification. Say "What do you mean, exactly?"
Brian says this is the most powerful question he's ever learned for controlling a conversation because it's impossible not to answer.
Comment:
If you ask a close-ended question, the other person could just answer Yes/No and volunteer no further information, causing the conversation to grind to a halt. With an open-ended conversation, you're pushing the ball back into the other person's court and he has to think of how to answer because he can't rely on a simple Yes/No.
Third, paraphrase the other person's words. This demonstrates attentiveness.
Benefits of Effective Listening
Listening builds trust.
Listening builds the other person's self-esteem.
Listening builds discipline - it take real effort to listen well. If you're able to do that, you're actually developing your own character and personality.
First, pause before replying.
A short pause of 3-5 secs accomplishes 3 things:
a. It gives the other person a chance to catch his breath before continuing, without you risking interrupting him before he's finished speaking.
b. It shows the person you're seriously thinking about what he's saying.
c. You will hear the other person better.
Comment:
This is something I could really practise. I am notorious for jumping in with my own 2 cents, and 99% of the time I end up interrupting the other person, and causing the conversation to become disjointed and awkward. It's as if one part of me feels I'm on a time budget and if I don't use up my allocated time to speak, it will be forfeited.
Second, ask for clarification. Say "What do you mean, exactly?"
Brian says this is the most powerful question he's ever learned for controlling a conversation because it's impossible not to answer.
Comment:
If you ask a close-ended question, the other person could just answer Yes/No and volunteer no further information, causing the conversation to grind to a halt. With an open-ended conversation, you're pushing the ball back into the other person's court and he has to think of how to answer because he can't rely on a simple Yes/No.
Third, paraphrase the other person's words. This demonstrates attentiveness.
Benefits of Effective Listening
Listening builds trust.
Listening builds the other person's self-esteem.
Listening builds discipline - it take real effort to listen well. If you're able to do that, you're actually developing your own character and personality.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Believe It... or Don't
Many of us have limiting beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities. They lurk there, in the dark crannies of our minds, just waiting to sabotage some of our best efforts.
How many times do we have success after success, until WHAM, something happens in our mental processes which then prevents us moving in that same direction. The next step is often to give up. It seems that no matter how hard I try, something is blocking me, and preventing me from getting what I want in my life.
Of course, some times this happens because my goal setting is not clear and precise. I might have goals that are dependent on another person, or other factors over which I have no control.
Sometimes it might be because unconsciously I find my present situation more congenial than the possible impending changes that are potentially just over the horizon. What is fairly predictable is that if I think I can't do something, then I can't.
The person who says I can and the person who says I can't are both right. Whatever I think about myself, I will find there is evidence to support it.
Exploring Beliefs
Typically, beliefs are in place before the behaviour occurs. A person is going to believe that he or she can do something before he or she actually goes to do it. Commitment occurs, and then the brain goes through the feedback mechanisms to guide behaviour into the activity.
Beliefs are only a map. They are only a partial representation of the territory. Therefore, a well-formed belief is not going to be based on the statistics available to support it, rather on primarily one factor: how well it serves the individual.
Our beliefs are very powerful, helping us to get a sense of certainty and direction in an unpredictable world. They are so powerful, in fact, that we sometimes don't remember that they're not necessarily 'true'.
At some point in our lives our beliefs might have been useful. However, many beliefs are context dependent. When the context changes, they can become limiting beliefs. "Crossing the road is too dangerous" was a useful belief when I was a small child. However, now I am an adult, I need to modify that belief, or ditch it altogether. It is not useful for me, as an adult, to be stuck on the side of the road, unable to cross because of a belief I had instilled into me as a child.
As coaches, we meet limiting beliefs in many people, even ourselves! One way forward is to use a question from the NLP skill-set: "How do you know that?" Or "How do I know that?"
This will help to discover there is good evidence for maintaining the belief, or not enough evidence to make it worthwhile sustaining it.
If I find beliefs that are no longer useful, then it is good practice to change them or replace them with some beliefs that will strengthen me. Like goals, it is most useful to write them down, and write them down in a positive way.
I once had a mentor who taught me 'fake it until you make it'. Milton Erickson, an extraordinary communicator and therapist, used to say "You can pretend anything and master it."
So the next step is to act as if the new positive belief is true. Take courage as you explore (and change?) your limiting beliefs!
Rick Bowie is a professional Life Coach and LCI Graduate who specialises in NLP, Conflict Management and Public Speaking. To find out more about Rick's qualifications and services, visit his Find A Coach profile.
How many times do we have success after success, until WHAM, something happens in our mental processes which then prevents us moving in that same direction. The next step is often to give up. It seems that no matter how hard I try, something is blocking me, and preventing me from getting what I want in my life.
Of course, some times this happens because my goal setting is not clear and precise. I might have goals that are dependent on another person, or other factors over which I have no control.
Sometimes it might be because unconsciously I find my present situation more congenial than the possible impending changes that are potentially just over the horizon. What is fairly predictable is that if I think I can't do something, then I can't.
The person who says I can and the person who says I can't are both right. Whatever I think about myself, I will find there is evidence to support it.
Exploring Beliefs
Typically, beliefs are in place before the behaviour occurs. A person is going to believe that he or she can do something before he or she actually goes to do it. Commitment occurs, and then the brain goes through the feedback mechanisms to guide behaviour into the activity.
Beliefs are only a map. They are only a partial representation of the territory. Therefore, a well-formed belief is not going to be based on the statistics available to support it, rather on primarily one factor: how well it serves the individual.
Our beliefs are very powerful, helping us to get a sense of certainty and direction in an unpredictable world. They are so powerful, in fact, that we sometimes don't remember that they're not necessarily 'true'.
At some point in our lives our beliefs might have been useful. However, many beliefs are context dependent. When the context changes, they can become limiting beliefs. "Crossing the road is too dangerous" was a useful belief when I was a small child. However, now I am an adult, I need to modify that belief, or ditch it altogether. It is not useful for me, as an adult, to be stuck on the side of the road, unable to cross because of a belief I had instilled into me as a child.
As coaches, we meet limiting beliefs in many people, even ourselves! One way forward is to use a question from the NLP skill-set: "How do you know that?" Or "How do I know that?"
This will help to discover there is good evidence for maintaining the belief, or not enough evidence to make it worthwhile sustaining it.
If I find beliefs that are no longer useful, then it is good practice to change them or replace them with some beliefs that will strengthen me. Like goals, it is most useful to write them down, and write them down in a positive way.
I once had a mentor who taught me 'fake it until you make it'. Milton Erickson, an extraordinary communicator and therapist, used to say "You can pretend anything and master it."
So the next step is to act as if the new positive belief is true. Take courage as you explore (and change?) your limiting beliefs!
Rick Bowie is a professional Life Coach and LCI Graduate who specialises in NLP, Conflict Management and Public Speaking. To find out more about Rick's qualifications and services, visit his Find A Coach profile.
Be Grateful, Give Thanks and Discover Life
"If the only prayer you said in your life was "thank you," that would suffice."
-- Meister Eckhart
Gratitude, such a simple word but one rarely used appropriately. It can be one of the most challenging things to do or say. Why is that? Consider for a moment how often you use the word and mean it, not just as a habit, when someone does something for you. How often do you pause and reflect on all the wonderful things you have in your life that you are thankful for?
Gratitude is an appreciation of what you have and being thankful for all of it. But it is so much more than that - it is an attitude toward life. This attitude is the blueprint for your life. A life devoid of thankfulness is a life devoid of love and passion. Without it, nothing new can enter your life. If you don't appreciate what you have, how can you receive anything more?
What does this all mean? It means that whatever you are waiting for (abundance, happiness, contentment, success), will come to you only when you are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.
Only then can you truly experience the gift you have been given. Even in pain and suffering, there are lessons to learn if you are open and grateful for the experience. That is why some of the most profound lessons have come in times of suffering. Nelson Mandela said, "There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires."
Being grateful reminds all to focus on what is good in your life. Too many times, the focus is on what you don't have which creates feelings of resentment and bitterness. Life is never as bad as it seems. It is all about your perception. It is your attitude that created the environment you have. Hence, focus on the good in your life and what you want to create and you shall receive, as the Law of Attraction states.
Use Positive Language
Don't use words like 'but', 'at least', 'in the future'. (For example, "I am happy but..." "At least I have my health"). These suggest a superficial form of gratitude. You know you should be content but it's not enough. You temporarily feel grateful but your attitude is artificial because you want more.
There is nothing wrong with wanting more but your attitude determines your sincerity. Instead use statements like "I am grateful for this experience that has come into my life. It has been the catalyst for change."
Say It Like You Mean It
You just can't say the words. You have to mean what you say, feel it and believe it. "I am grateful for this experience, I've learnt so much." You can't say this and then turn around and say, "Why is this happening to me, I don't deserve this." This implies that you are not grateful and don't believe what you are saying. You are just saying it for the sake of it. At first you may not believe the statement but if you repeat it often enough you will eventually come to mean it and understand it.
Do It with Actions
Back up your words with actions. If you are grateful for having the experience, don't harp on the negatives - learn your lesson and move on. If the same experience keeps repeating itself you are not learning your lesson. You are focusing only on the negatives and you are not choosing to see the positives. There are always positives in any situation. It is up to you to find them.
Use Gratitude Every Day
Every morning when you wake up, be grateful that you are seeing another day as there are many people who won't. This simple ritual will change your attitude each day and transform your life.
One of the great truths is that life itself is a gift. Being grateful for this existence and this experience is independent of situations and circumstances. You choose this attitude towards your life. As your practice this more and more, it becomes part of your reality and it encompasses all that you do. As you move towards 'being' grateful all the time you activate the Law of Attraction because it becomes a part of you and you will attract circumstances you want.
As John F. Kennedy said, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
For more information contact Anna Cairo at: apc@izone.net.au or 0417 010 877. She is also a graduate from the Certificate IV in Life Coaching. For more information about Anna and her life coaching services, visit her Institute page at www.lcia.com.au/annacairo.
-- Meister Eckhart
Gratitude, such a simple word but one rarely used appropriately. It can be one of the most challenging things to do or say. Why is that? Consider for a moment how often you use the word and mean it, not just as a habit, when someone does something for you. How often do you pause and reflect on all the wonderful things you have in your life that you are thankful for?
Gratitude is an appreciation of what you have and being thankful for all of it. But it is so much more than that - it is an attitude toward life. This attitude is the blueprint for your life. A life devoid of thankfulness is a life devoid of love and passion. Without it, nothing new can enter your life. If you don't appreciate what you have, how can you receive anything more?
What does this all mean? It means that whatever you are waiting for (abundance, happiness, contentment, success), will come to you only when you are ready to receive it with an open and grateful heart.
Only then can you truly experience the gift you have been given. Even in pain and suffering, there are lessons to learn if you are open and grateful for the experience. That is why some of the most profound lessons have come in times of suffering. Nelson Mandela said, "There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires."
Being grateful reminds all to focus on what is good in your life. Too many times, the focus is on what you don't have which creates feelings of resentment and bitterness. Life is never as bad as it seems. It is all about your perception. It is your attitude that created the environment you have. Hence, focus on the good in your life and what you want to create and you shall receive, as the Law of Attraction states.
Use Positive Language
Don't use words like 'but', 'at least', 'in the future'. (For example, "I am happy but..." "At least I have my health"). These suggest a superficial form of gratitude. You know you should be content but it's not enough. You temporarily feel grateful but your attitude is artificial because you want more.
There is nothing wrong with wanting more but your attitude determines your sincerity. Instead use statements like "I am grateful for this experience that has come into my life. It has been the catalyst for change."
Say It Like You Mean It
You just can't say the words. You have to mean what you say, feel it and believe it. "I am grateful for this experience, I've learnt so much." You can't say this and then turn around and say, "Why is this happening to me, I don't deserve this." This implies that you are not grateful and don't believe what you are saying. You are just saying it for the sake of it. At first you may not believe the statement but if you repeat it often enough you will eventually come to mean it and understand it.
Do It with Actions
Back up your words with actions. If you are grateful for having the experience, don't harp on the negatives - learn your lesson and move on. If the same experience keeps repeating itself you are not learning your lesson. You are focusing only on the negatives and you are not choosing to see the positives. There are always positives in any situation. It is up to you to find them.
Use Gratitude Every Day
Every morning when you wake up, be grateful that you are seeing another day as there are many people who won't. This simple ritual will change your attitude each day and transform your life.
One of the great truths is that life itself is a gift. Being grateful for this existence and this experience is independent of situations and circumstances. You choose this attitude towards your life. As your practice this more and more, it becomes part of your reality and it encompasses all that you do. As you move towards 'being' grateful all the time you activate the Law of Attraction because it becomes a part of you and you will attract circumstances you want.
As John F. Kennedy said, "As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them."
For more information contact Anna Cairo at: apc@izone.net.au or 0417 010 877. She is also a graduate from the Certificate IV in Life Coaching. For more information about Anna and her life coaching services, visit her Institute page at www.lcia.com.au/annacairo.
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Identify and Exploit Your Natural Talents by MyGoalManager.com
Every single human being has special gifts and abilities that are naturally hardwired into them. You were born with a unique combination of talents giving you capabilities in certain areas that exceed most other people. These innate talents need only be realized and properly leveraged to achieve the greatness that you were meant to achieve.
It is critical to your sense of worth and your stewardship of the gifts you were born with to stay on the path that makes best use of your talents and strengths. Living in a role that asks you to be something that you are not causes nothing but frustration, anger, and unhappiness. When you discover your natural talents and strengths you become aware of who you really are and gain true self awareness. The highest levels of accomplishment and happiness are achieved from identifying your talents and following a Goal Plan that best utilizes these strengths.
An exciting thing about talents is that they simply need to be honed and used creatively to produce amazing achievements that seem unfathomable to others. Your strengths when used properly will greatly outshine and overcome weaknesses. Talents should be identified and utilized towards setting and achieving your goals. When you realize that you are in the midst of something native to your authentic self you become passionate about everything you do. Your passion is ignited when you reconnect with what you were made to do and who you were made to be.
Nothing is more natural than your talents, and your unique gifts are what set you apart and make you a winner. Everyone has things that they learn very quickly and execute almost effortlessly with amazing results. The activities you excel at reveal your natural gifts and talents.
Once you realize and capitalize on your talents your confidence goes up because you start to have more success and realize how talented you really are. You begin to recognize and take advantage of more opportunities to excel when you realize "Hey, I can do that!". Many people have little sense of their true talents and strengths or discover them late in life. Once you discover these natural talents you become immediately enlightened.
An easy to use tool has just been added to MyGoalManager.com's Achievement System that helps in determining and recording your true natural Talents and Strengths which form the foundation of your Goal Plan. This new section is included at no extra cost in the Goal Achievement System. You can use this tool now by logging in to your account at: http://www.MyGoalManager.com/login.aspx
Then click on the Menu Item under "Create Plan" called "Record Talents and Strengths".
Commit to putting your natural aptitudes into action now to achieve greatness and create an extraordinary life. How much time, effort, and money is it worth to know those activities and qualities with which you naturally excel? This could well be the most valuable exercise you ever do.
It is critical to your sense of worth and your stewardship of the gifts you were born with to stay on the path that makes best use of your talents and strengths. Living in a role that asks you to be something that you are not causes nothing but frustration, anger, and unhappiness. When you discover your natural talents and strengths you become aware of who you really are and gain true self awareness. The highest levels of accomplishment and happiness are achieved from identifying your talents and following a Goal Plan that best utilizes these strengths.
An exciting thing about talents is that they simply need to be honed and used creatively to produce amazing achievements that seem unfathomable to others. Your strengths when used properly will greatly outshine and overcome weaknesses. Talents should be identified and utilized towards setting and achieving your goals. When you realize that you are in the midst of something native to your authentic self you become passionate about everything you do. Your passion is ignited when you reconnect with what you were made to do and who you were made to be.
Nothing is more natural than your talents, and your unique gifts are what set you apart and make you a winner. Everyone has things that they learn very quickly and execute almost effortlessly with amazing results. The activities you excel at reveal your natural gifts and talents.
Once you realize and capitalize on your talents your confidence goes up because you start to have more success and realize how talented you really are. You begin to recognize and take advantage of more opportunities to excel when you realize "Hey, I can do that!". Many people have little sense of their true talents and strengths or discover them late in life. Once you discover these natural talents you become immediately enlightened.
An easy to use tool has just been added to MyGoalManager.com's Achievement System that helps in determining and recording your true natural Talents and Strengths which form the foundation of your Goal Plan. This new section is included at no extra cost in the Goal Achievement System. You can use this tool now by logging in to your account at: http://www.MyGoalManager.com/login.aspx
Then click on the Menu Item under "Create Plan" called "Record Talents and Strengths".
Commit to putting your natural aptitudes into action now to achieve greatness and create an extraordinary life. How much time, effort, and money is it worth to know those activities and qualities with which you naturally excel? This could well be the most valuable exercise you ever do.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Thought for the Day: How Big Are Your Thoughts?
By Dianna Podmoroff.
From the “Thought for the Day” series, a regular feature at the Mind Tools Career Excellence Club.“
As long as you’re going to think anyway – you might as well think BIG!” - Donald Trump.
Instinctively, we think small thoughts. As children, our thoughts and actions have little effect beyond our immediate world. As we grow up, it's easy to retain small expectations, or only to increase our expectations little-by-little. But what of the people who build skyscrapers, run economies, or write books that change the way the world thinks? They're not thinking small!
Our thoughts drive the scale of our success. When you think big, your mind will follow – and help pave the way to achieving more of what you want in life. Napoleon Hill, pioneer of success thinking, said, “We are the Masters of our Fate, the Captains of our Souls, because we have the power to control our thoughts.”
If you think about it, everything you have, or have ever achieved, started out as a want or a dream. These things you have now, you wanted, and you probably want to achieve much more… The truth is, if you really, really want it, it’s much more likely you’ll achieve it.
This isn’t to say that you literally can “think” yourself to success. There is a lot of work that has to go into it too. But unless you actively think about what you want from life, and really desire it, you’ll wind up achieving a whole lot less than your full potential.
TIP: Think BIG and desire BIG. It isn’t hokey mental gymnastics. Rather it’s the stage setter for achieving what you really, really want from life.
From the “Thought for the Day” series, a regular feature at the Mind Tools Career Excellence Club.“
As long as you’re going to think anyway – you might as well think BIG!” - Donald Trump.
Instinctively, we think small thoughts. As children, our thoughts and actions have little effect beyond our immediate world. As we grow up, it's easy to retain small expectations, or only to increase our expectations little-by-little. But what of the people who build skyscrapers, run economies, or write books that change the way the world thinks? They're not thinking small!
Our thoughts drive the scale of our success. When you think big, your mind will follow – and help pave the way to achieving more of what you want in life. Napoleon Hill, pioneer of success thinking, said, “We are the Masters of our Fate, the Captains of our Souls, because we have the power to control our thoughts.”
If you think about it, everything you have, or have ever achieved, started out as a want or a dream. These things you have now, you wanted, and you probably want to achieve much more… The truth is, if you really, really want it, it’s much more likely you’ll achieve it.
This isn’t to say that you literally can “think” yourself to success. There is a lot of work that has to go into it too. But unless you actively think about what you want from life, and really desire it, you’ll wind up achieving a whole lot less than your full potential.
TIP: Think BIG and desire BIG. It isn’t hokey mental gymnastics. Rather it’s the stage setter for achieving what you really, really want from life.
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Meeting David Marshall In 1994 (Interview by Dharmendra Yadav)
I created a link to Dharmendra Yadav's blog post THINK HAPPINESS: Meeting David Marshall In 1994 to acknowledge with admiration the man responsible for the abolition of Singapore's jury system and his views about law, the pursuit of human justice, and the emptiness of a life made up solely of acquisition.
Monday, April 16, 2007
True Ambition
Ambitiously Pursuing Your Own Self-Direction by Jim Rohn
(Excerpted from The Power of Ambition series)
What is the origin of true ambition? There exists really only one place to find true ambition and that is within you – in every thought, in every movement, in every motivation. Your ambition is an expression of who you truly are, your own self-expression.
Self-expression. Isn't self-expression really self-direction? How you think, how you move, how you motivate yourself. Ambition is a result of self-direction and self-direction is one of the six key principles necessary for building ambition.
Positive self-direction says, "I know who I am and I know where I want to go. I'm accumulating knowledge and experiences and feelings and philosophies that will help prepare me for opportunities that I know will show up without notice or any help on my part." Because you know where you want to go, you have already been working on the parts of your personality that will make you better. Working on your attitude, working on your health, working on your time management skills. Putting it all down on paper. And you constantly see yourself in the place you want to be, going in the direction you want to go.
Direction determines destination.
So here is a question you must ask yourself, "Are all the disciplines that I'm currently engaged in taking me where I want to go?" What an important question to ask yourself at the beginning of the month, the beginning of the week, the beginning of the day. Because here is what you don't ever want to do - kid yourself. Kid your neighbor, kid me and kid the marketplace, but don't kid yourself - fingers crossed - hoping you will arrive at a good destination when you're not even headed that way.
You have to ask yourself often, AM I? Am I doing the disciplines that are taking me in the direction I want to go? Don't neglect to ask these important questions, questions that help determine your direction, the set of your sail, your destination.
Is this the direction I want for my life?
Is this someone else's direction?
Is this a goal I have been ingrained with since my childhood?
Is this goal my parent's, my spouse's, my boss', my children's or is it MINE?
Ask yourself these questions and then debate them. After you have answered these questions within yourself, then take it one step further and ask, "What am I doing that is working or not working?" Debate it all. Work with your mind to figure out the best possible direction for you - your self-direction.
And then ambitiously pursue your own self-direction. Let the power of your own ambition take you where you want to go, to do what you want to do, to create the life you want to live!
To Your Success,
Jim Rohn
(Excerpted from The Power of Ambition series)
What is the origin of true ambition? There exists really only one place to find true ambition and that is within you – in every thought, in every movement, in every motivation. Your ambition is an expression of who you truly are, your own self-expression.
Self-expression. Isn't self-expression really self-direction? How you think, how you move, how you motivate yourself. Ambition is a result of self-direction and self-direction is one of the six key principles necessary for building ambition.
Positive self-direction says, "I know who I am and I know where I want to go. I'm accumulating knowledge and experiences and feelings and philosophies that will help prepare me for opportunities that I know will show up without notice or any help on my part." Because you know where you want to go, you have already been working on the parts of your personality that will make you better. Working on your attitude, working on your health, working on your time management skills. Putting it all down on paper. And you constantly see yourself in the place you want to be, going in the direction you want to go.
Direction determines destination.
So here is a question you must ask yourself, "Are all the disciplines that I'm currently engaged in taking me where I want to go?" What an important question to ask yourself at the beginning of the month, the beginning of the week, the beginning of the day. Because here is what you don't ever want to do - kid yourself. Kid your neighbor, kid me and kid the marketplace, but don't kid yourself - fingers crossed - hoping you will arrive at a good destination when you're not even headed that way.
You have to ask yourself often, AM I? Am I doing the disciplines that are taking me in the direction I want to go? Don't neglect to ask these important questions, questions that help determine your direction, the set of your sail, your destination.
Is this the direction I want for my life?
Is this someone else's direction?
Is this a goal I have been ingrained with since my childhood?
Is this goal my parent's, my spouse's, my boss', my children's or is it MINE?
Ask yourself these questions and then debate them. After you have answered these questions within yourself, then take it one step further and ask, "What am I doing that is working or not working?" Debate it all. Work with your mind to figure out the best possible direction for you - your self-direction.
And then ambitiously pursue your own self-direction. Let the power of your own ambition take you where you want to go, to do what you want to do, to create the life you want to live!
To Your Success,
Jim Rohn
How To Listen With Empathy
From Denis Waitley's Weekly Ezine:
In the communication process, knowledge is not always wisdom; sensitivity is not always accuracy and sympathy is not always understanding. All customer service and the ability to gain trust and repeat business is based on empathy. Empathy is "feeling with" and never assuming anything until you have "walked a mile in the other person's moccasins." Since it is impossible to know the road another has walked, the best alternative is to ask questions with interest and respect, and listen for the hidden agendas and desires.
In the communication process, knowledge is not always wisdom; sensitivity is not always accuracy and sympathy is not always understanding. All customer service and the ability to gain trust and repeat business is based on empathy. Empathy is "feeling with" and never assuming anything until you have "walked a mile in the other person's moccasins." Since it is impossible to know the road another has walked, the best alternative is to ask questions with interest and respect, and listen for the hidden agendas and desires.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
No Life Without Death
Extract from this week's church bulletin:
It is Jesus himself who reminds us that unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it remains a single seed. "But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (Jn 12:24) And the Apostle Paul, when reflecting on the resurrection of the body says, "What you sow does not come to life unless it dies." (1 Cor. 15:36) This is a fundamental principle of life. There is no life without death. Even in the process of human reproduction, many cells die in order that the one cell might live and be strong and vigorous.
And so we come to this high point of the Christian year, when we remember and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. But it does us well to remember that the Christian faith is not all about triumphalism and victory. There was a long night of the soul for Jesus as he prepared for, planned and went through with the process of painful death. Jesus showed in the hours leading up to the cross that he was willing to do what had to be done, but troubled in spirit as to what it would mean.
There was a desire for the cup to be taken from him.
There were signs of stress as he chewed the disciples up for not staying with him while he prayed.
There was some anger as he rifled through the Temple and threw out the money changers, and those who were opposing God's rule.
There was disappointment as two of his friends let him down big time, one in betrayal and the other in denial.
These were not easy days.
There was suffering in the heart and mind of Jesus as he owned the fact that he was a seed about to be buried in the cold dark earth, and there he would stay until the light of God's power would touch him and bring him back to life.
We find it difficult to stay with death for too long. When we are confronted by the power of suffering or sorrow, tragedy, sickness and death, there is impatience, sometimes within us, but most times in those around us, that wants us to get over it, to get on with life, and to put the reality of sadness behind us.
But the events of the Easter weekend teach us well that it is not necessarily a good thing to brush over the process of death and the presence of suffering. Like the seed, we need time to grow in the experience of the circumstances that surround us.
It is Jesus himself who reminds us that unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it remains a single seed. "But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (Jn 12:24) And the Apostle Paul, when reflecting on the resurrection of the body says, "What you sow does not come to life unless it dies." (1 Cor. 15:36) This is a fundamental principle of life. There is no life without death. Even in the process of human reproduction, many cells die in order that the one cell might live and be strong and vigorous.
And so we come to this high point of the Christian year, when we remember and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ. But it does us well to remember that the Christian faith is not all about triumphalism and victory. There was a long night of the soul for Jesus as he prepared for, planned and went through with the process of painful death. Jesus showed in the hours leading up to the cross that he was willing to do what had to be done, but troubled in spirit as to what it would mean.
There was a desire for the cup to be taken from him.
There were signs of stress as he chewed the disciples up for not staying with him while he prayed.
There was some anger as he rifled through the Temple and threw out the money changers, and those who were opposing God's rule.
There was disappointment as two of his friends let him down big time, one in betrayal and the other in denial.
These were not easy days.
There was suffering in the heart and mind of Jesus as he owned the fact that he was a seed about to be buried in the cold dark earth, and there he would stay until the light of God's power would touch him and bring him back to life.
We find it difficult to stay with death for too long. When we are confronted by the power of suffering or sorrow, tragedy, sickness and death, there is impatience, sometimes within us, but most times in those around us, that wants us to get over it, to get on with life, and to put the reality of sadness behind us.
But the events of the Easter weekend teach us well that it is not necessarily a good thing to brush over the process of death and the presence of suffering. Like the seed, we need time to grow in the experience of the circumstances that surround us.
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Reflections on the Stations of the Cross
GOOD FRIDAY ECUMENICAL STATIONS OF THE CROSS WALK
The First Station - Jesus is condemned (Mark 15:1-5)
Reflection
In his silence, Jesus challenges the power of the powerful.
What positions of power do I hold - in my family, in my work, in my circle of friends?
Do I use them to support or oppress?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, in a world that seeks power and control, help me to remember your silence. Help me to realise that true power always enhances life, never destroys it. May I be ever mindful that all power comes from you and must be used in your service.
The Second Station - Jesus Accepts His Cross (John 19:17)
Reflection
In his acceptance of his cross, Jesus challenges us to be mindful of the burdens we lay on others.
What unnecessary burdens do I lay on others?
Do I delight in adding to another's difficulties in life?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Gentle Jesus, you accepted your cross lovingly. Help me to always be aware that my actions can result in creating burdens for others I know and even those I don't know. May I always choose my actions, consciously trying to reduce the suffering of others.
The Third Station - Jesus falls the first time
Reflection
In his fall, Jesus challenges our apathy.
When have I been unmoved by the fall of another?
How often have I seen another's failure as a result of an inadequacy on their part and deserving of disgrace?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, you fell in front of everyone. Help me to notice those who fall around me because of weariness, pain, weakness or sorrow. May I never ignore the suffering of others but, with your image before me, be compelled to offer assistance to those in need.
The Fourth Station - Jesus meets his mother
Reflection
In his ability to look into the face of his helpless mother, Jesus challenges our sense of always needing to be in control.
The world wants us to believe that we can have everything and do anything. How do we balance that with a healthy sense that we are not always in charge?
How do we accept those awful moments in our lives not simply as failures but as part of the fullness of life?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, you teach us that there are always moments in our lives that bring pain and failure and sometimes there is nothing we can do to change them. Help us, like Mary, to accept those times with faith and trust and love. May we never let those moments defeat us but strengthen us for the next moment on our journey.
The Fifth Station - Simon helps carry the cross (Mark 15:21)
Reflection
In the willingness to continue alone, despite his weakness, Jesus challenges our lack of involvement, our fear of upsetting the status quo.
How can I look at the suffering that exists around me without responding?
What do I need to push me toward service?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Patient Jesus, you wait for us to come to realisations in our own time. Help me to have the wisdom to know that just because something continues to happen in front of me doesn't make it right. May I never lack the courage to do what I know is right, even if it involves a risk.
The Sixth Station - Veronica wipes the face of Jesus
Reflection
In his response to Veronica's act of kindness and courage, Jesus challenges us to do likewise.
We find no evidence of Veronica in the scripture.
Perhaps we created her because we refuse to believe that no one would step forward in the midst of this great tragedy to assist Jesus. Perhaps Veronica is my best self-prompted love, courage, no thought of danger or cost.
Is that when the imprint of Christ's own self is most clear in me?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Loving Jesus, you shared the image of your very self with Veronica. Help me to always believe in my own goodness and act on it. May my life always reflect the light of God's life within me.
The Seventh Station - Jesus falls a second time
Reflection
In the second fall, Jesus challenges our refusal to recognize the suffering of our brothers and sisters.
It might be possible to see and ignore one fall but not two.
Could it be that the fall of another adds to my stature or status?
Is it my gain, or my unwillingness to lose what I have that allows me to ignore it?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Suffering Jesus, you fall yet another time. Help me never to allow the suffering of others to continue so that my life can remain undisturbed. May I always be ready to lift up my sisters and brothers even at a cost to myself.
The Eighth Station - Jesus speaks to the women (Luke 23:27-31)
Reflection
In his ability to focus not on himself but on those around him, Jesus challenges us to the realisation that our lives are all interconnected.
Do I think that the lives of others have no connection to mine - as if I could just observe them, perhaps even weep, yet walk away unchanged?
When one of my brothers or sisters suffers or is oppressed, I too suffer and I too am oppressed.
Have I cried for others so that I would not have to work for them?
When will I realise that justice will come only when those who are not oppressed are equally as outraged as those who are?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Compassionate Jesus, in the midst of your own suffering you turned your face toward others. Help me to understand that my salvation is bound up with everyone else's. May I always work for peace and justice for others knowing that at the same time I am working for my own.
The Tenth Station - Jesus is stripped of his garments (John 19:23-24)
Reflection
In his nakedness, Jesus challenges us to treat each person with dignity.
How often do I strip others of their dignity?
How often do I ignore those who diminish the dignity of others through words or actions?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Loving Jesus, your life is a witness to the beauty and dignity of all human life.
Help me to respect that dignity in all persons, in all stages of life, in all races and creeds. May I work each day to appreciate and accept the uniqueness and goodness of all people and to guarantee that right when it is threatened.
The Eleventh Station - Jesus is nailed to the cross
Reflection
In his willingness to endure the agony of death, Jesus challenges us to stand by those who are dying.
How do I journey with those who are dying or dealing with life threatening illness?
How do I view my own mortality?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Suffering Jesus, though you were God, you willingness endured suffering and death. Help me to follow your example and never shrink from those things in my life that cause me pain. May I truly believe that the result of death and dying is always greater life.
The Twelfth Station - Jesus dies on the cross (John 19:28-30)
Reflection
In his death, Jesus challenges our fear and promises us new life.
What is my response in the face of death?
Not just my own but others - members of my family, people in war-torn places around the world, the death of the very earth itself.
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Abandoned Jesus, in your hour of death, even your closest friends fled. Help me to never shrink from the fear of death but to offer it as the final act of life. Help me to accept the death of others when I must, and yet fight against death when it comes as a result of injustice, war, hatred or neglect. May I come to know the life that is stronger than death.
The Thirteenth Station - Jesus is laid in the arms of his mother (Matthew 27:55-56, Mark 15:40-41, John 19:25-30)
Reflection
In his death, Jesus challenges us to accept the little deaths that enter our lives daily.
How do I react when sorrow and death enter my life, when suffering is "laid in my arms"?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, your suffering had come to an end, yet for those around you it became deeper than ever. Suffering never seems fair or deserved yet it comes to each of us without distinction. Help me to realise that though every loss is painful, that pain becomes an opening for new growth. May I never be conquered by death but embrace it as Mary did and in that embrace find the true fullness of life.
The Fourteenth Station - Jesus is laid in the tomb (Matthew 27:57-61, Mark 15:42-47, Luke 23:50-56, John 19:38-42)
Reflection
In his burial Jesus challenges us to remain open to the mystery of life.
How often do I bury my hopes and dreams?
Do I lack faith in those around me or in myself, unable to see the potential?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, those who have loved you most still did not understand the promise of your life. Help me to have faith enough in myself and others to enable me to continue to believe in the richness of life despite fear and failure. Help me to trust that your life and your love are always available to me even when they seem hard to find. May I live every day filled with your life that is stronger than death until we are one together forever.
The First Station - Jesus is condemned (Mark 15:1-5)
Reflection
In his silence, Jesus challenges the power of the powerful.
What positions of power do I hold - in my family, in my work, in my circle of friends?
Do I use them to support or oppress?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, in a world that seeks power and control, help me to remember your silence. Help me to realise that true power always enhances life, never destroys it. May I be ever mindful that all power comes from you and must be used in your service.
The Second Station - Jesus Accepts His Cross (John 19:17)
Reflection
In his acceptance of his cross, Jesus challenges us to be mindful of the burdens we lay on others.
What unnecessary burdens do I lay on others?
Do I delight in adding to another's difficulties in life?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Gentle Jesus, you accepted your cross lovingly. Help me to always be aware that my actions can result in creating burdens for others I know and even those I don't know. May I always choose my actions, consciously trying to reduce the suffering of others.
The Third Station - Jesus falls the first time
Reflection
In his fall, Jesus challenges our apathy.
When have I been unmoved by the fall of another?
How often have I seen another's failure as a result of an inadequacy on their part and deserving of disgrace?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, you fell in front of everyone. Help me to notice those who fall around me because of weariness, pain, weakness or sorrow. May I never ignore the suffering of others but, with your image before me, be compelled to offer assistance to those in need.
The Fourth Station - Jesus meets his mother
Reflection
In his ability to look into the face of his helpless mother, Jesus challenges our sense of always needing to be in control.
The world wants us to believe that we can have everything and do anything. How do we balance that with a healthy sense that we are not always in charge?
How do we accept those awful moments in our lives not simply as failures but as part of the fullness of life?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, you teach us that there are always moments in our lives that bring pain and failure and sometimes there is nothing we can do to change them. Help us, like Mary, to accept those times with faith and trust and love. May we never let those moments defeat us but strengthen us for the next moment on our journey.
The Fifth Station - Simon helps carry the cross (Mark 15:21)
Reflection
In the willingness to continue alone, despite his weakness, Jesus challenges our lack of involvement, our fear of upsetting the status quo.
How can I look at the suffering that exists around me without responding?
What do I need to push me toward service?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Patient Jesus, you wait for us to come to realisations in our own time. Help me to have the wisdom to know that just because something continues to happen in front of me doesn't make it right. May I never lack the courage to do what I know is right, even if it involves a risk.
The Sixth Station - Veronica wipes the face of Jesus
Reflection
In his response to Veronica's act of kindness and courage, Jesus challenges us to do likewise.
We find no evidence of Veronica in the scripture.
Perhaps we created her because we refuse to believe that no one would step forward in the midst of this great tragedy to assist Jesus. Perhaps Veronica is my best self-prompted love, courage, no thought of danger or cost.
Is that when the imprint of Christ's own self is most clear in me?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Loving Jesus, you shared the image of your very self with Veronica. Help me to always believe in my own goodness and act on it. May my life always reflect the light of God's life within me.
The Seventh Station - Jesus falls a second time
Reflection
In the second fall, Jesus challenges our refusal to recognize the suffering of our brothers and sisters.
It might be possible to see and ignore one fall but not two.
Could it be that the fall of another adds to my stature or status?
Is it my gain, or my unwillingness to lose what I have that allows me to ignore it?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Suffering Jesus, you fall yet another time. Help me never to allow the suffering of others to continue so that my life can remain undisturbed. May I always be ready to lift up my sisters and brothers even at a cost to myself.
The Eighth Station - Jesus speaks to the women (Luke 23:27-31)
Reflection
In his ability to focus not on himself but on those around him, Jesus challenges us to the realisation that our lives are all interconnected.
Do I think that the lives of others have no connection to mine - as if I could just observe them, perhaps even weep, yet walk away unchanged?
When one of my brothers or sisters suffers or is oppressed, I too suffer and I too am oppressed.
Have I cried for others so that I would not have to work for them?
When will I realise that justice will come only when those who are not oppressed are equally as outraged as those who are?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Compassionate Jesus, in the midst of your own suffering you turned your face toward others. Help me to understand that my salvation is bound up with everyone else's. May I always work for peace and justice for others knowing that at the same time I am working for my own.
The Tenth Station - Jesus is stripped of his garments (John 19:23-24)
Reflection
In his nakedness, Jesus challenges us to treat each person with dignity.
How often do I strip others of their dignity?
How often do I ignore those who diminish the dignity of others through words or actions?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Loving Jesus, your life is a witness to the beauty and dignity of all human life.
Help me to respect that dignity in all persons, in all stages of life, in all races and creeds. May I work each day to appreciate and accept the uniqueness and goodness of all people and to guarantee that right when it is threatened.
The Eleventh Station - Jesus is nailed to the cross
Reflection
In his willingness to endure the agony of death, Jesus challenges us to stand by those who are dying.
How do I journey with those who are dying or dealing with life threatening illness?
How do I view my own mortality?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Suffering Jesus, though you were God, you willingness endured suffering and death. Help me to follow your example and never shrink from those things in my life that cause me pain. May I truly believe that the result of death and dying is always greater life.
The Twelfth Station - Jesus dies on the cross (John 19:28-30)
Reflection
In his death, Jesus challenges our fear and promises us new life.
What is my response in the face of death?
Not just my own but others - members of my family, people in war-torn places around the world, the death of the very earth itself.
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Abandoned Jesus, in your hour of death, even your closest friends fled. Help me to never shrink from the fear of death but to offer it as the final act of life. Help me to accept the death of others when I must, and yet fight against death when it comes as a result of injustice, war, hatred or neglect. May I come to know the life that is stronger than death.
The Thirteenth Station - Jesus is laid in the arms of his mother (Matthew 27:55-56, Mark 15:40-41, John 19:25-30)
Reflection
In his death, Jesus challenges us to accept the little deaths that enter our lives daily.
How do I react when sorrow and death enter my life, when suffering is "laid in my arms"?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, your suffering had come to an end, yet for those around you it became deeper than ever. Suffering never seems fair or deserved yet it comes to each of us without distinction. Help me to realise that though every loss is painful, that pain becomes an opening for new growth. May I never be conquered by death but embrace it as Mary did and in that embrace find the true fullness of life.
The Fourteenth Station - Jesus is laid in the tomb (Matthew 27:57-61, Mark 15:42-47, Luke 23:50-56, John 19:38-42)
Reflection
In his burial Jesus challenges us to remain open to the mystery of life.
How often do I bury my hopes and dreams?
Do I lack faith in those around me or in myself, unable to see the potential?
How does Jesus challenge me today?
Prayer
Jesus, those who have loved you most still did not understand the promise of your life. Help me to have faith enough in myself and others to enable me to continue to believe in the richness of life despite fear and failure. Help me to trust that your life and your love are always available to me even when they seem hard to find. May I live every day filled with your life that is stronger than death until we are one together forever.
Worshipping God With Feeling
We were privileged to join with brothers and sisters from Saint Thomas' Anglican Church in Werribee on Friday morning for the Good Friday Ecumenical Stations of the Cross Walk. It's our first time participating in such an event, and we were heartened to learn that the event, which has gone on for 6 years now, is jointly organized by the Anglican, Catholic, Lutheran and Uniting Churches of Werribee. What a wonderful way to celebrate our unity in Christ!
STAC has 5 services to cater to different worship preferences: the 8 am traditional Anglican service, the 9.30 am contemporary service, the Wed 9 am Holy Communion Service (which is the most traditional and is conducted in olde English, with its Thee's and Thy's), the 1st Wed Healing and Teaching Service, and the 3rd Wed Cafe Church (a very casual service with meal and service conducted around tables in a sit-and-listen style).
On its worship brochure are these words: Worshipping God With Feeling.
This is what parish priest Father Max Bowers says in the brochure -
Thankfully we are all different and have different interests. If this were not so it would be a very boring and sterile world to live in.
Worship also falls into same understanding. We believe it is the responsbility of the parish to provide a diverse number of worship styles. As a result, we now cater for the interests of most current and future parishioners.
Whilst we may each choose a different worship style, we are still very much a part of the parish as a whole. This is evident in the various home groups or social occasions that bring people together from all the worshipping styles.
As a result of this diversity, in the course of a month we are able to offer five distinct and different worship services to choose from.
We are pleased to be able to encouage you to experience what we have to offer and then decide which service best meets your spiritual needs.
With every blessing,
Father Max Bowers
Parish Priest
Reflection
I am often guilty of worshipping God (when I worship Him at all) in a clinical way, as though God were concerned with the style I use or my choice of words or their presentation. God is so much more than all these! And I need to remember that. He knows my distractions and the preoccupations of my heart. He understands when I struggle to find the words. He is compassionate towards my private fears and inhibitions and will never mock me for them.
What He wants is all of me, and that includes every ugly thought and motive and deed - not just the parts I choose to display. There is nothing I have said and done and thought that He does not already know about. Let me then worship Him freely in spirit and in truth - with the help of His spirit, in full confession of the truth: that I am but a sinner. There but for the grace of God go I.
STAC has 5 services to cater to different worship preferences: the 8 am traditional Anglican service, the 9.30 am contemporary service, the Wed 9 am Holy Communion Service (which is the most traditional and is conducted in olde English, with its Thee's and Thy's), the 1st Wed Healing and Teaching Service, and the 3rd Wed Cafe Church (a very casual service with meal and service conducted around tables in a sit-and-listen style).
On its worship brochure are these words: Worshipping God With Feeling.
This is what parish priest Father Max Bowers says in the brochure -
Thankfully we are all different and have different interests. If this were not so it would be a very boring and sterile world to live in.
Worship also falls into same understanding. We believe it is the responsbility of the parish to provide a diverse number of worship styles. As a result, we now cater for the interests of most current and future parishioners.
Whilst we may each choose a different worship style, we are still very much a part of the parish as a whole. This is evident in the various home groups or social occasions that bring people together from all the worshipping styles.
As a result of this diversity, in the course of a month we are able to offer five distinct and different worship services to choose from.
We are pleased to be able to encouage you to experience what we have to offer and then decide which service best meets your spiritual needs.
With every blessing,
Father Max Bowers
Parish Priest
Reflection
I am often guilty of worshipping God (when I worship Him at all) in a clinical way, as though God were concerned with the style I use or my choice of words or their presentation. God is so much more than all these! And I need to remember that. He knows my distractions and the preoccupations of my heart. He understands when I struggle to find the words. He is compassionate towards my private fears and inhibitions and will never mock me for them.
What He wants is all of me, and that includes every ugly thought and motive and deed - not just the parts I choose to display. There is nothing I have said and done and thought that He does not already know about. Let me then worship Him freely in spirit and in truth - with the help of His spirit, in full confession of the truth: that I am but a sinner. There but for the grace of God go I.
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
A Master in the Art of Living
A Master in the art of living
Draws no sharp distinction
Between her work and her play,
Her labor & her leisure,
Her mind and her body,
Her education and her recreation.
She hardly knows which is which.
She simply pursues her vision
of excellence through whatever
She is doing and leaves
others to determine
Whether she is working or playing.
To herself, she always seems
To be doing both
Draws no sharp distinction
Between her work and her play,
Her labor & her leisure,
Her mind and her body,
Her education and her recreation.
She hardly knows which is which.
She simply pursues her vision
of excellence through whatever
She is doing and leaves
others to determine
Whether she is working or playing.
To herself, she always seems
To be doing both
Anon
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Finding Your Career Passion
by Randall S. Hansen, Ph.D.
Note: This article is adapted from Dr. Hansen’s forthcoming book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Choosing a College Major
Serena: This is one of the most exhaustive checklists I've seen. When you've done yours, why not email me and we can talk more about what you discovered? :-)
Passion may seem an odd word choice when paired with career, but rest assured that one of the most important elements of personal happiness is being passionate about your career and your job. You do not want to be one of those people who live for the weekends and dread Sunday evenings. Life is too short to not love the work you do.
Will you love your work and your career as much as your passion for other things and people? Why not? It is completely possible to not only find the career that is a perfect match for your skills and interests, but one that also inspires you and fuels your desire to perform better, work harder.
Do you think you’re too old, too entrenched in your current career? Or maybe too young and filled with too many ideas (or doubts) about what you want to do with your life? Or maybe a recent college grad who now realizes you chose the wrong major and career path?
Regardless of where you are in life -- where you are in your career -- there is always time to discover -- or rediscover -- what you’re truly passionate about and turn that interest and passion into a new career.
Finding a career that you have a passion for is all about obtaining fulfillment. Some of these jobs may also not be the highest-paying jobs in the world, but career passion is not about the money, it’s about how the job makes you feel inside. Loving your job and career will go a long way to loving your life -- so, take the time to find your career passion. The ideal scenario is one where you find a career that combines what you love to do with you’re great at doing.
One of the best tools for clarifying your underlying interests, passions, and possible career paths is to sit down and reflect on a series of questions about how you have lived your life thus far. These questions are designed to really make you think and reflect on who you are as a person and what you want to become.
So, find a place where you can sit down for a while, grab a pen and some paper, and start the process. You don’t have to respond to all these questions in one sitting… and it might be best, once you have answered all the questions, to take a break before you try to determine what your answers mean for your future. The only real rule for this exercise is to be honest with yourself.
About your favorite activities.
What do you love to do in your free time? Try to brainstorm 5-8 activities. Don’t count activities you have to do or are doing to make yourself look better to college admissions folks. Identify the activities that you truly enjoy. Once you’re done writing them down, look for a theme.
About the skills that come naturally to you.
What are the skills that come to you without thought and effort? Are you a math whiz who can easily add and subtract large numbers in your head? Can you hear a foreign language and immediately be able to replicate the inflections? What are some of the things you are a "natural" at? Brainstorm 3-5 of these skills.
About your favorite classes and subjects.
Looking back through your school years, what were the classes -- or specific subjects -- that you enjoyed the most -- that inspired you to learn more? These do not need to be the classes in which you received the highest grades; rather, these are the classes that you actively attended because you loved the course material. Make a list of your favorite classes and subjects and look for some themes.
About your dream jobs and careers.
If you could do any job in your life, what would you choose? You may have done this exercise in elementary school, but it’s time to do it again; however, you can keep the same ones you chose then and any others that interest you now. The key is to ignore any roadblocks and simply choose dream careers. So, for example, even if you always wanted to be a fighter pilot but are not eligible because of health reasons, still put it on your list. Write down at least five careers that you think you would enjoy.
About discovering the types of things that energize you.
What types of things energize you? Think about people, places, and activities. For example, if you are a diehard competitor who rises to the occasion no matter how tired you are, then competition should be on your list. If visiting the zoo is still something that gets you excited, put it on your list. Try to develop 3-5 examples.
About examining your lifelong interests.
Examine the past 5 or 10 years for activities, subjects, or causes that you have been deeply involved with at a personal level. What are some of your long-term interests? For example, if you have always loved bicycling, have a poster of Lance Armstrong (or one of his wristbands), ride your bike as often as you can -- and for as long as you can remember, put biking on your list. Record your list of interests -- and then look for themes and connections.
About areas where you are already perceived as an expert.
What are a couple of areas where your friends and family see you as an expert -- or at least as someone who is knowledgeable about the issue? Are you the person in your family whom everyone finds when they are having a problem with their computers? Are you an expert on all things related to baseball? Write down as many examples as you can think of where you are an expert.
About removing outside influences and pressures about what others think should be your career.
Sometimes we think we want a career in a certain career field simply because we have been told so many times that we’re perfect for it (even if we hate the thought of ever doing it). So... try and separate true interests from ones where you have been influenced by others -- or ones you are pursuing because you feel you should to please someone else. Write them down your true interests (if you have not done so already earlier).
About the values you most cherish.
What are the values you hold dear and that help guide how you live your life? Make a list of them. This one may be the toughest for you to tackle, but think about the core values and principles with which you live your life. Typically, these are most influenced by your upbringing -- your family’s values and your religious beliefs. This question is critical because you will never be happy or satisfied in a career that does not offer the same values that you possess.
About the subject areas you most enjoy reading about.
When you are in a bookstore or the library, what are the subjects of the types of books and magazines that you are drawn to? What Websites do you visit the most and devote the most time to? These subjects can be related to your classes and schoolwork but should not be ones that you are required to read; rather, these are subjects you enjoy reading for your own pleasure and knowledge. Develop a list of your favorite subjects.
About discovering the best types of work environment for your personality.
What type of work environment fits you best -- the fast-paced, always changing, or the slow-paced, predictable? If you’re a student, this question might be a little premature for you to answer, but you could also think about the various classroom or teaching styles you have experienced in the past and see if you prefer one style over all others.
About reviewing your volunteering and community service experiences.
What types of volunteering have you done or wish you have done? Again, as you make this list, think about experiences you would participate in even if you were not using them for college applications. What types of community service appeals to you? Look for a theme in terms of the types of organizations, types of people, or types of service you perform.
About examining the majors and prospective career paths taken by your friends.
Make a list of the careers that your closest friends work in (or plan to work in). See anything that really grabs your interest? Write them down. Please note that this examination is not about copying what your friends are doing, but rather, because friendships are formed around common interests and bonds, examining their plans may provide some insight into your interests.
About understanding your deeply rooted beliefs -- your life's calling.
Have your friends and family told you repeatedly that you would be excellent in a particular job or career? Do you have a deeply held desire for a particular career? Do you think about your calling in life? It sounds corny -- or maybe even sacrilegious -- but some people are born for certain careers. For me, it about being a teacher, about empowering people and making a difference in their lives. What’s yours? Write them down.
About the types of things you currently do to help people.
When your friends or family ask you for help, what are the types of things they ask you to help with? What are the types of things you wish people would ask you to do? If you’re still struggling with this one, use this prompt: People I know often ask me for help with… Make a list.
About the goals in life you want to achieve.
What are some of the big goals you want (or still want) to achieve in life? Do you want to save lives? Makes lots of money? Be a movie star? Live in a big house? Save the Earth? Become president? Think big here -- and think about the top couple of goals that mean the most to you right now. (Note, of all your answers, these will probably change the most as you move through life.) What types of careers might help you accomplish these goals? Write down answers for both goals and careers.
Finally, it’s about putting together all your self-discovery results. Gather your assessments, preliminary research, and answers to the questions and see if you can find a couple of obvious themes running through them. Don't rush this process... contemplate. Make a final list of potential jobs and career paths.
Final Thoughts
Everyone deserves the opportunity to live a life of fulfillment and passion. Whether you are a student struggling to find a major or someone later in life looking for a new career and a fresh start, you can (or should) always find time to discover the right career for you -- the career that will fulfill your career passions and lead to a life of happiness and fulfillment. Look deeply inside yourself and remove all obstacles (real and perceived), and you will be on your way in your journey for finding your career passion, achieving career success, and living your life.
Questions about some of the terminology used in this article? Get more information (definitions and links) on key college, career, and job-search terms by going to our Job-Seeker's Glossary of Job-Hunting Terms.
Dr. Randall Hansen is Founder of Quintessential Careers, as well as publisher of its electronic newsletter, QuintZine. He writes a biweekly career advice column under the name, The Career Doctor. He is also a tenured, professor of marketing in the School of Business Administration at Stetson University in DeLand, Florida. He can be reached at randall@quintcareers.com. Read more about Dr. Hansen.
Note: This article is adapted from Dr. Hansen’s forthcoming book, The Complete Idiot's Guide to Choosing a College Major
Serena: This is one of the most exhaustive checklists I've seen. When you've done yours, why not email me and we can talk more about what you discovered? :-)
Passion may seem an odd word choice when paired with career, but rest assured that one of the most important elements of personal happiness is being passionate about your career and your job. You do not want to be one of those people who live for the weekends and dread Sunday evenings. Life is too short to not love the work you do.
Will you love your work and your career as much as your passion for other things and people? Why not? It is completely possible to not only find the career that is a perfect match for your skills and interests, but one that also inspires you and fuels your desire to perform better, work harder.
Do you think you’re too old, too entrenched in your current career? Or maybe too young and filled with too many ideas (or doubts) about what you want to do with your life? Or maybe a recent college grad who now realizes you chose the wrong major and career path?
Regardless of where you are in life -- where you are in your career -- there is always time to discover -- or rediscover -- what you’re truly passionate about and turn that interest and passion into a new career.
Finding a career that you have a passion for is all about obtaining fulfillment. Some of these jobs may also not be the highest-paying jobs in the world, but career passion is not about the money, it’s about how the job makes you feel inside. Loving your job and career will go a long way to loving your life -- so, take the time to find your career passion. The ideal scenario is one where you find a career that combines what you love to do with you’re great at doing.
One of the best tools for clarifying your underlying interests, passions, and possible career paths is to sit down and reflect on a series of questions about how you have lived your life thus far. These questions are designed to really make you think and reflect on who you are as a person and what you want to become.
So, find a place where you can sit down for a while, grab a pen and some paper, and start the process. You don’t have to respond to all these questions in one sitting… and it might be best, once you have answered all the questions, to take a break before you try to determine what your answers mean for your future. The only real rule for this exercise is to be honest with yourself.
About your favorite activities.
What do you love to do in your free time? Try to brainstorm 5-8 activities. Don’t count activities you have to do or are doing to make yourself look better to college admissions folks. Identify the activities that you truly enjoy. Once you’re done writing them down, look for a theme.
About the skills that come naturally to you.
What are the skills that come to you without thought and effort? Are you a math whiz who can easily add and subtract large numbers in your head? Can you hear a foreign language and immediately be able to replicate the inflections? What are some of the things you are a "natural" at? Brainstorm 3-5 of these skills.
About your favorite classes and subjects.
Looking back through your school years, what were the classes -- or specific subjects -- that you enjoyed the most -- that inspired you to learn more? These do not need to be the classes in which you received the highest grades; rather, these are the classes that you actively attended because you loved the course material. Make a list of your favorite classes and subjects and look for some themes.
About your dream jobs and careers.
If you could do any job in your life, what would you choose? You may have done this exercise in elementary school, but it’s time to do it again; however, you can keep the same ones you chose then and any others that interest you now. The key is to ignore any roadblocks and simply choose dream careers. So, for example, even if you always wanted to be a fighter pilot but are not eligible because of health reasons, still put it on your list. Write down at least five careers that you think you would enjoy.
About discovering the types of things that energize you.
What types of things energize you? Think about people, places, and activities. For example, if you are a diehard competitor who rises to the occasion no matter how tired you are, then competition should be on your list. If visiting the zoo is still something that gets you excited, put it on your list. Try to develop 3-5 examples.
About examining your lifelong interests.
Examine the past 5 or 10 years for activities, subjects, or causes that you have been deeply involved with at a personal level. What are some of your long-term interests? For example, if you have always loved bicycling, have a poster of Lance Armstrong (or one of his wristbands), ride your bike as often as you can -- and for as long as you can remember, put biking on your list. Record your list of interests -- and then look for themes and connections.
About areas where you are already perceived as an expert.
What are a couple of areas where your friends and family see you as an expert -- or at least as someone who is knowledgeable about the issue? Are you the person in your family whom everyone finds when they are having a problem with their computers? Are you an expert on all things related to baseball? Write down as many examples as you can think of where you are an expert.
About removing outside influences and pressures about what others think should be your career.
Sometimes we think we want a career in a certain career field simply because we have been told so many times that we’re perfect for it (even if we hate the thought of ever doing it). So... try and separate true interests from ones where you have been influenced by others -- or ones you are pursuing because you feel you should to please someone else. Write them down your true interests (if you have not done so already earlier).
About the values you most cherish.
What are the values you hold dear and that help guide how you live your life? Make a list of them. This one may be the toughest for you to tackle, but think about the core values and principles with which you live your life. Typically, these are most influenced by your upbringing -- your family’s values and your religious beliefs. This question is critical because you will never be happy or satisfied in a career that does not offer the same values that you possess.
About the subject areas you most enjoy reading about.
When you are in a bookstore or the library, what are the subjects of the types of books and magazines that you are drawn to? What Websites do you visit the most and devote the most time to? These subjects can be related to your classes and schoolwork but should not be ones that you are required to read; rather, these are subjects you enjoy reading for your own pleasure and knowledge. Develop a list of your favorite subjects.
About discovering the best types of work environment for your personality.
What type of work environment fits you best -- the fast-paced, always changing, or the slow-paced, predictable? If you’re a student, this question might be a little premature for you to answer, but you could also think about the various classroom or teaching styles you have experienced in the past and see if you prefer one style over all others.
About reviewing your volunteering and community service experiences.
What types of volunteering have you done or wish you have done? Again, as you make this list, think about experiences you would participate in even if you were not using them for college applications. What types of community service appeals to you? Look for a theme in terms of the types of organizations, types of people, or types of service you perform.
About examining the majors and prospective career paths taken by your friends.
Make a list of the careers that your closest friends work in (or plan to work in). See anything that really grabs your interest? Write them down. Please note that this examination is not about copying what your friends are doing, but rather, because friendships are formed around common interests and bonds, examining their plans may provide some insight into your interests.
About understanding your deeply rooted beliefs -- your life's calling.
Have your friends and family told you repeatedly that you would be excellent in a particular job or career? Do you have a deeply held desire for a particular career? Do you think about your calling in life? It sounds corny -- or maybe even sacrilegious -- but some people are born for certain careers. For me, it about being a teacher, about empowering people and making a difference in their lives. What’s yours? Write them down.
About the types of things you currently do to help people.
When your friends or family ask you for help, what are the types of things they ask you to help with? What are the types of things you wish people would ask you to do? If you’re still struggling with this one, use this prompt: People I know often ask me for help with… Make a list.
About the goals in life you want to achieve.
What are some of the big goals you want (or still want) to achieve in life? Do you want to save lives? Makes lots of money? Be a movie star? Live in a big house? Save the Earth? Become president? Think big here -- and think about the top couple of goals that mean the most to you right now. (Note, of all your answers, these will probably change the most as you move through life.) What types of careers might help you accomplish these goals? Write down answers for both goals and careers.
Finally, it’s about putting together all your self-discovery results. Gather your assessments, preliminary research, and answers to the questions and see if you can find a couple of obvious themes running through them. Don't rush this process... contemplate. Make a final list of potential jobs and career paths.
Final Thoughts
Everyone deserves the opportunity to live a life of fulfillment and passion. Whether you are a student struggling to find a major or someone later in life looking for a new career and a fresh start, you can (or should) always find time to discover the right career for you -- the career that will fulfill your career passions and lead to a life of happiness and fulfillment. Look deeply inside yourself and remove all obstacles (real and perceived), and you will be on your way in your journey for finding your career passion, achieving career success, and living your life.
Questions about some of the terminology used in this article? Get more information (definitions and links) on key college, career, and job-search terms by going to our Job-Seeker's Glossary of Job-Hunting Terms.
Dr. Randall Hansen is Founder of Quintessential Careers, as well as publisher of its electronic newsletter, QuintZine. He writes a biweekly career advice column under the name, The Career Doctor. He is also a tenured, professor of marketing in the School of Business Administration at Stetson University in DeLand, Florida. He can be reached at randall@quintcareers.com. Read more about Dr. Hansen.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
The Law of Momentum
Newton's first law of motion states that an object at rest tends to stay at rest, and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.
I find this true of my life. For most of my 36 years, I have lived with the mindset of wanting to do and be more but not being willing to do whatever it takes. I sought the path of least resistance, the path that required little or no hard work, the path that would not require me to give up comfort activities or change my habits. So of course I stayed "at rest" - stuck on a plateau, safe but going nowhere.
Decisions have always paralysed me into a state of frozen inertia. Even something as trivial as what to pack in the baby's bag before an outing can take forever. Will a romper do or should I add a fleece jacket in case the weather changes? Does she need an extra pair of shorts? Should I pop a raincoat in just in case? What if it's hot? What if it's cold?
Recently, I was struggling with a sense of failure over what I clearly knew to be the results of this inertia. Because I wasn't willing to take the initial step, important decisions about our finances were left dormant and festering like the weeds growing out of control in our backyard. I had a reason for every non-decision. No time. Can't find contact number. Don't feel like calling. Don't have info at hand. Too tired. Another time.
I had all sorts of internal conversations as I batted the case for and against action back and forth inside my head. Finally, I was ready to take the first step.
It started with calling VicRoads to make an appointment to take the driving theory test and vision test. Surprise! They have Sat appointments! So hubby doesn't have to take the day off to drive me there and back and mind the kids.
Next, I started applying the action exercises Suze Orman recommended in her book The 9 Steps To Financial Freedom. I went online and found a bank offering the highest savings rate for online accounts and applied straightaway, linked the account to our existing account and set up a RSP and DDA to fast track our savings. I also did a funds transfer to take advantage of the high interest offered for keeping a minimum balance in our online account. I repeated the process with my Sg funds.
I checked out the Australian Scholarships Group, a non-profit org that pools parent contributions for the education of kids till tertiary level. I liked what I saw on the website and emailed for details. A consultant came the very next evening to tell us more. We ran the numbers, came to a joint decision on the monthly contributions and filled out the forms to enrol the girls. We only need to pay the contributions till they hit Year 7. After that, we will receive an annual cheque that will be enormously helpful in covering their school fees, books, uniforms and whatever else they need. Once the girls reach tertiary, they will each receive a monthly allowance direct into their accounts.
Another major decision made, another step in the right direction. The more action I took, the more excited I got. I was finally breaking free of my inertia and moving towards financial freedom!
It's amazing how empowered and strong and alive I felt as I gained personal momentum with every little decision taken. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. As in physics, so in life.
Right now, I'm researching private health insurance options. Just last night, as a few other ladies and I worked at cutting and laying out platters of sandwiches, slices and sweets for our church's Floral and Craft Festival, I discovered the lady I'd teamed up with to do sandwiches is a HBA insurance sales agent! I'd already checked out the HBA website and liked what I saw and was ready to find out more, so this was perfect timing. She'll be getting us the brochures and walking us through the application process. Isn't that great?
One thing I've noticed: when you start making a step in the right direction, you set certain processes in motion, and things - whatever is helpful to achieve your desired outcome - start to fall in place. Lots of writers and motivational speakers describe this phenomenon as "the laws of the universe" conspiring to help you.
It is like the parable of the growing seed in Mark 4:26-28. "A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain - first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head."
But the man first had to do the work of scattering the seed. Likewise, it is only when I'm finally willing to do the work of making that first tough (or simple) decision that I will start the chain reaction to allow other good things to come into my life.
I find this true of my life. For most of my 36 years, I have lived with the mindset of wanting to do and be more but not being willing to do whatever it takes. I sought the path of least resistance, the path that required little or no hard work, the path that would not require me to give up comfort activities or change my habits. So of course I stayed "at rest" - stuck on a plateau, safe but going nowhere.
Decisions have always paralysed me into a state of frozen inertia. Even something as trivial as what to pack in the baby's bag before an outing can take forever. Will a romper do or should I add a fleece jacket in case the weather changes? Does she need an extra pair of shorts? Should I pop a raincoat in just in case? What if it's hot? What if it's cold?
Recently, I was struggling with a sense of failure over what I clearly knew to be the results of this inertia. Because I wasn't willing to take the initial step, important decisions about our finances were left dormant and festering like the weeds growing out of control in our backyard. I had a reason for every non-decision. No time. Can't find contact number. Don't feel like calling. Don't have info at hand. Too tired. Another time.
I had all sorts of internal conversations as I batted the case for and against action back and forth inside my head. Finally, I was ready to take the first step.
It started with calling VicRoads to make an appointment to take the driving theory test and vision test. Surprise! They have Sat appointments! So hubby doesn't have to take the day off to drive me there and back and mind the kids.
Next, I started applying the action exercises Suze Orman recommended in her book The 9 Steps To Financial Freedom. I went online and found a bank offering the highest savings rate for online accounts and applied straightaway, linked the account to our existing account and set up a RSP and DDA to fast track our savings. I also did a funds transfer to take advantage of the high interest offered for keeping a minimum balance in our online account. I repeated the process with my Sg funds.
I checked out the Australian Scholarships Group, a non-profit org that pools parent contributions for the education of kids till tertiary level. I liked what I saw on the website and emailed for details. A consultant came the very next evening to tell us more. We ran the numbers, came to a joint decision on the monthly contributions and filled out the forms to enrol the girls. We only need to pay the contributions till they hit Year 7. After that, we will receive an annual cheque that will be enormously helpful in covering their school fees, books, uniforms and whatever else they need. Once the girls reach tertiary, they will each receive a monthly allowance direct into their accounts.
Another major decision made, another step in the right direction. The more action I took, the more excited I got. I was finally breaking free of my inertia and moving towards financial freedom!
It's amazing how empowered and strong and alive I felt as I gained personal momentum with every little decision taken. An object in motion tends to stay in motion. As in physics, so in life.
Right now, I'm researching private health insurance options. Just last night, as a few other ladies and I worked at cutting and laying out platters of sandwiches, slices and sweets for our church's Floral and Craft Festival, I discovered the lady I'd teamed up with to do sandwiches is a HBA insurance sales agent! I'd already checked out the HBA website and liked what I saw and was ready to find out more, so this was perfect timing. She'll be getting us the brochures and walking us through the application process. Isn't that great?
One thing I've noticed: when you start making a step in the right direction, you set certain processes in motion, and things - whatever is helpful to achieve your desired outcome - start to fall in place. Lots of writers and motivational speakers describe this phenomenon as "the laws of the universe" conspiring to help you.
It is like the parable of the growing seed in Mark 4:26-28. "A man scatters seed on the ground. Night and day, whether he sleeps or gets up, the seed sprouts and grows, though he does not know how. All by itself the soil produces grain - first the stalk, then the head, then the full kernel in the head."
But the man first had to do the work of scattering the seed. Likewise, it is only when I'm finally willing to do the work of making that first tough (or simple) decision that I will start the chain reaction to allow other good things to come into my life.
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