Family Ties

On Tue, my family (my cousin, my hubby and Beth) drove from Hoppers Crossing to Moonee Ponds to attend a funeral.

The lady who passed away was my "cheet chim poh" (7th grandaunt), my granddad's half brother's wife.

Our families weren't close.

When I was growing up, we met only once a year during Chinese New Year.

As a child, I remember those occasions as something to dread rather than delight in.

The extended family liked to descend upon my grandma's place on the first day of Chinese New Year.

They would usually come just after lunch in a group of twenty or so, all three generations at the same time. It was like a huge family reunion.

My grandma enjoyed being the hostess and matriarch of the clan (she was the most senior of her generation), but as a child and later a teen, I hated those occasions.

You had to greet all the granduncles and grandaunties (and try not to accidentally call 6th grandaunt 7th/10th grandaunt); uncles and aunts; and figure out who was who amongst the innumerable cousins whose names you couldn't remember afterwards, especially as the number increased over the years.

My job was to serve drinks (Fanta orange, anyone?), and I tell you it's no joke counting the guests and trying to make sure every one has got a drink in the midst of all the noisy greetings.

Especially when you're an introvert and all you want is to hide away somewhere and read a book instead of being subject to adult comments about how tall you've grown and how well (or not) you are doing at school.

I suppose it wasn't easy for the adults either.

They had a customary obligation they couldn't get out of: to hand out red packets to all the children and unmarried adults.

I got a taste of this unique adult responsibility years later when I was married and had to hand out red packets myself. My solution? Stay away from grandma's place on the afternoon of the first day of CNY!

Back to the funeral.

It's been more than two years since I've seen any of the extended family. I was happy to leave it to my mum and aunts and uncles to keep up the tradition of visitations and phone calls.

Then last week, my aunt texted me to say 7th grandaunt had passed away in Melbourne, and could my two cousins and I attend the wake on behalf of our respective families in Singapore.

There's no more powerful reminder of your age than a summons of this nature.

Represent the family? Surely that's for the elders to do? But of course, they're all in Singapore and we're here.

In the end, only one cousin was able to make it. We met outside the funeral home which turned out to be a church. There were fewer than twenty present, just the immediate family and a couple whom I'm guessing were the in-laws of one of my cousins.

But you know what?

Even though I confessed to my aunt that I couldn't remember very much of her mum (I didn't recognize the old lady till I looked at the portrait next to the casket), I'm glad we went.

The older I get, the more I appreciate belonging to a family.

Even if I'm not close to some members, even if my memories are tainted by the prejudices and perceptions of childhood, they are still my aunts and uncles and grandaunts and granduncles.

I'm even starting to feel a certain pride in my place in the extended family. A strong desire to do a good job of representing my elders. Knowing the right things to say. Respecting the old ways. Honouring traditions and customs.

I don't necessarily agree with the thinking behind some customs, but God has opened my eyes to subtlety and discretion. I can honour the person without being a slave to human tradition. I can affirm and empathize despite differences in age and upbringing and the separation of time and distance.

And every opportunity for contact is an opportunity to be an ambassador for Christ.

When I greeted the two granddaughters of 7th grandaunt, I made a conscious and bold decision to hug them instead of shaking hands as I might have done. The older of the granddaughters hugged me back so tightly and for so long that I felt embarrassed. She had been very close to her grandma, and she afterwards gave a beautiful eulogy which told me more about her grandma in ten minutes than I could've ever learnt in thirty CNYs.

I'd brought Beth with me, and my rellies were delighted to see how much she's grown. I think she was just a toddler when we last met. The two granddaughters, one newly married, are therefore aunts to Beth.

As we swapped contacts and returned to our respective cars after the cremation, my aunt reminded us that we should keep in touch, otherwise "our generation" (mine and my cousins') would not know each other.

She has a good point.

We're all grown up and we've moved on from our mischievous, annoying, crazy childhood days. We probably have more in common now. If we continue to keep the family connection alive, who knows what new chapters of family history we can pass on to our own children.

Discovering and Accepting Your Weak Spots

Met a friend at church today and she made a comment that set off an "Aha!" moment in my brain.

"I'm not a playgroup mom. I tried it for a while but found I COULDN"T STAND THE NOISE!"

I thought her remark funny at the time, because she's a mom of three...boys.

But her remark also helped make sense of the conflict going on in my headspace.

For the past 7 months, I've been helping out at Monday playgroup with two other ladies.

We set up the play room, serve tea, coffee and bikkies at 10.30, chat with the moms, organize hands-on activity for the tots, wash the coffee cups and put away the toys.

It's not hard work.

Yet I have to admit, at times it's been a struggle. While it's nice to be doing something useful that meets a real need, I find I'm actually glad when the school hols come around and there's no playgroup.I've been trying to figure out what's behind the sense of low satisfaction.I've narrowed it down to two possibilities.

One, I'm not a natural kids person.Some people are just kid magnets. They know exactly what to say to a child to make her eyes light up or to send her into fits of giggling.

What I've managed to achieve so far - in terms of saying the right sorts of things to littlies so they don't run crying back to Mom - has been a gift from my own parenting experience.

If not for my own two challenging me and forcing me to improvise everyday, I wouldn't have the confidence to approach someone's child or to have him come over on a play date.Conversations with kids are one of the riskier things in life, something you can't properly control.

Have you ever tried to strike up a conversation with a 4 y.o., they answered yes/no, and the conversation just died?

The second reason I think I struggle with Mondays is because I'm not naturally social.

I may manage to make decent conversation on a one-on-one basis, but I tend to shrink into the background and come across as aloof if I encounter a group.

I've discovered that I have a pretty strong need for a sense of belonging, to feel that I'm making a difference, otherwise I get discouraged and feel like my presence is redundant.

When you're in playgroup, you can't just do the wallflower thing and chase your kid all the time. Part of the reason you're there is to mingle.

Things are getting better now that I've got to know a few of the moms better and we're on a come-over-for-coffee basis.

But I can tell you, I felt like a real outsider at the start. Almost an intruder, as most of the moms seemed to have known each other for a long time and their kids played together well.

So maybe what the past 7 months has been about is a process of self-discovery and acceptance.
You have to give something a go to know if it fits you or not.And finding out that something's not for you is never a loss or failure or a waste of time, because you do learn valuable stuff about yourself.

Such as "I'm not a playgroup mum". ;-)

Are you overpaid?

This week, there was a news item about Nicole Kidman being Hollywood's most overpaid actress.

If you were Nicole, how would you feel about being labelled that way?

What about your current work situation?

Do you regard yourself as overpaid or underpaid?

Before you answer, consider these questions:

1. Are you giving at least 100%?
2. Do you actively engage in creative activity to brainstorm exciting and fun new ways to do things at work?
3. Are you constantly thinking of ways to improve your organisation's products and service levels?
4. Do you help your team do its best? Are you a peacemaker or tension maker? A team player or team parasite?
5. Is your daily work about adding value to your organisation, or are you satisfied with just doing the bare minimum to keep your job?

If you've reached the point where

• you're burnt out
• you've lost the zeal and passion you once had for your job
• you feel you're going nowhere in your career and therefore you can't be bothered to do your best,

these are all danger signs that you are an overpaid worker.

Much as we would like the organisation to take more notice of us as individuals, the truth is that there are very few bosses out there who will sit down for a real heart-to-heart with us one on one.

They may be too busy.

Or maybe they aren't the people-oriented type. They don't know how to go about doing something so potentially fraught with emotion, so they avoid it.

These things are outside our control.

What we can control, though, is our attitude and our actions.

We can choose to take ownership of our careers.

We can choose to be active team members in our workplaces.

An active team member is positive and can-do; he doesn't wait to be told what to do.

An active team member has the interests of the organisation in mind at all times. His actions and decisions are geared towards helping the organisation be its best.

An active team member sees himself as having a vested interest in how well the organisation does. He wants the organisation to succeed.

He is concerned about the quality of its products and services.

He constantly thinks of better ways to do things so that the organisation fulfils the reasons for its existence.

He knows that one way to help the organisation excel is by helping his boss do a great job.

So he supports his boss by doing great work himself, by providing useful, honest feedback, and by helping his boss look and feel good.

Obviously, some savvy is required here. We're not talking about playing politics or sucking up to the boss, but of genuinely wanting a win-win-win for the boss, the organisation and for yourself.

We're talking about how you can consistently prove yourself over time to be the Most Valuable Employee your boss has ever had.

When it comes to performance bonus time and appraisal time, you will be confident rather than petrified.

You will be in control, to some extent.

This is because you would have already done such an outstanding job in the past 12 months that there is no question that you deserve to advance.

The only question is how much.

That decision, again, is outside your control.

Your boss has her own set of criteria and a limited pool of resources.

But even if you don't get the promotion or bonus you were expecting, if you're constantly working to be Most Valuable Employee, you can be assured that you're virtually recession-proof.

In a recession, the first workers to go tend to be the lowly skilled ones and those who are considered to be overpaid in relation to the value they actually provide.

If you're highly skilled in what you do and you choose to be an active team member, it's possible you will always be underpaid wherever you go.

But wouldn't you rather that - than the reverse?

Do You Own Your Fear, Or Does It Own You?

I picked up a quote today that really made me think.

It was from a Time mag article on successful professionals and the career choices they make.

Janet Reid is a Chemistry Ph.D. who joined P&G and finally left to start her own management consultancy.

She says her decision to leave P&G is like that of a hermit crab deserting its shell to seek a better one. 

"I was fueled by fear and driven by faith," she says. "I'm scared of drowning, and that's why I scuba dive. You've got to face up to the fear and own it to get to the next level."

I thought that was an incredibly powerful insight.

You can own your fear, and let it take you to greater things.

Or you can let fear own you, and stay stifled, frustrated and paralysed in your comfort zone.

Whether you're deciding to migrate or to change careers, it's always tempting not to make a decision that might rock the boat. 

The safety of the familiar is any time better than the chilling waters of uncharted territory. Especially when you're not sure of your destination.

But what if fear is just the gateway to life's next great adventure?

What would it cost you NOT to rock the boat, make a splash and swim in a different sea?

Pretend it's 30 years down the road and you're looking back on your life.

Will the older and wiser you say, "I'm glad I did that and risked that and experienced that", or will it be "I wish I'd had the guts to try; it's too late now"?

The Benefits of Failure and the Importance of Imagination

I love JK Rowling.

Not just for Harry Potter, but for her incredible life story.

It's an inspiring tale of resilience, of self-belief, of passion, of purpose, of courage.

She shares some of the magic in her commencement address to the 2008 Harvard graduates, which you can read here:
http://harvardmagazine.com/go/jkrowling.html

May you be inspired to fully live the life God has given you.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more to me than any qualification I ever earned.
JK Rowling

Can you survive without a job?

I got thinking about this recently when we had dinner with friends who are new migrants.

The husband had just received a job offer from the Government, and you could tell the couple were elated.

He's waited six months, sending out applications and waiting for the phone call or email that can change his life and his family's financial position.

For a highly qualified Singapore professional, being jobless in a foreign First World country can be excruciating, a sort of baptism by fire.

That got me thinking.

Is it possible to have a life where you make money without getting a job?

Can you go against herd instinct and make money in other ways?
Why does everyone seem to think that getting a job is the best and only way to make money?

I was at the doctor's today for laryngitis. J had a nasty cough as well.

When I requested a medical certificate, the doctor's first question was: "What work do you do?"

I had to explain that I'm a stay-home mum, and that the MC was actually for my husband because he's taking carer's leave to look after us.

So he made out the MC in my husband's name.

It struck me as particularly galling that being a stay-home requires me to justify the work I do.

Perhaps I should have said "I am a writer" or "I am an online business owner".

Even then, I suspect the doctor would have looked suspiciously at me and thought I was being funny.

Isn't it interesting how the default position is that everyone who is able-bodied and not studying or raising a family should have a job?

Look at the way superannuation and bank loans are designed.

If you are an employee, your organization puts in the 9% or 17% contribution into your super.

The seeds of your retirement funds start from there.

When you want to borrow money to buy a house, the bank calculates your borrowing capacity and your serviceability capacity.

One criteria they use is your income.

Without evidence of a stable income over a period of at least 12 months, you might have to resort to borrowing from a second-tier financial insitution at a possibly higher interest rate (what they call lo-doc or no-doc loans).

How do you demonstrate a stable income over a length of time?

Again, a job is the best way to do it.

And yet, when you think of it, a job is hardly any form of security these days.

Recently, Ford Australia laid off 600 jobs. This was followed by a second-round cut of 350 jobs. On the same day that the 350 job cuts were announced, the company president resigned and returned to USA.

We are talking of nearly a thousand workers and their families whose livelihoods are suddenly threatened through a corporate decision completely outside their control.

If these workers receive job offers soon after, good for them.

What happens if they don't?
What happens if their reserves run out before the next job offer comes along?
What if they are single-income families where one spouse has stayed home to raise the kids?
What if there's an accident resulting in a disability, and the insurance company or TAC drags its feet about paying out?

These are the possibilities no one likes to think about.

We think it won't happen to us.

But bad things do happen every day that could threaten our family's welfare and put us in financial stress.

Studies have shown that finances are the main cause of domestic disputes.

If the sole source of income dries up, what then?

It is too awful to think about, so most of us refuse to go there.

But this is precisely why we need to make advance preparations.

We have to start thinking of alternative ways to make money while we are relatively financially stable, not when that stability is gone.

Banks lend money to you when you don't need it.

When you actually need money, you can be fairly certain the bank manager will politely show you the door.

Let's think for a minute of alternatives.

If you haven't got a job, or don't plan on getting one because you hate being tied down to one organization (which in a sense is what having a job is about), you could do one of several things:

• Hire yourself out as a freelancer or consultant, and do what you're skilled at, but for many clients rather than one. This way, you diversify your risk. If one client folds, there are always others.
• Convert a hobby into a stream of income. Teach music to the kids in your neighbourhood, walk people's pets, sell hand-crafted jewellery at craft fairs.
• Do jobs most people would be glad to pay someone else to do. Mow lawns, distribute fliers, do packing at ALDI's, do the ironing for someone who hates domestic chores.
• Start a business. If you have the capital and your market research has turned up an opportunity for your kind of business, by all means go for it. You could start from scratch or invest in a franchise. Not many people have access to large amounts of capital though, so if this is your situation, you may have to consider other low-cost ways of doing business.
• How about joining an MLM company? Of course you will have to do your due diligence and evaluate the opportunity before you part with a single cent.
• Now consider going online, like so many people dream of doing. When you do your research carefully, you will be surprised at how easily the Internet medium lends itself to all sorts of individuals, life situations and types of businesses. Including all the ones we've just discussed.

An online business is the perfect income-producing avenue for almost anyone.

Retirees who want to enjoy life their own way.

Career changers who - like 72% of American households - want to work from home.

Work at home parents looking for a way to help with the family expenses while looking after the kids.

Info publishers and infopreneurs.

Turn your specialist knowledge about something people want into a stream of income.

Elad did it with kids' parties.



Sellers of hard goods. You could be a maker of goods, a sourcer of goods, an artist, or someone who has found a unique way to present an array of goods from different sources.

Sellers of e-goods.Watch Tomaz turn tennis into checks.

Affiliate marketers who specialize in marketing and selling other people's products. They get a commission on each sale they make.

Network marketers who prefer a unique website to the company's duplicate website. With your own website, you have a better chance of reaching out to more qualified prospects than you could ever find time to meet or call individually.

Real estate agents. If you are an agent, you may have discovered that your company website doesn't do much to help you grow your business. How do you capture some of that online passing traffic and use it to bring in the buyers and sellers who are interested in the properties you are listing?

It's incredible just how useful and how flexible the Internet is. It can help you start a business, take control of your career and finances, and enhance the quality of your lifestyle to fit better with what you most love doing.

Ethel Turner, Australian Author

I do want fame - plenty of it. Today I feel I want it almost more than anything, nothing else can quite satisfy me. If a Fairy came along and offered me Love or Fame, of course I should choose Love. No, I don't see why I shouldn't have both.
From Ethel Turner's diary (1893)

Not one of the seven is really good, for the very excellent reason that Australian children never are.
Seven Little Australians

...an aching to go and live where life is lived, not just passed through...

The Silver Lining

The past week has been harrowing for our church family, particularly the family whose daughter/sister is in hospital with blood clots in her brain.

I want to dwell, not on the medical aspects of the drama that is still unfolding, but on what it has done to our church family.

The silver lining in the cloud, if you will.

HXUCA is outstanding for its hospitality.

CA and I should know, having been warmly embraced and made to feel welcome in so many ways in the past 2 years.

But after what has recently happened, HXUCA can lay claim to another character trait that would make the Apostle Paul proud.

It is the spirit of unity and purpose that Paul wrote about in the book of Philippians, when he exhorted the believers to look out for each other.

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.
(Phil.2:1-4)

What I have witnessed in the past week has been just that.

On Thu, when the news broke that S was very ill, emails and phone calls helped the rest of the church family keep informed of what was happening.

On Fri night, a prayer meeting was held.

One of the elders had a brilliant idea. She suggested we create a pink-&-purple prayer chain from rolled up pieces of craft paper joined together. Pink and purple are S's fave colours.

The idea was to fill the chain with messages of encouragement, love and blessing, so S could have something pretty that she can see and touch when she wakes up from her induced coma.

What really touched me about the prayer meeting was the attitude of the people present.

Not for HXUCA men and women the stiff, formal, "proper" prayers I'm so accustomed to.

These were earnest prayers, passionate prayers, prayers of desperation, hope, and faith.

Prayers that emanated from deep within the hearts of those that uttered them.

The requests were bold yet humble.

I tell you, I was so humbled and touched.

Had I been an outsider, I would have been immensely impressed and drawn to the Christian faith.

As a fairly recent member of the HXUCA family, I am so proud of my brothers and sisters for the way they demonstrate so clearly and unabashedly how much they love S and want her to get well.

I am so glad to be a part of this loving family of faith.

Do you know your purpose?

That is the challenge life coach David Wood threw me today.

Not verbally.

Just an email inviting me to join him and Tim Kelly on a free coaching call on Thu 2 pm EST. That works out to Friday 5 am in Melbourne - still not too bad, considering I've had to wake up even earlier for some other calls.

What was interesting was the content of the offer.

On this call with Tim Kelley and David Wood, you'll learn about how finding your purpose can help you answer life's deepest questions: Why am I here? What am I meant to do? Create the life you desire!

Which naturally leads me to ask you: do YOU know your purpose?

I hope you do.

David and Tim are right in that if you're vague about your purpose, it's going to have a negative flow-on effect on the rest of your life.

When you are aligned with a clear purpose and everything you do, say and think resonates with that purpose, it attracts people.

There is something beautiful about someone whose purpose is clear and defined, whose gaze is direct, whose mind is uncluttered.

What that driving purpose is is another issue.

Again I ask, what is YOUR purpose?

I find that as the years go by, my purpose becomes narrower, sharper, more defined.

I know by Whom I am made and for Whose purpose.

That makes it easier for me to define my purpose.

It is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

I do that by expressing myself the way He made me, the way that is most natural for me.

By writing and communicating in a way that

• glorifies Him and brings honour to His name, and that


• edifies my fellow man and builds him up.

Today, I read Philippians 2. This is what the apostle Paul says:

1If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, 2then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. 3Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. 4Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.

Do you know your purpose?

The Creative Process (Stream of Consciousness Style)

I have been working - nay, wrestling - over my website.

If all goes to plan, this will be the first of many.

But the first one is the hardest.

Oh, I know I can pay someone to do it.

But that would be too easy, and I wouldn't learn half as much.

Or have as much fun.

I want to do it the right way.

Not just getting the technical bits right, which is completely out of my depth.

I'm thinking more about the writing aspect.

I want to write from the heart.

Share what is true.

Talk truthfully and objectively about what has worked for me and what hasn't.

Create something that will be of real use and benefit to others.

Not just something that pulls traffic and brings in dollars.

Although that would be a nice bonus!

It's got to be perfect (that reminds me of a song...) in every way.

Honouring to God.

Edifying to people.

Satisfying for me in a creative, artistic sense.

That is why it's so hard.

And also because I suffer from some form of attention deficit disorder.

I start brainstorming Theme A, then get sidetracked into "How about Theme B? That would be a good one too, lots of content and ideas..."

It has happened over and over for the past year.

Theme A gets abandoned in favour of Theme B, which in turn gets overwhelmed by Theme C, then after a huge U-turn, I come back to Theme A - or some variant of it.

I am trying to enjoy the uncertainty of the creative process, while keeping one eye on the practical.

My husband reminds me to Focus.

He knows me well.

I could sit and dream up a dozen different ideas to save the world and change lives, but it's not going to matter if none of those ideas makes it to implementation.

I have to just launch Something, put Something out there, and see what happens.

Going forward and reverse engineering at the same time.

It's so exciting when the seed of an idea starts to form.

You could go anywhere with it.

Do anything with it.

Let it take you on adventures.

Whatever you do, just don't tell it to go away.

It might not come back!

Mary Poppins & The Abundance Mentality

I've watched the musical Mary Poppins countless times with the kids.

Each time I do, I either learn something new or get an old lesson reinforced.

There's this bit in the story where , Bert, Mary and the kids travel back from the racecourse where Mary had just won a trophy and taught Supercalifraglisticexpialidocious to her audience.

It was raining back at the park and Bert's chalk drawings on the pavement were all ruined.

"Oh Bert," sighed Mary, "all your fine drawings."

Bert saw it differently.

"There's plenty more where they came from," he replied.

"Besides, looks like good chestnut weather to me."

Just think of that.

Bert is able to put a positive spin on what looks like a setback - he's no longer thinking of what he's lost (the chalk drawings) but what he can create afresh.

And he's looking at other opportunities the bad weather can provide, that silver lining every cloud has if we look hard enough.

If he can't sell chalk drawings, he can sell something else - hot chestnuts.

What a clever, resourceful, creative chimney sweep.

I can think of more applications.

Did you notice Bert hasn't confined himself to chimney sweeping? He's a chalk artist, a busker and a streetside vendor of hot chestnuts on cold, wet days.

Multiple streams of income. Yep.

But I'm thinking of something else too.

Bert hasn't allowed his current reality (being a lowly chimney sweep, which surely was fairly low on the social ladder for his time) to limit him from doing good, living well and expressing himself the best way he can.

In the story, he's also a friend to children and a counselor to adults (even those adults who wouldn't normally socialize with chimney sweeps).

Action Challenge
What's keeping you back from living a full life?
What can you start doing today to live a fuller, more vibrant life?

Why We Need To Learn To Defend Our Faith

Hubby sent me this piece by Catherine Deveny of The Age.

CD can have a pretty heavy, aggressive writing style sometimes, like that of someone bent on a mission to destroy.

Her antithesis would be Stephanie Dowrick, who has a column in GW Magazine.

[SD is an ordained Interfaith Minister and author who writes reflective pieces on kindness, self-awareness, goodwill to all men - you get the idea.]

In her article, Catherine talks about how she grew up in a Christian household. She now proudly declares herself an atheist.

One para in particular caught my eye.

I think she's got it right on when she says Christians can sometimes get defensive and evasive when asked questions about our faith that we cannot readily answer.

"I question some of my progressive, believing mates about if they believe in Noah's ark, the Immaculate Conception, Adam and Eve, the Resurrection, even heaven, and they squirm a little and try to change the subject.

They get vague, defensive and then start muttering something about faith and mystery and a power of love that unites us all.

Sure, it would be easy to torture them, but they're adults and it's their life.

I just can't see why it's so difficult to have a rigorous discussion about it."

I can see why an atheist (or anyone else) would question the credibility of the Christian faith when we who profess to believe cannot give a decent, reasoned defence of our faith.

After all, the apostle Peter himself tells us in 1 Peter 3:15-16:

15But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

Being a believer is not just a matter of faith.

It is also a matter of engaging the thinking, reasoning mind that we have been blessed with.

Our faith is rooted not in myths and legends but in historically proven and provable events.

Some accounts in the Bible - Creation, The Great Flood - may seem to be completely at odds with what scientists have been telling us for years.

This is where we need to learn to distinguish facts from interpretation.

Two people can be presented with the same set of facts and arrive at different conclusions - because they are viewing the matter through different lenses.

These lenses are the starting point of the reasoning process and represent our values, beliefs, biases and prejudices.

Nobody can claim to be truly impartial or objective.

Not even atheists, who believe there is no God.

That in itself is an assertion, a statement of belief.

(You might even say atheism is a religion in itself.)

Our life experiences, upbringing, the learning and working environments we are exposed to, the culture of our times...all these are factors that influence why we think the way we do.

If you want a reasoned, rational way of looking at the issues raised by Catherine (Noah's Ark, Adam and Eve), I would highly recommend these resources:

• The Answers Academy course presented by the folks at Answers In Genesis
• The resources on the Creation Ministries International site.

Whom Do We Serve?

Another marvellous message from the principal of Heathdale Christian College.

========================================================

No matter how talented or successful we become, we all need a strong dose of servanthood.

As you pursue your God-given destiny, be careful.

Don't be so focused on what you love to do that you neglect what needs to be done.

A 3 a.m. nappy change isn't exciting, nor is garage sweeping.

Visiting someone who is sick may not come naturally to you.

Yet the sick need to be cared for, garages need sweeping, and nappies need changing.

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve.
Mark 10:45 NIV

Lessons From The Valley of the Shadow

A dear friend sent me this wonderful testimony by Tony Snow, once President Bush's press secretary.

I hope it inspires you too.

God Bless,
Serena

TONY SNOW’S TESTIMONY

Tony Snow was a television commentator who eventually became President Bush’s press secretary. He had several bouts with cancer and he lost his battle this past weekend. Last October, during the midst of his illness, Tony Snow shared what spiritual lessons he had been learning through his ordeal.

Blessings arrive in unexpected packages – in my case, cancer. Those of us with potentially fatal diseases – and there are millions in America today – find ourselves in the odd position of coping with our mortality while trying to fathom God’s will. Although it would be the height of presumption to declare with confidence “What It All Means,” scripture provides powerful hints and consolations.

The first is that we shouldn’t spend too much time trying to answer the “why” questions : Why me? Why must people suffer? Why can’t someone else get sick? We can’t answer such things, and the questions themselves often are designed more to express our anguish than to solicit an answer.

I don’t know why I have cancer, and I don’t much care. It is what it is, a plain and indisputable fact. Yet even while staring into a mirror darkly, great and stunning truths begin to take shape. Our maladies define a central feature of our existence : We are fallen. We are imperfect. Our bodies give out.

But despite this, or because of it, God offers the possibility of salvation and grace. We don’t know how the narrative of our lives will end, but we get to choose how to use the interval between now and the moment we meet our creator face-to-face.

Second, we need to get past the anxiety. The mere thought of dying can send adrenaline flooding through your system. A dizzy, unfocused panic seizes you. Your heart thumps; your head swims. You think of nothingness and swoon. You fear partings; you worry about the impact on family and friends. You fidget and get nowhere.

To regain footing, remember that we were born not into death, but into life – and that the journey continues after we have finished our days on this earth. We accept this on faith, but that faith is nourished by a conviction that stirs even within many non believing hearts – an intuition that the gift of life, once given, cannot be taken away. Those who have been stricken enjoy the special privilege of being able to fight with their might and faith to live fully, richly and exuberantly – no matter how their days may be numbered.

Third, we can open our eyes and hearts. God relishes surprises. We want lives of simple, predictable ease – smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see – but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance and comprehension – and yet don’t. By His love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise.

“You Have Been Called”.

Picture yourself in a hospital bed. The fog of anesthesia has begun to wear away. A doctor stands at your feet; a loved one holds your hand at the side. “It’s cancer’” the healer announces.

The natural reaction is to turn to God and ask Him to serve as a cosmic Santa. “Dear God, make it all go away. Make everything simpler.” But another voice whispers : “You have been called”. Your quandary has drawn you closer to God, closer to those you love, closer to the issues that matter and has dragged into insignificance the banal concerns that occupy our “normal time”.

There’s another kind of response, although usually short-lived, an inexplicable shudder of excitement, as if a clarifying moment of calamity has swept away, everything trivial and tiny, and placed before us the challenge of important questions.

The moment you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change. You discover that Christianity is not something doughy, passive, pious and soft. Faith may be the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But it also draws you into a world shorn of fearful caution. The life of belief teems with thrills, boldness, danger, shocks, reversals, triumphs and epiphanies. Think of Paul, traipsing through the known world and contemplating trips to what must have seemed the antipodes, shaking the dust from his sandals, worrying not about the morrow but only about the moment.

There’s nothing wilder than a life of humble virtue – for it is through selflessness and service that God wrings from our bodies and spirits the most we ever could give, the most we could offer and the most we ever could do.

Finally, we can let love change everything. When Jesus was faced with the prospect of crucifixion, He grieved not for Himself but for us. He cried for Jerusalem before entering the holy city. From the cross, He took on the cumulative burden of human sin and weakness and begged for forgiveness on our behalf.

We get repeated chances to learn that life is not about us, that we acquire purpose and satisfaction by sharing in God’s love for others. Sickness gets us part way there. It reminds us of our limitations and dependence. But it also gives us a chance to serve the healthy. A minister friend of mine observes that people suffering grave afflictions often acquire the faith of two people, while loved ones accept the burden of two peoples’ worries and fears.

“Learning How To Live”.

Most of us have watched friends as they drifted towards God’s arms, not with resignation, but with peace and hope. In so doing, they have taught us not how to die but how to live. They have emulated Christ by transmitting the power and authority of love.

I sat by my best friend’s bedside a few years ago as a wasting cancer took him away. He kept at his table a worn Bible and a 1928 edition of the Book of Common Prayer. A shattering grief disabled his family, many of his old friends and at least one priest. Here was a humble and very good guy, someone who apologized when he winced with pain because he thought it made his guest uncomfortable. He retained his equanimity and good humor literally until his last conscious moment. “I’m going to try to beat (this cancer),” he told me several months before he died. “But if I don’t, I’ll see you on the other side.”

His gift was to remind everyone around him that even though God doesn’t promise us tomorrow, he does promise us eternity – filled with life and love we cannot comprehend – and that one can in the throes of sickness point the rest of us toward timeless truths that will help us weather future storms.

Through such trials, God bids us to choose : Do we believe, or do we not? Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations? Can we surrender our concern in things that don’t matter so that we might devote our remaining days to things that do?

When our faith flags, he throws reminders in our way. Think of the prayer warriors in our midst. They change things and those of us who have been on the receiving end of their petitions and intercessions know it. It is hard to describe, but there are times when suddenly the hairs on the back of your neck stand up and you feel a surge of the Spirit. Somehow you just know : Others have chosen, when talking to the author of all creation, to lift us up – to speak of us!

This is a love of a very special order. But so is the ability to sit back and appreciate the wonder of every created thing. The mere thought of death somehow makes every blessing vivid, every happiness more luminous and intense. We may not know how our contest with sickness will end, but we have felt the ineluctable touch of God.

What is man that Thou art mindful of him? We don’t know much, but we know this : no matter where we are, no matter what we do, no matter how bleak or frightening our prospects, each and every one of us who believe, each and every day, lies in the same safe and impregnable place, in the hollow of God’s hand.

Learn, Unlearn, Relearn

Being a part of the church worship team has been an incredible time of learning.

My classical training has been helpful in that I can sightread and work out chords and stuff.

Sometimes, though, it has been a bit of a hindrance, because when you are part of a team, different considerations apply.

You have to know when to play and when to hold back.

You can't play like a soloist or play the synth as if you were playing the piano.

Especially if there is another pianist involved, one who is extremely gifted and who can play anything and any genre.

The worship workshop we had 2 weekends ago has been a catalyst of positive change for the worship team.

Today was the first time we played under new leadership, and I think I'm not the only one who felt it was a change for the better.

Team morale was high.
The music flowed better, even though we had just piano, synth and bass guitar. (No drums - amazing!)
The girls sang really well, and the bit in the Hallelujah chorus when the instruments died away and it was just voices was BEAUTIFUL.

Afterwards, we had a debrief (a first!) and talked about what worked and what didn't.

I was relieved to know that the music director had some positive things to say about my playing. That's a huge encouragement, considering I'm not a seasoned keyboardist and am still feeling my way around the synth.

Thank you Lord, that however old I get, there is always something new to learn.
Keep me flexible and nimble so that I never stagnate.
Amen.

If You Don't Ask, The Answer's Always No

I'm reading You Inc. (How to attract amazing success into your life and business) by John McGrath, one of Australia's top selling real estate agents.

I love this section of the book where he tells of how he once randomly said to the facilitator of a conference he was attending, "I'm so glad to be here and to be listening to all you guys. I wish my team back home could listen to them straight from the source."

The facilitator said, "Well, why don't we ask them?"

At this point, John panicked and started trying to back out. He hadn't really intended to go anywhere with his idea. It was just something he felt at that moment.

So he tried to get out of his idea by saying, oh, these guys are too busy and too important to come.

But the facilitator wouldn't let him get away with it.

His point was: The delegates might be too busy, but John must give them the opportunity to say yes.

After tea break, the facilitator announced to the conference, "John has a request."

John was very embarrassed, but he stood up anyway.

The result was the first real estate training conference of its kind in Australia. Since then, John's company has gone on to organize similar conferences every year, and his company is now the largest real estate trainer in Australia, with a dozen top real estate experts from all over the world presenting.

Action Challenge:

What things are you holding back from saying or doing because of fear that the other person might say no?
Give him a chance to say yes.
Ask the question.
You never know what might happen.
The outcome could change your life or business in an amazing way.

How Fred Got His New Job

Here's a great story to inspire you in your career.

By Stanley Bing, writer for Fortune Magazine.

This is a story of a guy named Fred who dared to see himself as something bigger. And because he did - because he was able to take that leap of faith - he made a good thing happen. Those who dare to imagine sometimes get what they want. Those who don't never do.

We had been interviewing people for a mid-level management job for, say, five months. If that seems odd to you, then you haven't run a department where every position represents the cumulative function of six that existed before.

Choose the wrong person, and you enter a zone of dysfunction not all that different from having a debilitating disease. Ever have the flu but still have to go to the office? A bad hire is like that.

You see a lot of talented people when you're in this process, but within six seconds - not seven or eight- you know whether the person in front of you is going to be somebody with whom you can sustain a ten-minute conversation.

The only thing I look for is whether the prospect of doing so makes me feel like falling asleep. I am not being metaphorical. Since I was a child, whenever I feel anxious and trapped, my eyelids get heavy. You can see how much I like the whole enterprise, then. And yet it must be done.

One day, deep in the darkest part of this tedium, Fred knocked at my door.

Fred has worked for us for a long time, as long as I've been here, in fact. He's a good guy and a reliable, creative player. Never saw him as a manager, though. There are many like that, actually. Put them on a horse in the middle of the phalanx and they fight with gusto and brilliance. Put that horse at the front of the column and they lead the squad by a circuitous route into the swamp.

Fred stood in my doorway and said, "You found anybody for that manager slot yet?" And I thought, "Oh, no." I like Fred. I don't want to hurt Fred's feelings. "May I come in?" said Fred.
"Sure, Fred," I said.

"I've been thinking a lot about this job you're trying to fill, and I think I could be pretty good at it," said Fred. He had a file on his lap, and he opened it. "I think there's an organizational issue at the center of the problem this job would address," he continued.

I noticed he wasn't nervous. Usually Fred seems a little nervous to me, and this was sort of interesting.

"We have a good team here," he continued, "but we don't communicate enough. We're each in our own silo. I think I know everybody here very well. I think I have their respect." He did. And he had put his finger on the reason we had created this new post. People working in silos seldom produce as much Excellence as those who pull together, or Quality even.

"I've been here for a long time," Fred said. "And I'm finding that thinking about even the possibility of getting this assignment has energized me in a whole new way."

He stopped and looked at me with very big eyes, eyes gleaming with ambition and hope. And I saw the fire in his belly.

In cartoons a hungry wolf will look at a sheep in the meadow, and for a moment the cute, woolly creature itself will disappear and in its place will stand a juicy lamb chop. This is pretty much what happened when I looked at Fred. He himself vaporized, and in his place I saw a solution, and an end to interviewing.

"Okay, Fred," I said. "We have a couple more people to see, but I assure you that I'm going to think very seriously about what you've said."

"That's all?" said Fred, and I realized another thing: Thanks to his length of service, Fred and I knew each other well enough already to have attained a certain informality. "I have a lot more to tell you about if you want to hear it," he added, staring down at his file. "No, Fred," I said. "I like what you've shown me today. Let me just think about things a little."

For about a week I thought. I told a couple of people what had happened.

"For goodness' sake," they said, "give Fred a shot."

So you'll have to excuse me. This job I do is not always fun, but occasionally I get to do something that makes somebody happy. Sometimes the answer to your prayers is right under your nose.

Hitting The Books Again

The lifelong learner is at it again. :-)

I have just enrolled in a Diploma of Professional Book Editing, Proofreading and Publishing with the Australian College of Queensland.

It's a home study course, which means I can achieve my objectives without having to attend classes outside the home.

To enable me to really study and get the most out of this opportunity, we plan to put J in childcare twice a week.

This is subject to us qualifying for Family Tax Benefits in the new FY, because childcare is costly here (at least $1k pm!) and we couldn't afford it on one income.

I've had people ask why I'm doing this course when I'm already a working editor/proofreader. My point is that what I've learnt from doing is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

To be able to pitch for bigger projects, I must position myself with confidence, and I can only be confident about what I know well. I can't be hazarding guesses or I won't inspire confidence in future clients.

So it's about skills upgrading, which is something I passionately believe in anyway.

The bonus in all this is that the VIC government and the school I'm enrolled in are actually sponsoring my course (otherwise I couldn't afford the commitment at this time of my life). I'm doing the course with a government grant called the Parents Return To Work initiative, and an additional subsidy from school.

I don't have to put in a cent of my own, just the hard yards.

And that's not a hard thing to do when you're doing something you love. :-)

I had a quick look at my course materials and was really excited to see they've included a copy of the Macquarie Pocket Dictionary of Australian English.

My course tutor is a lady who runs her own editing and proofreading business from her farm in country NSW, in between watching the lambs, calves and grass grow.

How inspiring's that?

Busting 2 Barriers In A Day

Have you ever felt afraid to try something new and just kept finding excellent excuses to put it off?

Two of my biggest challenges as a fairly new P-plater are: one, driving on the freeway by myself; two, tanking up at the petrol station by myself.

This past Monday, I accomplished both.

My friend Annie likes to remind me that I need to be pushed into a corner before I'll respond positively to a new challenge.

She's right.

The only reason I busted out of my two Fear Zones was because of a serendipitous conversation.

Chatting with a fellow mum at school, I casually said perhaps we could arrange a play date over the coming hols.

She said sure, why not, and then remembered that she was hosting a tea party for another little girl who is her daughter's best friend and also a classmate of Beth.

She said would Beth like to come to the tea party? It would be after school on Monday.

I thought, why not, and said "Sure!".

Then I found out this lady lives in Point Cook, 10 km and several suburbs away.

I've never driven out of the Werribee/Hoppers area on my own, and I tell you I was terrified.

Not only that, it being Monday (day before fill-up-the-petrol-tank-cheaply day), the needle on our fuel tank was running dangerously close to 'E'...

That meant I'd have to take the car to the petrol station by myself.

I seriously contemplated backing out of the party, but then thought, that would make me such a loser. I mean, who pulls out of a party just because they don't know how to fill up the car?

So I summoned up my courage and drove to the Safeway petrol station after playgroup and queued up behind another car.

I tried to recall all the steps CA normally takes (which just float over me when I'm the passenger) and - surprise! - no one stared or honked or did anything to make me feel conspicuous. I managed to put in $20 worth of petrol, which CA assured me was plenty for the journey to Point Cook.

At school, I bumped into the mum of the little girl who was to be the main star of the tea party. At the risk of sounding like an idiot, I confessed that I wasn't sure I could find my way to Point Cook on my own, or find my way back if the party ended late (cos I have poor night vision).

She kindly offered to direct the way by driving ahead of me slowly.

Which she did, so getting to Point Cook was a breeze.

We all had a lovely time at the party.

There were pink helium balloons, pink Cinderella plates and napkins, and HEAPS of food.

I later found out it was a surprise birthday tea party for Maddison, whose birthday was two days after!

Anywayz, as the evening got on and it started getting dark, hubby called and asked, "Where are you?"

He knew I was going to be in Point Cook and was worried I wouldn't be able to see my way home in time. (It's winter so it gets dark around 5 pm.)

I promised to go home right away, and hung up.

Maddie's mum noticed my increasing anxiety, and suggested kindly that perhaps we should get going.

How grateful I felt!

Driving home was again as easy as keeping an eye on the car in front, because again Maddie's mum was there to lead the way.

I was so pleased to find myself in familiar territory sooner than I expected.

Now I know Point Cook is really only just beyond the Old Geelong Rd/C701, which makes it fairly straightforward getting from here to there.

The next time I have to drive into Point Cook, I won't be as nervous.

Thanks Margaret!! You're an angel!

And thank you Lord, for once again stretching me and making me grow.

The Circle of Life and Faith

This past week, as CA was preparing to deliver his first-ever sermon, he reflected on how zealous he used to be when he was a new believer.

I think all believers face the same struggle.
Our life journey seems to mirror our faith journey.

We start off full of passion and zeal, spending hours studying the Bible and evangelizing to our peers. This is also usually when we are single and still schooling.

In midlife, we get caught up in career, family and finances. For some of us, our faith becomes more a matter of keeping up with routine rather than engaging in anything that might rock the boat.

Then at the tail end of life, when the kids have grown and left the nest and we have a bit more time - and when perhaps we encounter illness or some other major life event - we turn our attention to our own mortality and once again renew our allegiance to the One who made us and to whom we must return.

"Not Religious, Just Righteous"

I love this little slogan that was printed on the funeral bulletin of N, who passed away a week ago.

It summed up his attitude towards church, God, and what it meant to him to be part of the community of believers.

The slogan also gave me cause to pause and ask myself:

What is my faith really about?

Is God still in my weekly rituals of Sunday worship, Thursday night band practice and the various church-related things I get involved in?

How real is my faith?

Dare I call myself a practising Christian, or have I become like the Pharisees that Jesus condemned, more concerned with the appearance of religion and shunning the revolutionary, life-changing effects that being in a relationship with Jesus entails?

In Bryan Patterson's FaithWorks blog, he writes that Bruxy Cavey (author of The End of Religion) suggests the teachings of Jesus were actually anti-religious. What Jesus came to establish was a subversive spirituality outside the boundary markers of traditional religion and in the process He made religion itself obsolete.

It is a reminder to us that God is more than church, more than the comfortable routines and practices we blithely participate in in His name, more than committee meetings and choir practices and fundraising for new church premises.

True religion is about doing and being.

Which is better, to give or to receive?

The Scriptures say, "It is more blessed to give than to receive."

And indeed, giving is the more comfortable thing for most of us to do. It is consistent with our family upbringing and with cultural norms. We feel good when we are the givers. Perhaps we even secretly congratulate ourselves on how noble and altruistic we are.

In this week's message, Pastor Paul Blacker points out that there is another side to the question of giving and receiving.

How do you respond, he asks, when someone - for whatever reason - wants to bless you or help you in some way in a spirit of generosity?

Are you embarrassed?

Do you make a polite protest that you should not receive the gift (as those of us who are Asians are wont to do!)?

Do you try to give it back, or refuse to accept a shout (i.e. a treat) when out for a meal?

This is a very real issue, and one we ourselves faced this week. A dear friend went home after a month's stay with our family, and surprised us with an amazing love gift.

Pastor Paul explains that just as we are sometimes challenged to give for the sake of others, so too, we may be challenged to receive a blessing from another.

There is a profound lesson to be learnt here.

It's about the circle of life, about how so much of life functions in pairs of opposites.

Yin and Yang. Black and white. The tide ebbs and flows. The moon waxes and wanes. The sun rises and sets. Death and life. Good and evil.

So too with giving and receiving.

The LORD may inspire you to bless this person at this time through an act of giving.

At another time, the LORD may inspire someone else to be the channel through which His grace and generosity can touch you.

So is it better to give or to receive?

Does it even matter?

I remember some years ago our home church PLCMC had this motto: Blessed To Be A Blessing.

It is God who blesses, in order that we might be a blessing to others.

If today we are called to receive, let us do so with glad and thankful hearts, recognizing the true Source of the blessing, and rejoicing with the giver in this opportunity to partake of His grace.
If we are called to give, let us do so with glad and thankful hearts, knowing that it is God from whom all blessings flow.

Teaching Music As A Home Based Career: The Next Phase

I've just gotten one step closer to my goal of teaching piano authentically and profitably.


For me, being authentic and being profitable are equally important in starting and sustaining a home based business.


Being authentic is about passion and principles, being true to what I believe in, and having the courage and confidence to communicate those beliefs.


It's about translating the love for music into material and methods that any beginner can relate to, get excited about and start using right away.


A Diploma in Piano Performance is a good first step, but I believe it takes so much more than a paper qualification to make the leap from musician to teacher.


At the same time, when you're in business, it obviously has to be profitable, otherwise you might as well call it a hobby.


That's taken me a long time to get my head around. I confess I'm guilty of feeling that creatives shouldn't get mixed up with money and materialistic pursuits. Weird, huh?


Recently, a good friend sent me the URL of a US-based piano teacher/TV presenter who has created his own system of teaching piano teachers how to make lessons fun, inspiring and relaxed.


I liked what I read on the site so much that I signed up for the Teacher Certification track right away and sent off for the materials.

Waiting for the package to arrive took on the dimensions of much more than another parcel from abroad. I had just taken a firm step towards my goal of teaching music as a home based career, and the parcel's arrival would help make that a reality.

I took to checking the mailbox every day.

Finally, it arrived.

As I unwrapped the package and started looking through the binders and books, my friend and I started batting ideas back and forth.
How should I use the material?
How soon can I get through the material so that I can start teaching?
How can I leverage on my experience + my knowledge + the knowledge and ideas of others to create my own successful home based music business?

Can't wait to enrol my next student. :-)

Career Tip: Before You Leave That Job Interview...

...Ask for the job!

That is the advice of job search expert Richard Bolles, author of What Color Is Your Parachute?

In this article published on whotv, Bolles says: "It doesn't seem to matter how you ask for the job. That is to say, the actual words don't seem to matter. It can be something simple, like: "Can you offer me this job?"

Or something a little more elaborate, like, "I believe that I have both the skills and the experience to do the work we have been discussing, in a way that would benefit your organization a lot. Can you offer me this job?"

Most job counselors and career books advise interviewees to ask, "So, what is the next step?"

Bolles does not recommend this, because it places too much control in the hands of the interviewer, who may not be good at handling this sort of situation.

Bolles says that almost all job hunters who follow his advice invariably report back to say they thought his suggestion wouldn't work, but they asked anyway, and the employer said yes!

The Forbes One Billion

I came across this thought-provoking article by Jeffrey Sachs in consumer advocate Neil Jenman's newsletter.

It appeared in the Aug 2007 edition of The Forbes 400.

The Forbes One Billion

The FORBES ranking of the superrich is a valuable and entertaining public service. But it's missing something. We need a Forbes One Billion for the other end of the scale--the superpoor.

If journalists spent as much time studying the lives of the poor as they do gazing at the rich, it would help us all keep our heads on straight. We would marvel at a world economy strange enough to sustain such gaps. We'd learn not to blame the rich for the poverty of the poor, but we'd also learn not to blame the poor themselves. Blame is a primitive response. Entrepreneurship is a much better one. The Forbes 400 could do an amazing job to help The Forbes One Billion into the world economy.

Read the rest of the article.

What happens to the sheep if you strike the shepherd?

Strike the Shepherd and the sheep will be scattered.
Zechariah 13:7

In a recent bulletin message, my pastor shared the following statistics based on the Fuller Institute's research of the church in America.

1500 pastors leave the ministry every month due to moral failure, burnout or conflict in the church.

94% of pastors felt under pressure to have the "ideal" family.

90% of pastors felt inadequately trained to cope with the demands of ministry.

81% of pastors suffer marital problems due to insufficient time together.

80% of pastors and 84% of pastors' wives feel unqualified and discouraged.
70% of pastors feel that they have lower self esteem now compared to when they started out in ministry.

70% of pastors do not have someone they can confide in.

63% of pastors suffer marital problems due to congregational problems.

50% of pastors would leave if they could make a living doing something else.

40% of pastors reported having a serious conflict with a parishioner at least once a month.
37% of pastors confessed to having been involved in inappropriate sexual behaviour with someone in the church.

34% of pastors' marriages end up in divorce.

33% of pastors belive that ministry was a hazard to their families.

5% of pastors felt unable to meet the needs of the job.

Some questions to think about:

To what extent are these issues mirrored in your church and mine?

How are we as members supporting our pastors?

How should we as members be supporting our pastors?

My pastor's question is: What impact do these high levels of dysfunction in pastors have on the effective and dynamic life of congregations they are called to lead?

He writes:

"If the pastor is not on top of the game vocationally, relationally, devotionally, spiritually and personally, then, a church is going to suffer.

Sadly, the Christian church is riddled with examples of effective ministry which loses its way, and as a result the whole congregation suffers.

Moral or ethical failure is often the issue most focussed on when a ministry crashes and burns.

But usually that ministry starts to unravel a lot sooner than the time when a personal moral failure manifests.

If the key disciplines of prayer, Biblical reflection, a personal walk with God and a developed practice of regular accountable fellowship with other leaders are not in place, it usually is just a matter of time...

If the perpendicular dimension of relationship with God is not properly practised and maintained, then the horizontal aspect of ministry on the ground will inevitably come under pressure and ... fail."

He ends with this exhortation which I commend to all of us:

"Tend to the matter that matters most - the vital link between God and self. If this is right, the challenge of being an agent for God will be undertaken with vigour and joy."

Let's be joyful, energetic agents for God!

The Breath Of Life

Had an interesting conversation with a friend this week.

We were talking about how ego will drive some people to do anything to hang on to their attitudes, beliefs and habits, even when these prove self-destructive or harmful to loved ones.

My friend volunteers with the Women's Prison Fellowship back home. She shared about the time she challenged the inmates on how they were wasting their time in immoral activities， 只 为了 争一口气 (to fight for a breath, meaning to win at all costs for the sake of pride and to prove a personal point).

After all, she reasoned, our lives are not ours. We are alive because God made us alive. He breathed the breath of life into Adam and Eve, and they came alive. Ditto for us. Conversely, we are all one breath away from dying. All God needs to do is to take away our ability to breathe, and that's the end of us. If our lives are on loan from God, why spend our energies fighting to prove that we are right and that things must go our way?

All flesh is like grass, and all the glory of man is as the flower of grass. The grass withers, and the flower fades away, but the word of the Lord endures forever.

Today's headline: Jobs Must Go

Jobs must go to rein in inflation: Rudd
Prime Minister Kevin Rudd says an increase in unemployment predicted in last night's Budget is an essential part of the strategy to rein in inflation, and can partly be blamed on the global economic slowdown.

What should be our response to such reasoning?

I believe the Government's approach merely reinforces the fact that employment, in the traditional sense of working for someone else, should not be one's only means of making a living.

I am not advocating that people ditch their jobs and work for themselves.

There are many factors to consider before one makes such a major decision.

Not everyone is suited to self-employment or to being a business owner.

However, people should certainly start thinking of alternative ways to make a living, because with so many uncontrollable external influences, it is simply unwise to put all your career eggs in one basket.

There are so many ways to make a living outside the 8-to-5 box, especially if one has access to the Internet.

If you haven't started, today's the day to start planning for your future.

Considering self-employment or a home based business?

Read this 16-point checklist to evaluate whether self-employment or a home based business is right for you.

Am I Ambitious?

Dictionary.com defines an ambitious person as "a person who wishes to rise above his or her present position or condition. The ambitious person wishes to attain worldly success, and puts forth effort toward this end".

Recently, I was reading an article about ambitious parents who overstimulate their kids with all sorts of extracurricular activities. One parent bought her son a PDA to help him keep track of his schedule. He's involved in baseball, football, basketball, swimming, etc. He is 10 years old.

Beth leaned over, saw the headline and asked, "Are you an ambitious parent?"

I paused.

How do I answer?

If I say yes, should I feel bad about it? Does being an ambitious parent make me one of those scary Asian parents who push their children academically and send them to private schools and drive up house prices in the school zone?
If I say no, does it mean I'm lazy and lackadaisical and setting up my children for underachievement?

At this point, Beth goes to jazz and tap class, Chinese class and Yamaha keyboard class. Her Saturdays are mad. We have to schedule our activities around her class times. But last I checked, she loves her ECAs. Okay, maybe not the Chinese class. Yet. We read the 南瓜青年 story (a weird tale, that one) the other day and she made me tell it in English!

She's been begging us to send her to swimming classes. We keep putting her off, telling her she's got quite enough to do now that she gets extra homework from her teacher.

Sometimes, Beth frets that she doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up.

I tell her there's plenty of time and plenty of options. Besides, Mummy's nearly 38 and still isn't quite sure she's in her dream career. Not a particularly inspiring role model, huh?

So am I ambitious as a parent?

I suppose it must be yes. I have dreams and expectations. I also have a good idea of my children's abilities. I want them to have every opportunity to explore those abilities and see where they lead. It's all about possibilities and potential and finding out how far one can go. I don't think I'd be the sort of parent who takes a "bo chap/anything also can" attitude to my children's development. I would want to have a say in how they're getting on, to help if I can, and to find help if I must.

Just because a person is inclined towards one field doesn't mean she has to become a professional in that field. There are so many ways to use a God-given gift.

What I do stress to Beth is that God gives gifts for a purpose, not just for our pleasure but also to serve others. If she's a gifted reader, there must be something God wants her to do with her gift. Perhaps she could encourage her friends to read good books, or she could read to the littlies (like J)?

So yes, I am an ambitious parent.

I hope to raise ambitious children. As opposed to children who can't be bothered to learn and to make the most of their blessings.

I am still learning all the nuances of what ambition means. As the girls go through the school years, I am certain there will be ample opportunity for our family to find out together.

What Jobs Are There For Parents Returning To Work?

Every so often, news of rising interest rates, inflation and fuel and grocery prices sparks a mini-panic in the household and anxious scanning of MyCareer and job websites.

Is it time for me to go back to work?

If so, what sort of work should I look for? Or rather, what sort of work am I qualified to do after 3 years away from the workforce?

If I go back to work, should I work part-time or full-time?

If J goes to childcare, will she fall ill often and will I miss out on witnessing her developmental milestones?

If Beth goes to after-school care, will I be able to keep up with what goes on at school?

What about my duties as a volunteer reader with her class?

What about my duties as playgroup assistant on Mondays?

And on and on.

Re employability, it is a known fact that skilled migrants face certain barriers in getting employed in Australia.

Some of it has to do with lack of familiarity with the local work culture. There's also the language barrier for those from non-English speaking backgrounds.

Employers tend to prefer hiring those who have local work experience. A chicken-and-egg problem, obviously.

Fortunately, there are places to go for help.

One suggestion that comes up often is to do volunteer work to gain local experience.

I remember reading the story of Rosalind, a Malaysian with a PhD who kept getting bounced back at job interviews. The fact that she was highly qualified was no guarantee of her getting a job, much less one commensurate with her qualifications and experience. She was advised to do volunteer work with a non-profit organization that helps migrants settle into life in Australia. She did that. Eventually, she was offered a paid position.

Another strategy is simply to revise your expectations and start over at an entry-level position.

This might be a bit hard to swallow if you're a graduate from the world-class Little Red Dot. But if you see it as a temporary hiccup and a way to get your foot in the door, it might just be a bit more bearable.

We know of graduates from the Philippines who work at fast food restaurants and factories for an hourly wage. (The average hourly wage in the retail sector is $20.) One friend, who used to work in banking back home, is now taking a course in IT to retrain for a new career. At entry level, of course.

There's the Singaporean IT Project Manager who migrated here without a job, and spent the first 5 months of his new life stacking shelves and delivering the local paper in all kinds of weather, while waiting to hear from prospective employers.

Another Singaporean we know took 2 years to find a permanent job.

Definitely humbling, stressful...and character-building.

A career development practitioner that acknowledges this issue faced by migrants is Associated Career Management Australia. Their website has a category titled "Migrants".

"Often important cultural differences are missed by migrants which can mean ongoing barriers to finding that vital career position. Your counsellor will coach you to understand and avoid these negative and potentially career threatening issues.

We provide intensive support at all levels to ensure that migrants’ employment applications conform to Australian standards, and that their applications are directed to employers, agencies and/or organisations that will treat applications from people from non-english speaking backgrounds simply on merit only."

Definitely something to consider if you are planning to migrate to Australia without a job offer.

Not sure if you should migrate? Too many factors to consider?

Use this decision making software to help you prioritize what's most important.

You'll see and decide with greater clarity.

Internet Connections

Once in a while, I get a comment on my blog(s).

When it's from someone I know, it tells me that someone is actually taking the trouble to keep up with what's going on in our lives.

Considering how hectic everyone's life is, that's really nice.

But sometimes, the comments come from complete strangers, who just happen to be surfing the Net, come across my blog, and decide to leave a comment.

Recently, I received an email from a lady back home, someone I don't know. She was surfing for information on delivering a baby at the Werribee Mercy Hospital (where I had Jordanne), and found my blog.

Amazing, when you consider there are at least 165 million sites out there, according to Netcraft's April 2008 survey.

The Internet certainly has a way of bringing down barriers and bringing people closer. The world feels somehow smaller and friendlier when two strangers find they have something in common and take steps to become acquainted.

That's cool as, in Aussie-speak.

Gift Idea for Mothers' Day

Here's a great gift idea for the special woman in your life. She might be your mum/mum-in-law, grandma, daughter, sister, sis-in-law, friend.

Worth More Than Rubies is written by Kathie M. Thomas, author of the Proverbs 31 Woman blog.

While raising 5 daughters, Kathie started a work-from-home business using her office admin skills and the Internet to be a Virtual Assistant.

She is credited with starting the Virtual Assistant industry in Australia.

Watch this YouTube video of Kathie's interview with HBB TV.

Guaranteed to inspire.

SIDENOTE:
So who is the Proverbs 31 woman?

Proverbs 31:10-31 says:

Epilogue: The Wife of Noble Character
10 [c] A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships, bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family and portions for her servant girls.
16 She considers a field and buys it; out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable, and her lamp does not go out at night. 19 In her hand she holds the distaff and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household; for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate, where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them, and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:
29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Give her the reward she has earned, and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Project Completed

Now I can say I've taught piano and I know what it's like.

I've discovered that it takes an enormous amount of mental concentration, physical energy and emotional effort to focus on one person for 45 minutes.

Hats off to all teachers and tutors everywhere! Teaching is definitely not for everyone.

At my last lesson with Gwen, we went through all the pieces we've learnt during our 10 sessions together.

I was so proud and amazed and glad at the progress she's made. I mean, we're talking about someone who's never had formal training and just wants to learn piano so she can play her favourite pieces for her own enjoyment and to entertain her family.

I thought it would be nice for Gwen to have something to remember her huge personal achievement by, so I gave her this.



But Gwen surprised me. She had something for me too!




Thanks Gwen! :-)

Giving and receiving...two sides of the same coin. The cycle's complete. What a beautiful way to mark my first experience as a music teacher.

Try Something New Today

I have been reading Dr Wayne Dyer's book, The Power of Intention.

I am still digesting his teaching, but as part of my personal quest to challenge myself and to break through old boundaries, I decided to do something different while out shopping.

At the fish shop, I recalled a recent conversation with my Filipino friend Raquel. She was sharing about how she buys whole fish and gets the fishmonger to clean and cut them up for her, and how she uses the head and bones to make soup. She tells me it's cheaper buying the whole fish than buying it already cut. I'm taking her word for it, because I really wouldn't know better. I'm domestically lazy, you see. If you present me with fish fillet already skinned and boned vs whole fish with gaping eyes and mouth, I'll go for the fillet every time.

Today, I decided to try it Raquel's way. I told the Vietnamese lady at the counter that I wanted a fish that was good for steaming and suitable for kids. I said I wanted the fish filleted, and that I planned to take the head and bones as well. She pointed out a particular fish ("This one very good, a lot of meat") and sent it to the back room to have her colleague clean and cut it up.

While we waited, I struck up a conversation with the lady. I asked her why it was that Australian salmon (a whole one) goes at $4.95/kg while Atlantic salmon is nearly $30/kg?

Simple, she replied. Atlantic salmon can be eaten raw and used as sushi. It's also got a nicer flavour. Aussie salmon is more meaty and the flavour's not as nice. It's more suited to being grilled in the oven.

There. All that information, and I didn't have to pay a cent to learn something new.

Well, I did part with $16, which is more than I usually pay for fish at a go, but I'm hopeful I'll get at least 2 dinners out of it.

Back home, I transferred the fillets (nice big ones) into a Tupperware container, put the pot on to boil and tossed in the fish head and bones, along with some garlic, an onion and the white part of a handful of spring onions. Nice.

Pity about the ginger though. Must remind CA to get some when he's next in Footscray. It's hideously expensive at Safeway.

Can't wait for dinnertime.

At the supermarket checkout, I noticed a few people queuing at a sign I had never seen before: "Self-Service Checkout".

Hmm. Should I bother and risk looking like a fool? Maybe I should just go to the usual cashier?

I decided I would try something new.

I brought my bags to an available counter and started studying the instructions on the screen. Once I'd calmed down enough to read them properly, they were fairly intuitive.

Press Start.
Scan each item.
Put item in the bagging area.
Swipe Eftpos card.
Key in PIN.

There you go. All done.

That's two new things learnt today.

Thank you Lord, for stretching me mentally.

Why Not Be Great?

What did you do in the noughties?

How will you answer this question fifteen years from now?

Will you be like the many who answer: "I spent my time waiting, whining, worrying and wishing"?

Or will you seize the opportunity to do something remarkable?

Seth Godin says that in hindsight, the 1990s were the good old days. Yet so many people missed out.

Why?

"Because it's always possible to find a reason to stay put, to skip an opportunity, or to decline an offer. And yet, in retrospect, it's hard to remember why we said no and easy to wish that we had said yes."

I am reminded of all the courses and training I've yet to do because I kept putting them off for one reason or another.

There was always a reason not to.
Not enough money.
No time.
Too hard.
Too much trouble.
What if I don't like it and end up wasting my time/money?

"The thing is, we still live in a world that's filled with opportunity. In fact, we have more than an opportunity - we have an obligation. An obligation to spend our time doing great things. To find ideas that matter and to share them. To push ourselves and the people around us to demonstrate gratitude, insight, and inspiration. To take risks and to make the world better by being amazing."

I can truthfully say that in the past 3 years, I've gradually but surely changed my mindset from "can't do/won't consider" to "why not?"

I have found ideas that matter - and I am passionate about sharing them, because I believe that shared great ideas can change lives and change the world.

I have found my own small way to encourage the people around me to live with greater awareness, gratitude and inspiration.

I have taken - and continue to take - personal risks (intellectual, financial, emotional) because I believe they will help me be better, stronger and wiser, and a more credible helper to those who have not yet found the courage to follow their dreams.

"You get to make a choice. You can remake that choice everyday...It's never too late to choose optimism, to choose action, to choose excellence. It only takes a moment - just one second - to decide.

Before you finish this paragraph, you have the power to change everything that's to come. And you can do that by asking yourself (and your colleagues) the one question every organization and every individual needs to ask today: Why not be great?"

I am reminded of what Stephen Covey says about how his life completely changed when he realized that there is a gap between a stimulus and a response.
Between the moment something happens to you (stimulus), and the moment you react to it (response), there is a gap.
In that gap lies a choice.
A choice about how you want to respond to what has just happened. Your response is not a given.
You don't have to react with fear, or anger, or negativity.
You don't have to follow the script passed on by your parents, peers or teachers, or walk in the path of past destructive habits.

To those of you who struggle with unfulfilled dreams and suppressed desires for greatness and achievement, who feel trapped by fear of risk and fear of the unknown:

You have a choice.
You can remake your life this very moment.
You can choose to be great.
Why not be great?

How Not To Sweat The Small Stuff

In her latest Inner Life column in Good Weekend, Stephanie Dowrick shares about the time she sent out an email and forgot to blind copy the addressees. She said what made her most uncomfortable was the possibility of other people being irritated or thinking her an email idiot. Even though she recognized hers was a trivial mistake, she still went through those awful "if only" moments.

"What other people will think of us is often right at the heart of the problem. We don't only want to do things right, we want to be seen to do them right."

How true.

How many decisions and choices have I made because of what someone thought, or might think, or what I thought they would think, which, when you stop to think about it, is hardly the basis of good decision making.

And then, how many times have I afterwards given myself a hard time for making a poor decision or poor choice, when I could have shrugged it off as stuff that happens, and moved on?

So, how does one avoid sweating the small stuff?

Stephanie suggests asking yourself these questions:

1. Will this matter a day or week from now?
2. Is this hurting someone, or just my pride?

"Being seen to do something less than perfectly may be humbling but it is hardly ever fatal. Buying the wrong kind of orange juice, arriving minutes late, not anticipating every need of your partner or boss: these are inconveniences, nothing more.

The mistakes that do matter are those that hurt other people...Saying something cruel or threatening, overlooking someone's feelings even when you "didn't mean to", trivialising and undermining, being dishonest: that's stuff that warrants a good deal of sweating.

It is...as tempting for some people to sweat too little as it is for others to sweat too much - and generally that is far more harmful."

Think about that the next time you are called on to make a decision.

PS. Want an objective, emotionally detached way to make decisions?

Consider Choose It.

This software uses math to remove the hard work and distracting emotions out of decision making.

It's really easy to use. You go through a simple five-step process.

1. Key in your question (e.g. What career should I take up?).
2. List the possible answers.
3. List the factors that will help you decide (e.g. career satisfaction, career path, flexible enough to enable you to fulfil your family commitments).
4. Using a score of 1 to 100, score each possible answer on how well it meets the requirments of each of the factors.
5. Voila! The best possible answer is presented to you in table form, with a score and bar chart.

What I like about it is that as long as you have considered all possible factors and answered truthfully, you can't make a mistake.

How powerful is that?

Think of one problem or decision you've been losing sleep over, and see for yourself how simple it can be to make a sound decision.

PPS. I used Choose It and confirmed what I'd known intuitively - I'm in the right career for me right now. ;-)

Finding Contentment in Delayed Gratification

I am learning that delayed gratification and incremental improvement are both sides of the same coin.

And that both are good.

In my dictionary, DG/II is a $20 doormat that lends a cheery and welcoming aspect to the entrance of our home.

There's a wonderful synchronicity to everyday things if you will look at them.

The image of the bench on the mat is just like the one in our backyard.

And the plants on either side suggest a retreat, a tropical paradise.

So what if the reality doesn't quite match the suggestion?

At least it's something to work towards.

I imagine my guests walking up to my front door, pausing to wipe their shoes off on the mat, and smiling at what they see.

Instead of dwelling on the leaf vacuum blower, the storage solutions and the fitness machine that don't fit in this month's budget, I choose to delight in the magical transformation effected by a $20 household item.

What Is The Ruling Force Of Your Life?

The devotional for 2 Timothy in my Couples' Devotional Bible starts with this statement:

"God's truth - not our emotions - should be the ruling force in our lives."

What rules our lives?
What makes our unmakes our mood for the day?
Do we live our lives determined to get our way, happy only if things fall in place exactly as we intended?

Or do we leave room for God to move, to surprise us, to change us?

I am reminded of an analogy a friend shared many years ago.

She said that when we clench our fists tightly because we want to hold on to what we have, we are really preventing Him from pouring more wonderful gifts and treasures into our hands.

There just isn't enough room.

"Happiness... is usually rooted in circumstances that bring positive feelings. However, rejoicing is in the Lord, the One who is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow...

Negative feelings will not be absent from our lives, but in spite of them, Christ will become the integrating force, enabling us to walk among negative feelings in a way that honors him."

May we be models of a deeper, stronger and higher truth even when life is against us.